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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009 @ 12:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

Many major editorials are already trying to sum up or define this decade. Many names have been given about this decade, but none of them has any ring like the 60s, 70s or 80s. Maybe we can call it the 00s?

Many things have been written about this decade, but most agree that it's not a decade we would all like to relive. From the 9/11 attack on New York's World Trade Centre (who can forget that when it was "live" on CNN?) to the global financial breakdown (thanks to greedy, greedy people), many said that this decade is best forgotten.

Did anyone notice how the great U.S. of A seem central to the above events?

On the local front, Singaporeans faced 2 major health epidemics, SARS and H1N1. Although, I think the latter was more paranoia than actual epidemic. We were enthralled by "Toilet Break" starring Jemaah Islamiah's Mas Selamat. Then right soon after, it was followed by the recession. Even Mas Selamat took a back seat to that.

Despite the retrenchment scares, you couldn't tell that Singapore was in a recession. Property prices went ridiculously high and people were snapping them up like hotcakes! I saw more luxury cars on the road and the malls were just crazy with throngs of shoppers week by week! Really. What recession???

Mother Nature too didn't want to be left out of the headliners. She didn't unleash her wrath just once or twice. I've lost count of how many natural disasters we've experienced! There was the Asian tsunami in 2004 that really woke people up. Then there were the quakes in China and Indonesia. Those quakes seemed to occur almost monthly!

Uncle Sam wasn't let off either. New Orleans was literally washed out by Hurricane Katrina. The city is still being rebuilt 4 years on. Australia suffered hundreds of bushfires from record-breaking heatwave. The deadly one in Melbourne was technically not caused by Mother Nature although she helped. That was caused by arsonists.

Politically, Americans voted for their first African-American president after 8 years of tolerating George W Bush bumbling leadership. The Americans had themselves to blame for that. Why in the world they voted him again remains a mystery.

The men in white, PAP, got a major beating in the last general election even though they still remain in power. Only just. The new generation of Singaporeans were not afraid to exercise their political rights.

Malaysia's ruling Barisan Nasional too got a beating from maverick Anwar Ibrahim and his coalition party. I was there when the Malaysians were out voting for their future leaders. You could see it on their faces. They were tired of the corruption and infighting. Unfortunately, even with the promise of change, their chosen leaders were still involved in corruption and infighting.

On the entertainment front, the self-proclaimed King of Pop, Michael Jackson, passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest at his home. Investigations are still on-going to what caused the cardiac arrest. His family has resurfaced in the media after all these years to cash in on his death or as they call it, his "legacy".

This is the decade of reality shows on TV. There is nothing "real" about those shows and I really despise most of them. Some of them are really absurd and a waste of airtime. Some are really quite good, like "The Amazing Race" and "Project Runway". "The American Idol" format has been copied to death! I'm glad Simon Cowell is leaving the show!

"The Osbournes" was refreshing but the copycats after that were just plain pathetic. "Jon & Kate" should just shut up and learn to be proper parents before social workers take away their 8 kids. Jessica Simpson became what she is now thanks to "The Newlyweds", not because of her dismal album sales.

If by chance MTV is reading my blogs, please scrap all those reality shows you've been producing. "Sweet 16", "16 and pregnant"... enough already! Just play music videos like you're supposed to!

On a personal level, this is a decade of exploration for me. Hey, I was in my 20s! I still am in my 20s for 26 more days. I think I've experienced all the vices there are except drugs, gambling and prostitution. Drugs are illegal and expensive, I don't know how 4D works and I don't need to be paid for sex.

The start of the decade started with uncertainty into the "real" world, followed by lows with relationship issues and my father's deteriorating health. It's finally ending with some highs and stability with marriage and birth to a baby Sarah.

That's what life is, isn't it? One non-ending roller-coaster ride. Happiness and sadness doesn't last forever. What stays forever is the attitude to live out the life as how you want it to be.


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Friday, December 11, 2009 @ 12:22 am

Dear Blogger,

My father is sicker than anyone has thought. Even I didn't expect him to be in such a state so soon! His diabetes may be in a manageable condition (according to his diabetic doctor), but it had already triggered his other organs to deteriorate.

His kidneys had started to fail late last year but we were told it was only one of his kidneys. Back then, dialysis was a remote possibility. My father only had to manage his health to minimise the rate of deterioration. I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but it's not supposed to be this soon!

I received a call by my father's renal specialist this afternoon. As of his last appointment last week, my father's kidneys are only operating at 10%. Total! This was worse than I had ever anticipated!

His doctor has estimated 3 months max before he has to give in to dialysis. Kidney dialysis isn't a cure nor a replacement. With my father's diabetes, it's just meant to prolong the inevitable.

The dialysis itself isn't what's occupying my mind the most. It's getting every one of my siblings involved that has had me walking around in a daze all day. Whether it's financially or effort, I just want everyone involved!

The last time I tried gathering everyone for a family meeting, I ended up crying the whole night and sleeping on the floor in a separate room. Ipy had to come into the picture and manage the situation.

It's such a heavy responsibility being the eldest child. I don't know how my brothers can easily make themselves scarce when this is clearly their responsibility. They are the sons! They should be taking the lead!

I also don't know why my mother would keep this to herself. I had to hear it from the doctor! By phone! Doesn't she realise the gravity of the situation? Just because I couldn't be physically present for all his medical appointments didn't mean everything's fine and under control! Gosh! Just thinking about it is making me furious!

Once again she has left it till the end for me to clear up the mess. That's my mother!

Let's just look and move forward. I can only control myself, not others. Now how do I wake my siblings up and get them to be more active in my father's healthcare management? How do I do that without going crazy? Worse, without plunging into another bout of depression?

Pray with me.


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Tuesday, December 08, 2009 @ 11:02 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm supposed to blog about our trip to KL but I've been so preoccupied with the game apps on Facebook that I've completely procrastinated on doing everything else! Those things are addictive! I'm blogging via mobile phone now. I can't play Facebook apps on mobile.

Sarah is developing about 1.5 months ahead of the average child. That's according to the development checklist in her health booklet. I don't know if her advancement is good or bad. A part of me doesn't want her to grow up too fast. It still feels like it was only yesterday that I was carrying her around in my womb!

She had her second vaccination this morning. She didn't cry nor developed any fever this time round. Most likely because this 5-in-1 vaccination didn't hurt as much as the pneumococcal one.

We learnt about the "tired cry" today. For several days, Sarah has been crying the house down in the evenings. We thought she had wind. Even after massages and feedings, she was still crying. Her doctor said she was just tired. It's the 4-month-old babies' way of telling us that they're tired. He advised us not to overstimulate Sarah a couple of hours before bedtime.

That isn't easy for Ipy. By the time he comes home from work, it's almost always a couple of hours away from Sarah's bedtime. Not to overstimulate her means not being able to play with her. That was why Sarah usually behaves better when he's away.

Ipy wants another child soon. Partly because he doesn't want to be too old to raise children. Also, partly because he misses the joy of having a newborn.

I don't want to rain on his parade here, but I'm not a baby factory. It's easy for him to say he wants another baby. He's not the one going through the pregnancy madness. He's also not the one tending to the children three-quarters of the day.

I do want another child but I have to listen to my body too. At the moment, it's too tired to even get laid. There is a time for everything. Good things will come to those who wait. Clich├ęd sayings. I don't like to say it's not the right time because there is never the right time so I'll just say I'm not ready.


ps I'll blog about KL another day.

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