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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, December 11, 2009 @ 12:22 am

Dear Blogger,

My father is sicker than anyone has thought. Even I didn't expect him to be in such a state so soon! His diabetes may be in a manageable condition (according to his diabetic doctor), but it had already triggered his other organs to deteriorate.

His kidneys had started to fail late last year but we were told it was only one of his kidneys. Back then, dialysis was a remote possibility. My father only had to manage his health to minimise the rate of deterioration. I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but it's not supposed to be this soon!

I received a call by my father's renal specialist this afternoon. As of his last appointment last week, my father's kidneys are only operating at 10%. Total! This was worse than I had ever anticipated!

His doctor has estimated 3 months max before he has to give in to dialysis. Kidney dialysis isn't a cure nor a replacement. With my father's diabetes, it's just meant to prolong the inevitable.

The dialysis itself isn't what's occupying my mind the most. It's getting every one of my siblings involved that has had me walking around in a daze all day. Whether it's financially or effort, I just want everyone involved!

The last time I tried gathering everyone for a family meeting, I ended up crying the whole night and sleeping on the floor in a separate room. Ipy had to come into the picture and manage the situation.

It's such a heavy responsibility being the eldest child. I don't know how my brothers can easily make themselves scarce when this is clearly their responsibility. They are the sons! They should be taking the lead!

I also don't know why my mother would keep this to herself. I had to hear it from the doctor! By phone! Doesn't she realise the gravity of the situation? Just because I couldn't be physically present for all his medical appointments didn't mean everything's fine and under control! Gosh! Just thinking about it is making me furious!

Once again she has left it till the end for me to clear up the mess. That's my mother!

Let's just look and move forward. I can only control myself, not others. Now how do I wake my siblings up and get them to be more active in my father's healthcare management? How do I do that without going crazy? Worse, without plunging into another bout of depression?

Pray with me.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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