posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, August 29, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

Dear Blogger,

I know I have been slacking on my blogging. It wasn't that I was doing it on purpose. I was either out of the house the whole day, too busy with daily chores or just suffering from writer's block. Then again, blogging shouldn't be an obligation right? Still, I believe that writing is a good stress-reliever.

Ipy flew off to Perth early yesterday morning. It was expected anyway. He had been home for close to 4 weeks already. I was so used to him being away most of the time that it felt odd having him here for more than a week. Also, it felt "different" having him by my side almost every night.

Hopefully he'll be home in time for Aidilfitri. This year is quite an important year for us. The best and quickest way to be introduced to our whole spectrum of family members is during Aidilfitri. Also, it'll be the perfect time to disseminate our wedding invitations.

A thought just struck me. This will be the last Aidilfitri that I'll be celebrating as a single woman! Come next year, I'll probably be carrying a bloated abdomen. Gosh! The thought of it all seemed so surreal.

In fact, I have been experiencing "cold feet" lately. I know that marriage is inevitable, but I guess I'm still in denial over the whole matter. The fact that every time I open my eyes, the wedding day draws nearer, is not helping my jittery nerves.

I am also at my heaviest for a very long time. For 2 years already, my weight has been on the edge of the acceptable BMI range. Now, it has just gone off course.

I would like to blame my incessant cooking and baking for my weight gain, but I know there is more to it. I haven't gained this much weight this fast since... my pregnancy! Oh God! I'm sure it's just the brownies and cakes and cookies and... right?

On a lighter note, I'm really excited about this year's Ramadan. It's a holy month yes, but my excitement is more aesthetic than religious. Now that I've a home to call my own, I am ecstatic about the possibilities of buying carpets, cushions, floral arrangement, etc. Hopefully this year's bazaar at Geylang Serai does not disappoint.


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Saturday, August 23, 2008 @ 5:45 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ipy has a new toy. It's a $1,500 new toy. It's a Nikon D80 DSLR.

I admit. It's a cool to-have toy. My only concern is how long this expensive toy will sustain his interest before he stores it in its box for eternity.

I actually passed up a chance to own a pair of diamond ear studs for this camera. I could have insisted on the diamonds, but retailing at an average of $400 for a pair of ear accessories seemed a bit too wasteful I think.

Oh well... he said he'll get me a bracelet for my mahr. I am most positively aiming for a diamond tennis bracelet.

Dark clouds threatening to rain over my neighbouhood

Ipy giving his best "Calvin Klein" model pose

*All photos taken with new, expensive and seriously heavy Nikon D80 DSLR camera


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Wednesday, August 20, 2008 @ 11:11 pm

Dear Blogger,

The new Batman movie, "Dark Knight" was literally daaarrkkk! It's intense and violent and quite a trip! Ipy and I managed to catch it this morning, and even though it has already been almost 4 weeks since its release, the movie is still packing in crowds.

I suspect the attraction is partially due to Heath Ledger's untimely death. His interpretation of "The Joker" was undoubtedly his finest so far. I never thought that anybody could replace Jack Nicholson as "The Joker", but Heath Ledger brought Batman's worthy nemesis into a whole new level!

The late Heath Ledger as "The Joker"

Ipy and I thought that Heath's "The Joker" was as sinister as Satan himself. He was more disturbing than that maniac from the "Saw" series! Heath's performance had easily overshadowed the Batman. In fact, the whole cast had performed very well within his or her own capacity!

From Christian Bale's tortured "Batman", to Maggie Gyllenhaal firm "Rachel Dawes". From Gary Oldman's virtuous "James Gordon" to Aaron Eckhart's passionate morals-believing "Harvey Dent". Everyone acted very well.

The very handsome Christian Bale as "Bruce Wayne/Batman"

Maggie Gyllenhaal as "Rachel Dawes" and Aaron Eckhart as "Harvey Dent"

Gary Oldman as "Commissioner Gordon"

My favourite character of them all is the witty "Alfred", played by the Cockney-spouting Michael Caine. I've a thing for witty and funny guys, especially one with a British accent.

The classy Michael Caine as "Alfred"

We also collected our wedding shoot CD from D'Glamz. We have to choose twelve of our best pictures for our album and one to be displayed on the pedestal at our dinner reception.

Overall, we thought the photos looked great. We did gripe about our body shape, but that was something we could only blame ourselves. Admittedly, I have gained a few pounds since early this year and it showed. I haven't been as active as I used to be.

Still, I felt fine about it. I'm not obese. I'm just genetically bigger built than the average Singaporean female. I guess that aspect of me was from my Malay side of the family. Obviously, I should lose a little weight for health purposes, something which Ipy and I are working on together.

Ipy calls this my "tai tai" look. I am a soon-to-be "tai tai" anyway!

Handsome Ipy as the "hero Hindustan". I think he spent way too long in India already.

The bride and groom-to-be in classic white. I lurrrrve the veil and train!

On another note, I'm proud to see Em featured in this week's "Manja" edition. It was something about young people's achievements. I think. I see that her Beading and Beyond business is taking off very well.


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Monday, August 18, 2008 @ 11:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

Phew! What a busy week! I'm glad I finally have time to "download" my thoughts. My brain is already overloaded with thoughts and comments of past events.

Firstly, the outdoor shoot was done. I can't remember why we opted for a pre-wedding photography in the first place. Even though it was only a half a day activity (2 hours for make-up, 2 hours for actual shoot), it was damn exhausting!

We went for outdoor shooting because we thought a studio shoot was so cliche. Besides, I felt that I could feed off the natural and positive energy from an outdoor location. Thus, posing for pictures, how ridiculous they may be, won't be so difficult for me.

Maybe there is a supermodel-wannabe in all of us. When the cameras started flashing and I got the hang of it, I didn't feel like an awkward bride-to-be. I felt like a seasoned model and even an actress, loving the cameras with my looks and poses. It's either that, or I've watched too many episodes of "America's Next Top Model".

Ipy (sans suit) and I waiting in the bridal shop for the photographer to fetch us to our shoot location

Hard-found shoes, bought the day before from Leaping Lizard at International Plaza

We had it done at the Botanic Gardens. I wrote in to the National Museum, but I couldn't use its grounds for free. How disappointing.

The afternoon sun dragged us, especially me who is wearing a very heavy satin grown. With train no less! But the trees and greenery cooled the temperature a bit.

There was a group of nursery kids there. When they saw us, they said hello and waved at us with vigour. It was just so cute of them! I think they thought I was a princess or Miss Universe or something.

There were also tourists who stopped by to congratulate us. It was embarrassing at first, but I soaked in the attention after that. I don't know about Ipy though. I think he secretly enjoyed the attention too.

Secondly, the long road to the marriage preparation certificate was finally OVER!!! After 18 hours of patience and tolerance to a compulsory government initiative that I lack faith in the very beginning, I graduated with nothing more that a piece of paper.

No doubt that some of the pointers were new, the other parts of the content were like summaries to what I've been reading for over a decade. Not only that, I've sat for courses like these in all of my tertiary education!

Financial management? If you can't afford to get married, it's not time to get married. Simple!

Conflict management? When angry, channel the energy into something else. Or don't say anything at all!

Communication? Use all six senses. Not just the mouth.

Love? Strangely, none of the facilitators wanted to attempt a definition.

However, I do enjoy the personality "enlightenment" exercises. I've always enjoyed taking personality tests anyway. Even the serious ones like Myers-Briggs!

I've a personality of an Orange - natural leader, strong-willed, doesn't need friends, among others. Ipy has a Watermelon personality - likes to strike a balance, easily contented with life and basically the opposite of my personality. See how different we are???

An Orange and a Watermelon at Ben & Jerry's, Dempsey Hill

Our Language of Love:

  1. Acts of Service
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Affirmations
  4. Gifts
  5. Quality Time
  1. Affirmations
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Quality Time
That just means that he can easily win my heart by being a gentleman (opening doors, carrying my shopping bags, helping with the household chores, etc). He, on the other hand, is easy to win over by me reassuring him of his good qualities and actions every day. Something which I find very difficult to do. I only give credit where credit is due.

Surprisingly, quality time was ranked the least of our love language. I guess Ipy spends so much time away that time has become irrelevant to us.

Lastly, we decided to just go through the registration at ROMM (Registry of Muslim Marriages) yesterday without wali and witnesses. Since my mother and my siblings have been uncooperative, and my father being sick as he is, we decided to let the system do the work for us.

What pissed me off about ROMM is not the reluctance of its officers to do the hard work, it was their inability to carry any change for financial transactions! The institution accepts NETS and cash only. Yet, certain transactions can only be paid in cash! If that is so, one expects the counter to carry change!

Imagine how embarrassing and awkward we were when told by the off-putting service officer to ask around for a change of $50. We are her customer and we have to beg other customers for change??? That was not right of her.

After that, we went upstairs for the interview session. Ipy said the officer would be asking questions about my readiness to get married. I was actually mentally prepared for tough questions like why my family wasn't here. Instead, all I was asked was my residential details. I felt so intellectually stunted.

Ipy and I at Bar-ra-cuda, Boat Quay (former Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf) on Saturday night. I saw a former "friend" along the way. I chose not to acknowledge.

I think Ipy looked dashing in his new red polo tee (must constantly remind myself to affirm him at least once daily)


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Wednesday, August 13, 2008 @ 11:25 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's confirmed! I have two left feet when it comes to turns in dancing. I couldn't do a rock and roll turn even if my life depends on it! Maybe I've heavy buttocks. My massive posterior wouldn't allow me to do a 360 degree turn without missing a step.

I've finally found a pair of shoes to go with the bridal gown tomorrow. They weren't exactly what I was looking for, but when I've only had less than 24 hours to find a pair of shoes or go barefoot tomorrow, these shoes would do.

I was actually looking for a pair of satin shoes. Can you believe that none of the major stores and designers carry them??? I've stepped into Ferragamo, Chanel, Vuitton and Gucci and I came out disappointed.

Ooooo kay... I admit I wasn't entirely disappointed. I knew these designers don't carry satin stilettos right now, but I went in anyway because I don't think I'll ever have the chance to walk through their doors with a willing spender again.

Ipy and I tracked all other stores in Paragon, Ngee Ann City and Tangs and no satin stilettos. I can't believe I even hated shoe shopping at one point. I guess Murphy was at his tricks again. I won't be surprised if I see satin shoes on sale left, right and centre AFTER the photo shoot tomorrow.

Thanks to several shopaholic girlfriends, we found my shoes at Leaping Lizards at International Plaza. I would never have thought of shopping at the Central Business District. I guess only true blue shopaholics know where to go for everything.

By the way, the International Plaza has some other shoe shops that sell killer shoes at killer prices. I could have come home with several pairs if my giant feet weren't such a hindrance.

Anyway, my shoes weren't entirely satin. They had diamante straps with a diamante bow in the front. I have a thing for bows and ribbons. They're girly affiliation contrasts with the kick-ass heels perfectly.

I wanted a closed-toe pair but had to make do with this open-toed pair. Luckily I had gone for a pedicure yesterday. I liked the heels too. Sleek and high. Just the way I love my stilettos.

You know, after hunting high and low for a pair of bridal-worthy shoes, I wondered would the shoes matter at all, considering that they will be 98% hidden by the long bridal gown and the accompanied train? Ipy gave me this insight a few days ago, but I was too stubborn to consider it.

The shoes cost Ipy $150, but he didn't bat an eyelid. I wasn't sure if it was because he'd buy anything for his princess or because shoes that cost $150 are peanuts to him. Come to think of it, I've never seen him bought shoes that cost any less.

He also bought a pair of shoes at Walking Tall at OUB Centre. As the name suggests, Walking Tall is a shoe shop that caters to men who are vertically challenged. Its shoes aren't cheap, at least in my definition anyway. I guess what's a few hundred dollars if they can increase a man's height by 6 to 10 cm immediately right?


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Tuesday, August 12, 2008 @ 9:31 am

Dear Blogger,

Sometimes, routine isn't that bad. Routine brings a sense of stability in a person's life. My morning routine is as the following:
  1. Wake up when the alarm rings
  2. Brush my teeth
  3. Switch on the kitchen light
  4. Charge my mobile phone
  5. Switch on the radio
  6. Open the main door to collect the newspaper
  7. Boil the water
  8. Water the plants
  9. Prepare breakfast (mostly home-cooked food)
  10. Make coffee and fresh orange juice
  11. Set the table for breakfast
  12. Have breakfast while reading the newspapers
I don't mind doing all these every morning, because it's the only time in my day that I can control. And I think it's important for me to start my day with some stability. Then, I'll be prepared (or mostly) for the unexpected events of the day!

This morning, I welcome the return of this routine. The last few days have been "messy" because Ipy's back. He's a master at screwing up my routine. I couldn't get out of bed on time because of him.

So Singapore celebrated her 43rd birthday last Saturday. Hooray! She celebrates her independence with grand, fancy parades every year, but is there something missing this year? Oh yeah. Her people!

The roads were strangely devoid of cars on Saturday. Orchard Road was not blanketed by people. So where are her people? On holiday of course! Last weekend was a rare 4-day holiday for Singaporeans.

One doesn't have to go far. Across the Causeway is better than nothing. On Sunday night, we saw Singapore cars queuing as far as that Plaza Pelangi (or something like that) towards Woodlands!

I didn't have the luxury to even go to KL last weekend, because of THE course on Sunday. The National Day Parade has never stirred any excitement in me for as long as I can remember, and this year was no different.

Besides, after watching the jaw-dropping Beijing Olympics opening ceremony the night before, the National Day Parade seemed "amateurish". No offense to the hardworking, patriotic volunteers and participants of the parade of course.

So back to THE course. Oh man... where do I begin? Even the night before, I had steeled myself to keep an open mind in this full-day course. And I did! I proudly raised my hand up when I had doubts. I spoke in a clear voice when needed to. And I didn't lie. I was honest through and through. Decorum be damned!

But that person in class that day wasn't me at 100%. Often times, I had to hold myself from starting a debate on gender and sexuality rights issues, my pet topics. If an adult educator, facilitator or instructor can't even say penis and vagina to a class full of adults, then I don't think he's qualified to facilitate that class!

There were so many questions I was holding back, out of respect to the participants who just wanted to leave the course with the damn certificate. Many times, I've asked myself, what the hell was I doing here???

Why must a woman be represented by a "wali" in proposal and marriage? Are women that dumb or deaf or mute that we can't represent ourselves?

If love should come after marriage in Islam (or"inculcate" as translated in the notes), what is love as defined by Islam then? Does love mean the right of a husband to treat his wife like a slave? Or limit her freedom either with bricks or clothes?

Why is it the right of a husband to demand for sex when his wife clearly doesn't want to? Isn't that no different that treating his wife as an object rather than as a person?

So many questions. So many frustrations with Islam as defined by men. Some people can go through this course blindly. I don't know how they can put up with it. I have convictions! Even though I don't believe in this marriage preparation course, I can't just sit there and be tone deaf. I just can't!

Ipy once told me to bear and grin it. I was horrified. He was telling me to be a hypocrite! How dare he! I will never sell my soul just to get something that I don't even believe in the first place!


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Thursday, August 07, 2008 @ 5:34 pm

Dear Blogger,

Brazilian seemed to be "in" lately. First, there was the Brazilian football team flying onto our shores to acclimatise themselves to the Asian weather in a run up to the Olympic games as well as to butcher our "Lions".

Secondly, Brazilian models are everywhere! From Giselle to Adrianna. Those girls are raking in millions just by being beautiful!

Thirdly, I had a Brazilian wax this morning.

I haven't had one in many, many years! So the ripping of hairs in my nether region brought back memories of the good old days hanging out at Holland Village. It also reminded me how painful this process was.

Then again, it wasn't a pain that I couldn't tolerate. After years of a "buzz cut", the hair roots have gotten really comfortable under the skin. So, that was what made the waxing lip-biting hurtful.

I had it done at "The Beauty Room", a home salon in the east. I was a bit apprehensive to have it done at a home salon at first. There were so many health, hygiene and professionalism issues that popped into my head.

But I was pleasantly surprised that the owner was clinically professional. From the room she worked in, to the hospitality, it was better than some of the commercial salons I've been into.

Since the owner didn't have to pay for rent, I guess the savings benefited the consumer. On average, a Brazilian wax service cost about $40. She charged $25 for it. Other waxing services offered were at least 20-50% cheaper.

She also does threading, which is great! I'm a big fan of threading. So to know of this availability closer to home means no more trips to Little India. It's really quite inconvenient to get to Little India from where I am.

I was pretty satisfied in her services that I made another appointment for a full face threading and underarm waxing next week. All these, of course, were in preparation from the photo shoot next week. Who says being beautiful is easy or cheap???


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Wednesday, August 06, 2008 @ 10:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

Tonight was the last of my basic cha cha cha module. So do I think I can dance? I think damn right I can dance! Woohoo!!!

Next week will be the start of the rock and roll module. Last I remembered of it was a lot of turnings.

Jazon Mraz - I'm Yours <~ (to my dearest)

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what i be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short

This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is yours!


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Tuesday, August 05, 2008 @ 11:06 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was appalled when I read the newspapers recently. "I don't want to have any more children", the headline screamed. It was about a local woman who was fired from her job at local SME when she was about six months pregnant.

As usual, companies like that gave all sorts of excuses for the firing. "Poor performance" was my favourite, followed by "cost-cutting measure". But we all know that the company was too cheapskate to pay for maternity benefits.

Anyway, I wasn't revolted because of that. I was dismayed by the woman's admission that she didn't want any more children because she was fired from her job. I know that to be fired from a job can be traumatising, and job hunting even more so.

But why blame children for that? If a company can't see your worth beyond the burgeoning belly, then it's not worth a company to slave over. Even if it pays you $5,000 per month!

In another related story, it was no surprise that most Singaporean working women surveyed wanted their husbands to help more at home. It's just not enough for a man to bring home the dough anymore. He has to help raise his children. It's still his family after all.

Some men I know even expect their wives to work AND still be a wife and mother! I always feel like kicking him in the nuts if I meet such a man. Men like that are usually mommy's boys. I may be generalising it, but I don't think it's just mere coincidence that the men I've met were mommy's boys too.

I'm lucky that Ipy gives me choices instead of shoving conservative responsibilities down my throat. But it's still early stage. His mindset could change after we get married. Some men change after marriage. Not necessarily for the better sometimes.

I'll work because I want to, not because I'm expected to. We'll both be miserable if we have to live up to each other's expectations. Before you can say "irreconcilable differences", we'll be seeing our lawyers more than we see each other.


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Saturday, August 02, 2008 @ 12:18 am

Dear Blogger,

I was at Dempsey Hill tonight. I just wanted to check out what the hype was about. Whenever I drive down Napier Road towards Holland Road, I keep seeing the Long Beach Seafood sign to my left. And I thought that was Dempsey Hill.

But Dempsey Hill was more than that. The narrow two lane road through the hill was dark and a little confusing if you are new. But I must say, all that winding and turning and 3-point turns were worth it.

Dempsey Hill is like Holland Village without the chaos. Its charm lies in its genteel British aristocratic tranquility. Dempsey Hill was a British army barrack after all.

I think the only reason why this place hasn't been polluted by the youth of today is because you can't get here unless you drive! Which is a good thing I think.

The crowd that mingles here is definitely a little affluent. Very chic crowd. Something that I am comfortable to be with. Ipy just told me that I look rich. The only thing rich about me is my increasingly rounder posterior.

Oh how I wish Ipy was here. I think he would love it here. Even though he is an educated "mat", he's learning to appreciate the finer things in life. This is a wonderful place to chill out.

Harry's bar just next to Dome

I was actually at Dome, sipping ginger latte at the veranda. It proved to be a good spot because I could see people coming in at out of all the establishments occupying the three barracks up on the hill.

Ginger latte and ciggies

I wanted to call it a night after Dome, but I heard live music coming from Ben & Jerry's. There was a live band and surprise, surprise! I knew one of the performers! This band played pop rock to suit the mass appeal of Ben & Jerry's.

The classic Volkswagen "peace"van welcomes customers into Ben & Jerry's.

A live band playing at Ben & Jerry's every Friday night

How I miss Ipy. I know I don't say it very often. I don't believe saying such things often. Let my actions show how I feel. And when I do say them, it makes the words even more meaningful.

Ah damn Dempsey Hill! It makes me all romantic and gooey. The only thing that's missing, besides Ipy of course, is a full moon.

Me thinking what groceries to buy at Plaza Angsana earlier in the day

A trolley full of snacks and chips


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