mOdgurl's blOg*spOt

2012-02-04T15:21:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've just realised that my Twitter widget hasn't been loading my status updates for a long time already. I've fixed it already. I've also added SnapWidget that displays my Instagram photos. So more of my latest pictures in the Twit & Pic link.

Enjoy viewing!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2012-01-30T08:23:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Last Saturday night, on my 32nd birthday, Ipy and I attended our very first concert together at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Who was playing? Malay rock legends Search! Search is headlining with another 80s/90s Malay rock band, XPDC, which I wasn't that familiar with.

Search has been in the music industry for 30 years already. Their biggest hits were in the good old big-haired, rock days of the 80s and early 90s. Think of U2/Scorpions/Bon Jovi (without the sappy love songs) and you'll have Search. In fact, the lead singer, Amy (he's a guy, not a girl) has reinvented himself several times just like Bono.

Ipy and I were looking forward to this concert because the last time Amy performed here (as a solo artist), we heard his concert was good. His concert with his band last Saturday night, did not disappoint. Their stage experience was evident and Amy put all the 20-something rocker-wannabe to shame with his energy. He's 54 by the way. The stadium was singing along to all their megahits and by the end of their 1-hour plus set, we were all on our feet for a standing ovation. They showed us why they were and still is, the rock gods of Malay music.

The next band, XPDC, didn't fare too well. It had 2 different line-ups in fact! That was unusual. The first one that came on, was the later reincarnation of the band, with a heavier rock metal sound. This line-up was heavily influenced by Metallica. Even the vocalist looked a lot like that singer from Metallica, before he chopped off his mane!

The second line-up was the original version which most of its hits were produced. Unfortunately, the singer had very weak vocals, unlike the newer singer. We could barely hear him and thus, most of the music they were playing sounded alike. I was almost dozing off! Pity that I couldn't recognise some of their hits. The original line-up had some great songs but the weak voice of the singer didn't do any of their songs nor the band any justice. Felt the sound engineer could have done something to improve the situation.

Things picked up when both XPDC line-ups came together for an unplugged session. By then, it was almost midnight. Some of the crowds were already streaming out of the stadium. I think they were trying to catch the last few trains from the stadium. Pity. This unplugged session was the best sounding of XPDC's set. Finally, they sang their biggest radio-hit and everyone went home happy.

Not a fan of their hit song. Thought it was a really stupid song. It did teach mat rockers how to spell though. Ask any mat rocker how to spell "cinta" (love) and they'll gladly belt out XPDC's hit song. Humourous.

All in all, Search whet my appetite for more rock concerts. Ipy is already looking forward to the next concert in March featuring his rock goddess, Ella and his rock idol, Awie. As for me, I hope Search performs here again with a full set. Disappointed that they couldn't sing some of their hits like "Gadis Misteri" (Mystery Girl) and "Rozana" because of the double showcase. It's alright because they rocked my boat last Saturday night.

Altogether now... Gadisku~...

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2012-01-24T22:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Today was a very unproductive, lazy day. I hate it when the lazy bug hits me! It always comes when I've deadlines to meet. When I woke up this morning, I've already planned my day. But somehow after breakfast, I ended up mindlessly googling for websites that I don't even remember now. Tired of staring at the screen, I went to the much bigger screen in the living room. And I've been there since. Don't you just hate that?

I am one of those people when inspiration strikes me, I can do magic. But when the lazy spirit possesses my body, I can't do nuts! Even if I've assignment due tonight, I won't be able to do anything with this laziness inside me. It's really annoying!

What can I do to overcome this? Does anyone have the same problem as I do? Maybe it only happens to gifted people. That's why there's a saying, "You can't rush a genius". Not that I'm a certified genius or anything but I've been known to be knowledgeable. So that's a form of giftedness right?

So does anyone have a remedy for laziness?

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2012-01-23T10:36:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Is it me or does my family have a habit of going-to-the-hospital-sick during public holidays or long weekends? I have lost count of how many times I've wasted my precious hours at the hospital because one of my family members had high fever or broken leg or some illness that requires A&E attention.

Why can't they get themselves admitted on working days? Do you know how small the workforce is at the hospital on public holidays? Do you know that the workforce is even smaller during Chinese New Year (CNY) holidays??? Waiting time is already unbearably long on normal days but on CNY, time does not even exist!

Some of my international readers may argue that hospital waiting time in Singapore isn't as bad as in their countries, but that's what makes Singapore SINGAPORE isn't it? We're supposed to be efficient and effective. The fact that we are not as populous as other countries should make living and services here more efficient.

I don't know what's wrong with my brother this time. I'm more appalled at the attention he's getting from my mother. It took her one week to finally send my dad to the hospital who had high fever. The result of that delay caused my dad another leg. It only took her a few hours to send my brother to the hospital who had mid to high fever. Is there bias to her love or am I just imagining things?

I am getting agitated. I hate waiting. There are a thousand and one things I want to do and some of them I need to do. I can't do them because I'm here at A&E waiting for any doctor to make it out of bed. Ridiculous!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2012-01-09T09:00:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

As I listened to this morning's sermon on radio, I couldn't help but wondered if I was less of a Muslim woman just because I drive a car and I walk ahead of my husband many a times. At least that was what the preacher (ustaz) was trying to say. I might have misinterpreted his message but really, I've heard of some local religious officials who promote the ideal Muslim woman's characteristics and behaviours as those enforced in Saudi Arabia.

Man... You have no idea how many issues I have with Saudi's idealisms. Not just with its "protection" policies of its women there. Saudi Arabia may be the guardian of Islam's two holiest mosques, but that doesn't mean its brand of Islam is the ultimate perfect one for the rest of the world to follow.

Many, many years ago when I visited Mecca and Medina, instead of feeling protected, I felt even more violated. My freedom was almost non-existent. I couldn't go to the shops nor to the Grand Mosque (which was just outside my doorstep) without a male relative to escort. I was in my 20's yet I was treated like a child. I could be charged criminally as an adult but I couldn't be an adult woman. In fact, I wasn't even considered a person!

So what really makes a person a Muslim? A Muslim person, not a Muslim man nor woman. I don't have any concrete answers. This is still a learning journey for me. What I know is theological idealism should be practiced alongside innate common sense. That's why we are blessed with souls within our unique physical state.

I have much respect to Muslim converts. Unlike many Muslim-born people, the converts (muallaf) found God at some point in their lives. For many Muslim-born people, Islam was by default and we appreciate its beauty and messages less because we thought we didn't need to go look for a faith anymore. For some like me, faith and God has always been there but at different intensities throughout our lives. Perhaps that's how God intended it for me. I wouldn't have lived any other way.

So, today, think about faith. Did you find faith or did faith find you?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2012-01-03T22:25:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

So Katy Perry has asked Russell Brand to file divorce papers for her just so that she won't upset her conservative parents. That's a little mean don't you think? I'm not sure what's the real story behind their split but I really think it wasn't Russell who wanted the divorce. When these two unlikely couple tied the knot, I really hoped that they would really beat the odds by staying together for as long as Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale was. It was a bit of a shocker to read about their breakup over the New Year. But not as heartbreaking as when Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams split up.

Anyway, why was I surprised? Divorce in Hollywood is as common as blond, aesthetically-enhanced women there. Fidelity is not regarded highly in La La Land. Infidelity can make a jilted spouse a millionaire. A faithful spouse doesn't. The latest multi-millionaire is former Mrs Mel Gibson. I have to say she earned every $400 million Mel has to pay her, after almost 20 years of marriage and 7 children. Was it 7 children? Ipy and I think Mel Gibson had a mid-life crisis and he paid dearly for that.

Ipy can attest to the fact that divorce is expensive considering he was a one-time male divorcee. He didn't have to pay alimony but lawyer's fees along can set you back a few months' salary. Guess that was small change now considering our paths were meant to cross, no matter how rocky (and expensive) the journey was. So my advice to the young and heartbroken now is, if it's not meant to then it's not meant to be. Free yourself from the painful past and give fate a chance. Once you've learnt to let go, things will fall into place. That's just how life works its magic.

So Katy and Russell, maybe you were just not meant for each other. Maybe you were, just like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Those two were clearly soulmates who just can't stay married to each other. Whatever it is, give "for better and for worse, till death do us part" a chance.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2012-01-01T09:55:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

First and foremost, Welcome 2012!!! Secondly, I'd like to apologise to my readers (can't believe I still have readers!) for not blogging regularly like I said I should. Many things have happened in my life in 2011. Of course, the big one is that I'm pregnant with my third child. The sex of the baby is still unconfirmed. Does it matter? Not really. I already have a daughter and a son. In terms of resources, I have both gender's clothes to hand down. It's a bit unfair though isn't it how younger siblings have to wear or use their oldest siblings' stuff?

The other big change is that I'm back in the workforce after many years of blissful domestic life. I still don't understand why it's so difficult for some people to accept homemaking as a choice. In this post-feminist world, women can't be housewives??? Isn't the point of feminism the ability for women to make choices and not made to feel guilty about the choice they make? I'm no Germaine Greer, but if that isn't feminism then I don't know what is.

What do I hope for 2012? Nothing. I've yet to fulfill all my past years' hopes. Why make new ones when I've outstanding hopes full to the brim? If I really, really have to have a hope for 2012, then can I hope for a naughty one? I do hope my husband can be a bit more adventurous in the bedroom. Not sure if that's my request or my hormones. I'm in that stage in my pregnancy when I'm sexually active and experimental. Unfortunately, hubby is a very straight guy. There's only so much excitement in "touch and go" sex.

It's interesting though how sex is much more fun when it's "sinful". Just like how most unhealthy food is in fact, to die for when consumed. Chocolates and fried chicken anyone? Do I need therapy? Wait a minute! A woman thinking about sex is not normal??? And it's normal for a man to do likewise? Think about it. Who has the real power during sex? Hmmm....

For now, I'll just make do with watching True Blood season 4 on HBO. Eric Northman... Yum!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-10-11T08:25:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

There's no more denying it. The doctor has confirmed it. I'm pregnant with my 3rd child! Hooray? Not too sure about that.

Maybe I've said this before. I love being pregnant! There is just no other moment in time when a person can enjoy so much benefits and privileges like a pregnant woman can. Feeling under the weather? It's ok. She's pregnant. Don't want to do so much housework? It's ok. She's pregnant. Want to eat everything at the buffet table? It's ok. She's pregnant.

Still, I can't be pregnant all the time. Especially now. School and work is already taking up a lot of my time. Work alone is threatening my mental health but I can't elaborate on that. Some stupid confidentiality rule in my contract. I really cannot imagine how I will cope being pregnant in this crazy times.

Boys, don't be complacent. Don't be lazy! I really don't understand what is so difficult about putting on a condom on the penis? It's not like guys have to insert some torturous device in their balls. Why should women be the ones to be subjected to such intrusive contraceptive devices? Men are the horny ones 24/7!

Not saying that my husband didn't try to be considerate. Just that one moment of laziness resulted in the offending double lines on the pregnancy kit window. I refuse to take insert any IUD or take oral pills daily because these produce side effects. What side effects can condoms produce except maybe lesser satisfaction? Who says it's fair in the sexual world?

Oh and did you know that men are the cause of the world's known disabilities like ASD, ADHD and Down Syndrome? Go read up! It's something to do with the male DNA.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-26T08:01:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Ipy and I were watching a Hindi movie last night when he said something that made me think.

He said, "You know, when I travelled to third world countries like India, I always liked to watch the children play. They looked very happy. They played with no worries in their minds. Unlike Singapore children. I think children in Singapore are not happy. They can't play without thinking of homework and tests."

I wonder if my children are happy. They're not in school yet so I think they're happy. The children in my childcare don't look happy though. Who wants to be cooped up in structured environment for 12 hours? Yes, some parents send their children as soon as the childcare opens at 7 a.m. and fetch them when the centre's about to close at 7 p.m. I think our children work longer hours than the adults. I think our children have forgotten how to be children.

I worry about the state of our education. What's the point of having a world-class education system when the future we are moulding are not world-class? I see more and more graduates of our school system lacking in social skills. They may have higher IQ than their counterparts in other countries but their EQ is something to be desired.

So how can I send my children to school knowing this??? Thanks to the Compulsory Education Act, I will have to enroll them in school when they turn 7 years old. Albert Einstein said school had done him more harm than good, and I do agree. Not that I totally against schools. I am still studying in a school aren't I? I like the knowledge I gained in schools but I sure hate the grading system and the workload and the exams. Do they really measure my competence?

I think parents are to blame too. I understand every parent wants the best for their child but what does it mean to be the "best"? Does "best" mean acing all tests and exams? Does "best" mean being a responsible person? I think parents should stop dragging their children into their rat race. Ask yourselves, is it their ambition or yours?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-12T17:42:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

The 10th anniversary of 9/11 attack has come and gone. Every year around this time, there will be a lot of reflections in the media about the attack. Not that it's a bad thing but I say, enough on the spotlight on Islam! The attack wasn't an Islamic act and many Muslims have condemned it. So why don't the media and the US government leave us Muslims alone?

If I really have to be honest, the rednecks in the US aren't tolerant creatures either. If you want to discuss death counts, how many innocent people were killed by the American government in history? How many civilians have they killed in the two Iraq wars alone??? When a foreigner kills an American, it's terrorism. But when an American kills a foreigner, it's in the name of justice??? What a load of bollocks!

9/11 was a scary time for the whole world but US' reaction to the attack made the world an even scarier place to live in. Whatever you want to say about American pride, I say America has lost my respect.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-08T05:00:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Before I got married, living with my family was hard. Now that I'm a member of another family, it's even harder. Not that I want to live in an isolated island. I just find it difficult to pretend that things are alright anymore.

Being the only daughter-in-law, I don't have anybody to talk with. I mean really talk with. Sure I talk to other family members but it's just normal talk, nothing that really unify us together. I can't talk to my husband either. Believe it or not, I haven't really had an engaging conversation with him ever! He's not the type who thinks deep. I'm not sure if he chose not to and it's really frustrating.

I can bravely say that after three years of marriage, what's keeping me distracted from this growing frustration are my children. Yes, at times I want to abandon my children too but I love them to bits. Can't say the same about their father.

I guess this is a common challenge to many couples. How does one constantly refreshes his relationship? Sex? It's getting boring too. I used to be such a wild spirit and now I feel like I've been caged in a pet shop.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-06T09:03:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My family secret became even more intriguing now that I had heard from all my father's siblings. Still, I find it hard to believe that my father would have done such a thing.

You must be wondering what the hell am I blabbering about the last few days. Sigh. I'm not sure if what I've been hearing since last week even exists in today's modern times! Maybe my readers out there can provide some insight on this.

The story goes that my father got involved in the dark arts. Yes! The dark arts! My father whom I remembered to be strict with religion, was fascinated and eventually practised dark arts. So much so that my mom, my aunties AND my uncles believed that there is some spirit residing in him! I don't even dare tell you what it is for the fear of acknowledging it but I think some of you know what I meant.

The surprising thing was, this wasn't something that he had done in his wild, young days. Apparently he started practising it when I was well in my teenage years! What the hell was he thinking??? What was all that sermon about God Almighty and being pious about when I was growing up??? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

My brothers and I didn't even know about this until about last year. Even then, it was only in whispers and being the modern, rational people that we are, of course it was nonsense! My second brother who had a brush with the mystical aspect of Islam when he was younger was also hesitant to believe it.

The story got more bite when my first brother who's a year younger than me, was hospitalised unexpectedly early this year. Can't remember if I had blogged about it. The official diagnosis was that he had chicken pox. FYI: Chicken pox in adulthood can be deadly. It's common for adults with chicken pox to experience breathlessness and even have fainting spells.

The unofficial story was that whatever that was living in my father's body had made its presence known to my brother, in an attempt to make him its next "carrier" (can't think of a proper word for it, "vessel" perhaps?). Once before he was admitted and twice at the hospital. At the observation room, he told my mom that a woman dressed in white had visited him twice in the room. Of course my mom was spooked! But aren't all the nurses and doctors in the hospital dressed in white??? In his semi-conscious state, my brother could have mistaken the nurses or doctors for something else.

Then I just found out from my husband that my brother had confided in him of the "woman's" appearance before his hospitalization. Soon after, my mom had called a "professional" to clean his room. This "professional" told her that there was certainly a presence but he couldn't get rid of it.

So my question is, if what I've been hearing is true, then why wasn't I affected by it? My husband simply said that I was strong-spirited and invisible beings like those would normally go for people who were "softer" and lesser in faith. He joked that perhaps, IT was even afraid of me. Ha. Ha.

Then, why didn't we feel anything when my parents stayed with us for a few months last year? He said he did feel a bad presence, especially at night, but he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't believe him. He finally disclosed that there was one night when Sarah, who was about half a year old then, kept crying in the middle of the night. He got up to comfort her and felt something bad. He told whatever it was to leave his house and he recited some prayers. Then, Sarah stopped crying.

He reassured me that our home is protected. I guess that's comforting to know. I have so many questions about this and I've been googling it. Not surprisingly, many of the related stories and articles are only associated to Malay culture. Why is that? If it has something to do with God's creations, why isn't there Arab tales about it?

Can somebody enlighten me?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-03T22:32:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've discovered a family secret last night that is so horrifying and intriguing that my mind is boggled by it, even till now! I've heard rumours and stories of this family secret for awhile now but I've never considered it worth any grain of salt until I've heard it from my auntie last night. She has more or less confirmed the stories and I'm a little spooked by it.

I'm not sure if I should even blog about it because it seems more fictional than factual. Like straight from an episode of campy but popular "Incredible Tales". But I just can't get it out of my mind! I've been praying and reading the Quran to get some enlightenment, so what else can I do??

Let me think some more whether or not I should reveal this secret.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-09-02T17:27:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I feel that this year's Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Eid-ul-Fitr or Lebaran (it has so many names) isn't as celebratory as in previous years. Do you feel it too? Maybe because the day falls on a Tuesday, smack in the middle of a working week. Maybe it's the air of recession gloom warned by every Minister worth listening to. Maybe it's just me, who is tired with 2 children, a job and a teaching diploma to complete. Whatever the reason is, I'm not feeling the festive air.

I've been unproductive since Hari Raya. It felt like years since I lived a couch potato life. It felt nice to not do anything. But me being me, I felt guilty at the end of the day for not being productive. I do have an assignment to do and it's due on Monday! Procrastination has gotten over me.

So Dr Tony Tan won. Not my first choice but life goes on. Nobody expects him or any of the other candidates to produce any wonders to the economy. That's not his job. That's the government's job. Will we have another election in 4 years? I hope so.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-08-24T05:25:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

There was so much hype about the Presidential Election (PE) last week but now the hype has died down. Why is that? Is it because a certain minority group is more concerned about the upcoming Hari Raya? It's in less than a week by the way. Or has many people realised that the candidates are really not worth the seat? I was going to say a bunch of clowns but that would be rude. There is a clown in there anyway.

I know some people who are not taking this election seriously because it's not the General Election (GE). GE or PE, an election is still an election. In Singapore, the opportunity to vote in an election is rare. So why be indifferent about it? Savour your right to vote! And do vote wisely.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-08-22T08:11:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I seriously cannot recognise my country anymore. Not that I've gone abroad for a considerable amount of time. I haven't gone anywhere actually except for the occasional day trip to JB. Maybe I've been cooped up at home and at work AND at school to see the changes happening.

The Singapore I used to know was economically stable, sociably tolerant and nationally/politically consistent. Yes Singaporeans complain a lot but I blame that on their ungratefulness. When you pamper a child, the child will grow up complaining and whining a lot when things don't go his way.

The Singapore that I see now is none of the above anymore. Even the complaining has grown louder and at times, more active. People are no longer just relieving their frustrations among friends, families and peers at the coffee shops, hawker centres or casual gatherings. They are going online and organising protests and what have you.

Nothing wrong with using media to create awareness of your causes. ONLY if used with responsibility. Many young Singaporeans these days, perhaps due to a stable environment in which they were born into, do not know what it means to be responsible. They jump without thinking of the consequences of their actions. Perhaps it's a youth thing. I did silly things too when I was younger.

There are young Singaporeans who use the many communication avenues for good and worthy causes. It's heartening to see them participate in debates in a civil manner on issues which have valid concerns. But they are many out there who deserved to be brought on stage for a canning like in the school days of before. Bad English is one thing, not knowing how to express yourself clearly without vulgarities is another. Besides, where's the impact of the vulgarity if you spew it regularly in your language?

I am still not convince that the influx of foreigners to our shores is the cause of intolerance in my country. Just like in any relationship, both parties must work together and accept each other's differences. I also believe that when in Rome, do what the Romans do. I'm not sure about the facts of the "Curry Saga" but I think the issue here is about tolerance.

Even before the foreigners came, Chinese Singaporeans complain about Muslims praying in public spaces, Malay Singaporeans complain about Chinese burning papers and joss sticks on the pavements, Indian Singaporeans complain about the Chinese and Malays and vice versa. There has always been intolerance but people back then were gracious enough to deal with it constructively. I don't see that happening now.

What is happening to my Singapore???

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-08-19T10:37:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've received feedback from readers that I've not been writing much these days. My apologies. My deepest, sincerest apologies. It seems so ironic that technology is so advanced now that one can even tell the whole world of your mundane tasks in mere seconds, yet I can't even find the time to sit down, reflect, and write!

I said I was going to pray terawih as much as possible this Ramadan right? Guess what? My last terawih as a jemaah was on that first night of Ramadan! Since then, I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't go out to the mosque! I have been praying at home though. Still, it doesn't feel right unless you do it with your community. That equality and common objective to pray with the one and only Allah is what makes Islam so great. It's really quite a sight to see Muslims pray in unison you know. Just watch the Haj telecast on TV every Aidiladha!

This Aidilfitri, we are going to spend much because much of the spending was done last year. We don't have much time to go out shopping anyway. Besides, we've already gotten what we need when we went to KL last May. It does feel relaxed though not having to rush to buy things. No stress about shops not carrying your size or the colour that you want.

I don't know about you but I find the festivities in Geylang Serai gets faded every year. Maybe Singaporean Malays are getting more modern or that I'm just getting older. The light-up is nothing to boast about. It looks the same every year. It's as common as the young Singaporeans who disrespectfully loiter, eat, drink and smoke at the bazaar every year. I don't remember we did that when we were younger. My peers knew to respect Ramadan.

So... Presidental Election (PE) soon. To be honest, for most Singaporeans, we are just looking forward to the Public Holiday. For most Malays, at least for the women, this is the day we'll start cooking in the kitchen! Hari Raya will be just a few days away!

Err... Can I not cook this year? So tired with school and work.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-08-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Blogger,

رمضان مبارك!

My Arabic is getting quite ok eh? After half a year of Arabic language class, I should be able to read and write something.

Today is the start of Ramadhan. Already, I felt like kicking someone's butt all the way to the moon. All during past Ramadhan, my weakness wasn't about abstaining from drink and food. It was always about character and discipline. How can I be a virtuous person if I don't have discipline?

What is your goal for this year's Ramadhan? My goal is to do as much terawih as possible. I'm not very fussy about where I do my terawih prayers. If it's nearby, then that's where I'll be.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-07-28T00:03:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

The biggest news in entertainment is the sudden death of Amy Winehouse at 27. She was so talented but so troubled. We kind of knew that this was going to happen sooner or later.

Most people would remember her for "Rehab". I remembered her much earlier than that. In early Y2K, when the music scene was caught up with the Norah Jones jazz craze, I remembered watching a music video of a younger, prettier, healthier Amy Winehouse without all those ugly tattoos on her body. I watched a lot of MTV and Channel V back then. I remembered her because of her unusual voice and a VJ described her as an edgier, darker Norah Jones.

She was promising back then. Then, she disappeared and now we know why. I believed she got into this mess because she fell into bad company. Her insane declaration of love to that Blake guy was very blinded. Everyone could see from a mile away what a loser he was. He was so obviously a bad influence to her. Still, we hoped that she would meet a better guy and straighten herself out.

Now that she has died for whatever reason, hopefully she's at peace with herself. Her consolidation is that she's with good company. She has joined greats like Kurt Cobain and John Lennon who died tragically.

So what can we learn from this? Drugs can kill. So does alcohol abuse. Ladies, avoid losers at all cost. Play with them all you want but never marry them. If you have problems if whatever nature, seek help. Pride won't save your life here.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-05-06T08:08:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I'm beginning to think that maybe returning to work isn't such a good idea. It isn't really for me. I shouldn't blame it on myself. I was contend just being a stay-at-home mom, even if it doesn't give me much economic prowess. Why suffer so much stress just for the sake of a earning a few thousand dollars a month? It really is not worth it.

Unfortunately, I can't quit. I'm shackled by a 15-month bond. I guess I would still be able to tolerate if I was just left alone. I am more productive if I am given autonomy to do my work. Teamwork is great and all but so is my individual space. I need my space at work!

Don't you just it when there's a leech in the office? You know, the type who wants things to be done her way but doesn't want to do them herself? She's usually an older person with years of "experience", yet can't do things herself because she knows there are other younger people who can do them for her.

Maybe if my work has some male staff the dynamic will be different. That's like asking for snow to fall in Singapore. I don't know why I've always work in women-dominated organisations. I really should have known better. Oh! I remembered why! I thought I was mature enough to handle women by now. Guess I was wrong. You don't see and feel this toxic air in a male-dominated organisation. How do men do it?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-04-12T08:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Last week I started my training at the childcare centre. I was supposed to go to the learning centre for the course last week, but it was delayed to this week. So for a week, I was at the childcare centre as a blind woman.

Surprisingly, I was able to fit myself right in. Even though I don't know anything about lesson plans and nobody bothered to brief me about it, I do know children. I know that they learn through play. I also know that children do not like to be treated like children. They prefer to be treated like very young adults if I can say that.

There weren't that many children in the centre yet. So I found that it was easier to manage. I was assigned to assist the kindergarten children which was a lot of fun. The younger kids were fun too.

Many people ask me how I can work with children. Believe me when I say that working with children is more stress-free than working with adults. There are moments when children will misbehave and throw tantrums, but that's what children do! Even adults do it too! Adults are even more sinister.

So do I deal with those moments? Patience and a lot of acceptance. First of all, adults must accept that this is typical children behaviour. If you can't accept that, then you've already lost the battle. Secondly, be adaptable. Sometimes certain situations call for different roles. The child might need a play mate or a friend or a confidant or even a disciplinarian.

I am not a super nanny or a child educator specialist (not yet anyway), but I believe all these traits come from experience of being a mom. There was no school to teach women to be mothers or men to be fathers. I don't know if there should be a school for that. We all learn to care and nurture our children through trials and errors. We learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. We adapt.

So how was school? I didn't really enjoy it that much. I really felt like I was in SMU all over again. For my blog readers, I think you know what I mean. I don't know what is it about Singapore schools that make me feel so stifled. Come on guys! Aren't we in school to learn? Don't just limit your learning to the textbooks. Go beyond that! Ask questions! Explore!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-04-01T11:12:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

General Election is coming soon. When? Nobody seems to know except those in the know. I've a feeling it'll be end of this month or next month. This will be the 3rd time I'll be voting. I take pride in my vote, unlike some in my generation and younger.

A recent tabloid survey said that 2 out of 5 young Singaporeans won't vote. A common reason is that their vote wouldn't change anything, especially the political landscape here. I just think these people are plain lazy. The only way for change to happen is to act and one way to make changes in the political landscape is to vote for your preferred representative whom you think shares your ideals.

Did these people think that by not doing anything, change will happen? Did they think if they just sit around in the corner and wait for someone else to do all the work for them, change will happen? This is a typical mentality of young Singaporeans these days!

Not only are they self-centred, they are lazy and expect things to go their way without putting any effort at all! Just look at that NS-man (or boy!) who made his maid carry his army backpack! He's the future of our country? The defender of our country?! God forbid!

There is another group of voters who votes for opposition for the sake of an opposition. Not promoting the ruling party or anything, but why are these people wasting their precious votes on someone that has yet to prove he has substance, not just an all-talk and no action man?

If my district fields opposition contenders worthy of my vote, then yes I will vote for that person. I want a representative who gets the work done. I don't want to vote for someone who talks air. Don't promise to lower taxes if you can't tell me how you're going to do it.

We have seen so many politicians in other countries who oppose the ruling party but fail to deliver when they were voted by the people. The people wanted change. They did get the change, but not how they expected it. Instead of more jobs and economic progress, what they got were more political scandals. You know who I'm referring to.

There have been some opposition politicians who have been walking the talk. Chiam See Tong, Low Thia Kiang and Sylvia Lim's admission to our government aren't flukes. They are worthy oppositions whose common goal is not to bring down the ruling party, but to work together for the betterment of the whole nation. This is what I want in a politician, regardless of party. People first, self second!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-03-24T14:34:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Remember my concerns about hiring a domestic helper (Officially: a Foreign Domestic Worker. Unofficially: A maid)? I've had my helper for about 3 months now. So how is she doing? How am I doing? Are my concerns founded?

First of all, I must say that this is just my experience with my helper. Secondly, hopefully my experience will be of value to those who is considering hiring a domestic helper or already having one.

A little introduction about my helper. She's in her early 20s, from a transportation-unfriendly village in east Indonesia. She has never been to a city but with the help of television and books, she has an idea of what city-living is like.

We chose someone young because she would have the energy to look after 2 very young children. That is her first priority. Household cleaning is secondary. Unfortunately, getting a young and experienced helper is very rare, like finding a diamond in the mud.

When she first came on board, it was very obvious that she was very green. What did you expect from someone who had just come from the village? The training provided by the maid agency was very basic, just enough for her to get through the daily grind of a Singaporean household.

Thanks to God, she is willing to learn. That is very important. You may be born stupid, but if you're willing to learn, you can become smart! I emphasise to her on willing to learn and taking initiative because these attitudes will not just benefit me as an employer but also her as a person.

Some people don't have the time to train their helpers especially in the crucial first month. I was lucky because I was a housewife (not anymore soon). I had time and patience to teach her skills, both the practical and the abstract. Skills that can only be learnt through experience and worldly knowledge.

Maybe I was a born teacher. It gives me a thrill to teach anyone who is willing the learn. That's the only motivation I need.

Anyway, from a shy person, my helper is now more confident in her abilities. From no cooking experience (she couldn't even hold the kitchen knife properly), to a decent house cook. She has managed her tasks like clockwork without me having to remind her. My children are comfortable with her now. My husband and I can leave them with her to go on dates without worrying.

Before we had gotten a helper, people kept telling us it's all about luck. Yes, luck do play a part but it's not entirely it. This isn't some game you play in the casino or lottery. Some people actually forget that domestic helpers are people too and they're working for a living!

Just like we expect to be respected as employees from our bosses, these helpers deserve our respect too. Yes yes yes. Respect has to be earned. I hear you. But did you expect to be treated like slaves when you first step into your office?

Often, we forget to give credit where the credit is due. Just like we thrive when praises are heaped on us, domestic helpers will definitely be self-motivated if their good work is appreciated, no matter how tiny it is. If her cooking is delicious, compliment the chef! If she did an unexpectedly good task, say "Good job!". Remember to say thank you for her help and sorry if you've made a mistake.

These are rewards that don't cost anything. You don't have to wait when her contract ends to give her a performance bonus. I don't think many employers do give their helpers bonus! We haven't given her any monetary bonuses yet, but we do have other ways to reward her.

For example, to encourage reading in the family, we bring the kids to the library once every 2 weeks. We encourage my helper to borrow books too. She likes to read. I've seen her devour the books that she borrowed during her break times. Yes, people. I've set break times in her schedule.

We also encourage her to write letters or send postcards home. Once a week, we remind her to call home. This is so that she won't feel homesick too much. Homesickness is one of the common causes of unproductiveness among foreign workers. Another reason for encouraging communication between her and her family back home is that this will regularly remind her of why she came to work here in the first place.

When we're outside, she eats with us. We're not calculative with food. If we can afford to eat well, then we should share it. If she has certain Indonesian cravings, I'll try to include it in my groceries. In a way, we are learning from each other's cultures.

We are not saints. We do try to be fair employers. My husband works overseas often. He has experienced the hardship of working overseas. From the homesickness to the local's treatment of him. So he understood very well how foreign workers feel.

Often, we remind ourselves of how we want to be treated as employees by our bosses. If not, then as a person. This helps in our role as employers and sometimes, guardians to our foreign domestic helper.

Lastly, pray often that God blesses you with the traits of a fair and respected employer.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-03-22T21:19:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I think the whole world (via Twitter and Facebook) knows by now that I've finally bought the Macbook Pro. For a Mac virgin, this is quite exciting. Confusing at times, exciting nevertheless.

On the first day, I had to make conscious efforts to remember that I was not using Windows anymore. Thankfully, there are websites that help Mac noobs like me. There was even a website on how to let go of Windows for Mac converters!

Mac users are just like Christian missionaries aren't they? They won't stop proselitysing about the wonders of Mac until the whole world converts to Mac. They should just chill, soak in their coolness and accept that differences are good for the world.

Anyway, my Macbook Pro is definitely cool. I won't gush about it. Seeing and feeling it speaks volumes of its coolness. Of course, in Windows-dominated Singapore, I have to accept that I can't do certain things like Windows user can. This is vice versa.

Enough about Mac. Let's talk about ice cream. I've been in an ice cream-making frenzy ever since my father-in-law brought back some strawberries from Cameron Highlands. Knowing that the strawberries would stay untouched forever in the refrigerator, I decided to do something about them before they go rotten.

I remembered my rarely-used Philips ice cream maker, a birthday gift from my sister. The last time I used it was to make double chocolate chip ice cream. That was a year ago. I googled ice cream recipes and I came across James Martin's "Easy Strawberry Ice Cream". Super easy recipe but the ice cream was delish! I like James Martin by the way. He makes doing dessert look so easy on TV. He's not bad-looking too!

The next day, I googled for more ice cream recipes. I came across mint chocolate chip ice cream recipe at allrecipe.com. I always order this flavour ice cream when I go to Swensen's. Since this recipe looked so easy, I was quite excited to try it out.

Strawberry and mint chocolate chip ice cream (the chocolate chip is "gone" because I used shaved chocolate instead)

The mint chocolate chip ice cream needed some refinement, aesthetic-wise. Needed a bit more green colouring. It was yummy though.

Recipes:

Easy Strawberry Ice Cream by James Martin

600g grams strawberry, hulled and sliced

600g double cream (whipping cream)

280g castor sugar (more or less, depending on your tolerance for sweets)

1. Puree the strawberries in a food processor or blender.

2. Pour pureed strawberries into a mixing bowl. Stir in cream and sugar. TIP: Pour in sugar gradually. Then whisk mixture until well-blended. ANOTHER TIP: Do NOT over whisk the cream.

3. Pour the mixture into an ice cream machine. It should take about 30min for the mixture to look like soft serve ice cream.

4. Pour into a freezer-proof container, cover the surface with cling film and freeze till hard.

Easy Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream by Darryn Briggs

2 cups 2% milk (optional)

2 cups double cream (whipping cream)

1 cup sugar (more or less, depending on your tolerance for sugar)

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla essence (I used 1/2 tsp)

1 tsp peppermint essence (I used 3/4 tsp. Your breath will smell minty afterwards!)

3 drops green colouring (may omit or add more drops to your liking)

1 cup miniature chocolate chips (I used cooking chocolate shavings)

1. In a mixing bowl, stir all ingredients except green colouring (if using) and chocolate chips till sugar is dissolved. Add green colouring to your liking. Whisk the mixture till well-blended. Do NOT overmix!

2. Pour the mixture into an ice cream maker. It should take about 30min for the mixture to look like soft serve ice cream.

3. Pour into freezer-proof container, cover surface with cling film and freeze till hard.

For those without an ice cream maker, don't worry! You can still make these ice creams. After whisking the mixture, pour into freezer-proof container and freeze. Every 30min to 1 hr or so, take the container out. Using a butter knife, slice through the edges. Then stir the half-frozen ice cream with a fork. You have to do this several times (about 5 hours at least) until you get the consistency that you want.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-03-10T11:55:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Now everyone I know has fallen sick at least once since the start of the new year. Like the newspaper has reported, we have a flu epidemic. That doesn't mean that everyone is suffering from flu though.

I get very agitated when people confuse flu with cold symptoms. Sometimes, one might just be down with a cold caused by a viral infection. Fever, runny nose and cough are common. Flu is much, much more serious than that.

This is why I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to get yourself vaccinated against flu. For about $30, you'll cut the risk of getting seriously ill from the flu bug. I was told by the doctor that the flu vaccination is best taken yearly.

My husband started the sickness ball rolling when he was infected with stomach flu about 3 weeks ago. It left him almost bedridden. Despite his many travels, he doesn't really have a strong immune system.

Then, my daughter had a serious viral infection that gave her high fever for almost a week! I am not surprised by that because she usually gets some viral infection almost monthly. When you put things in your mouth, it is most definite that you will fall sick often. Her fever is gone now but the cough and runny nose still stay.

Finally, my son caught her virus. Even though he only had low-grade fever, his cough was bad. For a 4-month-old, this is a cause for attention because his internal organs are still developing. Besides, most pharmaceuticals do not develop medicines for babies below 6 months old.

You have no idea how stressful it could be when young kids fall sick. Thanks to God, I was healthy enough to care for them. It gets worse at night. Fever temperature tends to increase at night. I don't know why.

Thanks to God too that I'm not a paranoid parent, unlike my husband. Just because a baby has fever doesn't mean his brain will be fried. Yes, there is still a risk but why only think negatively and of the worst? As parents, we need to be rational and patient at times of crisis. In that way, we won't cause more problems than there already are.

I have more or less made a list of what NOT to do when your kids fall sick. Not in order of importance.

Do NOT be paranoid. Stay calm and rational.
Do NOT assume. We are not trained medical professionals. Read up on the illness and its symptoms and effects.
Do NOT take whatever you read seriously.
Do NOT make amateur diagnosis. Leave the diagnosis to the doctor.
Do NOT overdose on the medicine prescribed. Sometimes, more doesn't mean faster healing.
Do NOT forget to rest, sleep and eat.
Do NOT be stingy on medical care.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-03-02T22:10:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Lately, I have wondered if I might be commitment-phobic. Marriage has been stressful and after giving birth to 2 children, I find myself not enjoying this marriage even more.

It feels like I am losing a part of myself more and more each day. I am not sure if this is the sacrifice that marriage counsellors meant.

Marriage does provide a stability which I was desperately looking for when I was a wild child. But it sure is boring.

I thought I have found what I have always wanted when I got married. But I feel like there is still something missing in my life.

Perhaps the spark that illuminated my life when I was briefly in love is gone. Once, I had looked forward to his calls and our dates. Now, I am hardly even bothered.

It can get awfully difficult to feel that "in love" high again when I don't feel special. I am not even made to feel special! I am now just an actor playing a forgotten role in life's many dramas.

He told me a story about his colleague. His colleague's wife left him after many years of marriage because she was not in love with him anymore. She got bored with her domestic role. She was even willing to relinquish custody of their only child just so that she could live again.

I don't know if I could ever give up custody of my children. I am their mother after all. I may be brave enough to give up marriage though if this married life is really what it is.

If my husband is reading this, I am not sorry. It is time to wake up and see the cracks in our marriage.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-02-21T20:32:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I haven't been true to one of my goals. That is, to update my blog at least once a week. I have been awfully busy. There were times when I wanted to sit down in front of my laptop and blog away. Why I never did, I don't know.

Anyway, since the start of February, I have been diligently going to the neighbourhood women-only gym. I spend an average of 1.5 hours, 4 times a week doing circuit training and muscle exercises.

It is not cheap so that's why I forced myself to work out at least 4 times a week. Still, if you compare across the board, this membership is still more affordable than others. Besides being a women-only gym, it doesn't glamourise itself by having only beautiful bodies working out. So it feels like a working-class gym than a posh "look at me" gym.

I know I am getting my money's worth because personal trainers are included. In my past gym experience, members were usually left alone to work on the machines. I didn't even know if I was working the machines right! More often than not, I ended up with injuries than actual results.

After 2 weeks working my butt off at the gym, I am not sure if I have achieved any desirable results at all. I weigh myself on the scale every morning. Besides the usual 1 to 2kg fluctuation, nothing much has changed. I was told not to trust the scale too much.

Maybe my body is changing and that I am just not noticing it. It happens you know. It would be great to see results because that would be added motivation. Working away without any good results in sight is really quite depressing. I guess that is what perseverance meant.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2011-01-17T10:49:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

For the past 2 weeks, our evenings have been spent doing nothing but watch several episodes of Korean drama, Pasta. It was my fault really. I rented the series out of curiosity.

Synopsis: Pasta tells the story of a spunky kitchen assistant, Seo Yoo Kyung who was just promoted to a cook at fancy Italian restaurant, La Sfera. When a new head chef, Choi Hyun Wook, joined the restaurant, all hell breaks loose as he has a "No women in my kitchen" policy.

Korean dramas featuring food have always been popular. Pasta is no different. If my husband makes me wait for him every night so we can watch this romantic comedy drama together, then it must be a good one to watch.

At first, Pasta felt like a B-grade drama because it didn't have the gloss and sleek production of a KBS drama. It was produced by MBC. It also didn't have unbelievably gorgeous and handsome leads unlike other K-dramas. The last K-drama we watched, The Fugitive: Plan B had 3 handsome leads! My husband had a major crush on Daniel Henney.

How Yoo Kyung and Hyun Wook met at a pedestrian crossing when he saved her goldfish was also unbelievable. But it works! Somehow the attraction just works! Just like Yoo Kyung, for some unknown reason, I became more attracted to Hyun Wook episode after episode. He's arrogant, sexist and he shouts a lot but maybe those are his magnetic factors.

He became even more dreamy when he showed his tender side somewhere in the middle of the series. He also wore scarves better than any man I've seen. Who doesn't like a confident, sensitive and fashionable man?

Yoo Kyung wasn't much of a beauty either but her plain jane appeal made her romance with Hyun Wook real. They were enduring and cute as a couple. I got a fuzzy feeling every time I watched them together, whether they were bickering or just conversing aimlessly.

What about the food? I am craving for pasta as we speak. Either carbonara or alfredo. The dishes served in the series looked as good as those served by Catherine Zeta Jones in No Reservations. I must say that chefs' uniforms must be one of the smartest uniforms because both Hyun Wook and Zeta Jones looked damn good in them.

Doesn't he look good in a chef's uniform?

Also watch the bittersweet, unrequited love of Yoo Kyung's secret admirer, her boss Kim San. He's rich, handsome and sweet yet he couldn't get the girl he wanted after 3 years of watching her from afar.

Altogether now, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-01-11T11:59:00.006+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Sundays are always great spent with family at the park or at the beach. Especially when the weather is not too hot and not too wet. We went to the Jacob Ballas Children's Garden at the Singapore Botanic Garden. Next time, we'll bring a picnic basket.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-01-07T14:07:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I don't know much about boxing except that it seems to be the sport of choice for award-winning movies. I have never watched a boxing match except in movies. Even in movies like the Rocky series or Raging Bull, boxing did not look so much like a sport other than a dramatised, choreographed act.

Yesterday, due to the good reviews in the Straits Times Life and Channel News Asia, I decided to watch The Fighter. I was more curious about the good review than anything else. My husband was more interested in Mark Wahlberg. He idolises Mark Wahlberg.

I must have been caught up in my own little world for a while now because I have not heard of this movie till a few days ago. Suddenly, this movie is winning awards left, right and centre! Even an Oscar supporting actor nomination for one of my favourite actor, Christian Bale. Deservingly so I must say!

The plot is simple. You would have probably seen similar storyline elsewhere. It is the great acting from the cast that makes this simple story engaging to watch. I have always believed all along that you don't need fancy special effects or smarty pants storyline to make a good movie. Just good, old-fashioned stellar acting.

In summary, The Fighter is about Micky's (Wahlberg) bumpy road to a boxing championship. He is constantly struggling to balance his family's expectations and his own's. The brotherly love insight between him and his once-famous, cocaine-addicted half-brother Dicky (Bale) is I think more compelling to watch than the boxing matches themselves. His mother (Melissa Leo) is also a hoot to watch.

The poster above may show Wahlberg bigger and centred (he produced the movie after all) but look again and you will no doubt be attracted to Bale's profile. That's just how he is! Christian Bale is such a charismatic actor and he is now being regarded as one of the finest in his generation.

I don't really approve of his intense-to-the-point-of-scary method acting but the guy sure delivers his characters every time. As Dicky, he was so charming and might I say naive, that we can't help but root for him despite his destructive drug habit. Just give him the Oscar man!

Everyone else in the movie played their part very well. None of that Hollywood bigger-than-life caricatures. The Fighter isn't exactly indie fare nor is it Hollywood studios' production. All that is important is that it's a good movie. Go watch it!

Oh! It has an M18 rating in Singapore. Not sure why. Probably because of the cocaine-smoking.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-01-06T09:26:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Yesterday, I went to my first job interview in over 4 years. I thought it would have been nerve-wrecking but it wasn't. I was certainly nervous of becoming an idiot. Fortunately, the cat did not run off with my tongue.

First of all, why the sudden interest in job-hunting when all along, I was happy being a housewife? Not just any housewife, mind you. A housewife who still devotes a third of her time helping less academically-inclined primary school students pass their exams.

It all started with the politically-confused term "economically inactive". According to the OECD Glossary of Statistical Terms,

"Economically inactive population comprises all persons who were neither 'employed' nor 'unemployed' during the short reference period used to measure 'current activity'. This population is split into four groups:

- Attendant at educational institutions

- Retired

- Engaged in family duties

- Other economically inactive"

Source: http://stats.oecd.org/glossary/detail.asp?ID=6252

I guess I would be in the "Engaged in family duties" group. I thought it was an odd term to define me. Yes, I am not officially employed by any company and I do not have any formal source of income. However, I certainly do spend a lot of money and isn't that being economically active? Doesn't economy work in 2 directions? Don't shoot me because I'm not a statistician.

Secondly, Ipy had thrown in one too many cues about me working. Cues such as, "If my wife works, we could afford a bigger car" or "If my wife works, we could go on longer-journey holidays", or "If my wife works, we could..." etc, etc, etc! At first, he said he was just joking but when a person repeats the same "joke", is it really a "joke"?

By the end of the year, I got so irritated by his "joke" that I took it as a challenge. So I updated my resume and sent out copies of it to every company looking for suitable candidates. The first to reply was for a childcare teacher post. Will describe it later.

The funny thing was, when Ipy saw me getting serious about job-hunting, he reacted unexpectedly. I thought he would have been delighted. On the contrary! He seemed confused and conflicted. Then how did you think I feel? One minute he wanted me to stay home and nurture our children, the next minute he wanted me out the door and earn some money!

It is not like we really need the double income. Everything was fine with the current arrangement. I seriously don't know what he wants. I thought he understood clearly that I was not the type to work for the money. It even says so in my work personality report!

Back to the childcare teacher post. Can you imagine me being a childcare teacher? Why not??? I enjoy being with kids more than adults. I seriously believe in the value of learning, in and out of the classroom. Early childhood education is a booming industry!

The recruitment process is still in early phases. I haven't decided to accept or not. This post includes a bonded, fully-sponsored training programme. Sounds like a good deal at first. Just like a wedding proposal! But like in any relationship, this post is a commitment. Am I ready to take on such a commitment? Do I WANT to take this commitment?

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-01-03T21:58:00.006+08:00

Dear Blogger,

For the first time ever, I rented and watched a Hindi movie from start to finish! Only because this movie was one of the most critically acclaimed foreign-language movie of last year. From the title of the movie, one might think it was a biography of a mega-famous Bollywood actor. No it wasn't. The movie was "My Name is Khan".

Shah Rukh Khan stars as Rizvan Khan, an Indian Muslim with Asperger's Syndrome. He went to San Francisco to live with his brother after their mother died. He met future wife, Mandira (played by Kajol) who was a Hindu divorcee with a young son. Life was fine and dandy until the Sep 11 attacks.

Years after 9/11, their lives and other Muslims in the States were still being tested. When their son was murdered after a soccer game, Mandira became disillusioned and sent Rizvan away. She told him he could only return after he had delivered the President with this message, "My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist". So we followed Rizvan on his trip across America to meet the President.

The melodrama of a Bollywood movie is evident in this film and so is the length of film. However, it has no song and dance that typifies a Bollywood movie and it has a strong Hollywood arthouse production feel to it since it was produced by Fox Searchlight.

I think when any moderate Muslim watches this movie, he can't help but feel like he has gone through the experience of prejudice and racism that 9/11 brought at some point in his life. Even though I live in multi-racial Singapore, Muslims here were unfairly and uncomfortably brought into the limelight just because of one deranged man's actions. Fortunately, our government (say whatever you want of our government) went all out to ensure peace and tolerance rule the day by educating everyone about the true nature of Islam.

The same can't be said of the government in America. Sure Osama bin Laden did a horrendous thing. The whole world condemned it, even till now! But do you know who made it worse? George "trigger-happy" W Bush. He made Osama bin Laden his personal vendetta and all of us, not just the Muslims, are still bearing the brunt of his actions. Only God knows why he was elected president TWICE!

What frustrated me even more was the soft vocals of the moderate Muslims. How we could have allowed the extremists to be so loud in their actions was beyond me. We have made improvements though. Over the years, moderate Muslims have become more vocal in upholding the true meaning of Islam. We are more critical of those who use Islam for their own destructive agenda. We are slowly but surely educating the world that Islam is not a violent religion. No religion is violent. It is people's behaviours and actions that are violent.

We should all learn from our children. Children are blind to colour, gender, size, race, religion and lifestyle choices. All they see are people with a head, a body and pairs of limbs. They will play with anybody. They don't know what prejudice means and segregation is unlike that of an adult's. They want to be friends with anybody!

In the movie, when Rizvan was a boy, he had heard a couple of men talking about killing the Hindus for the massacre against the Muslims in a just happened Hindu-Muslim riot. His mother was shocked to hear him repeating what the men said. To educate the boy with Asperger's, she drew 2 pairs of stick men. A pair with swords and a pair with lollipops. The pair with swords were bad and the pair with lollipops were good. From this picture, could you tell who was a Muslim and who was Hindu? Of course not!

His mother concluded that there were only 2 types of people, good people and bad people. That was brilliant wasn't it?

So let's all shout to the world! My name is _______ (fill in your name here) and I'm not a terrorist.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2011-01-01T22:05:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

It's already 2011! You thought this day won't come didn't you? Well it did and that just means we are still alive to live one more day and hopefully one more year.

So now that I will officially be in my 30s in 27 days (last year didn't count), what do I strive to do? Here's my list:

1. Become a more practising and educated Muslim.
2. Be more attentive to my children's and husband' needs.
3. Wake up earlier so I can do more in my day.
4. Post blog regularly, at least once a week.
5. Be more disciplined with my diet and exercise.

The above are not resolutions. Just... I don't know. Something that I really, really, really should be doing but for some reason I'm slacking in those areas. It's never easy to do things that are good for you. If it is, everyone will be happy and go to heaven.

So who's with me?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-12-23T08:43:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Once again, Malays in Singapore are in the news for the wrong reason. Maybe that's too harsh. Still, one can't help but question after reading The Straits Times today, why this problem is prevalent in the Malay community.

I'm referring to the murder of 3-year-old boy, Danish Iman Abdullah by his mother's friend. I believe this is the 6th such case to involve children unnecessarily ripped off their lives by family members or family friends and all of them were Malays. For those who aren't aware of the case, you can read the article here at AsiaOne.

You don't need to be educated or well-off or even Malay, Chinese, Tamil, whatever to know that killing another human being is wrong! A child is a human being! A child is not from another species or a being from another planet. A child commands the same respect as a full-grown adult. A child may even be more mature than some adults I know!

The accused may blame his lack of financial security, education, upbringing or mental capacity, but all this is irrelevant because respect of another human being's life is one of the basis of being human! That's what separates us from all the other species in the animal kingdom. The ability to think is also what separates us from all other God's creatures.

In any case, God forbid if he pleads innocence due to insanity. He is insane alright but not because he suffers from any mental illness. I believe he was of sound mind when he hit the boy till the toddler suffered head injuries. The boy is 3-year-old damn it! He shouldn't have been hit in the head. He shouldn't even be slapped.

So where is the mother when this was happening? God knows. The newspaper report did not say. What we do know is that the mother was very young, 22 years old, and probably separated from the boy's father.

A product of young marriages (I don't know if she married as a teenager), whether by consent or by force, almost always the children of these marriages end up either being abused or grow up to do what their parents did. They leave school early, get into some kind of legal trouble, impregnate some girls and marry. It's a vicious cycle!

I have never approved of young marriages because young people are simply not mentally ready to take on the responsibilities of being spouses and parents. Marriage, at whatever age, should never be taken lightly. It is a commitment and commitment means it is serious business.

Some parents make the mistake of marrying off their daughters, especially when the latter become pregnant, simply to save face. What faces are there to save? This is such a short-term act that hardly anybody thinks about the long-term effect. The practice of saving face should be eradicated because it usually does more harm than good.

All these people care about is what the neighbours will think. The neighbours aren't living your life. They don't know your ups and downs. They don't feed you. They don't even come out from your womb! It's your offspring that you should care about. Not about what other people will think of you!

Malays in Singapore are very good at "saving faces" to the extent that they don't mind selling off their daughters like at an auction. Parents, please do not use marriage to save your faces. Marriage is not an end to your humiliation. What your daughters need from you is your support and guidance. They don't need you to ship them off to the Registry of Marriages.

Whether or not Danish Iman Abdullah will live out of this vicious cycle, we will never know. He will never have the chance to feel the anxiety pangs of the PSLE or the GCE level examinations. He will never have the chance to fall in and out of love. He will never have the chance to get excited over his first pay cheque. All because he did something naughty like any other child would and he was punished with his life for that.

Some people have told me that I am anti-Malay. I do have feelings of dissatisfaction and disapproval about certain things about my fellow race every now and then. At one point in my life, when I was much, much younger, I had even tried to disassociate myself from my race. Why? I was disillusioned about what it was to be Malay.

Anyway, I am not anti-Malay. I am just heavily critical about Malays. We should criticise ourselves first before we do the same to others. Why should we envy the Chinese for their economical prowess when we are not doing much to help ourselves in that direction? Why should we look down on the Indians when they are progressing so rapidly in every sector of society that they are now richer than us?

Being Malay and living in a Malay-dominated region does not give us the right to sit on our laurels. Our culture is not a lazy culture. Historically, we excelled in the arts and gracious mannerisms, but that does not mean we are weak. Use our strengths to progress as a community. Let go of our racist perceptions and sour grapes mentality because we think we are not given the same opportunity to succeed as the other races do. All of these are challenges that we should embrace.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-12-21T09:41:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

As I read about Jonathan Wong's case in The Straits Times today, I began to think that maybe he deserved a second chance. Jonathan Wong, a Singaporean in London on a teaching scholarship, was charged in a London court for possession of child pornography in his computer.

Even though he escaped jail term, he was certainly going to be expelled from the University of York where he was studying for 3 years and he would be sent home due to the revocation of his student visa. Sent home in shame no less! The Ministry of Education (MOE) had already revoked his scholarship.

MOE had been criticised heavily by the public when the case was first made known, for awarding a scholarship to an individual who was a known pervert. Jonathan Wong was caned publicly in Hwa Chong Institution (a top tertiary school in Singapore) for being a peeping Tom. Granted that this significant event wasn't noted in his school's testimonials and the ministry might not have the capabilities to anally scrutinise an applicant's background, somebody or something should have raised a red flag somehow.

Anyway, back to second chances. I guess Jonathan Wong's second chance came in the form of the MOE scholarship. Unfortunately, he was stupid enough to waste it. He was lucky though to escape a jail sentence. Hopefully, he will seek help for his addiction and through this experience, will come out a better person.

As someone who has done many colourful things in the past, I have learnt that the repercussions of the activity may seem endless, especially when it's a negative one, but what is valuable from all that is the soul- and mind-building nature of the experience. I mean, the whole world may beat you up for it, but it's almost always the comeback that we will be remembered for.

I was told recently that if one is currently facing lots of mind-shattering challenges, it is because God loves him more. It'll be hard to remember that when you're down in the shit hole though. Guess that is why it is called a test of faith.

For Jonathan Wong, he may be wishing that the earth would just eat him up right now. He should instead take time out to reflect on his past actions and plan for the future. A good future, not a depressing one.

A good time to do all that since the year is almost ending. We are always looking forward to a new year. We make plans for the year ahead. We even write down our plans! Resolutions anyone? Just remember to convert those plans into actions.

I have learnt not to make too many plans because they will never come to life. So for 2011, my one and only major plan of the year is to learn to speak and write Arabic. I can read the Arabic characters, but I have no idea what I'm reading. I hope to change all that by 2011's end.

My plan is already in action when I committed myself to an Arabic language course which will commence on 6th February 2011. Initially, I thought of going for a short-course programme. Then I thought why not go all the way and be certified for it at the end of the course? That will show how serious I am about this. So I did!

I registered for a 2-year certification programme at a local Arabic institution. Classes are taught on Sundays from 9 a.m. to 12 noon. There will be exams in every semester, 6 semesters in all. The whole enchilada!

What is your plan for 2011? What have you done to make it happen? There is still time to think about this.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-12-13T15:20:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

After 5 weeks of giving birth, my weight still lingers at the 72-73kg mark. Technically, I'm a few kilograms lighter than I was pre-pregnant. That's not light enough. I am overweight according to my BMI and I still can't fit into my jeans and dresses.

Now that my helper is here, I am making conscious efforts to start exercising again and keeping a food diary. HPB's "Diet Tracker" for smartphones is a basic food diary. The food list needs to be updated though.

If only body issues weren't issues in the first place. People of all shapes and sizes shouldn't be forced to fit into an ideal mould. We should be accepted for the way we are! Instead on focusing so much on the exterior, we should work towards a healthier, happier interior!

Wouldn't it be great if bigger women were desired rather than ostracised? There's a reason why a woman's body was designed as such. For procreation!

I think Kate Moss is to blame for all these body issues we're made to suffer for the rest of our lives. Women in glossy magazines had boobs and bootie before she came along.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-12-07T21:07:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My poor (literally poorer) husband had to fork out $4500 because the alterator and other technical stuff in his car had died on him. At that amount, he could have deposited for a brand new car, but we're not living in a cheap country.

I think Singapore must be the only country in the world where one has to bid for a certificate to own a car! The certificate itself can cost as much as a small car!

The official reason for such a system as proclaimed by the transport ministry is that it is necessary to limit the number of vehicles on the road of a land-scarced country. I don't think this system is working anymore as I see more and more cars on the road even during off-peak hours!

It's not just the saloons or the sedans that are hogging the roads. Luxurious, sporty, cost-more-than-my-apartment cars are more visible these days. Either the people in this country are getting richer or the banks are too easy on their loans. If it's the latter, will Singapore suffer the same financial recession as the US a few years ago?

Ipy has been planning to buy a bigger car to accomodate his ever growing family and also reduce his current car installment, but the recent cost increase of COE (Certificate of Entitlement) of cars has him put off his plan for awhile. Despite the higher cost, people are still buying cars at an alarming rate!

Each family doesn't just own one car now. It seems that each member of a family must own a vehicle! A BMW for mommy. A Subaru for the son. A Honda for the daughter. A Toyota for granny and grandad. Maybe a Nissan for daddy.

A person who tells you that you don't need to own a car in Singapore has obviously not owned one yet. He's probably single and doesn't have any children. One may not necessarily die from the absence of a private vehicle in Singapore but he will seriously be miserable taking the public transport here.

So what if we have an award-winning public transport system? Yes I do admit that our bus and train services are very regular and fast but they are also regularly crowded. Maybe the Japanese can tolerate a sardine-packed commuter train, do we really want to live like that?

The CEO of SMRT (that's our Metro trains to non-Singaporeans) said that our trains are not as crowded as trains in other countries. How many CEOs do you know take public transport daily??? Tell him to board the train at Tampines from 7.30am to Boon Lay and he'll probably post a public apology about his comment.

Singapore is not growing land nor is it acquiring any. Yet, we already have 5 million people living, working, dying here. Still, the government wants more people here! It doesn't take a genius to realise that something's got to give.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-11-29T16:51:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

It is said that the the actual test of a marriage is getting through the 2nd year. Passing the 1st year is easy because everything about each other is still rosy. That's why it is called a honeymoon.

I don't know what the 2nd year of marriage is called but I can say that the rosy picture is peeling layer by layer. For example, before marriage, one hardly hears the other farts. Now, one can hear a symphony of farts and even identify his signature flatulance!

It is understandable that everyone has his quirks. Sometimes they're cute and sometimes they are downright irritating. Marriage teaches us to adjust our tolerance level accordingly. However, I believe that after years of living together, if one doesn't learn his partner's tolerance level and adapt to it, then he is selfish and deserved to be called a wanker.

One particular issue I have with Ipy is his habit of leaving things where they should not be. His keys and bags especially. There is a reason why storage devices for keys and bags are created. It is so the owner of these things won't repeatedly annoy his wife with questions like, "Have you seen my keys?".

Of course the self-proclaimed forgetful owner won't be asking the right questions. If he asks " Have you seen my keys?", he's actually asking if I've seen his keys AND where are they. You see, I'm not just the wife, I'm also the inventory tracker.

I can be magnanimous and blame it on my mild obsessive compulsive behaviour. I won't though. I think nobody should compromise on being neat, tidy and organised.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-11-27T08:20:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I'm testing Blogger on the Go. I'm posting via email. I'm actually posting in the toilet. That's the beauty of smartphones these days. One can post useless information about oneself from anywhere as long as there is network.

It seems that a phone is no longer a phone unless it can capture HD images. What happened to a good, simple phone? I mean, even when the phone is equipped with high-tech features, say a 10mp camera, we still go out and buy a digital camera! Isn't it redundant?

My husband now carries 2 phones with him; one for business calls and the other for everything else except receiving calls. He used to own just 1 phone that acesses 2 SIM4 cards, but because it wasn't a smartphone, he just got to have a smartphone. He might as well lug around a netbook.

I miss the simple days when technology didn't invade our lives so much. Now toddlers are playing with iPhones instead of Lego blocks. 16-month-old Sarah only plays with iPhones. If the phone isn't touch screen, it won't do.

What happened to actual living???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-11-25T17:09:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Having babies back to back is very, very hectic. Not even recommended! I mean, after 3 weeks, I am EXHAUSTED! I know I don't believe in confinement practices, but even if I did, isn't confinement supposed to be some sort of a resting holiday for mommies?

Hopefully our helper will arrive on time. With all that volcanic activity going on in the main Java island, we won't be surprised if she's delayed. By the way, Mercy Relief and Red Cross Singapore need donations to fund their humanitarian aid for the victims of Indonesia's double disaster. Please be generous.

I thought I would have more time to indulge in my hobbies. Boy was I wrong! I can't even get a decent night's sleep! I can't remember the last time I actually had 6-8 hours of sleep. Iman wakes me up hourly either for feeding or to change diaper. He poo poos a lot! If it's not Iman, then it's Sarah. She still wants feeding at least once at night.

I seriously don't know how other mothers do it. Maybe I am not such a superwoman after all. I know I'm whining unreasonably. It's just that I wish all these would be easier on me. Breastfeeding alone can make me go berserk! I am breast milk-challenged!

Hopefully things will get easier. Deep down, I know it will.

Do visit my shop for handmade items. I don't have many items yet, but I will. All items can be customised.

ps. Good luck to those getting their PSLE results today. May you get what you wanted.

Yours sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-11-07T22:21:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

On 2nd November at 6.11 p.m., we welcomed a new member to the family. Finally, our son was born. It was a testy pregnancy, but the journey ended well with a smooth delivery. Baby Iman was born in the 38 plus weeks via normal vaginal delivery.

I opted for epidural again. This time round though, the anaesthetist gave me a lower concentration than previously. Obviously I could feel the increasing intensity of the contractions nearer to delivery.

That defeats the purpose of an epidural in the first place! If I'm going to pay $500 for pain-free drugs and additional $500 for a doctor to inject me with it, then I damn well don't want to feel anything waist down!

The reason I opted for an epidural was not because I was afraid of pain. I just wanted a stress-free, non-crazy-woman-screaming delivery. I wanted my baby to come out to a world where the only crying he would hear was his.

But insya-allah, everything went well. Iman weighed a hefty 3.7kg, a significant 0.2kg heavier than his sister. I had no doubt in my mind than I could deliver such a heavy baby. He's 5cm shorter than Sarah though, but he will still be taller than his daddy.

How did Sarah react to all this? At first, I think she did not realise that this baby will be staying with us permanently. She probably thought he was somebody else's baby. When we brought him home though, the realisation finally set in. Then Sarah became very sensitive to everything.

I know that is a natural reaction. For over a year, Sarah has been receiving our undivided attention. So when a sibling comes in, she will find it hard to share the attention. I am determined though, to ensure that everyone gets a fair share of attention.

How? I don't know. It's a learning process.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-10-31T07:46:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Been busy knitting. Really busy. Knit as much as I can, whenever I can. Why? Because I actually have orders for my hats! Yeay! So the ones I've made before were not knitted but crocheted, but so what? I'm selling them cheap!

Not forever cheap of course. Just at introductory price. Knitters would know that knitting takes far longer to complete than crocheting. Or maybe I'm just a slow knitter. Whatever it it, I'm actually selling my own hand-produced stuff!

Have I given birth yet? Not yet. Everyone's waiting for the prince to make himself known to the world. Only mommy knows he's not ready yet. He's comfortable being in the protective womb of his mommy.

So am I ready for labour? Surprisingly no. Even though this will be my second delivery, I still have jitters about the unknowns. It feels like it's my first time! In fact, I don't even remember feeling this jittery the last time! Maybe it was because Sarah was an easier pregnancy. Didn't have much distractions going on except for the pregnancy.

Ipy has already set his mind to send his son to religious school and hope that he becomes an ustaz (religious scholar). As much as I want all my children to receive a secular education balanced with religious knowledge, I didn't have the heart to rain on Ipy's expectations. I'll just be patient and see which directions my children will head and I think this will be the best for them.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-10-16T16:33:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Yesteday, we collected baby son's Quinny Zapp at Spring Maternity, Vivocity. Deep down, we knew that we didn't need another baby stroller because Sarah already had 2. But it was selling at such a good price that Ipy couldn't resist!

Besides, he has been having "stroller envy" ever since Sarah could crawl. I think if he could afford it, he would have wanted to buy the thousand over dollar stroller.

For parents-to-be or parents thinking of buying a new stroller, here are my tips:

Set a budget and stick to it! Don't feel guilty because you can't afford to buy the most advanced, fanciest baby stroller.
Know your requirements. It could be safety, comfort, mobility, weight, etc. Just remember that even though you're the one pushing the stroller around, it's the baby who's going to lie/sit in there.
Try out as many strollers as you can. Just like you'd go on test drives when buying a new car, do the same for strollers. Is it flexible enough to move around tight corners? Is it easy enough to open and close the stroller?
It's good to wait for the best deal. Sometimes, you feel like you must buy it there and then. Be patient. Listen to your gut instinct.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-10-14T18:28:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've completed the compulsory "Foreign Domestic Worker Employer's Orientation Programme (FDW-EOP)" conducted by Singapore Polytechnic (SP) and endorsed by the Ministry of Manpower (MOM). It wasn't so bad or tough. I did it online so it only took less than 90 minutes to complete the course. After completing the course, I could print the certificate of attendance almost instantaneously! It would have been nice to have received the certificate printed on better paper or with more officialism though.

So what's next? We still have several maid agencies to visit. I don't know if we can do it this weekend. Ipy has a date with his father this Saturday, so three-quarters of the day will already be gone. Sunday feels like a lazy day and most maid agencies don't open on Sundays unless by appointment.

With the pregnancy almost at its peak, I don't know if we can do this maid research thing in time. I think I'm starting to feel contractions. I still don't know how contractions should feel like despite this being my second pregnancy. We still haven't confirmed a name for this little boy. Boys' names are generally harder to give, aren't they? With Sarah, I just knew what to name her even before her third trimester!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-10-10T21:57:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Who knew getting a domestic helper was like buying a new car or a house? So much research to do. So many people to talk to. So many agencies to visit. We've only gone to 2 agencies, but we're already exhausted thinking about what we needed to do next.

Actually, we don't really need a domestic helper. Officially, I'm a stay-at-home mom so there was no reason for a helper. Unofficially, I still tutor students in need, so leaving Sarah at my sister-in-law's for a few hours has become an issue with some people.

Ipy gets very touchy when people start raising issues like this. We have also made it a point not to trouble anyone with our home matters. So, the need for a domestic helper.

Once we do get a helper, I hope to take up some short courses, like Conversational Arab or Certificate in Early Education. Maybe I'll have more time to put my crochet and knitting skills into business opportunity!

I don't know. These are just semi-plans of mine. As I've said in my previous entry, I don't really have the perseverance to study part-time for years and years.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-10-05T21:19:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

PSLE is just tomorrow, and I'm sick. I don't know why I'm sick but I feel sick. My doctor said it was a viral infection. I think I'm just sick of working.

Exam time is a stressful time for any parent, student and educator. Unfortunately for me, how I performed depends on how my students perform in their exams. More unfortunately, my students don't seem to take their exams seriously. Sigh.

Lately, I've been thinking whether I should study again. Why I should study again is a defining question. A part of me wants to join the rat race again. The other part of me wants to use study as another form of escapism. Sigh.

Will I be able to study with 2 kids in tow? Will I be able to persevere through years of part-time study? The answer is an outstanding NO. So there it is. So let's forget about getting those papers.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-09-21T12:37:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

It's the 12th day of Syawal already and I hope that's the end of Hari Raya celebrations for me. After 1 week, I'm exhausted with the visiting and hosting. I have already managed to complete my necessary visits in the first 3 days but somehow, Ipy hasn't gotten enough of it. Can't blame him because this year is like the first time he's celebrated Hari Raya at home. Poor boy.

Just like any other year before, this Hari Raya is not complete without stress and controversy. It is said that 1st Syawal is supposed to be a day of forgiveness and to seek forgiveness. I do believe that IF AND ONLY IF both recipient and receiver are sincere. However, most of the time, you just know that this practice has become more customary than actual intent. "Maaf" (forgive) rolls easily from some people's tongue on Hari Raya.

Because of this, I find it difficult to just accept and forget. Why should I? If the person is sincerely seeking forgiveness for whatever past misdeeds he has done to me, then his actions will clearly show that!

A case in hand: My mother. After months of not acknowledging my existence, she suddenly wants to open up communication lines in the last few days of Ramadan. I was too busy to entertain her. Then, on Hari Raya itself, despite asking for forgiveness, she showed her true intentions soon after i.e. she wanted us to drive her around for Hari Raya visits.

HELLO!!! That's what the family car which she had so generously bought for my brother, is for!!! On Hari Raya, my god-knows-what's-in-his-head brother worked and used the car. If he really had to work on that day, then leave the car for my mother to drive! She does have a driver's license you know.

On the second day, we had already told her that we were going out. Yet, she still came to our home! What was she trying to do? Blackmail us into bringing her along??? What was wrong with that woman?

I still couldn't get over the fact that she left my dad all alone at home just so she could go visiting. Not just to her mom's place, but everywhere! We were dumbstruck when my uncle told us that my mom had gone visiting till 2 a.m.! I couldn't do or say anything but just blinked my eyes.

The sad thing was, when my father's siblings wanted to visit, she told them that she was not at home or was too tired to entertain. But when it came to her side of the family, she welcomed them with wide open arms.

I hate it when she uses us for her own gains. Now, she's trying to use my daughter to get to me. I will never allow it! Until she changes her behaviour, I am reluctant to allow my children to be with her.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-09-01T10:56:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Remember I said that I won't be baking cookies or cakes this Hari Raya? Well... I've already spicy mini popiah, sweet mini popiah, honey joys and chocolate chip cookies. Sorry, no pictures yet. So far, all my efforts this year have been positive. Ipy can't seem to stop munching on any of them.

It seems that despite buying lots of kuehs and kerepeks from Simpang Renggam this year, I can't resist making some! it's like tradition I guess. Besides, how many of my generation makes Hari Raya goodies these days??? Anyway, hopefully this tradition will be passed down to my daughters and their daughters.

For the first time, Ipy will be attempting to make ketupat this year. My family has never make ketupat although my dad taught me how to weave. Not surprisingly, I'm the only one still who knows how to weave. We are all very excited about making our own ketupat. Ipy hopes that this will be another family tradition. Not many young generation knows how to weave a ketupat let alone knows the process of making one.

I am going to attempt making steamed fruit cake tomorrow. We didn't order any cakes and I think it's a little late to place any orders for one. Looking at the canisters piling up on the dining table, it's safe to say that we have plenty of Hari Raya goodies already. So why oh why am I itching to bake more???

This Ramadan so far has been quite blessed for us. Food were more than adequite since we've been exchanging dishes with our Muslim neighbours. Hari Raya clothes and accessories were comfortably budgeted and spent. Ipy and I were able to conduct our prayers without much distractions. It has been a good Ramadan so far indeed.

Sincerely;
modgurl.

2010-08-13T21:02:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

We've completed the 3rd day of Ramadan. I've been so busy with my daily duties that before I knew it, it's time to break fast. that's a good thing. I don't want to be one of those people who waits anxiously for maghrib azan to sound. I guess waking up close to noon helps too.

This Ramadan, I'm determined to fulfil as many prayers as I could. I'm also motivated to finish reciting the Quran before the end of Ramadan. I've just started on surah Al-Imran. That's good because usually by now, I would still be reading surah Al-Baqarah.

Ipy and I agreed to take turns to go for terawih prayers. We tried bringing Sarah along on the first night. She got bored after Isya' and went walkabout while we were praying. I was so worried that she was disturbing the congregration that I didn't think my prayers that night was valid.

Sarah is at that age when she won't keep still. Everything to her seems exciting and worth exploring. That's admirable because as we get older, we lose that sense of adventure. If only Sarah cleans up the mess afterwards...

Last National Day weekend, we drove up to KL for the double purpose of a getaway and Hari Raya shopping. Ipy was lucky. He got his baju melayu set at unbelievable prices! Shirt, pants AND kain samping at only RM89! He bought a couple more baju because they were ridiculously affordable.

I wasn't so lucky. Firstly, I couldn't find the colour to match Ipy's. Even if I did, it didn't have much size. The designers didn't think that pregnant women need something nice to wear for Hari Raya too. I found a long dress that was pretty and fit me, but it wasn't the colour I was looking for. Also, it was beyond my budget. Ipy saw how much I liked it and he bought it for me, on credit, even though I told him not to.

Sarah too got her baju for raya. 2 sets in fact! It's difficult to find baju kurung her size but we found it, at first glance. They were half the price at Joo Chiat Complex too!

So we're almost done with Hari Raya shopping. I know Ipy cannot resist the lure of the bazaar at Geylang. Based on the preview last Sunday, the products weren't exactly cheap and the quality questionable. The range of products were also disappointing. Has anyone seen the Hari Raya lights? Is anyone impressed by it? The last time I was awestruck by it was when I was in kindergarten!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-08-02T14:06:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

A bit late, but these are the photos taken at the recent Singapore Garden Festival. Bought a bunch of potted plants. Not growing well though, especially my orchid. Not sure why. Maybe I don't have green fingers after all.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-07-28T20:13:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

How's the new look for my blogspot? Pink is out. Bright blooms are in. Maybe I'm a little late to celebrate summer. So what? With the floods we've been having, God knows that traditional seasons are no longer relevant.

Been busy recently sorting out my finances, again. I've been doing that more frequently haven't I? Anyway, I've been looking into my health coverage. Previously, I was only covered for accidental deaths. That is obviously not enough. So after tidying up my finances, I've freed up some resources to spend on health and a little wealth accumulation.

Being prepared has always been one of my strengths. I want to be financially prepared if bad luck falls on me. Basically, I don't want end up like my dad. My coverage isn't high but at least I'm covered. The glass half full is always better than half empty.

Now that I'm in my 30s, stabiity is important to me. Gone are the days of experimentation. Now I just want grow gracefully with my husband and watch our children grow up to be the best that they can be. What more can I ask for? Sure, occassionally I want a little spark in my love life but at least I still have a love life. There are many others whose love lives have gone down the toilet bowl.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-07-25T12:19:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

For the last 2 weekends, I have spent hours till the wee morning doing my Primary 6 student's Maths revision papers. These were no ordinary revision papers. These were past years preliminary exam papers from top schools in Singapore.

Granted that PSLE-taking students should start doing mock test and exam papers by now, but aren't giving the average student very challenging papers to start with seems a bit too harsh and may I say, desperate? I thought the whole idea of primary school education is to learn, not to punish them? If 6 years of primary education has taught our children to loath learning and fear exams and tests instead, then there's definitely something wrong with our education system isn't it?

Hasn't anyone realised that despite having a world-class education we so proudly claimed, our nation is still lacking in innovation and forerunners in almost every major discipline. Sure, Singapore students excel in Olympiads all over the world, but what does that tell us? We are just damn good in test-taking!

As a tutor, I feel very sad most of the time when students are not given the chance to enjoy learning. Most of the time, students are taught to study for their tests and exams. Even then, proper study skills are not taught. If they were, why are there loads of books on study skills in the market?

What is even sadder and frustrating is all these so-called "creative initiatives" by MOE and schools to foster creativity in students. What they basically do is take too much time from teachers and students from the original objectives and when crunch time comes, teachers speed through the syllabus faster than a bullet train and weaker to moderate students suffer from lack of understanding of the material. If students can't grasp even the foundation of a subject material, how are they expected to do well in advanced materials?

I am not against initiatives that promote soft skills, but shouldn't all these be working with the syllabus? Not against? I still think CCAs should fit the students' personality. CCAs which claimed that they will change a student for the better is a load of BS. If the CCA takes too much of the student's personal time and the only results produce are falling grades and additional stress, than that CCA isn't effective for the student.

My student is slightly below average. My priority right now is to just get him to pass the PSLE. He hasn't been passing his exams for several already. He has improved his grades since I've been tutoring but they are still below the passing mark. So you can understand my frustration when I have to explain abstract working solutions to challenging questions to someone who is still struggling with his foundations. If I have the luxury of time, I would love to go through the foundations with him. With only 3 hours a week, time is something both of us do not have.

This blog from a "narcissistic mom" has some questions from a Raffles Girls' Primary Maths Prelim paper which I have just completed for my student. (http://wrongsideofthirty.blogspot.com/2009/04/singapore-math-rgps-prelim-2008.html)

Look at the questions and the working solutions. Do they look like Primary 6 working solutions to you? Unfortunately, that was the only way to work out the questions.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-07-21T20:16:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Sarah's birthday party went reasonably well. We were worried that it was going to rain the whole day but it ceased about noon. It so happened that the rain which started about 3am in the east, was the most rain we received in many years! It flooded several areas and caused more damaged than the one that happened last month!

By the time we checked-in at Costa Sands resort, the sun was partially out. We managed to fit everything into the car, thus saving us multiple trips. We even had time to have a quiet lunch. By 5pm, Ipy tried setting up the BBQ pit. It was his first BBQ as a host, so he was at a lost at how to start the grill burning. After 2 hours manipulating the charcoal and firestarters, he actually managed to get the grill up and running! Here's a tip to virgin BBQ hosts: Good quality charcoal is important. Saving a few bucks isn't worth the frustration and time wasted.

By 6.30pm, guests were streaming in. We only invited close family members and friends and they were already plenty. The raw food were cooking brilliantly on the grill, so no one had to wait long for the chicken mid-joints, otah and satay to be ready for consumption. At 7.30pm, Sarah blew out her first candle. She was overwhelmed with everything but became excited with all the presents that her generous guests had bestowed upon her. Guess getting presents at any age is always exciting.

The BBQ ended at close to midnight. By then, we felt raindrops on our heads. Perfect timing! Ipy and I were exhausted. My back was aching from the prolonged standing. With the aircon and the slight rain beating outside our deluxe plus chalet unit, it was no wonder Ipy said I snored all night.

The next day, we didn't go out much because it rained on and off. But we had the whole day to ourselves. Thankfully at Downtown East, there were plenty of things to do. We didn't get to use the complimentary tickets to the theme parks because of the rain, but they were due several weeks later.

I thought it was a good event and we pulled it off quite well. Ipy agreed but he won't do it again. I can't expect much from a person who has almost everything done for him almost all his life. Maybe for our son's first birthday, we'll have it at McDonald's.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-07-15T17:36:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

This coming Saturday, Sarah is turning 1. Gosh! Where did the time go? Has it been almost a year since I've given birth to my first child? Guess time just went woosh as one gets older.

I am someone who believes in celebrating birthdays because it's a celebration of life! The bigger the better! I don't understand why some people shy away from it especially as one gets older. There's nothing to be ashamed in aging. Everyone goes through it. I feel sad when a person's birthday goes by without any form of celebration.

Unfortunately, my husband is one of those people. He doesn't think birthdays are important. More so now that he's turning 40. Fine! I can't change the man but doesn't mean I have to share his belief. If he doesn't want to celebrate his birthdays, then it's his choice. But please don't dampen my joy of birthdays.

So I shouldn't be surprised and upset when I ended up doing most of the preparation work for Sarah's first birthday. Still... It's OUR daughter's 1st birthday! Show some enthusiasm will you! It's not like she'll be one year old forever!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-07-06T00:13:00.004+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I am patiently typing this entry on my Nokia N97mini. It's not easy I tell you but it just needs some getting used to that's all. I know everybody else is using an iPhone these days. Why should I join the masses right? Nokia has served me well for over 10 years already. Besides, somebody should be in the minority.

Last week, we had a detailed gynae scan that finally confirmed the baby's gender. At first, it was thought to be a girl. Remember that I said Ipy preferred daughters to sons? Well, he was ecstatic. That was shortlived because a boy was suspected a few weeks later. Even though now that it's confirmed that the baby is growing a little willy, he is denial and still wishes for another daughter. I don't know if I feel disappointed or sad with his reactions.

So... Now the World Cup has reached the semis. I don't think I'm that excited anymore. Even though Italy fell so pathetically in the group stages, I was still looking forward to an Argentina-Brazil final. That's not going to happen now is it? What's up with the traditionally strong teams dropping like flies in this World Cup?

Here's my theory. Many of the players in these teams play in international giant clubs like Real Madrid and Barcelona. So when these superstars put on the national jerseys, they don't know how to put aside their individualistic egos and play as a team. By the way, has anyone noticed that many superstars who played for Chelsea is MIA due to injury?

Many said it's Germany's year this year. I'm not a fan of Germany. Never has. So I guess I'll be rooting for any team playing against Germany.

Back to my pregnancy. I've been having erotic dreams more frequently these days. Is that normal? Not that I've not been getting any action lately but how satisfactory can sex be when I'm pregnant. It's hard to feel sexy and in the mood when I feel and look fat! I nkow there are many real women out there who feel the way I do. That's why I don't envy celebrities like Giselle Bundchen qho get back their already ridiculous pre-pregnancy bodies within weeks. They're not even good role models to begin with!

Big girls of the world, UNITE!!!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-06-22T12:50:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Wow! It's been over a month since my last posting! I've just realised that. Nothing exciting happened since except the usual family drama, which I'm sick of writing about.

Let's see... What's been happening? The World Cup of course! I know there are many out there who didn't subscribe to the Starhub/Singtel World Cup packages. Looks like they didn't lose out much because many locations were showing the matches for FREE!

I guess I would still subscribe to the package because as a wife and a mother, it's no longer convenient for me to hang out elsewhere just to watch football. Besides, I can always strip to my undies in front of the telly at home.

The first week of the World Cup was exciting enough, with the weaker teams showing some admirable surprises. I watched almost every game till the end of the week. I'm burning out already. Now, I'm more selective of my matches. No longer will I waste precious 90 minutes of my time to watch mediocre teams play (i.e. England).

But don't you think World Cup 2010 is a bore compared to other World Cups? So many "stars" missing in action and there isn't really any star in the making. If the final is between Argentina and Brazil, then I'm going to be really disappointed in this World Cup.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-05-18T16:36:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've written so much about my mom, that honestly, I'm tired of writing about her, talking about her or even acknowledge her existence! But once again my mom did something so incredibly stupid that I've no other outlet to vent my anger positively except by writing about it.

Last Sunday, I found out via Ipy that my mother intended to bring my grandma to stay with her. My grandma is diabetic and she just had her leg amputated.

Firstly, the fact that she didn't talk to me about it personally was disappointing. She used Ipy as a communication tool to relay the information to me. The fact that we both knew what my answer would be was irrelevant.

Secondly, has she forgotten that she's looking after my dad too? If anyone's forgotten, my dad is diabetic and until recently, a kidney dialysis patient. She did a lousy job at taking care of my dad. She missed crucial appointments several times until he's blind. No diabetic patient should be blind in a developed world.

My mother simply can't take care of 2 sick people, especially since she has no intention of quitting her job! Besides, my grandma has 5 other adult, married children. So why must my mother be the one to look after her???

When my brother called to discuss this issue last Sunday, I knew it was going to be very messy. But we met anyway. We didn't beat about the bush. My brother asked her if grandma was really coming. My mother refused to confirm or deny anything. We suspect that she had already made up her mind before she told us about it!

We all gave our reasons why it wasn't a good idea. All logical reasons. Even when she threw the filial piety card, we said there are other reasonable ways to be filial, and this is unreasonable. She just could not accept that she simply could not cope with 2 sick people in the house!

Maybe she thought she could be a matyr or something by bringing my grandma in. Or maybe she thought that the maid which her siblings were going to provide for her would solve everything. But it won't! How much could the maid do???

She had also forgotten that it's not just her living in that house. There are 4 other people in the house, 2 of which are helping with the household bills. How could she make that kind of decision without consulting them first? They are not kids anymore!

We knew she didn't want to discuss it anymore because she kept changing the subject to my father's well-being. There was no issue there because everyone's doing his/her part about it already.

She kept bringing up about household bills and expenses, 2 sensitive issues which we didn't raise knowing how ugly they can be. She did this on purpose for the same reason.

It did become ugly. So ugly that it became desperate. So what does a desperate person do in a losing battle? Kill everybody, allies and foe. She pulled the plug on my dad's dialysis.

It was a crazy, heartless and selfish act by a deranged woman. Why must she use my dad like that??? The old man is already sick, he doesn't need to be used like a disposable entity.

The last straw was when she cursed my children. My innocent children. I couldn't take it anymore. Enough is enough. I told her she was stupid, selfish and unfit to be a wife and mother. I forbid her to step into my house and she was not allowed to see my children anymore.

Drastic? I will not allow anyone, family or otherwise, to threaten my children like that. She overstepped her boundaries.

At home, Ipy and I discussed the aftermath. We agreed that I should just help my dad from a distance. All this while, my mom had never like the idea of my dad staying with us. There was no reason now to continue with the dialysis at our home. Our home is not a nursing home nor a dialysis centre. She shouldn't be allowed to use our home anytime she pleased.

It's Tuesday. My father had not had dialysis for 2 days already. I don't know how he's doing. We have told my other brother, the favoured son, to handle everything. If she's still bent on stopping the dialysis, nothing else we can do.

Filial piety? With a mother like that???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-05-13T15:34:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

So many issues to write about and I haven't written any. Sigh. Blogger should make it easier for busy mommies like me to blog. Or, I could just be more disciplined like before.

First up, so... Chelsea stole oops won the English Premiership this season. I wanted to say big deal but let's not be a sore loser. Some of its wins were questionable but there was no doubt that Chelsea had been on consistent form.

Man U on the hand had been engaged in too many campaigns. The ultimate goal, despite what Sir Alex had said in the press, was winning the Champions League. Why? Because that will bring in a lot of much-needed revenue for the debt-ridden club.

How in the world did the multiple champion and once world's richest club be saddled with a 300 million pound debt is beyond rational explanation. That despite selling Ronaldo at a world-record price! Most Man U fans know that Sir Alex never wanted to sell Ronaldo. We suspect it's the administrators who forced him to do so to relieve some of the club's debt.

So did Chelsea deserve to Premiership title? Let's see. Liverpool failed big time. They're where? Number 6? Number 7? Arsenal lost steam mid way. So yeah, that leaves Chelsea to bring the trophy home to Stamford Bridge.

Now that the EPL is over, we're cutting the sports channel from our cable line-up. We've decided not to sign up to Singtel's MIO because it's ridiculous to have 2 set-top boxes just for the EPL. We like to watch the EPL but we're not that crazy about it.

We're still thinking whether to subscribe to the World Cup. At first, I wanted to. Then after thinking about it again and again, I asked myself, is paying $71 for this "exclusive" event worth it? Then I thought, why should we, the consumers, be penalised for the telcos' incompetence???

It's not our problem that they sealed the deal much too late to recoup some losses from the advertisers. If a third-world country like Nigeria and even Australia in which football means the Aussie Rules kind can broadcast the event for free, why must we pay so much to watch it???

This just makes me upset and frustrated. I might just put my name on that Facebook petition to boycott Singtel and Starhub. And you know what's even more of a piss? That Singtel and Starhub think they've done us a favour by getting us the rights to the World Cup. Boy, did they get it so wrong this time.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-04-28T11:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Baby is doing well despite me feeling sickly lately. It's growing arms and legs as we speak. Poor baby. Mommy's feeling all stressed out and sick, and it's not its fault! How mommy wishes to have a stress-free pregnancy but it's almost impossible with grandma around.

Anyway, Ipy treated me to dinner at Straits Kitchen last Sunday. I knew he wanted to make me feel better, what with the stress at home and my aching tooth. The last time we came here was when Ipy's company treated its long-serving staff.

Unlike Carousel which was always full, Straits Kitchen was pretty relaxed. We didn't even need to make a reservation, but we did anyway. Some people would scoff at paying so much for local food that can be found almost anywhere in Singapore. But if you think about it, $45++ is really affordable for unlimited servings of over 40 different dishes. Most dishes at food courts these days cost an average of $4 per plate!

Straits Kitchen had one of the best carrot cake I've ever tasted. There aren't that many halal carrot cakes around and most can be found at Banquet food courts. The dishes at the Indian station were also delicious. I couldn't remember any of their names though. Hard to remember foreign names.

We ate there for about 3 hours. I wouldn't say we really "ate". It was more like nibbling the dishes. Tasted a bit here and there. One can never really "eat" at a buffet. If you ask me, this isn't the place to bring rowdy family and friends. You know what I mean. People who are better suited at dining at coffeeshops. I would never bring my extended family here. I'd die of embarrassment.

The next day, my toothache was getting to my nerves. So I made an appointment with my dentist. I told him, if he didn't want to extract it, find me someone else who would do it. It wasn't that he was not skilled. It was just that he was concern about the risk of x-ray exposure on pregnant women. I told him it was fine if you take the necessary precaution.

He didn't take an x-ray, but he did extract my wisdom tooth. The upper one, not the lower one. It didn't cost me much. Only $90 because it was just an "extraction", not a surgery. I said whatever. I don't know much about wisdom teeth but I suspect they are as useless as the appendix, and equally painful.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-04-15T14:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My father was discharged yesterday, but since I was still sick, I instructed my brother to fetch him. Then I got all worried if my dumb brother didn't get all the necessary information from the doctor. I know I should have more faith in people but if you really have my family as family, Mount Everest seems easier to climb than having faith in these people.

Now that my father's back at my place, I've become more tired and worried than ever. With this second pregnancy and a very active Sarah, I've a feeling my sanity is going to give way sooner than ever. Not to mention there's my mom to tolerate. That's really asking too much from me.

I told Ipy that I may not be able to cope with all of these when my pregnancy gets even more demanding. He asked if I wanted to engage a domestic helper. We've asked ourselves that for months now. Every time I thought getting extra help would be a good idea, I get negative feedback about domestic help from friends and relatives. Not really a confidence booster.

I've mentioned my experience with domestic helpers before. I haven't forgotten the agony of that experience. Of course there's the fact that naturally, I'm fiercely independent. I find the thought of paying a person to do chores that I can do is simply degrading.

Maybe times have changed. I need to change my mentality too. I do need help if I want to manage 2 babies, a sick father, an intolerable mother, a 158sqm home, a doting but just-like-another-baby husband and my tuition work. My choices are simple. Either I be a fully stay-at-home mom (i.e. give up tuition) or get domestic help.

What shall I do??? Need advice on domestic helpers.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-04-12T18:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Weekend gone without doing anything productive. I spent 2 days in bed with a viral infection. Twice already this year! I seem to get it when I spend a lot of time at the hospital.

My father has been in hospital for 2 weeks now. He should be better after the "catheter realignment" surgery. I don't know what's keeping him there.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-04-01T20:45:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My dad was admitted to hospital again 2 days ago. I was no longer surprised by this development. The doctor had warned that from time to time, he will need inpatient attention.

He was admitted for constipation. I didn't know it could do that. I guess for sickly and elderly people, constipation can be very serious. I never knew shit could be deadly.

Here's a better news. I'm pregnant! Definitely not planned but I'm thrilled all the same! No one else shared my excitement though. Ipy's worried about how I will cope with 2 babies and my dad. My mom's worried about who's going to take care of my dad now.

I'm not going to worry about all that because I've made it very clear before that my first and foremost priority is my children. Who's going to take care of my children if not their parents???

For now, let's enjoy the rollercoaster ride all over again!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-03-22T20:24:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I am so in need of a holiday. I was envious of people of went on holidays over the long Chinese New Year break. Looks like I'll feel deprived again now that Good Friday is just around the corner.

If only my siblings would help look after my dad. Since the last family meeting, I have yet to receive any form of contribution from them even though they have said they will. Even within families, black and whites are necessary to avoid misunderstandings. Next time maybe I'll bring in a lawyer too!

You know what? I'm really tired of this issue. I wish we could settle this once and for all instead of going over this issue again and again. It's so unproductive!

My dad is looking better since I took control of his healthcare. With the dialysis, he even has his colour back! Previously, he was always looking pale and tired. Now, he can even sit up on his own and laugh at AB Sheikh's lame jokes on radio. He likes AB Sheikh.

Not that I'm blowing my own horn. Honestly speaking, I am proving to my mother that if she had given my dad proper care all these years, his health would not have deteriorated this much. He shouldn't even go blind! The fact that she's still in denial over the state of his condition seals my point.

Over the weekend, Sarah had high fever. Ipy took her to the paediatric clinic on Saturday morning. By then, her fever had dropped to just under 38 degrees. So no tests were done.

That night however, her temperature went up again to 39 degrees. So, we immediately took her to KKH A&E. The doctor didn't do much either. We were left to sponge her on our own while waiting for her to pee so we could collect some urine samples.

We got to the A&E at 2am. She didn't pee till 6am. When her temperature hit 40 degrees, I thought she'd be warded or something. But the doctor said we could go home because the urine test proved negative. I asked, "That's it???". No jabs even? I could have just ordered more paracetemol from her paediatrician and did all the sponging at home!

Sarah's fever has gone down but she's still not well yet. We've been monitoring her temperature every hour and feeding her paracetemol every 4 hours. It's strenuous work because Sarah has learnt to shut her mouth whenever we try to feed her medicine. Clever girl!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-03-10T08:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Yes, yes. Another lapse in my blogging. Not intentional though. I've been busy managing my dad's healthcare now that his peritoneal dialysis has started. The whole of last week, I've spent whole days at the Peritoneal Dialysis Centre (PDC) at SGH for training. The training itself was easy. It was just the time spent there with my mom, my dad and Sarah that was very exhausting.

The initial plan was for Ipy and my mom to take several days leave from work to babysit Sarah while my dad and I attend the training. At the last minute, my mom announced that she had taken a week off from work so that she too could attend training! Since we couldn't get a babysitter so soon, I had to bring Sarah along although Ipy and I thought it was a bad idea.

On the second day, I suffered from a viral infection i.e. common cold. It may be common, but it's a terrible condition to have because I felt moody, sickly and inconvenient. Since I couldn't trust my mom at PDC, I still attended training. Dropped by the polyclinic at the SGH campus before training. I wouldn't have gone to a polyclinic if I could but this was an emergency!

Basically, I was stretched thin last week. My responsibilities didn't take any time off after the day ended. I still had to do housework. I still had tuition to conduct. I was still wife and mommy. So you could imagine my inflation when Friday ended.

Normalcy is slowly creeping back into my life. I welcome it! I like routine as much as I like a good chocolate cake. With routine, one doesn't need to think so much about what to do. It's all automatic.

Still feeling the exhaustion though. The hot and humid weather (and El Nino) didn't help reduce the exhaustion. For several weeks, I've showered 2-3 times in a day and changed the bed and pillow sheets every week because of sweaty nights.

So THANK GOD that at 5 o'clock this morning, I was pleasantly awoken by the sound of thunder and the pitter patter of rain drops. Hope this signals the end of the El Nino phenomenon. By the way, why is it called a phenomenon when it happens every 5-7 years???

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-02-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Took advantage of Sarah's vaccination appointment to just go out today. I mean really go out. I haven't done much of that since my dad was admitted to the hospital last month. Now that he's really here at my place, I haven't been out for leisure since!

First of all, I have to say that I am very proud mama! Sarah's paediatrician was very amazed at how advanced Sarah was. Medically, she's about half a month ahead of her peers. I suspect she's far more advanced than that!

She had 2 vaccination today. One was initial package we took up for her. The other is the second of pneumococcal vaccination. The first time she got her pneumococcal jab, she cried in pain. Today, she didn't cry at all! She's one tough baby!

I thought that was the end of her vaccinations. There are still more! There's the vaccination against chicken pox, rubella, mumps and measles. I was told they are compulsory vaccinations. Of course they are. If they're compulsory, why doesn't the government just pay for them?

The visit was very fast. I had expect a wait of about 20 minutes or so. We came, we saw the doctor and we were off! So, Sarah and I headed to Bugis Junction. I wanted to look for a new purse. I was thinking of getting a good quality purse like from Bonia or Braun Buffel but neither was to my liking. For some reason, I kept thinking of Louis Vuitton (LV).

We left the car at Raffles Hospital and took the train to Orchard. I had several hundred dollars worth of CapitaMall vouchers you see and ION Orchard was a CapitaMall! I thought it was worth a try.

We've never been to the upper floors of ION Orchard. Very likely because from the first floor upwards, it is very high-end retail. LV has a 2-storey store at ION. We went into the 2nd-floor entrance first. Not much accessories there. The ones that LV was famous for anyway. The staff weren't that accommodating either. Was it because I wasn't dressed like a posh mom?

I almost gave up on LV when I saw the main first floor entrance. I thought, why not? At least the staff there were more welcoming. I was disappointed with the selection of purses though. They didn't really meet my requirements. I know what you're thinking. Huh??? I can't help it if I've too many cards with me!

But then... I saw it. The bag that I've always wanted. You know how when you see something that you like and want, everything else around it just fade in the background? And that something just glowed as if shone by angelic halos? That was how the bag looked to me. That moment was reminiscent of the time when I stepped into Tiffany & Co at Ngee Ann City for the first time to choose my engagement ring. There was music! If this was a movie scene, it would have been very comical.

Louis Vuitton at ION Orchard (source: ilvoelv.com)

Since it would have been a sin for me to pay for it using my savings, I left the store deflated. It was not my time to own that bag. However, I do believe that if we're really meant to be together, we will be together one day.

We walked down the boulevard to Centrepoint to catch up with former colleagues. I didn't recognise some of Orchard Road anymore. We stopped by the new Mandarin Gallery. It wasn't my scene. Heeren had a modified look. What was the building that was torn down before Emerald Hill?

The new Mandarin Gallery (source: outofownblog.com)

I didn't meet any of my former colleagues. Centrepoint may have a new facade and wing but the stores inside were quite "old". I wasn't a Centrepoint kid. Marks & Spencer had sales on some of its biscuits. Always a draw for me. Bought some biscuits even though I suspect I'd hardly open the packaging.

Went across to the new 313@Somerset. Only managed the first floor because Marche was there. Haven't dined at Marche for a long time. The layout reminded me of the old Marche at Heeren where diners had to walk down a flight of steps to the basement. It was inconvenient for me now with Sarah and her stroller, but there was a disabled person's lift in the restaurant.

After half a day of walking from one end of Orchard Road to the end, it wasn't as fun as I thought. Maybe I'm no longer an Orchard Road person. Maybe I'm very much a heartlander now. The local malls have more attractions for me than the swanky malls in Orchard Road.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-02-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Blood ties aside, my mother and I just cannot be in the same room. Our personalities and schools of thought are just too different. I don't want her in my house anymore than she wants to be in my house. She's only here because she's using me as a babysitter for my dad so she can enjoy her social life without feeling any guilt.

Just like her golden child said yesterday, she has a life too. So did he mean that I don't have a life??? I forfeited a part of my life when I agreed to care for my dad! She as his wife should be doing the same! Caregivers no longer get to enjoy the luxuries of their own lives anymore!

She of all people should be spending more time with her dying husband than worry if her house is fine or her adult children have eaten or her friends are still there for her. She should get her priorities straight!

I have a 7-month-old baby to raise! My baby needs me more than anybody else! Her grandma doesn't even want the added responsibility of babysitting her when I've tuition to go to!

I don't want Sarah to be with her either. She's not a good influence on Sarah. I want to cut off ties with her as much as possible.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-02-09T09:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I am still reeling from last Friday's "family meeting". It was the first time that everyone had gathered to meet, and it will probably be the last time. I had called for the meeting because I was tired of unanswered questions and chasing one by one for affirmations. The agenda of the meeting was basically to confirm everyone's contributions and responsibilities to our father's healthcare.

The meeting was planned to be conducted at 8 p.m. but everyone turned up late. The meeting only commenced at 11 p.m. It started out as expected with me telling everyone the course of action. Things started to go awry after 10 min when I asked everyone if we could rotate accompanying dad to his medical appointments. As you can remember, for the past 5 years or so, it had always been mother and I who took dad to his medical appointments.

As I went round the table, things went to a standstill when my brother after me voiced out. He didn't really provide any useful information. He was basically ranting about how all of us couldn't work together because we couldn't communicate with one another. At several points, he threw uncalled for personal attacks on me. I wanted to retaliate but I was too mature to realise that all of his noise were irrelevant to the issue at hand.

Then he attacked my other siblings with accusations! Things got so heated up that it was a surprise no punches were thrown! I would have given him a bitch slap for being rude and disrespectful but I held back. Violence may feel satisfactory but it's not a solution.

His unsubstantiated remarks were loud and clear to everyone except himself. Not once did he make himself commit to the cause. He went round and round the bush until we asked ourselves, what the hell was he talking about? What had the past got to do with our father's care? What had our estrangement got to do with anything that's on the agenda?

Ipy, as the only family member by marriage, suffered a culture shock. He had never experienced family squabbling so mentally deranged. On analysing the situation, the rest of us agreed that that particular brother of mine had really deep issues with our dad and I. His issues were so deep that we're not sure if he even knew what they were! I don't know what vendetta he has against me but that shouldn't interfere with our father's care.

The situation wasn't help with our mother's biased support for my brother. Her other sons knew for a fact that she's not working so hard not for her sick husband, her children nor her matrimonial home. She's slaving herself to support my brother's glamourous lifestyle! Even to this day, when we want to move forward, we have to move 2 steps back because of this setback. It's so unproductive I tell you!

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-02-01T12:41:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My father has been discharged for almost a week now, but he'll be back at SGH to insert the dialysis tube somewhere near his abdomen (I don't know what it's called) on Thursday. Things are going to be different from now on.

The last few weeks had been very emotionally stressful. Nevertheless, all of us has reached a common understanding and agreement. Not everyone is happy with it (especially my mother), but the important thing is that an agreement has been made.

We decided that the best option for my father right now is to have him move to our home for his peritoneal dialysis. I can care for him in the day and my mother will do so when she returns from work. With him moving to our home, it cuts down a lot of the commuting. It isn't easy to commute either with Sarah tagging along.

The move itself was a big challenge. My mother had flatly refused this proposal when we first mentioned it. She gave all sorts of reasons why but only God knows the real reasons. She gave in when my second brother talked her into doing it. He has also promised to contribute financially to the dialysis regularly despite his low wages. He's a good person. Can't say the same for his older brother.

Ipy and I are preparing one of the bedrooms for my parents. Ipy had just bought a queen-sized bed for them. We are still considering furniture layout options because the bedroom isn't as big as we thought. Moving about my father in his wheelchair in the room will be quite a challenge.

Automated peritoneal dialysis at home (Source: http://cnydc.com/dialysis.html)

As I'm writing this, my mother is still not fully committed to the idea of them moving into our house. I really don't want to start another discussion aka argument about this because we've been doing that for almost 3 weeks already. I pray to God that she opens up her heart, mind and soul that what we are doing is the best for my father. For this plan to work, we need her fullest support.

The fact that I've to live with my mother again is secondary. The thought has occurred to me several times and Ipy and I have joked about how stressful it will be for me to be under the same roof with my mom. I just have to realign my focus to my father's health care whenever the thought pops into my mind.

Financially, I'm trying not to pin all of my hopes on subsidies. NKF's subsidy application is very strict. I don't understand why it should be when it had made a big, bad mistake on donor's funds a few years ago. I still think NKF owes it to the public to provide us with support when we need it.

With my father's dialysis about to take effect, our finance is going to be tight. I am making double effort to be conscientious when spending money. I've even reminded Ipy not to spend unnecessarily, even to the extend of skipping buying a birthday present for me this year.

Things may look rough on the surface, but God knows that things will turn out well in the end. This is after all, one of His challenges to my family and I. So, no need to argue and just accept the challenge.

More information on peritoneal dialysis here via NKF Singapore.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2010-01-24T01:37:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I haven't visited my dad at the hospital for 2 days because I've flu. I don't want to be sicker or infect those patients with the virus. Just doing my part as a responsible citizen.

I wonder how my dad is doing. I haven't received any calls from his doctors or nurses or even the social worker. He needs to go for dialysis now and it seems everyone is waiting for somebody to the go ahead!

I've met the social worker last Wednesday and I didn't like what she was suggesting. I know money is tight and dialysis isn't cheap. I know she meant well too, citing the patient as her main concern. Still, I can't just let my father's health deteriorate when I know I can still do something about it!

My father is not even 60. I am very sure it's not his time yet. So who am to play God by determining how long he can live? So instead of dwelling on the care and financial issues (which don't seem to be settled anytime soon), let's all take this opportunity to fulfill our filial duties.

All it takes is a little cooperation from everybody and the solution to all related problems will reveal itself. I seriously believe that! That cooperation itself is the first mountaneous obstacle that we have to overcome.

It's my last weekend of my 29th year. The last weekend of being 20-something. I was hoping to celebrate my 30th birthday with a big bang. With the way things are going, that doesn't seem likely. It's most likely that everyone will forget my birthday, except for my husband of course. He's not allowed to forget my birthdays and anniversaries.

To be honest, I'm not ready to be 30. A 30-year-old woman can't have the same fun as a 20-year-old without inviting nasty glares or vicious gossips. Not an Asian woman at least. Not that I'm ever going to dance on the bar top or slither on the strip pole. Still, things will be different.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-01-18T20:22:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My dad has been in the hospital for 6 days already and some of his children has yet to visit him! I'm already feeling the effects of the daily shuttling from home to SGH. This hospital is really a sick building.

My dad was admitted right after his outpatient appointment last Wednesday because his doctor detected fluids in his lungs. When I arrived at the clinic, he was already wasn't looking too good! He was gasping for oxygen like a fish suffocating in the water.

Although my mother didn't like my dad to be admitted, I went ahead with it. His health is more important than personal inconveniences. He was already looking so sick so how can he not be admitted?!

There are just too many things wrong with my family. First and foremost, their priorities are twisted. Secondly, they've underestimated the seriousness of the case. Lastly, they've forgotten who they are.

My dad is looking stable now. He's undergone an emergency dialysis to remove the fluids in his lungs. So the dialysis has already started and it's permanent.

My family being what it is has made my dad worry so much that he refused to go for anymore dialysis. As stubborn as he is, I'm more stubborn and I'm more aware of the situation. He shouldn't be worrying about the costs. His children should be working that out!

For almost a week, I have cracked my brain to come up with favourable solutions. All the solutions led to my brothers coming in to pitch in. I can't afford to pay $1,800 a month for dialysis on my own! That's why my parents had 5 children so ALL of us can share the responsibility equally!

Like I've said. There are just so many things wrong with my family. I am so drained thinking of ways to get my brothers involved. I think getting bulls to cooperate is so much easier than getting self-centred siblings to come together.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-01-11T22:40:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I find it amazing and ridiculous that a word, or to be exact, the understanding and exclusive use of the word, can and may divide a country. You know what I'm referring to. Granted that religion has always been a sensitive issue but who or what can use a terminology is a tad immature.

I'm the first to admit that I've a lot to learn about Islam so what I'm about to write further are just my and only my opinions on this issue that has affected me every time I read about it in the dailies. I'm sure there are many other moderate Muslims in the region who are affected by this too.

Firstly, I agree with the Malaysian High Court ruling to allow the use of "Allah" by the Catholics because this term has been used to refer to God since pre-Islamic times. It's been used by the people of Abrahamic faith for centuries. If referring to semantics alone, "Allah" is just one of the many names for God.

Secondly, I strongly believe the controversy was ignited with political intent. I'm getting sick of religion being used as an excuse for personal gains. It doesn't even have to be just Islam! We've seen Christian values being used to garner votes for the US presidential elections and even for the next American Idol. Can anyone remember any edgy, alternative American Idol? Religious manipulation has long been used by politicians so why change now?

Now that Christian churches in Malaysia are under attack by blind fanatical dimwits, suddenly there's a surge of high-level politicians flocking to these churches to offer support and community service. These are the same politicians who just last week expressed their opposition to the High Court's ruling. These are the same politicians who allowed planned protests to be carried out in mosques all over the country after the Friday prayers.

Funnily enough, the turnout for these protests were significantly or insignificantly small. When will these people learn that the majority of citizens are tired of these petty protests and want more of these effort and resources put into the country's economic development?

I am not Malaysian, so why am I bothered by this event? It's because I'm Muslim and Malay. Not Malaysian Malay but Singaporean Malay. Internally, there has been a lot of flak about Malays being less successful in education and economics. Social delinquencies are also highest among the Malays. So with Malaysia behaving the way it is, it's not helping other Malays with its looked-down-upon image.

Being a Muslim too can be dangerously inconvenient in some countries. To the unknowledgeable, Islam is a terrorist religion. I'm greatly offended by that. No religion was born out of terrorism and none is inspired by it. So to have a so-called Islamic state who prides and sells itself as a multi-cultural and multi-religious country to be torn apart by something as petty as who gets the exclusive rights to the use of "Allah" is just offensive and belittling to other Muslims.

Our faith in God is not confined to bricks of walls nor names. Our belief is not as fickle and fragile as that.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2010-01-03T23:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I guess the holidays are over. Can you feel reality sinking in just hours away? Everyone seems to be looking forward to 2010. Can't blame them. 2009 was such a lousy year.

All I hope for 2010 is no major surprises. I don't want situations that will drive me crazy. I'm not looking forward to anything else because I don't want to be disappointed. Not too much anyway.

Here's to tomorrow!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-12-30T12:03:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Many major editorials are already trying to sum up or define this decade. Many names have been given about this decade, but none of them has any ring like the 60s, 70s or 80s. Maybe we can call it the 00s?

Many things have been written about this decade, but most agree that it's not a decade we would all like to relive. From the 9/11 attack on New York's World Trade Centre (who can forget that when it was "live" on CNN?) to the global financial breakdown (thanks to greedy, greedy people), many said that this decade is best forgotten.

Did anyone notice how the great U.S. of A seem central to the above events?

On the local front, Singaporeans faced 2 major health epidemics, SARS and H1N1. Although, I think the latter was more paranoia than actual epidemic. We were enthralled by "Toilet Break" starring Jemaah Islamiah's Mas Selamat. Then right soon after, it was followed by the recession. Even Mas Selamat took a back seat to that.

Despite the retrenchment scares, you couldn't tell that Singapore was in a recession. Property prices went ridiculously high and people were snapping them up like hotcakes! I saw more luxury cars on the road and the malls were just crazy with throngs of shoppers week by week! Really. What recession???

Mother Nature too didn't want to be left out of the headliners. She didn't unleash her wrath just once or twice. I've lost count of how many natural disasters we've experienced! There was the Asian tsunami in 2004 that really woke people up. Then there were the quakes in China and Indonesia. Those quakes seemed to occur almost monthly!

Uncle Sam wasn't let off either. New Orleans was literally washed out by Hurricane Katrina. The city is still being rebuilt 4 years on. Australia suffered hundreds of bushfires from record-breaking heatwave. The deadly one in Melbourne was technically not caused by Mother Nature although she helped. That was caused by arsonists.

Politically, Americans voted for their first African-American president after 8 years of tolerating George W Bush bumbling leadership. The Americans had themselves to blame for that. Why in the world they voted him again remains a mystery.

The men in white, PAP, got a major beating in the last general election even though they still remain in power. Only just. The new generation of Singaporeans were not afraid to exercise their political rights.

Malaysia's ruling Barisan Nasional too got a beating from maverick Anwar Ibrahim and his coalition party. I was there when the Malaysians were out voting for their future leaders. You could see it on their faces. They were tired of the corruption and infighting. Unfortunately, even with the promise of change, their chosen leaders were still involved in corruption and infighting.

On the entertainment front, the self-proclaimed King of Pop, Michael Jackson, passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest at his home. Investigations are still on-going to what caused the cardiac arrest. His family has resurfaced in the media after all these years to cash in on his death or as they call it, his "legacy".

This is the decade of reality shows on TV. There is nothing "real" about those shows and I really despise most of them. Some of them are really absurd and a waste of airtime. Some are really quite good, like "The Amazing Race" and "Project Runway". "The American Idol" format has been copied to death! I'm glad Simon Cowell is leaving the show!

"The Osbournes" was refreshing but the copycats after that were just plain pathetic. "Jon & Kate" should just shut up and learn to be proper parents before social workers take away their 8 kids. Jessica Simpson became what she is now thanks to "The Newlyweds", not because of her dismal album sales.

If by chance MTV is reading my blogs, please scrap all those reality shows you've been producing. "Sweet 16", "16 and pregnant"... enough already! Just play music videos like you're supposed to!

On a personal level, this is a decade of exploration for me. Hey, I was in my 20s! I still am in my 20s for 26 more days. I think I've experienced all the vices there are except drugs, gambling and prostitution. Drugs are illegal and expensive, I don't know how 4D works and I don't need to be paid for sex.

The start of the decade started with uncertainty into the "real" world, followed by lows with relationship issues and my father's deteriorating health. It's finally ending with some highs and stability with marriage and birth to a baby Sarah.

That's what life is, isn't it? One non-ending roller-coaster ride. Happiness and sadness doesn't last forever. What stays forever is the attitude to live out the life as how you want it to be.

Sincerely,

modgurl.

2009-12-11T00:22:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My father is sicker than anyone has thought. Even I didn't expect him to be in such a state so soon! His diabetes may be in a manageable condition (according to his diabetic doctor), but it had already triggered his other organs to deteriorate.

His kidneys had started to fail late last year but we were told it was only one of his kidneys. Back then, dialysis was a remote possibility. My father only had to manage his health to minimise the rate of deterioration. I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but it's not supposed to be this soon!

I received a call by my father's renal specialist this afternoon. As of his last appointment last week, my father's kidneys are only operating at 10%. Total! This was worse than I had ever anticipated!

His doctor has estimated 3 months max before he has to give in to dialysis. Kidney dialysis isn't a cure nor a replacement. With my father's diabetes, it's just meant to prolong the inevitable.

The dialysis itself isn't what's occupying my mind the most. It's getting every one of my siblings involved that has had me walking around in a daze all day. Whether it's financially or effort, I just want everyone involved!

The last time I tried gathering everyone for a family meeting, I ended up crying the whole night and sleeping on the floor in a separate room. Ipy had to come into the picture and manage the situation.

It's such a heavy responsibility being the eldest child. I don't know how my brothers can easily make themselves scarce when this is clearly their responsibility. They are the sons! They should be taking the lead!

I also don't know why my mother would keep this to herself. I had to hear it from the doctor! By phone! Doesn't she realise the gravity of the situation? Just because I couldn't be physically present for all his medical appointments didn't mean everything's fine and under control! Gosh! Just thinking about it is making me furious!

Once again she has left it till the end for me to clear up the mess. That's my mother!

Let's just look and move forward. I can only control myself, not others. Now how do I wake my siblings up and get them to be more active in my father's healthcare management? How do I do that without going crazy? Worse, without plunging into another bout of depression?

Pray with me.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-12-08T23:02:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I'm supposed to blog about our trip to KL but I've been so preoccupied with the game apps on Facebook that I've completely procrastinated on doing everything else! Those things are addictive! I'm blogging via mobile phone now. I can't play Facebook apps on mobile.

Sarah is developing about 1.5 months ahead of the average child. That's according to the development checklist in her health booklet. I don't know if her advancement is good or bad. A part of me doesn't want her to grow up too fast. It still feels like it was only yesterday that I was carrying her around in my womb!

She had her second vaccination this morning. She didn't cry nor developed any fever this time round. Most likely because this 5-in-1 vaccination didn't hurt as much as the pneumococcal one.

We learnt about the "tired cry" today. For several days, Sarah has been crying the house down in the evenings. We thought she had wind. Even after massages and feedings, she was still crying. Her doctor said she was just tired. It's the 4-month-old babies' way of telling us that they're tired. He advised us not to overstimulate Sarah a couple of hours before bedtime.

That isn't easy for Ipy. By the time he comes home from work, it's almost always a couple of hours away from Sarah's bedtime. Not to overstimulate her means not being able to play with her. That was why Sarah usually behaves better when he's away.

Ipy wants another child soon. Partly because he doesn't want to be too old to raise children. Also, partly because he misses the joy of having a newborn.

I don't want to rain on his parade here, but I'm not a baby factory. It's easy for him to say he wants another baby. He's not the one going through the pregnancy madness. He's also not the one tending to the children three-quarters of the day.

I do want another child but I have to listen to my body too. At the moment, it's too tired to even get laid. There is a time for everything. Good things will come to those who wait. Clichéd sayings. I don't like to say it's not the right time because there is never the right time so I'll just say I'm not ready.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

ps I'll blog about KL another day.

2009-11-23T09:39:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Something to put a smile on your face on this cool and rainy Monday.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-11-22T20:02:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I read in the newspaper today about BPA-free plastic baby bottles and how some parents are really worried about what they're feeding their babies. Those who aren't parents and aren't familiar with BPA, read on.

Bisphenol A or BPA is a chemical found in plastic baby bottles. There is nothing wrong with the baby bottle if properly used. Problems occur when this chemical leaches out from the bottle into liquid or food. Health governments in most developed countries, including Singapore, has soothed worried parents that the BPA level in plastic baby bottles are so low that there is really nothing to worry about!

I didn't know about this BPA issue until I read the newspaper today. I've come across it before, but I brushed it off as another scientific study that contradicts another. You know how scientific studies are. They are best taken with a pinch of salt.

I am not one of those parents who worry about the slightest detail. I am actually more worried about these parents than their child! Are parents too protective of their children these days? Parents in that show shown recently on Okto, "Cotton Kids" are seriously in need of psychiatric help. But they're extreme cases.

Parents of my generation, are they overprotecting their children? Look at my neighbour for example. I have never seen the children playing at the playground behind us. They don't even play outside their gate! When we were kids, our parents had to haul us back from playing at the corridor for too long!

How are children to learn if they don't experience things for themselves? Isn't it natural for children to suffer bruises, cuts and even broken bones once in their lifetime? One has to learn to fall to learn to get back up!

Overprotective parents may have the best intentions at heart but I fear that they are in denial of the risks their actions may have on their children. If a child doesn't know what dirt feels like, he won't appreciate cleanliness and the hard work put into making a place clean. If a child has never seen blood trickling down his skin, he'd never know what pain feels like.

By keeping a child in an over-sanitised and controlled environment will do more harm to the child than good. Our body has a mysterious way to adapt to changes. Many centuries ago, the flu virus killed millions of people. Yet, many have also survived. Their body became more resilient to subsequent flu attacks. We are the beneficiaries of their adaptability.

So, I implore overprotective parents to step back a little and let your child explore. While your child is exploring the wonders of the world, sit back and reflect a little. Ask yourself, are you really doing what's best for your child?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-11-12T15:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Ipy is in Brunei again. I'm not sure if Sarah is aware that her daddy hasn't been home for a few days already. Do babies at 3 months old know what's going already?

Now that the examinations are almost over, I have more free time than usual. Not sure what I've been doing with all that time though. Unlike other tai tais, I don't have that much spending power. Most of my allowances go to savings, but by the look of the last update, my savings don't seem to be growing! Hmm...

I was reading OCBC Ladies' Circle "Women & Their Money" booklet, and I realised that the "women" that it referred to didn't represent any housewife! In fact, no financial institution that I know of had any special plans for housewives.

Just because we don't earn income just like our working kind, doesn't mean that we can't be financially savvy. We do need guidance too! Housewives are an untapped market, not in the least unimportant. So if these financial institutions are smart, they'd take the opportunity to cater to our special needs.

By the way, not all housewives are uneducated. No need to look down on us. We are not lazy. We just have different priorities. As far as I'm concerned, "housewife/homemaker" is just another occupation.

We may not pay income tax, but we work as hard as other taxable employees. We may not get company benefits that other women enjoy, but we are content. That's not to say that we don't deserve the benefits given away by the government. We are entitled to government benefits as much as other citizens do.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-11-05T12:40:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I don't think it's a secret anymore. I bought Ipy a PS3 Slim for his 38th birthday, which is this Saturday. It's wrapped in brown paper (didn't want to waste money buying decorative wrapping paper) and shelved in the store room. He wanted a "Guitar Hero" pack too, but he can get that himself.

I watched the rerun of the first 2 episode of "Sex and the City" first season on HBO last night. Most Singaporeans didn't get to watch the first few seasons of the award-winning show here because our conservative censorship board thought it was too controversial back then. My my... how times have changed.

The first episode was about "having sex like a man". It got me thinking. First of all, what does "having sex like a man" mean? Secondly, is it possible for a woman to do so? I think we can generally agree that not everybody can be Samantha Jones.

I am not an authority to preach about sex these days because I hardly have any now. I've said this before, it's hard to feel sexy when I feel tired most of the time. Even at times when I wanted to, the sex fizzled in under 5 minutes. It was like a touch and go operation. Where's the romance? Where's the foreplay?

The fact that I am no longer my svelte self also does not help. I feel like I am working my body more than before, yet I am not burning the calories as expected. I find it counter-productive for me to tell myself that I look good no matter what body size or shape I'm in.

Besides, why must I be the only one in this relationship concerned about how I look? As a woman and a wife, I must work physically harder to remain attractive while it's OK for my husband, being a man and all, to grow a beer belly? Why is it that women become "unattractive" as she ages while it's the reverse for men?

OK! I'll say it! I'm insecure! There! Which woman isn't?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-10-27T00:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

As I was watching "Sex and the City" (yes, I know I'm very late), a thought occurred to me. Is this what women all over the world aspire to be? Fashion victims despite their intelligence and enviable jobs.

I don't know. Maybe when I was younger i.e. single and available, I was most likely like these women. I meant the women all over the world, not the 4 fashionistas.

I'm afraid I'm turning into a frumpy and dowdy housewife. And I'm not even 30 yet! Alarm bells! Alarm bells!

But what makes me different from the Kimora Lee Simmons of the world is that I am 100% hands-on! I don't have maids to wipe every vomit off the furniture. I don't have nannies to change the stinky diaper off my baby.

If my husband thinks my lack of self-attention is repulsive, I would like him to do what I do for just one day. See if he doesn't turn into a frumpy and dowdy man after that.

Anyway, back to the movie. I have never been able to relate to the series. I think some of the fashion on display were just plain weird. Obviously I can never be fashionably-accepted in the high-brow world of fashion.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-10-24T01:55:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I think our world is dying. I think our end is near. I am not so much scared as anxious. I just don't want to die in a chaotic state.

It's all these movies about apocalyses that are messing with my mind. I have just watched "Knowing" on DVD. I have to say that it's not a suitable movie to end the day.

Anyway, the movie dealt with end of the world scenario. There's a mix of scientific and religious propaganda disguised as an
action thriller.

Unlike most people, movies will generally get me thinking. I can't shut off like most people. So this movie got me thinking of the apocalypse.

In all of God's religious books, they describe the events of the end of the world as the worst thing imaginable. God already did the flood thing in Noah's time. Can He do it again I wonder.

As of recent years, we have experienced tsunamies. The latest happened in the Pacific islands. Some of us are still recovering from the tragedy in Phuket.

We have also experienced hurricanes and typhoons. Are they the same thing? New Orleans is still rebuilding from Katrina's wrath. Philippine is bracing herself from another attack by typhoon Parma.

Indonesia is earthquake country. Taiwan attracts storms. US and Europe are sick with flu. Mother Earth is sick and God is angry.

Yes my friends. Our world as we know it is dying. That is why I have taken upon myself to begin repenting as much as possible.

Each faith has its own way of repenting. I start mine by making a conscious effort to pray 5 times daily just as God had ordered us to do. I was slacked about it before but now I try to fulfill it as soon as I hear the call of prayer.

I am trying to fulfill the 5 pillars of Islam. That itself is challenging! Daddy always said that if we can't even perfect the "wajib", how can we expect to perfect the "sunnah"? Daddy was right.

Before anyone gets alarmed, I haven't suddenly gone feverishly religious. I am still a moderate Muslim. I still favour rationale over blind faith. It's just that I am more conscious of my purpose here on
earth.

I have experienced what I wanted to experience. I am ready to move on. I have no regrets. I pray that it's not too late.

Will Mother Earth recover? Hard to say. Not when man is still self-absorbed. But man being man, we will amend our ways only when calamity struck us.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-10-22T18:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Have you ever felt like you're in a rut? A marriage rut to be more specific. I am feeling it right now. Oh yeah. I am definitely in a marriage rut.

Sarah is great and all. At times, she tests my patience but she's a baby! What do babies know! It's a learning experience for both of us.

But it's different when dealing with an adult. I don't know if I can describe Ipy as an adult. Adults know what's right or wrong. Adults know what needs to be done. Adults learn from mistakes and don't do them anymore.

Ipy... What can I say about him? Sarah is so much smarter than him and she hasn't even gone to school yet! Ipy is just like another child, only not so innocent.

I just don't get it with him. He's a totally different person at work. He doesn't procrastinate as much and he doesn't annoy people as much.

But when he's home, why must he make me nag constantly so as to get some work done? I don't like to nag! But I'm forced to! It really irritates me to my bone to see him do things which he knows I hate.

Like a simple act of refilling the ice tray when you've used up all the ice. Or throwing away candy wrappers in the TRASH CAN, not under the rug or cushion! These are not difficult things to do, so why doesn't he do them?

I tell you why. He's plain lazy and spoilt rotten! Almost all his life, he has had somebody to clear his mess. And now, he expects me to it too??? Oh no I will not! I may be his wife, but I'm not his maid!

Are all husbands like this? Why? Why? Why? Whose fault is this? God! If I knew I was marrying into servitude, I would't get married in the first place!

By the way, Sarah is growing up so fast! I miss the days when she was just a tiny tot in my arms. Much, much smaller and much, much lighter.

Also, please donate to Red Cross to help the victims of the recent natural disasters is Indonesia, Philippines and Taiwan. It is the least we can do.

I am blessed to be living in a disaster-free zone.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-10-13T12:22:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Ipy has flown off to Brunei again. He only came home last week! But I've resigned myself to the fact that it's his job. I'm no longer angsty about it. Besides, he's been worried about his quickly-depleting cash flow. So, these offshore trips should lessen his financial woes for awhile.

I've been busy with my knitting hobby. I haven't knit in a long time so I thought it's about time I refresh my skills. My attempt at knitting a beanie hat wasn't so pretty. Wearable but pretty. It was good practice though.

I am now knitting a pair of girl's shoes. I tried knitting those a couple of months back but I couldn't even hold the needles right. Now that I'm better at knitting, the shoes are starting to come out right.

I've been watching my diet too. My food diary is updated daily. I weigh myself every morning. I even went jogging a couple of days ago! I'm still feeling the aching on my left leg. Don't know why. Maybe it just means that I'm really too heavy.

I want to join a fitness group like brisk walking or something, but there isn't one that's really active around here. That's the thing with interest groups. It starts well but fades off pretty quickly.

Sarah is almost predictable now. It's easier to schedule my work around her habits now. As mean as it may sounds, I think it's so much easier to manage her when Ipy's not around. In fact, when he was in Brunei for 2 weeks, I did more work than when he was at home!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-10-02T13:57:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I hope it's not too late. Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslims! I didn't manage to complete all 30 days of fasting. I had to forfeit a day because of a gynaecological appointment.

We didn't spend much for Hari Raya this year. My biggest expense was on flowers. Who knew that a bunch of sticks and twigs could cost over $10 a pack??? As planned, we wore what we have in our wardrobe.

Ipy left for Brunei on the 4th day of Hari Raya. Instantly, my required visitations to my relatives house was over. I don't believe in celebrating Hari Raya for a month anyway. The longest I'll accomodate is 2 weeks.

I had planned an open house during this period but it had to be shelved because of Ipy's work commitment. I thought it would be nice to have a housewarming during this festive season.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-09-07T14:34:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've just finished baking a whole load of batch of Double Chocolate Oat Cookies. I got the recipes from BettyCrocker.com, my new favourite website. I like Betty Crocker recipes because they are so easy to make!

Double Chocolate Oat Cookies

The only thing that you have to consider when making Betty Crocker cookies is that the recipe will make a LOT of cookies. Enough for a bake sale! So I packed a plastic container full of the cookies and contribute to the Jualan Amal Warna 2009 (Warna Charity Sale 2009).

Couldn't help but share this with the world. I was trying to capture the (almost!) perfect shot of Sarah for her passport.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-09-05T06:46:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Taken from Mercy Relief's official website.

Mercy Relief sends aid to Java quake victims

Friday, 4 September 2009

Mercy Relief is sending a 4-man team over this weekend in response to an appeal by its Indonesian NGO partner, the IBU Foundation, to assist in their relief efforts to the West Javanese victims of the 7.3 Richter earthquake which rocked the island on Wednesday. Mercy Relief is seeking to raise funds for the victims of the disaster.

Mercy Relief is already in communications with French supermarket giant Carrefour (Indonesia) for the procurement, delivery and distribution of much-needed relief supplies to the badly-hit areas.

IBU Foundation, which worked closely with Mercy Relief’s medical teams in the remote areas of Meulaboh after the Indian Ocean Tsunami had caused massive destruction to the Acehnese coastal district in 2004, have sent its Rapid Assessment teams to assess the various affected locations and identified the following areas which require priority assistance:

Cianjur Selatan District (Kabupaten Cianjur)
Pangalengan Sub-district, Bandung (Kecamatan Pangalengan)
Pameungpeuk Sub-district, Garut (Kecamatan Pameungpeuk, Kabupaten Garut)

Needs across all locations:

Shelter (tarpaulin, tents, mats, blankets)
Cookingware and stove, kerosene lamps
Hygiene and family kits
Food items ( oil, instant noodle, rice, baby food)

General facts based on BNPB data (National Disaster Management Body)

57 deaths (as at 5pm WIB)
11,039 total houses destroyed/badly damaged
13,464 houses partially damaged
Devastation affected a total of 10 districts

The public may contribute to the efforts through the following modes of donations:

Cheque : Cross to ‘Mercy Relief’ and indicate ‘Java Quake Relief’ on the reverse and send to Blk 160 Lorong 1 Toa Payoh #01-1568 Singapore 310160

Cash: Send personally to Mercy Relief office.

Ipy and I have decided to donate some cash to the victims of the quake in West Java after watching the devastation it has caused in the news. This is the least we could do to bring some Hari Raya joy to these victims.

Please donate to Mercy Relief's mission if you can.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-09-04T13:00:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I've been so busy with many projects on my plate. There's the spring cleaning to do. Ipy isn't helping me with it. He always find some excuses not to do the tasks I've assigned him. It's getting really frustrating.

He doesn't realise that on top of keeping the house in a decent living condition, I have a baby to raise too. Not to mention the headaches I get when deciding what to cook daily. Gosh! He is so fussy these days! He doesn't eat leftovers and that's very annoying. I don't want to cook fresh dishes daily when the fridge is overloaded with leftovers.

We haven't shopped for Hari Raya yet. Actually, I don't plan to because I don't see the need to buy anything new this year. We've done most of the big purchases last year. I don't even plan to buy a new set of baju kurung! My wardrobe is packed with wearable baju kurung already.

Maybe I'll buy shoes. I can't fit into any of my stilettos because my feet haven't returned to their smaller selves. We will definitely buy some clothes for Sarah. It'll be her first Hari Raya this year. Understandably, Ipy is all excited about it.

I'm still looking for kuih tart recipes. The ones I made last year weren't satisfactory. How do they make the pastry so soft? Could it be that my technique was wrong? I've asked my aunts and all their recipes were alike! Maybe it was my technique.

Well... I shouldn't be so ambitious. I don't know if I have the time to even bake them! Watched a Malay programme on Suria last night. If I do want to buy kuih raya this year, I would like to buy from those disadvantaged women who are selling them. How do I contact them?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-28T22:32:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I felt very tired. I wanted to go to bed early tonight. As soon as I shut my eyes, some girls downstairs were laughing and screaming. This went off for over an hour. I was so tempted to call the neighbourhood police, but I figured it was still early to call them.

Last night, it was a bunch of drunkards who created a din downstairs. They went on and on with their loud jabbering till sunrise. Ipy went downstairs at about 5 a.m. to check them out. He said they were young and throwing up all over the place.

What's up with the youth of today??? They seem to be so self-centred. They don't seem to care about anything else but themselves. They are rude, disrespectful and glaringly misguidedly confident.

It's almost a week of Ramadan. Everywhere, I see supposedly Muslim kids blatantly munching away or smoking to their hearts content. Where's the respect? You don't see any of this a few years ago.

What has happened to this generation? Understandably, each generation has his fair share of bad behaviours. But I think this generation is the worse! Who should be responsible? Parents? Media? Parents blame the media but the media offers what is in demand!

I'm a mother of a 6 weeks old child and already I'm feeling the heat on how to raise her. Every day is a challenging day. The so-called parenting gurus don't help either. What is acceptable today may not be acceptable tomorrow.

I pray that my children will grow up to be responsible human beings.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-23T12:27:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

The first day of fasting went well. I had to put up with Ipy's whining about not eating and drinking though. "I have headache dear." "I feel very weak dear." Sometimes I really wonder who's the baby at home.

The other thing that annoyed me was being asked why was I fasting since I was breastfeeding Sarah. I know pregnant and breastfeeding women are excused from fasting. Still, they have to "return" those missed fasts on other days when capable. Why would I want to do that? I'm capable now.

I've also realised how over-passionate breastfeeding activists or lactavists can be. Like almost all activists, they can be close-minded. They are so bent on getting others to believe what they believe that they've forgotten that the world is big enough to accomodate other beliefs.

I encourage breastfeeding for all the benefits it provides to both the baby and mother. But I also don't offend bottle-feeders. There's nothing wrong in bottle-feeding a baby with formula milk. Both have their benefits.

Lactavists can make their points or views known, but they should not belittle others who choose to bottle-feed. Now that I'm capable of fasting, please don't accuse me of neglecting my baby for my own selfish reasons. Since when is abiding to God's laws being selfish???

I'm lucky that Sarah is smart enough and not fussy over the type of milk she consumes. She likes both breast milk and formula milk. She has not suffered any nipple confusion. In fact, she's growing very well thank you!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-17T12:56:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Sarah is 1 month old today! Yey!!! A month ago, she was a slippery little being. Now, she's so big and strong!

I think she's starting to look like me. Her hair is all Daddy's, but she is definitely starting to look like me. Her Daddy hopes she doesn't had Mommy's tantrums. Hahahahahaha! I hope not to! One emotionally-conflicted person in this household is enough.

Personally, I'll have much challenges again. Loans to pay. Savings to accumulate. There are times when I thought I should return to the workforce. But looking at Sarah now, I know she's my top priority.

Besides, working for the sake of wages and not doing something that you like is counter-productive. I know I'll just be miserable and that misery will not do anyone any good.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-10T12:03:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

So... Singapore is now 44 years old. The Straits Times today is full of pictures and reports of last night's National Day Parade (NDP). We only watched about half of the show on TV. We lost interest in it after too many corny jokes by the comedic hosts and hostesses.

After years of trying to outdo previous years' parade, I think the NDP should just go back to basics i.e. marches and military prowess display. With no offense to all the choreographers, school children and civil service volunteers, I think we can do without the dances and theatrical displays for once. Maybe includes those acts once every 4 years or something.

So what does it mean to be Singaporean? What do I see (to quote the theme song this year)? I see more foreign-born Singaporeans, either "bought" by the government or self-brought by the attraction of Singapore's clean and safe records.

I have no problems with that. Singapore historically was an immigrant nation anyway. It's just that I wish the new Singaporeans would adapt to our culture and discard some of their homeland's bad habits. For example, born and bred Singaporeans are brought up to respect the litter bins. The new Singaporeans on the other hand, see the streets as one giant litter bin!

Also, no need to be scared of us and we don't need to be scared of them. We can all be friends. It's understandable to find solace in people from similar backgrounds, but one doesn't have to be so exclusive about it.

What does it mean for me to be a Singaporean? I still don't have a convincing answer. I would hesitate greatly to pack my bags and live in another country but that doesn't mean I'm a patriotic citizen. I guess one of the reasons why answering this question is so difficult is because all my life, I have been identified as a race than as a citizen.

Fill up any form, whether it is for school, work or simply a lucky draw, one is asked of his ethnic background. Is that even relevant? So, I've always been a Malay Singaporean instead of just Singaporean. Therefore, to ask what does it mean for me to be a Singaporean is almost an enigma.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-07T14:01:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Sarah is 3 weeks old today and already, she has gone to 2 weddings and countless trips to the malls, and she even has her own library membership card! Kids grow up so fast don't they?

Breastfeeding has been erratic. Despite breastfeeding her constantly, she still wants more after every session. Why is that so? The latch on seems correct. It's very frustrating.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-08-01T22:28:00.003+08:00

Dear Blogger,

At this afternoon's wedding of Ipy's cousin, I was temporarily embarrassed by the caterer because I had wanted to sample the vegetarian dishes meant for vegetarians. It was odd because I have never been to a Malay wedding where there were dishes reserved for a special, limited group of people.

It was a thoughtful gesture by the bride and groom I guess. Unfortunately, the caterer didn't place any notices anywhere near the dishes to inform that they were reserved, so how was anyone to know??? All the caterer did was place one of its staff on the lookout to inform clueless guests like me that the dishes were meant for vegetarians only.

I thought that was really distasteful of the caterer. That awful moment left a very bad taste in my mouth. I only ate everything on my plate because I didn't like to waste food. Also, since we were headed to the mall afterwards to buy Sarah's diapers, I ate what I can so as not to waste money on outside dining.

The malls, as always were packed to the brim. It was the first day of a new month so it was understandable that people want to spend their hard-earned money at the mall. If I had a choice, I really want to save my allowance from Ipy for as long as I can. That's just wishful thinking when my only responsibility when it comes to spending is to buy groceries and baby's needs.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-30T13:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I seriously give up on the older generation. Keep on doing what they've always been doing. Fine by me! But I don't want to have any of it in my household!

I try so hard to meet in the middle of this generation gap. I try so hard not to be rude to the elderly. But it's just so goddamn difficult!

I left Sarah alone for a minute and already they're squeezing juices out of her nipples! Whatever for?! They didn't even bother explaining to me what they were doing and why they were doing it! Poor Sarah was crying in pain.

I was too upset to make a sound after that. I'm letting Ipy handle this because he's better at dealing with the elderly. I told him I'd rather bathe and nurse my own child than let anyone else do it. Why should anybody else do it???

If the whole purpose of hiring a confinement nanny is to relieve me of my daily chores, then why the hell am I still doing the laundry and washing up the dishes??? I don't need someone to just look at the baby!

This experience has been nothing but stressful for me. Now that I've experienced it, NO MORE!!!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-28T20:32:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I'm back on my food diary. I think it's about time I track what I eat anyway. Not that there's much to track. I've been eating nothing but vegetable soup. It doesn't matter what vegetables go into the soup. It's just vegetables, vegetables, vegetables.

The almost-vegetarian diet is supposed to help with my constipation. It's not helping. I've been having a hard time clearing my bowels ever since I went into labour. My stools are so hard that I feel like I'm pushing out another baby down there.

I'm also tweetering now. I was hesitant to join the Twitter bandwagon because I felt like there were way too many of these sites now i.e. Facebook, MySpace, Friendster etc. I was just bored today breastfeeding Sarah non-stop, so I joined Twitter.

I've also updated my Facebook account. This was another site which I was hesitant to join. I've already got Friendster and I had painstakingly customised the site. I had registered for Facebook a while back. It's just that I didn't bother to personalise it. Now that I have so much time with little to do except feed Sarah, I spruced up my Facebook account.

I really hate being confined. I understand that this is the time for new mothers to rest, but are the traditional practices still relevant in today's age??? I had to seal my mouth tight whenever I was "advised" against doing certain things. I was even "advised" against bathing my own baby!

I told Ipy that the nanny wanted to scratch the white spots off Sarah's face. She would have if I hadn't stopped her. My mother too couldn't leave her itchy fingers alone! Sarah's paediatrician had clearly said to leave the white spots alone. Yet, these women think they can do whatever they want to MY baby just because they had done the same to their children and grandchildren!

I thought having a confinement nanny was supposed to relieve me of my daily household chores. It was not to be. I get even more stressed out watching her handle my baby. Of course, not all the things she had done were bad. She's a nice, well-meaning person after all. This is just a matter of difference in opinions and mentality that's all.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-26T19:59:00.006+08:00

Dear Blogger,

She's growing up so fast, and she's only a week old! She has grown stronger and taller. Her legs are quite strong, although her feet are a little off the correct angle. Her physiotherapist said it isn't something to worry too much about. It can be rectified with a few simple exercises.

Her umbilical cord has just dropped off. I don't know why it has to be kept. Nobody seemed to be able to give me a credible answer when I asked why. "Because it has always been done" isn't a good answer for me.

Just like this traditional massage and wrapping practice. I don't mind so much about the massage. It's the wrap and jamu that bothers me. I was almost glad that I developed itchy rashes on my body. I have my doctor's advice to stop the wrap and jamu till the rashes go away.

I googled post-partum rash and even though it's a fairly common ailment, the medical practitioners have yet to find out why and what causes it. That just means there's no remedy for this rash! Some attributed it to hormonal changes. I don't really care why as long as I have an excuse to forgo the wrap and jamu.

Calamine lotion may help to relieve the itchiness, but it's only temporary. My doctor prescribed me an anti-fungal and anti-inflammatory cream as well as an antihistamine medication. The itchiness has stopped, as long as I don't get hot and perspire. Perspiration will ignite the unbearable itchiness.

I can't wait to go out and exercise again. I'll be officially confined next week and I know for sure I'll be bored. The nanny is a relative of Ipy's and she's very, very old but very, very active. One only knows how old people can be. So many "rules and regulation"! I will probably be confined to bed till Ipy comes home.

I bought Fenugreek supplements at GNC yesterday because I read that Fenugreek is good for increasing the body's milk supply. I have to say that after taking a couple of capsules last night, more milk has flowed. I was able to express about 30ml of breast milk at one time. Today, I was able to satiate her without formula milk! Hooray!

Tonight, Liverpool is playing against our national team. I pity our national team. No one's out at the stadium to support our boys. I think South-east Asian folks are suckers for English teams. What happened to national pride and loyalty? Oh yeah that's right. We have to buy foreign players to play for our national team!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-21T21:07:00.001+08:00

Dear Blogger,

How fast our lives have changed. It's no longer just about him and me. It's now all about her, our 3.5kg dynamite. She may have some of her daddy's physical appearance (hair and nose), but she definitely has her mommy's spirit!

I have finally gotten the hang of breastfeeding. Milk has finally flowed but I still need formula milk to supplement her feed. It's kind of depressing knowing that I can't fully feed my baby.

Ipy meanwhile, has stressed himself silly. He's become too protective of his little princess. I guess that's natural of first-time dads. He's a good one at least. He does all the baby stuff without asking. Even getting up at 3 in the morning to make the baby's milk!

Now that I'm recovering, he also does the chores like laundry and cooking. He's careful not to make any mess lest I get up and clean the mess.

Welcome to the world baby Sarah!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-18T04:55:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

Thank god for epidurals!!! The actual delivery took less than an hour. I couldn't imagine doing all that pushing with all the pain of contractions. That would just flatten me out completely halfway through the delivery!

It's not to say that the whole process isn't exhausting still.
If not careful, one can literally burst a blood vein in the head! Headaches after a delivery are seriously not a comfortable feeling.

So is vomiting! That's one of the side effects of epidurals. I vomitted my stomach contents out so many times that the whole room lingered with the smell of vomit hours after I've been transferred to my ward.

I finally had my dinner. Very filling dinner. Now I can't wait for breakfast. I'm starving!

I'm desperate to get my blood and milk flow going. Twice I tried to breastfeed the baby but sadly, no milk was flowing yet. I've been massaging my breasts relentlessly to get the juices flowing. I always thought that breastfeeding comes naturally but I guess it's not. It's just another skill to learn.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

2009-07-17T15:30:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

We are still waiting and I'm getting bored. I know I shouldn't be because there's TV with cable, radio and I've brought me PSP. It sucks that I can't get out of bed. My whole body is numb with the epidural.

Worse of all, I'm not allowed to eat! I should have stuffed more Filet-O-Fish in my stomach this morning. Oh well... I guess a little discomfort is better than pain.

It's close to 4pm now. My cervix has only dilated to 5cm. Still a long way to go...

Sincerely,
modgurl

2009-07-17T10:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Blogger,

I just had an epidural injected in me. How ironic then that the injection hurt! I didn't know that the needle was going to be inserted in my spine! The thought itself was scary!

Now my legs and toes feel funny. Like they're there but not there. Like they're floating. I wondered if this was how taking marijuana felt like. Ipy said it wasn't. I guess he should know what with his wild university days and all.

Now I'm supposed to wait, relax and conserve energy. It's going to be a long, long wait. The nurse said I was already having contractions even before I had the epidural. Strangely, I didn't feel them.

I'm trying to sleep but it's hard considering that it's about noon already. My body's not used to taking naps at these hours, no matter how tired I am.

I can't even get out of bed with all these tubes inserted in different parts of my body. I don't know how Ipy does it. That man can sleep anytime anywhere!

Sincerely,
modgurl.