posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 @ 9:03 am
I have been awfully busy moving out of that house to this new house, that everything else good about me has either been put on hold or totally forgotten! I have not been running for two weeks now. I have not updated my food journal religiously like I should. I have not been really focused with my tutoring. Things are just really crazy right now!
On top of that, my mother is being so immature about me moving out that it's sad to think that an over 50-year woman can still behave like that. She went as far as surprising Ipy's dad with accusations of Ipy being irresponsible!
Her impulsiveness was a tight slap on her very own face. Ipy didn't make me move out. I did! It was my own decision! In fact, I think Ipy didn't have much time to think about it when I decided to move in. Since she knew that she could never break me, she went looking for other goats to break. Unfortunately, Ipy's father was the goat.
She was afraid that my "abandonment" would be gossip fodder for her family (grandmother, uncles, aunties, cousins, etc) and friends. In her desperate attempt to emotionally blackmail me, she had unwittingly brought her own family into this drama. I didn't tell the whole world that I left. She did!
Since the day I left, I have kept silent about it. It would have just been information for Ipy and I, if she had not done what she did. Things would have still be alright, boring as it may be sometimes, if she had not behaved so childishly.
I seriously don't understand that woman. Not that I do want to understand her completely. I have never expected her to understand me either. I'll be happy if she can just accept me just the way I am. If I was 18 or in my very early 20s, I think I would have understood the fuss. But I'm almost 30! Whether or not I will get married, I will still move out of the family home eventually. It's just a progression of life!
My only explanations for her juvenile behaviour is fear. She is probably fearful that with her eldest child gone, my younger siblings would follow suit. Then, she would be all alone to fend for herself and my father. She is also probably fearful that her most responsible child (in terms of house management) is no longer available at her beck and call.
The second reason would have been very selfish and narrow-minded of her. She has five children. She cannot keep that old mentality of how and what the eldest child and a woman should behave and do. We don't live in a "kampung" anymore!
Ever since I was very young, I have never been conservative. My father has even encouraged my liberal thinking at times! What makes she think that I would have evolved into her as an adult??? A recurring thought has come to me recently. It's probable that I could have done great wonderful things if she hadn't hold me back with her archaic school of thoughts.
Now, she has made it worse for everyone with her petty actions. My sister told me that she has changed the locks. That is fine by me. I don't see any signs of reconciliation anytime soon. That is fine by me too. We are both stubborn people, and we both exist in two different centuries. Not even death could bring our worlds together.
Now that I'm in our massive new home, Ipy and I have been busy keeping the registers ringing with our household purchases. Most of them at IKEA. I am such an IKEA person. I think we can turn our house into an IKEA showroom if we want to!
We tore this display cabinet down in the living room and used the space for a closed cabinet... for shoes!
Plenty of space for shoes...
We removed this as well, to give the living room more floor space.
This was the ugly dining room
This is the improved and spacious dining room. The dining table was a steal at IKEA ($297 from U.P. $379). It could extend to fit about 12 chairs. Chairs at $22 each. Self-assembled of course.
The dining room light before... and after
Light at the hallway
New kitchen! I love the refrigerator and washer-dryer. Expensive stuff but eco-friendly!
The junk food are Ipy's while the healthy ones are mine
The TV console temporarily at the study room (from the International Furniture Centre)
Rug and cushions in place of a sofa set (obviously IKEA)
The magazine rack that doubles as a printer table (Another steal at $79 from the International Furniture Centre). I also love my new wireless-access all-in-one printer!
The study room light. The old light was too hideous to show
The master bedroom with a bed fit for a king. This bed is so comfortable that my alarm clocks couldn't get me out of bed! Then again, it cost $6,000.
Old coffeeshop fan... to new decent bedroom-living fan
Ipy doesn't stay here every night. Sometimes he does. I don't think most of it was by his choice. It was more so as to not aggravate the situation that my mother had caused. I'm alright with that. I actually prefer being alone in the house. I have almost everything I need here anyway. Besides, I'm used to being alone.
He only stays overnight when he's high on a night like this one with a glass of Spanish Fly
But what happens when he's sick? Like right now! He could barely get up, and yet, he insisted on going home. Just because his father told him to. Even when he's sick, he's insensitive to my feelings. Did he think that I'm incapable of taking care of him? Did his father think so too? Go then! Don't expect me to welcome him back with wide, warm, open arms.
Come to think of it, if I am such a trouble-maker, I'll gladly pack up again and leave. I won't hesitate to do so. I don't have much stuff anyway. I don't think I even want to get married! I just haven't been able to tolerate being with someone who lives in hypocrisy. It's OK to drink and have sex. It's not OK to co-habit even though we're engaged because the society frowns on it.
You know what? Fuck him! Fuck the society!
Celebrating my sister's 16th birthday at Swensen's at the airport
Ipy and I are still working on this relationship, as thin as it is
I ordered the Caesar salad and Clam Chowder in a sourdough bread bowl
All this writing and thinking and emotional turmoil is making me sleepy. I think I'll retire to my Dunlopillo wonderland...
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