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who am i
Sunday, July 06, 2008 @ 8:17 pm
What is it with everyone these days? I'm being pissed off for doing this, doing that, not doing this, not doing that. Whatever I do is not any of their fucking business! Nor is it any of their fucking concerns! It's like, the older I get, the more shit is being thrown at me. No wonder I am desperate to leave everything behind.
If I don't stay strong, if I allow myself to get sucked into their mental games, I will definitely find myself deep in the black box again. I can't let that happen. If I have to sever my ties with these people, I will. And I can! Blood may be thicker than water, but it is not indestructible.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Not that I haven't tried. I just don't feel connected. Have I become too disillusioned? Too disengaged? Too distant? I used to think that what I cannot control, let it be. So, as long as I can control the situation, then it is my problem.
Just like the situation with my dad. I used to think, that because he's my father, his health management is my problem. Then I realised that everyone else at home took advantage of that. So I got myself blackmailed emotionally without knowing it.
So, I've decided to wash my hands off everything about that family. I am voluntarily kicking myself out of that house. I've already packed some of my things. I am desperate to move out as soon as possible. Every minute I stay there is every ounce of sanity lost.
I feel sick. I feel tired. I don't get it! Exercise is supposed to give you more energy! Not make you feel like an 80-year old woman! I am fully aware that my "sickness" is all mental. Gosh I hate being in the dumps.
Yesterday, Ipy and I went on a guided nature walk at Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserves, something that I wanted to for a long time. I'm all into being environmentally-conscious (I'm really into recycling now), but I can't tell the difference between one plant and the next. The only plant I know and survived under my care, is the money plant. Even then, I don't even know its scientific name!
At the Visitor Centre
I think I may have jumped the gun here. I don't want to say out loud that we are back together. I'm still not sure nor confident about this. He was all apologetic and miserable and I am horrible at that. Anyway, I don't want to analyse too much on my mixed feelings. We'll see how this goes.
Information board at Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserves
The Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserves isn't a convenient place to visit, unless one drives. The nearest bus stop is about 20 minutes walk. But once you get there, you won't be disappointed. I don't think I did. There is a $1 admission fee though, but this goes to its conservation fund.
Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserves is home to many migratory birds from Europe and Russia. The best time to see these birds is between August and November. That makes sense considering those are the autumn-winter months.
Besides birds, you'll get to see fish, spiders, insect, monitor lizards, snakes, and if lucky, even crocodiles. I didn't see any snakes nor crocodiles, but I saw the biggest spider in my life! I still can't tell which kingfisher is which or which egret is which though. Still, it was a great opportunity to be close to nature. Something which every born and bread Singaporean should do once in his life.
The sea hibiscus flower (it only blooms for one day)
A colony of ants building a nest in one of a sea hibiscus leaf
Ipy tracking some migratory birds
A huge spiderweb
Ipy and I trying to make things work between us
Noni fruit (it's a really ugly fruit!)
A Christmas plant (It's supposed to be good for boils)
Ipy at the Sungei Buloh Besar boardwalk
The day before, I got crazy at the Crocs store at Marina Square. I only wanted to get the "Beach" model, but I walked out of the store with the "Beach" and "Cleo" models. In red and pink respectively. Now I plan to buy more. They make not look as sexy as stilettoes, but damn are they comfortable!
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