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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011 @ 9:03 am

Dear Blogger,

My family secret became even more intriguing now that I had heard from all my father's siblings. Still, I find it hard to believe that my father would have done such a thing.

You must be wondering what the hell am I blabbering about the last few days. Sigh. I'm not sure if what I've been hearing since last week even exists in today's modern times! Maybe my readers out there can provide some insight on this.

The story goes that my father got involved in the dark arts. Yes! The dark arts! My father whom I remembered to be strict with religion, was fascinated and eventually practised dark arts. So much so that my mom, my aunties AND my uncles believed that there is some spirit residing in him! I don't even dare tell you what it is for the fear of acknowledging it but I think some of you know what I meant.

The surprising thing was, this wasn't something that he had done in his wild, young days. Apparently he started practising it when I was well in my teenage years! What the hell was he thinking??? What was all that sermon about God Almighty and being pious about when I was growing up??? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

My brothers and I didn't even know about this until about last year. Even then, it was only in whispers and being the modern, rational people that we are, of course it was nonsense! My second brother who had a brush with the mystical aspect of Islam when he was younger was also hesitant to believe it.

The story got more bite when my first brother who's a year younger than me, was hospitalised unexpectedly early this year. Can't remember if I had blogged about it. The official diagnosis was that he had chicken pox. FYI: Chicken pox in adulthood can be deadly. It's common for adults with chicken pox to experience breathlessness and even have fainting spells.

The unofficial story was that whatever that was living in my father's body had made its presence known to my brother, in an attempt to make him its next "carrier" (can't think of a proper word for it, "vessel" perhaps?). Once before he was admitted and twice at the hospital. At the observation room, he told my mom that a woman dressed in white had visited him twice in the room. Of course my mom was spooked! But aren't all the nurses and doctors in the hospital dressed in white??? In his semi-conscious state, my brother could have mistaken the nurses or doctors for something else.

Then I just found out from my husband that my brother had confided in him of the "woman's" appearance before his hospitalization. Soon after, my mom had called a "professional" to clean his room. This "professional" told her that there was certainly a presence but he couldn't get rid of it.

So my question is, if what I've been hearing is true, then why wasn't I affected by it? My husband simply said that I was strong-spirited and invisible beings like those would normally go for people who were "softer" and lesser in faith. He joked that perhaps, IT was even afraid of me. Ha. Ha.

Then, why didn't we feel anything when my parents stayed with us for a few months last year? He said he did feel a bad presence, especially at night, but he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't believe him. He finally disclosed that there was one night when Sarah, who was about half a year old then, kept crying in the middle of the night. He got up to comfort her and felt something bad. He told whatever it was to leave his house and he recited some prayers. Then, Sarah stopped crying.

He reassured me that our home is protected. I guess that's comforting to know. I have so many questions about this and I've been googling it. Not surprisingly, many of the related stories and articles are only associated to Malay culture. Why is that? If it has something to do with God's creations, why isn't there Arab tales about it?

Can somebody enlighten me?


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