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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Saturday, February 23, 2013 @ 12:51 am

Dear Blogger,

Lately I've gotten easily frustrated with everything. I'm frustrated with my workload. I'm frustrated with my body. I'm frustrated with my children's increasing behavioural issues. I'm frustrated with my husband's constant worries about his job, bank account and children's health. I'm frustrated with my boring going-with-the-motion sex, which by the way isn't as frequent as people might think. I'm frustrated with my limitations. I'm frustrated with the 6.9 million population target by the government. I'm frustrated with everything!

Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been more exciting if I didn't have children. Or I wouldn't be so fat if I hadn't gotten married. If I can't have satisfying sex, that means I'm not desirable anymore. I despise the way I look now. I see a tub of greasy vegetable shortening in the mirror and it looks like I married one too. I know I should go out and exercise but I just don't have the will to do it. Maybe I need to get another devastating heartbreak to push myself into action. Maybe I need to live on the edge.

Thoughts of cheating has crossed my mind several times but I doubt the guys that I desire would even look at me. Desperate housewife syndrome? I'm not even a housewife anymore. Sometimes I resort to soft porn on the net but they get boring after awhile. My mind doesn't even wander off to fantasy land anymore! Do I have a problem? Yes I think so.  Do I need to sit on a psychiatrist's chair? I think I do. Do I feel like lighting up a cigarette now? Yes I do. I haven't smoked cigarettes ever since I got married. Early menopause? Perhaps.


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