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Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Saturday, January 04, 2014 @ 10:58 pm
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Dear Blogger,

The old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" resonates with me more and more these days, ever since my husband went back on the field job. He has this new job at a new job which gets him to do his old job. This job is on a fixed rotation basis, that means, he goes to the field for a month and he's off-work for a month. In summary, he gets paid a full-year salary for working 6 months!

This kind of work isn't for every girlfriend or wife. It takes a lot of courage, patience and resourcefulness for a woman to live without her partner every other month. More so if she's a mother, and I am a mother for four!

I'm alright without him around. In fact, it's actually nice without him in the house every now and them. I do miss him more when he's offshore. I would have nice and naughty thoughts about it sometimes, especially at night.

However, when he's home. Reality just hits me and it's not a good feeling. Often times, I find myself getting frustrated with the things he does or not do at home. Most times, he just sleeps or watches TV or makes a mess. When we are together, it's usually WITH the children. Even on our date nights, 90% of our conversation is about the children.

When he's home for a month, I would like, just for a few hours a week, to be a woman. Not a mother. Not a wife. Just a woman. When we go on dates, I would like to be treated like a woman who has been asked out on a romantic date. Isn't that the whole point of date nights? To be made to feel special?

I know I can't escape being a mother but I'm still a woman too. I really missed those times when our conversation was mostly about getting to know each other. I missed those times when he instinctively took my hand at every moment. I missed those times when he put his hand on my back when we went down the escalator or escort me out of the elevator. We don't do these things anymore. Not subconsciously anyway.

An hour ago, I told him he's boring now. I know it's harsh but I've kept that in for much too long. Am I trying to relive times past and gone? Why can't I just accept the fact that a mother of four young children don't go out and do things that woman with no children do? Because I am more than that.

In an article in USA Today on 8 August 2013, a study has shown that absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. The study suggested that individuals in long-distance relationships experience more intimacy with their partners than those who are together everyday.

Why? Because the time they are together, whether physically or virtually, are so precious that the quality of communication they produced are more meaningful. It's true you know. All the FaceTime we've been in are more memorable than the communication we've had when he's home.

This finding gives home to those couples who are facing the challenges of long-distance relationships. As for me, it seems kind of sad when I'm typing this out. Does it mean that we're better off not living together? Or more precisely, will I be happier when he's not here?

Let's reflect on the beautiful words of Kalil Gilbran in "The Prophet":

"But let there be space in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from the same cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be Joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow."


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