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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010 @ 12:37 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's the 12th day of Syawal already and I hope that's the end of Hari Raya celebrations for me. After 1 week, I'm exhausted with the visiting and hosting. I have already managed to complete my necessary visits in the first 3 days but somehow, Ipy hasn't gotten enough of it. Can't blame him because this year is like the first time he's celebrated Hari Raya at home. Poor boy.

Just like any other year before, this Hari Raya is not complete without stress and controversy. It is said that 1st Syawal is supposed to be a day of forgiveness and to seek forgiveness. I do believe that IF AND ONLY IF both recipient and receiver are sincere. However, most of the time, you just know that this practice has become more customary than actual intent. "Maaf" (forgive) rolls easily from some people's tongue on Hari Raya.

Because of this, I find it difficult to just accept and forget. Why should I? If the person is sincerely seeking forgiveness for whatever past misdeeds he has done to me, then his actions will clearly show that!

A case in hand: My mother. After months of not acknowledging my existence, she suddenly wants to open up communication lines in the last few days of Ramadan. I was too busy to entertain her. Then, on Hari Raya itself, despite asking for forgiveness, she showed her true intentions soon after i.e. she wanted us to drive her around for Hari Raya visits.

HELLO!!! That's what the family car which she had so generously bought for my brother, is for!!! On Hari Raya, my god-knows-what's-in-his-head brother worked and used the car. If he really had to work on that day, then leave the car for my mother to drive! She does have a driver's license you know.

On the second day, we had already told her that we were going out. Yet, she still came to our home! What was she trying to do? Blackmail us into bringing her along??? What was wrong with that woman?

I still couldn't get over the fact that she left my dad all alone at home just so she could go visiting. Not just to her mom's place, but everywhere! We were dumbstruck when my uncle told us that my mom had gone visiting till 2 a.m.! I couldn't do or say anything but just blinked my eyes.

The sad thing was, when my father's siblings wanted to visit, she told them that she was not at home or was too tired to entertain. But when it came to her side of the family, she welcomed them with wide open arms.

I hate it when she uses us for her own gains. Now, she's trying to use my daughter to get to me. I will never allow it! Until she changes her behaviour, I am reluctant to allow my children to be with her.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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