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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 @ 11:40 am

Dear Blogger,

My attempts to get my family to be more active in recycling was a complete failure. This people has no care about saving Mother Earth! I tried to educate them in recycling. It's more than just selling used newspapers to the karang guni man you know.

I've even set up 3 different trash bags for each type of recyclable materials. But at end of the day, I found all sorts of wastes in the trash bags. I am utterly disappointed in my family's ignorance.

Find out more about Recycling @ Home - National Recycling Programme by the National Environment Agency

I've done little things to help save our dying earth. Like, bringing my own shopping bags, reusing printed papers for solving maths problems during tuition, buying products with "Green Labels", among others. Of course, I think my number one contribution in helping the environment is blogging instead of writing on papered journals.

I've told Ipy that our new home will be as environmentally-friendly as possible. That means, we won't be installing any air-conditioners. It bugs me still that I'm marrying someone who digs Mother Earth for oil and natural gas. And yet, he doesn't get any subsidies for petrol!

Also, I'm going to make sure that everybody who stays in that house recycles! We only have one earth. If we don't save it, who will? It's still not too late to do something about it. Every little action to conserve our natural resources counts.


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Sunday, April 27, 2008 @ 6:50 pm

Dear Blogger,

I know I've been neglecting my blogs. It's just that, I've been so busy! It's giving me a nervous breakdown! Tuition is crazy! But that's to be expected since the mid-year exams are just round the corner. Everything else was insane!

Taking a quick pose before meeting a mad schedule of tutoring

Somebody said, if you look, you'll feel good. Well... it worked for only a few hours. That's why I'm making myself more disciplined to sleep by 11 p.m. every night.

On Friday, brought a friend from KL to the Underwater World at Sentosa. It wasn't planned for. Normally, I'd take a visitor to lunch or dinner. But this guy didn't even want to eat! Not even shopping! So what else was I supposed to do?

Freaky faces these sharks have, don't they?

More sharks. I'm beginning to think that they are quite lazy creatures!

Which one's real? The shark or the Japanese Giant Crab? (The crab)

I was told the fish on the left was a garoupa. The stingrays were in the touch pool, but after what happened to Steve Irwin, I didn't want to take the chance.

Electrifying and graceful jellyfishes

Masters of disguise, the sea dragons on the left and Nemo on the right (it's actually an anemone fish)

The largest freshwater fish in the world, the Arapaima, can grow to 3m and weigh 200kg!

I don't know what fish this was, but what it did was laid on the sea bed and keep its mouth open for hours and hours!

I actually wanted to get to Sentosa by cable car from Mount Faber. Strangely, the Jewel Box doesn't have public parking within its vicinity! So, we settled for a cable car ride from Sentosa at Imbiah Lookout to Harbourfront Tower.

Cable Car Ride from Imbiah Lookout

View of the deck of some cruise ship that is NOT the Star Aquarius

This is the Star Aquarius!

The next day, after tuition in the morning, I made my way to Larkin, JB. Yes. I. As in "no-one-cares-enough-about-me-so-I've-to-go-on-my-own" I. At this stage, it didn't matter anymore.

The traffic jam at Woodlands

2 hours just to get my passport stamped! Was Mas Selamat to blame? Nahh... I think Wong Kan Seng was just out to extort more money from the tax-payers. I'm surprised pragmatic and money-conscious Singaporeans have not made a ruckus on who's footing the bill for this "manhunt" yet.

This whole thing's starting to look like the search for "nuclear arms" in Iraq! The conspiracy stench gets stronger by the day.

Me waiting patiently in Ipy's expensive tin can

Pink - Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

I'm getting as confused as Pink in her song above, about this relationship and wedding and marriage. Do I really want to take the plunge with someone who's barely around? So what if he earns big bucks! Money can't buy me love. Nor happiness for that matter (in the ethereal sense, anyway).

It just seems unfair to me that he goes away for a month, and only stays here for a couple of weeks. He kept saying he didn't have a choice. Everyone has a choice! He chose work over me. Besides, he was doing fine before he met me. So he'll be fine without me now.

Top 5 favourite things:
  1. Starbucks Frappuccino Light Blended
  2. Ipy calling me when he wakes up
  3. Ipy calling me when he goes to bed
  4. Grocery shopping
  5. Milk in the morning
Top 5 hated things:
  1. Ipy not coming home like he said he would
  2. Ipy procrastinating
  3. Ipy messing things up for me
  4. Ipy forcing me to do his chores
  5. Inconsiderate idiots in public places

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Monday, April 21, 2008 @ 11:44 pm

Dear Blogger,

April will end soon. It's so fast! Come Labour Day, we'll finally be able to move in to our new home and get on with the renovations. I can't wait to bring my interior ideas to life! Even the idea of painting a wall seems so exciting!

I've been looking at colour charts and reading interior design books. I must say, they are all very inspiring! It's like walking into IKEA and be awed with the creative juices suddenly flowing again in my head.

Genting Highlands video - Part 5 - At The Park


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Saturday, April 19, 2008 @ 11:23 pm

Dear Blogger,

My restlessness grew intense. So much so that I barely eat anything after breakfast. Not that I wasn't hungry. I couldn't decide what I want to eat. Everything didn't seem tasty or worth eating!

Ipy wasn't much of a help either. He gets annoying by the day! He's like Barney; cute at first, then he gets so blood-rising annoying.

Barney = Ipy in disguise???

I've come to a stage in my relationship that I want to be close, but don't get too close to me. Don't get too far either. More like, keep it at half an arm's length.

If only he wasn't so literal. If only he was smart and sensitive enough to read between the lines. Just because I said "no", it couldn't possibly mean a definite "no". Just because I'm keeping things real doesn't mean that he couldn't make my wildest dreams come true.

I know women are way too sophisticated for most men to understand. Even some of the most intelligent men in the world couldn't hold on to a woman. Just look at Salman Rushdie!

Somehow, the literary genius was able to marry uber-beauty Padma Lakshmi. Yet, the union didn't last. Why? Perhaps, despite his intelligence, he couldn't interpret what Padma was really saying to him over dinner.

Salman Rushdie and ex-wife Padma Lakshmi

I'm tired of telling him what I want and what to do. You want to buy a watch for me? Just buy the damn watch! Surprise me! You don't have to ask me 1001 questions about it!

So I'm feeling frisky tonight. A must-sure way to kill off that mood is for me to literally tell you that I'm feeling frisky. Read the signals! Read the body language! 70% of effective communication is through body language!

Why are some men so... moronic?!

Indulge us man. Indulge!


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Friday, April 18, 2008 @ 11:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

There's something alarmingly indifferent about my feelings towards Ipy lately, that it has gotten me thinking again about what's wrong with me. On closer examination, I was feeling a little tired today. It was no wonder because I had 4 students to attend to, back to back.

Yet, my mind and my heart were so restless, that I was constantly thinking of what to do and where to go tonight. Just so that I could avoid going home so early, or at all even!

I wanted to be with someone tonight. Anyone for that matter! I don't know. I just felt like I needed to be with someone. Intimately. Just the thought of not being able to be close to someone, makes me sad.

Have I... gone bored with Ipy? That's a frightening thought isn't it? He doesn't seem to inspire me nor stimulate me intellectually, emotionally or even sexually. Perhaps it's unfair of me to always want things unchanged. Things like they were, before he proposed.

He's already asleep in Perth. But here I am, expressing my desires, my insecurities, my awakenings, at close to midnight. He couldn't even wait for me to fall asleep. I know he knew that I wasn't feeling "fine". Yet, he didn't pursue to uncover below the layer of "fine".

You know, I haven't asked him when he will be home. I don't think I even want to know. Do I still care? I don't know. I'm a restless soul right now. I fear I'll stray to the other side as easily as butter on a hot pan.


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Thursday, April 17, 2008 @ 11:31 pm

Dear Blogger,

Despite being full from a sandwich of hi-fibre wholewheat breads, cheese, lettuce and tomato for dinner, I still devoured a large Tupperware full of bee hoon when I came home about 10 p.m. I should have stopped after one serving, but I kept pouring more and more bee hoon onto my plate, until there were none left.

After the bingeing, I went on a vomitting spree. As usual. Why do I do that to myself? I hate it when I lose control! I despise the fact that I cannot eat whatever I want, whenever I want! One bite of a chocolate chip cookie, and guilt haunts me till I burn it in a 2km run or something.

I was quite sulky today. Probably because I couldn't have my new indulgence of a Starbucks Light Blended Frappuccino. Oh well... I was fasting for a good cause. To save my soul!


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Wednesday, April 16, 2008 @ 8:25 am

Dear Blogger,

I've been so busy making sure that the future turned out as planned, that I've forgotten about the present. With the house keys exchanged and the wedding preparations in their third phase, I've totally disregarded my soon-to-end engagement days! Unforgivable still, I've neglected my fiance!

What brought about this sudden realisation? Last night, before I went to sleep, I browsed through one of the books I've bought at the Books Warehouse Sale. It was "Wedding Zen" by Susan Elia MacNeal. It's first chapter was about engagements.

Then I looked at my $6,000 Tiffany engagement ring. And for a brief moment, I had forgotten what it stood for! I've been wearing the ring everyday on my left ring finger, until it has become an extension of my fingers. But that wasn't what it was supposed to be right?

So today, I'm just going to sit back and soak in the crisp air of the present. I'm going to admire my beautiful diamond ring once more, as if I had received it for the very first time. Oh how I remembered slipping that ring onto my finger last November at Tiffany & Co. The ring actually sang! What a beautiful melody it was...

Also, I am going to desire my fiance like giddy lovebirds that we are, or used to be. What crazy things have we done? Aren't giddy lovebirds supposed to do crazy things? I can't remember! It's sad when the flame of spontaneity has died out.

I have many, many wonderful activities to occupy my time. I have the Genting Highlands videos to edit (yes, there are more). I have my sister's Singapore Youth Festival's Military Band performance video to edit.

Her school was awarded bronze for their efforts. It was the only school to receive bronze. The rest won either silver or gold. I know. It was so heartbreaking. I could hear little hearts breaking way up from the grandstand seats.

Secondary students filled the stadiums to support their military bands on the field

The military bands in attention

I have my pouch to cross-stitch. I have my cushion cover to crochet. I have my bandana to embroider. I've to window shop for a bed frame.

Then, I've to send the fabric I've bought in KL to the tailor. Our beloved government will pay for my "baju kurung" this year (Growth dividends to come in end of this month!). Before that, I'm going to do some "baju kurung" research at the library.


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Saturday, April 12, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

For two Saturdays already, I've tuned in to a comedy series on Suria called "2 x 5 dol". I don't know what that meant. It's a comedy about a young couple's journey to married life.

It's one of those shows that's very stupid, yet people watch it to ridicule its stupidity. I know. Sometimes we viewers tend to overestimate our own intelligence.

Anyway, I shouldn't be watching shows like that. They only emphasise the absurd practices of Malay weddings and marriages. Most of the time, they are male chauvinistic practices.

For example, in tonight's episode, Hairi (the groom-to-be) wanted to break his engagement to Jun (the bride-to-be) unless she dressed modestly and behaved graciously like a proper Muslim wife should.

And Jun changed her wardrobe for him! She even learned to cook for him! I almost gagged on my day-old fish fillet!

If Ipy even make the littlest of request for something similar, I'll be the one who'll break this engagement. Who is he to tell me what I can or cannot do???

Yes, I do agree that one of the husband's role is to guide the wife to the right path. However, this argument is only valid if he's on the right path too!

I have zero tolerance for chauvinists. I don't care if they're able to quote from male-centric religious doctrines. They can lick my shit!

It makes me wonder if this marriage will unveil the real Ipy. Some men reveal a totally different identity after they get married. That young gentleman who pursued you relentlessly last year, has gone. In his place is a caveman who thinks polygamy is a given.


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Thursday, April 10, 2008 @ 11:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

One of the things in life that really bugs me is inefficiency. I don't know if that was stemmed from my Singaporean upbringing or something that's inert. I'll bet every Singaporean who has travelled overseas has complained of the country's inefficient system.

At home, I'm a real bitch when it comes to efficiency. When I've said it once, twice or three times the most, get it done! Never underestimate preparedness.

I've told Ipy repeatedly to get himself familiarised with internet banking. It's a convenient tool for a couple who does not share accounts in the same bank. I don't understand why he's resistant to such a convenience!

I've already explained why this internet banking will be very useful to him many, many times. This is in anticipation in case I need to put down a deposit on certain wedding matters or home matters when he's out of country. God knows how long he'll be away. I refuse to ask him when he's coming home anymore.

Now that I needed some funds to engage the wedding photographer, I can't do it because SOMEBODY didn't set up the funds transfer account while he was here in Singapore!

His solution was for me to open an account with his bank. Why should I? I could barely maintain the accounts I already have! Then, he thought of opening an account with my bank. I know for sure that he'll end up paying service charges than earning interests.

This photographer issue may seem trivial and it is! But it's like a cherry in this huge cake of inefficiencies! I've always said that I can live without this wedding. Simply because I can't afford to have one!

Every time I'm upset, I shop. If I can't shop, I'm upset. It's a vicious cycle! I'm trying to curb my spending habits, yet, there's always someone or something that upsets me! I'm still upset that the shoes that I wanted to buy from Charles & Keith yesterday didn't have my size. So I bought these shoes instead from Shine.

My new bronze slippers with little wedges

Genting Highlands video Part 4 - Love Boat


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Tuesday, April 08, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

Dear Blogger,

I can't wait to get out of here! This roof is becoming too crowded. I need my space! Space-constraints make me extremely moody.

Either that, or I'm probably hormonal again. Don't you just hate that? I'm beginning to believe that this is God's way of punishing women for Eve's heaven-banishing mistake.

I've been eating like there's no tomorrow too, and it's driving me nuts! Carbo, carbo, carbo into my system! Now I feel sick. I feel like throwing up everything I've eaten today. Alas, I can only vomit out the last cream-heavy bun I've eaten a few minutes ago.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Maybe it's the pressure of getting married. Am I getting cold feet? Maybe it's the pressure at home. Maybe it's the lack of worth I have of myself. I loathe what I've become.

Genting Highlands video Part 2 - Genting Skyway

Genting Highlands video Part 3 - Outdoor Theme Park


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Monday, April 07, 2008 @ 12:42 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ipy has gone to Perth for a few weeks. I've mentally prepared myself for 3 weeks of his absence. I'm getting busier with my tutoring anyway. As of now, I have 8 students who are taking up my waking hours!

At the airport, I no longer held long to him like I used to do. I guess, I was still dissatisfied with him going away so soon again. In fact, I'm more used to him not being here with me than when he was actually here with me! I seemed to know what to do without him, than when with him!

Even in our intimate moments, they were more bing, bang, boom, rather than ethereal madness. I blame it on the impending wedding! This wedding has sucked out the wonders of being in love from me. I no longer feel my knees going weak when he kisses me. I no longer gaze at his eyes. I actually fell asleep when making out!

I'm not even married yet, and already I long for those moments we shared at Melaka and Fraser's Hill. Those were priceless moments. Nothing else mattered then. Not the past, not the future. Only the present.

Genting Highlands video Part 1 - Just Arrived


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Friday, April 04, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ipy and I have finally registered for the marriage preparation course at Kampung Siglap Mosque. Previously, at Arkim, we were told that because of Ipy's previous marital status, we could only register for the course at As-Saalam. I knew that didn't feel right.

Ipy was supposed to settle this, but he had this sudden inspiration to tire his body by jogging and swimming in the last few days. So, I called ROMM aka MCYS and clarified the matter. My gut instinct was right! Only single parents have to attend that course in As-Saalam! Childless folks like us should be eligible to take the course anywhere!

You know, it's all these pre-marriage hassles like these that turn me off from getting married. The marriage preparation course, which I doubt "prepares" anyone for marriages and the wedding which I reiterate, is a serious waste of money. I'm trying very hard to keep the wedding budget under $12,000. I know I've already stepped on so many toes, but shit! It's OUR wedding! Not theirs!

Another thing that really bugs me is my mother's constant pestering for no-need-to-know information from Ipy about me. Certain information is not a right for anybody to know. All her drama of concern about me is just a facade for her insecurities. The root of her interrogation is nothing but money concerns.

We all have our insecurities. But if I let her intimidate me into entirely providing for the family financially, I will never get married! I can't afford to! I'm already up to my nose with financial issues. So would anyone think marriage would be a priority anywhere in my list???

One of the main reasons why marriages fail is family interference. I am very determined not to let that happen. I don't care what anybody, blood-related or not, say about me anymore. If I'm getting married, then I'd better be 110% percent committed to this marriage. Even if that means pushing certain bloodsuckers away from my life.

I have so many grey cells-killing thoughts swimming in my head. Conception has been in my mind often lately. I doubt Ipy could do it. The number of cigarettes he smokes daily could easily kill my ovum a mile off! That guy is worse than a chimney!

He only woke up from his diet of tar and junk food after his medical check-up yesterday. Unfortunately, that medical check-up didn't include any tests on his sperms. If it did, I'll bet the results would make him quit smoking cold turkey!

Salmon on focaccia from The Soup Spoon

Beef goulash from The Soup Spoon

Caesar salad from The Soup Spoon

Caesar salad with salmon from Fish & Co


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