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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, April 18, 2008 @ 11:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

There's something alarmingly indifferent about my feelings towards Ipy lately, that it has gotten me thinking again about what's wrong with me. On closer examination, I was feeling a little tired today. It was no wonder because I had 4 students to attend to, back to back.

Yet, my mind and my heart were so restless, that I was constantly thinking of what to do and where to go tonight. Just so that I could avoid going home so early, or at all even!

I wanted to be with someone tonight. Anyone for that matter! I don't know. I just felt like I needed to be with someone. Intimately. Just the thought of not being able to be close to someone, makes me sad.

Have I... gone bored with Ipy? That's a frightening thought isn't it? He doesn't seem to inspire me nor stimulate me intellectually, emotionally or even sexually. Perhaps it's unfair of me to always want things unchanged. Things like they were, before he proposed.

He's already asleep in Perth. But here I am, expressing my desires, my insecurities, my awakenings, at close to midnight. He couldn't even wait for me to fall asleep. I know he knew that I wasn't feeling "fine". Yet, he didn't pursue to uncover below the layer of "fine".

You know, I haven't asked him when he will be home. I don't think I even want to know. Do I still care? I don't know. I'm a restless soul right now. I fear I'll stray to the other side as easily as butter on a hot pan.


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