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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011 @ 10:10 pm

Dear Blogger,

Lately, I have wondered if I might be commitment-phobic. Marriage has been stressful and after giving birth to 2 children, I find myself not enjoying this marriage even more.

It feels like I am losing a part of myself more and more each day. I am not sure if this is the sacrifice that marriage counsellors meant.

Marriage does provide a stability which I was desperately looking for when I was a wild child. But it sure is boring.

I thought I have found what I have always wanted when I got married. But I feel like there is still something missing in my life.

Perhaps the spark that illuminated my life when I was briefly in love is gone. Once, I had looked forward to his calls and our dates. Now, I am hardly even bothered.

It can get awfully difficult to feel that "in love" high again when I don't feel special. I am not even made to feel special! I am now just an actor playing a forgotten role in life's many dramas.

He told me a story about his colleague. His colleague's wife left him after many years of marriage because she was not in love with him anymore. She got bored with her domestic role. She was even willing to relinquish custody of their only child just so that she could live again.

I don't know if I could ever give up custody of my children. I am their mother after all. I may be brave enough to give up marriage though if this married life is really what it is.

If my husband is reading this, I am not sorry. It is time to wake up and see the cracks in our marriage.


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