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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Sunday, January 24, 2010 @ 1:37 am

Dear Blogger,

I haven't visited my dad at the hospital for 2 days because I've flu. I don't want to be sicker or infect those patients with the virus. Just doing my part as a responsible citizen.

I wonder how my dad is doing. I haven't received any calls from his doctors or nurses or even the social worker. He needs to go for dialysis now and it seems everyone is waiting for somebody to the go ahead!

I've met the social worker last Wednesday and I didn't like what she was suggesting. I know money is tight and dialysis isn't cheap. I know she meant well too, citing the patient as her main concern. Still, I can't just let my father's health deteriorate when I know I can still do something about it!

My father is not even 60. I am very sure it's not his time yet. So who am to play God by determining how long he can live? So instead of dwelling on the care and financial issues (which don't seem to be settled anytime soon), let's all take this opportunity to fulfill our filial duties.

All it takes is a little cooperation from everybody and the solution to all related problems will reveal itself. I seriously believe that! That cooperation itself is the first mountaneous obstacle that we have to overcome.

It's my last weekend of my 29th year. The last weekend of being 20-something. I was hoping to celebrate my 30th birthday with a big bang. With the way things are going, that doesn't seem likely. It's most likely that everyone will forget my birthday, except for my husband of course. He's not allowed to forget my birthdays and anniversaries.

To be honest, I'm not ready to be 30. A 30-year-old woman can't have the same fun as a 20-year-old without inviting nasty glares or vicious gossips. Not an Asian woman at least. Not that I'm ever going to dance on the bar top or slither on the strip pole. Still, things will be different.


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Monday, January 18, 2010 @ 8:22 pm

Dear Blogger,

My dad has been in the hospital for 6 days already and some of his children has yet to visit him! I'm already feeling the effects of the daily shuttling from home to SGH. This hospital is really a sick building.

My dad was admitted right after his outpatient appointment last Wednesday because his doctor detected fluids in his lungs. When I arrived at the clinic, he was already wasn't looking too good! He was gasping for oxygen like a fish suffocating in the water.

Although my mother didn't like my dad to be admitted, I went ahead with it. His health is more important than personal inconveniences. He was already looking so sick so how can he not be admitted?!

There are just too many things wrong with my family. First and foremost, their priorities are twisted. Secondly, they've underestimated the seriousness of the case. Lastly, they've forgotten who they are.

My dad is looking stable now. He's undergone an emergency dialysis to remove the fluids in his lungs. So the dialysis has already started and it's permanent.

My family being what it is has made my dad worry so much that he refused to go for anymore dialysis. As stubborn as he is, I'm more stubborn and I'm more aware of the situation. He shouldn't be worrying about the costs. His children should be working that out!

For almost a week, I have cracked my brain to come up with favourable solutions. All the solutions led to my brothers coming in to pitch in. I can't afford to pay $1,800 a month for dialysis on my own! That's why my parents had 5 children so ALL of us can share the responsibility equally!

Like I've said. There are just so many things wrong with my family. I am so drained thinking of ways to get my brothers involved. I think getting bulls to cooperate is so much easier than getting self-centred siblings to come together.


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Monday, January 11, 2010 @ 10:40 pm

Dear Blogger,

I find it amazing and ridiculous that a word, or to be exact, the understanding and exclusive use of the word, can and may divide a country. You know what I'm referring to. Granted that religion has always been a sensitive issue but who or what can use a terminology is a tad immature.

I'm the first to admit that I've a lot to learn about Islam so what I'm about to write further are just my and only my opinions on this issue that has affected me every time I read about it in the dailies. I'm sure there are many other moderate Muslims in the region who are affected by this too.

Firstly, I agree with the Malaysian High Court ruling to allow the use of "Allah" by the Catholics because this term has been used to refer to God since pre-Islamic times. It's been used by the people of Abrahamic faith for centuries. If referring to semantics alone, "Allah" is just one of the many names for God.

Secondly, I strongly believe the controversy was ignited with political intent. I'm getting sick of religion being used as an excuse for personal gains. It doesn't even have to be just Islam! We've seen Christian values being used to garner votes for the US presidential elections and even for the next American Idol. Can anyone remember any edgy, alternative American Idol? Religious manipulation has long been used by politicians so why change now?

Now that Christian churches in Malaysia are under attack by blind fanatical dimwits, suddenly there's a surge of high-level politicians flocking to these churches to offer support and community service. These are the same politicians who just last week expressed their opposition to the High Court's ruling. These are the same politicians who allowed planned protests to be carried out in mosques all over the country after the Friday prayers.

Funnily enough, the turnout for these protests were significantly or insignificantly small. When will these people learn that the majority of citizens are tired of these petty protests and want more of these effort and resources put into the country's economic development?

I am not Malaysian, so why am I bothered by this event? It's because I'm Muslim and Malay. Not Malaysian Malay but Singaporean Malay. Internally, there has been a lot of flak about Malays being less successful in education and economics. Social delinquencies are also highest among the Malays. So with Malaysia behaving the way it is, it's not helping other Malays with its looked-down-upon image.

Being a Muslim too can be dangerously inconvenient in some countries. To the unknowledgeable, Islam is a terrorist religion. I'm greatly offended by that. No religion was born out of terrorism and none is inspired by it. So to have a so-called Islamic state who prides and sells itself as a multi-cultural and multi-religious country to be torn apart by something as petty as who gets the exclusive rights to the use of "Allah" is just offensive and belittling to other Muslims.

Our faith in God is not confined to bricks of walls nor names. Our belief is not as fickle and fragile as that.


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Sunday, January 03, 2010 @ 11:20 pm

Dear Blogger,

I guess the holidays are over. Can you feel reality sinking in just hours away? Everyone seems to be looking forward to 2010. Can't blame them. 2009 was such a lousy year.

All I hope for 2010 is no major surprises. I don't want situations that will drive me crazy. I'm not looking forward to anything else because I don't want to be disappointed. Not too much anyway.

Here's to tomorrow!


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