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who am i
Tuesday, August 12, 2008 @ 9:31 am
Sometimes, routine isn't that bad. Routine brings a sense of stability in a person's life. My morning routine is as the following:
This morning, I welcome the return of this routine. The last few days have been "messy" because Ipy's back. He's a master at screwing up my routine. I couldn't get out of bed on time because of him.
So Singapore celebrated her 43rd birthday last Saturday. Hooray! She celebrates her independence with grand, fancy parades every year, but is there something missing this year? Oh yeah. Her people!
The roads were strangely devoid of cars on Saturday. Orchard Road was not blanketed by people. So where are her people? On holiday of course! Last weekend was a rare 4-day holiday for Singaporeans.
One doesn't have to go far. Across the Causeway is better than nothing. On Sunday night, we saw Singapore cars queuing as far as that Plaza Pelangi (or something like that) towards Woodlands!
I didn't have the luxury to even go to KL last weekend, because of THE course on Sunday. The National Day Parade has never stirred any excitement in me for as long as I can remember, and this year was no different.
Besides, after watching the jaw-dropping Beijing Olympics opening ceremony the night before, the National Day Parade seemed "amateurish". No offense to the hardworking, patriotic volunteers and participants of the parade of course.
So back to THE course. Oh man... where do I begin? Even the night before, I had steeled myself to keep an open mind in this full-day course. And I did! I proudly raised my hand up when I had doubts. I spoke in a clear voice when needed to. And I didn't lie. I was honest through and through. Decorum be damned!
But that person in class that day wasn't me at 100%. Often times, I had to hold myself from starting a debate on gender and sexuality rights issues, my pet topics. If an adult educator, facilitator or instructor can't even say penis and vagina to a class full of adults, then I don't think he's qualified to facilitate that class!
There were so many questions I was holding back, out of respect to the participants who just wanted to leave the course with the damn certificate. Many times, I've asked myself, what the hell was I doing here???
Why must a woman be represented by a "wali" in proposal and marriage? Are women that dumb or deaf or mute that we can't represent ourselves?
If love should come after marriage in Islam (or"inculcate" as translated in the notes), what is love as defined by Islam then? Does love mean the right of a husband to treat his wife like a slave? Or limit her freedom either with bricks or clothes?
Why is it the right of a husband to demand for sex when his wife clearly doesn't want to? Isn't that no different that treating his wife as an object rather than as a person?
So many questions. So many frustrations with Islam as defined by men. Some people can go through this course blindly. I don't know how they can put up with it. I have convictions! Even though I don't believe in this marriage preparation course, I can't just sit there and be tone deaf. I just can't!
Ipy once told me to bear and grin it. I was horrified. He was telling me to be a hypocrite! How dare he! I will never sell my soul just to get something that I don't even believe in the first place!
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