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who am i
Sunday, October 26, 2008 @ 11:43 pm
The uncomfortable ceasefire has ended and now another silent war has broken out between my mother and I. The cause of war this time: wedding invitation cards.
I've given her a blank guest list with maximum number of invitees for her to fill up. I've allocated tables according to her guest list. I've written and printed the guests' names on each card. So all she had to do was to send them!
And this she couldn't even do it right! I've already told her if the guest lives nearby, she may hand-deliver the invite. Otherwise, simply post it!
The first straw came 2 nights ago when she insisted on personally delivering a card to my paternal aunt in Bukit Panjang. That's like 45min drive and only if the expressways are clear!
The second straw came when she told my aunt to come up with excuses why she didn't hand-deliver the cards to my aunt and uncle who live 10min away from us. What kind of person puts another person, an innocent one at that, in a spot like that??? How could she get my aunt to lie for her just because she couldn't see eye to eye with the aunt and uncle in question???
The final straw that broke my back came yesterday when she again insisted on hand-delivering a card to my distant relative who lives in Woodlands! That's another 30min drive!
She had asked me the night before if I wanted to visit my uncle who had been hospitalised before. I said fine. What she didn't tell me was of her plans to visit all these other people whom I have not seen in ages, not even on Aidilfitri, along the way!
Worse of all, she brought her cousin along for the ride! Basic manners would dictate that she should ask me if it was alright if her cousin joined us because I might have other plans. She can't assume that what I'll be married into will automatically belong to her!
I really don't know what she was trying to do. It was a simple task which she wasn't even obliged to do in the first place. Since the very beginning, the least I want to do was to trouble my family members with this wedding, especially with my father's condition the way it is. So if it's so hard for her to deliver the cards, I'll gladly send them myself!
She shouldn't use custom as an excuse because some customs should be abolished! Those worth retaining are those which are not borne out of obligation and don't burden anyone! If a certain custom is beyond our capabilities, then it's OK to use alternatives!
She has to change her "kampung" mindset because everything and everyone else has evolved to adapt to the current times. But I can't change her. I can't and I don't think I will. I've learnt that I can't change what is beyond my control and changing a person's behaviour and mindset is beyond my control.
Hopefully she realises that with this change of mindset, it will be easier for my siblings and I to fulfill our duties as children to our parents. As of now, she's making things so difficult for us to even engage in any rational conversation with her! Filial piety has become quite a burden to us instead of a willing responsibility.
Even Ipy has said that she is being childish. Firstly with that drama when I moved out of the family home. Secondly with this wedding. She is not making things any easier for us, least of all herself.
I don't expect to hear anything from her till a week before the wedding. That is fine by me. It's pointless to engage in any peace talks with her unless she comes forward first. To any outsider, this may seem like a screwed up mother-daughter relationship, but I know my mother.
Ipy has been wondering how the relationship between my mother and I turned out the way it has now. My only explanation is that my mother has never approved of my unconventional beliefs and made worse when my father encouraged my liberal upbringing. I guess she wanted a mini-her, but what she got was an anti-her.
Ipy and I have also been talking about our relationship. What made our relationship work considering that we grew up in 2 different decades and raised by 2 different school of thoughts? Our amicable conclusion was that our differences were actually drivers for our complementary relationship.
Putting aside all the disagreements we have had so far, we actually have quite an enviable and admirable symbiotic relationship. This was a testimony from strangers on the streets! I guess we were destined in such a way that each of us had to go through all the pain and suffering first before we could find each other.
Ipy and I at home
Ipy and his Jonas Brothers-wannabe hairstyle
An old friend commented that Ipy looked a little like Malaysian actor Rashidi Ishak. I don't know about that...
Ipy looking cool while driving along ECP
Yesterday, after sewing class, Ipy and I went to town to hunt for our wedding bands. It's so difficult to buy a wedding band for him because he can't wear gold. We also don't have much time to customise. Most jewellers don't carry a decent platinum wedding band. The closest that he was looking for and liked was at Tiffany's and even then, there was no size available for him!
We hope to get our wedding bands before he flies off again. After that, there won't be much time to do anything else. No stress on the bride and groom.
The Singapore Visitors Centre was busy because Orchard Road no longer looked like Orchard Road. It looked like some developing town what with all the contructions going on.
Me having dessert at the restaurant
An unplanned grocery shopping at Carrefour
Ipy trying out the shirt which I eventually bought for him at Takashimaya
Ipy also brought me to Sungai Road because I have never been there and we had time to spare. What can I say about Sungai Road besides what I have heard from people? It wasn't what I had expected.
I had expected a little more flavour to this place. I was expecting unique finds like unusual homeware or antique centrepieces but all we saw were mobile phones and old electronic devices. I liked looking at the old postcards and photos though.
The haphazard makeshift flea market that is Sungai Road
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