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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010 @ 4:36 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've written so much about my mom, that honestly, I'm tired of writing about her, talking about her or even acknowledge her existence! But once again my mom did something so incredibly stupid that I've no other outlet to vent my anger positively except by writing about it.

Last Sunday, I found out via Ipy that my mother intended to bring my grandma to stay with her. My grandma is diabetic and she just had her leg amputated.

Firstly, the fact that she didn't talk to me about it personally was disappointing. She used Ipy as a communication tool to relay the information to me. The fact that we both knew what my answer would be was irrelevant.

Secondly, has she forgotten that she's looking after my dad too? If anyone's forgotten, my dad is diabetic and until recently, a kidney dialysis patient. She did a lousy job at taking care of my dad. She missed crucial appointments several times until he's blind. No diabetic patient should be blind in a developed world.

My mother simply can't take care of 2 sick people, especially since she has no intention of quitting her job! Besides, my grandma has 5 other adult, married children. So why must my mother be the one to look after her???

When my brother called to discuss this issue last Sunday, I knew it was going to be very messy. But we met anyway. We didn't beat about the bush. My brother asked her if grandma was really coming. My mother refused to confirm or deny anything. We suspect that she had already made up her mind before she told us about it!

We all gave our reasons why it wasn't a good idea. All logical reasons. Even when she threw the filial piety card, we said there are other reasonable ways to be filial, and this is unreasonable. She just could not accept that she simply could not cope with 2 sick people in the house!

Maybe she thought she could be a matyr or something by bringing my grandma in. Or maybe she thought that the maid which her siblings were going to provide for her would solve everything. But it won't! How much could the maid do???

She had also forgotten that it's not just her living in that house. There are 4 other people in the house, 2 of which are helping with the household bills. How could she make that kind of decision without consulting them first? They are not kids anymore!

We knew she didn't want to discuss it anymore because she kept changing the subject to my father's well-being. There was no issue there because everyone's doing his/her part about it already.

She kept bringing up about household bills and expenses, 2 sensitive issues which we didn't raise knowing how ugly they can be. She did this on purpose for the same reason.

It did become ugly. So ugly that it became desperate. So what does a desperate person do in a losing battle? Kill everybody, allies and foe. She pulled the plug on my dad's dialysis.

It was a crazy, heartless and selfish act by a deranged woman. Why must she use my dad like that??? The old man is already sick, he doesn't need to be used like a disposable entity.

The last straw was when she cursed my children. My innocent children. I couldn't take it anymore. Enough is enough. I told her she was stupid, selfish and unfit to be a wife and mother. I forbid her to step into my house and she was not allowed to see my children anymore.

Drastic? I will not allow anyone, family or otherwise, to threaten my children like that. She overstepped her boundaries.

At home, Ipy and I discussed the aftermath. We agreed that I should just help my dad from a distance. All this while, my mom had never like the idea of my dad staying with us. There was no reason now to continue with the dialysis at our home. Our home is not a nursing home nor a dialysis centre. She shouldn't be allowed to use our home anytime she pleased.

It's Tuesday. My father had not had dialysis for 2 days already. I don't know how he's doing. We have told my other brother, the favoured son, to handle everything. If she's still bent on stopping the dialysis, nothing else we can do.

Filial piety? With a mother like that???


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