posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, February 29, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

Dear Blogger,

I execrate parents who want to get the best results for their children's education, and yet, never pay the tutors on time! I have to prompt these parents monthly, if not, I won't get paid. There are parents who postpone the lesson so they can slacken payment for another week. I'm not kidding!

You know, it's OK to be honest with me. If one needs to defer payment for a few days because one's salary won't be due till then, or for whatever lame reasons one can think of, I can accept that. Without any grudge! But when one keeps pulling stunts like these, it becomes very vexatious. Infuriating even!

If I have to remind parents every month to pay up, what does it say about them? Irresponsible consumers of service? What about me? Have they thought about how I feel? It's a yucky feeling for me to send reminders to them you know! I feel like a debt collector, or worse, a loanshark!

When you work in a company, you don't remind your boss that pay day's a few days away, do you? You don't go knocking on the Finance Department's door demanding your pay cheque do you? So likewise, why must I, the service provider, send out reminders that tuition fee is due soon???

Besides not getting paid on time, I've been binge eating and throwing up every night this week. It's a psychological retreat for me. To induce vomiting that is.


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Thursday, February 28, 2008 @ 11:29 pm

Dear Blogger,

It always irks me to see boyfriends carrying their girlfriends' bags on the streets. I'm not talking about haversacks or luggages. I'm not talking about ladies bags: purses, clutches, handbags and what have you!

It's even more revolting to see that the girlfriends' enjoy the pleasure of watching their boyfriends' stripped off their manhood by sashaying the crowded streets with their beloved handbags.

The Sunday Times reported that 24% of local women expect their boyfriends to carry their handbags, and 70% of these men will do so! Unbelievable! Go ahead and carry our shopping bags or work bags or school bags, but handbags??? I'm ashamed myself if my boyfriend were to carry my handbag!

Women will always expect and want our men to worship us. But there are some things that men shouldn't do. One of them is to carry ladies handbags. It's... degrading to say the least! What were these men thinking???

There are other obscene number of ways you can adulate us. Like, buying us diamonds. Or paying for our meals and entertainments. Or gazing longingly into our eyes at every romantic moment. Some women like me would treasure a shopping spree with our sweetheart's credit card. Spending money isn't just the only way to shower us with your affections though, but it's devilishly recommended.

I wonder if Mas Selamat Kastari carried his wife/mistress/girlfriend's handbags? His terrorist credentials would go down several rungs in my book if he did. It would be quite a hilarious sight though.

Another thing that's funny about this manhunt of his, is that, I'm almost expecting Tommy Lee Jones to lead the hunt! If our highly-acclaimed police force and army can't catch him by now, Tommy Lee Jones can!

I can almost hear him command to our men in uniforms...

"Your fugitive's name is Mas Selamat Kastari. What I want out of everyone of you is a hard-target search, of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse in that area!"


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

Dear Blogger

I fell in love with this song when I first heard it performed at the Oscars on Monday morning. I've never heard of this 2006 Irish movie where the song came from. Apparently, "Once" was filmed in 17 days with just a budget of slightly over 100,000 euros! Collin Farrell called it "the little movie that could" when presenting it at the Oscars.

"Once" is a movie about an Irish street performer and a Czech immigrant flower seller, struggling musicians both, who found a romantic connection through music. Yet, their romance couldn't be requited due to their circumstances.

The movie starred professional musicians instead of professional actors. Glen Hansard was lead singer of popular Irish rock band, "The Frames". The director, John Carney, was "The Frames" former bassist. He actually wanted to cast Cillian Murphy, the guy from "28 Weeks" for the lead role, but the latter declined.

So, Carney thought, why cast "a good actor who could half sing" when he could cast "a good singer who could half act"? That's another way of looking at the glass half full-half empty cliché.

What was so romantic about this movie so far, (from what I've read that is), the two leads, Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová became a real-life couple! What was even cooler was that Hansard is now 37, and Irglová is only 19! Sort of like Ipy and I, except that we're only a decade apart.

"Falling Slowly" is a simple but moving song about hope. Hope is something that's so dainty. If it's not fed with the proper fuel, it'll crumble into dusts. But I think, hope never leaves us. We just... misplace it in our hearts and minds every now and then.

I believe the song's chords are simple (I don't play musical instruments). Yet, it charges up the emotions. I especially like the chorus.

"Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now


"Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Only musicians and poets can write those...

I presumed both the movie and the song are going to make their rounds at the cinemas and radio stations again, now that the song has won the "Best Song" Oscar. It defeated traditional Disney favourites, courtesy of "Enchanted".

I hope they do make their rounds. It'll be such a shame if us, mere mortal movie-goers, do not get to watch this critically-acclaimed independent movie.


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Tuesday, February 26, 2008 @ 3:07 pm

Dear Blogger,

I finally watched the Mel Gibson-directed "Apocalypto" about a young man's escape from the violent world of the Mayan civilisation. The movie has no professionally-trained actors at all, or at least, actors whom we knew.

I've been wanting to watch this movie when it was first released in the cinemas, and as usual, I ended up postponing watching it till it disappeared from memory. Thank God for DVDs!

I don't know if the language spoken in the film was really Mayan. Who knew and who cared? Maybe the archaeologist and Mayan history buffs would care. It sounded Native Indian though. Then again, aren't they all related?

Besides the use of "authentic" language in the film, the other similarity to Mel's other non-English film, "The Passion Of The Christ", was the intense violence. I must be growing old, because I squirmed at almost every violent scene in the movie. I used to be more tolerant watching decapitated heads and skewered bodies. "Saving Private Ryan" anyone?

No wonder the Mayan civilisation disintegrated from living memory. All those blood streaming down the mighty steps of the archaic temples, was enough to resuscitate the dead bodies strewn all over the footsteps.

Still, who am I to judge? Human sacrifices were their way of life. Who's to say that we are more human than these ancient people when we've had two world wars and several major wars in the last century alone.

I like movies that inspire or motivate me to do something. This movie makes me want to run. Not run in a bad way. Run like Forrest Gump ran. The second half of the movie was where the action was. Basically, it was just a chase. But what a chase it was!

It was heart-pumping and thrilling, and by the end of the movie, I was rooting for the main character to win. It sort of reminded me of "Rambo: First Blood". Both scenes were set in a jungle. Both main leads were running from something. Both leads used their brains to outrun the bad guys.

By the way, the lead actor, Rudy Youngblood, looks uncannily like Ronaldinho. Only without the buck teeth, and more handsome. I wonder if he's going to be in another movie...

Rudy Youngblood as Jaguar Paw

Now, I want to run. Singapore Marathon, here I come!


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Saturday, February 23, 2008 @ 11:36 pm

Dear Blogger,

It had been a long day running from one task to another, and one would definitely want and expect to be home to a quiet but comforting environment. Boy was I wrong!

Word had got out about my mother's accident (courtesy of my CNN reporter grandmother I believed). So, while I was busy labouring at work, she was entertaining guests at home since morning.

Fortunately, my future younger sister-in-law came to help. That, I suspect, was at the emphatic requests from my mother. The thing about my sister-in-law is that, she's very obliging. To a point that she's easily bullied. I have to step in last night and advised that, it's alright to say no.

Anyway, when I reached my doorstep, relatives from both sides of the family had already occupied all the seats in the house. As debilitated as I am, I forced a smile on my weary face. Of all relatives, half of them had to be those that I wished had no consanguinity for.

I finally had the tranquility I craved for at almost 1 a.m. I thought they would never leave! I could understand that their sudden reappearance was a show of concern towards my mom. Still, I believe that it's rude to abuse a hostess' hospitality by overstaying their welcome.

Some people have no guests etiquette at all.


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Friday, February 22, 2008 @ 11:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

Why We Love Who We Love
By Dr. Joyce Brothers

"While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father--the first male in our lives--who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.

Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive."

Hmm... That explains why I tend to have low self-esteem often. It's all daddy's fault!

"Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner."

Hmm... Aggressive and passive. Is Ipy passive? I know I'm aggressive.

"When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else's strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate."

What did I trade my assets for? What are Ipy's assets?

"Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality."

Love at first sight eh? More like a blinded, polluted sight what with all that smoke from the satay grills and cigarettes from a long table of guys at Lau Pa Sat!

On a grievous note, my mother was involved in a reckless driving accident near SIA Cargo Complex this afternoon. She and her colleagues were waiting for their buses when some idiot driver lost control of his speeding car and crashed onto another vehicle. The collision railed off the road and hit not just my mom, but two other colleagues too!

All the ladies were sent to CGH A&E. Fortunately, my mom only suffered minor abrasions and shock. Another lady suffered shock too. The third lady had to be admitted though, but nothing too serious.

The timing was impeccable, horribly as that may sound. I was almost about to knock off from work when my brother tried to call me repeatedly. We didn't know much then, so I thought it was best that everyone stayed calm and not raise any alarms.

I meant, we already are five siblings. That's more than enough to cause a ruckus without complicating the situation with our extended families. Until we know for sure of the outcome, keep the situation under control within ourselves. That's what I believed.

Maybe it's the way general Malay families function. I don't know. Whether it's birth or death or in between, everyone within a two generation radius has to be present. Nothing wrong with that (I'm keeping an open mind here). But does your third cousin or your grand-aunt have to swarm the hospital lobby because you fractured a finger???

Please let the doctors and nurses do their job! Pester them with your questions AFTER they've found out what's wrong with the patient. Geez!


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Thursday, February 21, 2008 @ 4:06 pm

Dear Blogger,

I had an epiphany today. What if all that has happened is a mistake? What if he is a mistake? What if I'm not meant to be with anyone? I know I've asked these questions so many times already. Somehow, the answers that were given weren't satisfactory or convincing enough to put my doubts to rest.

If they had been, why do I still feel this hollowness in my heart? My heart feels like a vacuum, devoid of any emotions. There's no love in my heart. I don't feel any love pumping in my heart! Why is that?!

Am I unhappy? Am I discontent? I don't know! There are so much that I should be grateful for; the oxygen I breathe, the water I drink, the soil I step on. Yet, I'm unable to appreciate the delectable pleasures of God's gift right now! As if, I've no more hope for anything.

If I have love, if I feel the love, then I wouldn't feel so wretched like this. But I don't feel the love! It wouldn't have been so torturous if I feel any hatred for something or someone. But I can't feel any hate either! What is wrong with me???

I wish I can say that I hate Ipy for getting me into this mess or I hate Ipy's job or I hate Ipy for leaving me alone like this. I can't. Because I don't. If I don't feel love, nor hate, what is there left for me?

Nobody knows how it's eating up my soul. It's not enough that my heart feels vacant. Now my soul's wilting like the roses he sent me. Roses that I used to mean something for me. Now they're just rotting expensive flowers.

I've considered calling it quits more times than I probably should. It's been said that if I'm experiencing more rain than sunshine in a relationship, then it's best to leave. It's a beguiling thought to ponder.


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Wednesday, February 20, 2008 @ 9:22 am

Dear Blogger,

I woke up later than usual, because I had two disturbing dreams, which, I couldn't help thinking that there was a relation between them. The first dream had me in some standoff between monsters, pirates and the police in full battle gear. Don't ask me to explain. It was a dream after all.

In that dream, guess who showed up? Din, on his bike, ostensibly trying to rescue me! Or so I had thought. He brought me to some place, and we ended up sleeping in the same bed together. Just sleeping! No sex. No foreplay. Just sleeping in the same bed!

But I knew what he was thinking, and I knew what I was thinking. Our minds had the same intention. Should we or shouldn't we?! That contemplation woke me up briefly.

The other dream had no monsters nor pirates nor police. I was at some sort of a friend's luncheon. Ipy's sister was there! How peculiar! Then, out of nowhere, Din appeared and everyone greeted him like there was never any bitter history between us! That wasn't all. Idris barged in too! Whoa!!!

But I didn't care much about Idris. Din was there! In my dream! Again! On the same night! I know all of these are just dreams (or nightmares), but aren't dreams supposed to be reflections of your subconsciousness? What was even exasperating was that, in those dreams, I yearned to make out with him! Distressing thought indeed!

So here are my rationalisations. Maybe Din was in my dreams because Ipy's away so often. I haven't met Din in person. Yet the thought of him being always physically present here on this island, as compared to Ipy who is usually on some foreign land, was comforting in a perverted sense.

Moreover, I haven't had sex in awhile. With Ipy usually elsewhere, I've been inflicted into celibacy. I supposed my basic carnal needs have not been addressed. Perhaps, without consciously acknowledging it, I'm feeling deprived!

An extract from 'Fantasy Dreaming' by Craig Hamilton-Parker

According to Freud, all dream activities relate in some way to sex. Most people would consider this an extreme point of view, but it is true that sexual imagery is a vital part of dream content. Dreams have a lot to teach you about your sexual nature, your fears, and your anxieties.

Dreams are a rich source of fantasy and can be a way to deal with unfulfilled desires from waking life. Also, as dreams are messages from the subconscious mind, they can reveal our deep feelings and our true motivations. In particular, they can bring to light many repressed sexual desires, our guilty feelings or our unexpressed fears about sex.

If a person has a high degree of repression, the person's fears and anxieties may be expressed through their dreams. Similarly the person's desire for greater fulfillment may be expressed in erotic dreams. If the sexual repression is severe, the dreams may be filled with sexual situations that the person would find shocking, embarrassing, or confusing.

In such cases, there is often a big difference between the person's waking sexuality and the sexuality displayed in dreams. The person's day-to-day life may be emotionally sterile and sensually barren, but the dream life is full of eroticism and steamy sexual encounters. By paying attention to your dreams you can learn about your needs and desires and perhaps cover ways to make your life more sensual if necessary.

Your sexual dreams may also reveal things about the way you feel about your relationships and your shared sexual behavior. As was explained in the section about Freud, dreams can sometimes disguise sexual subjects and wrap the naked truth in all manner of symbolism. Explicit sexual images may appear in dreams.

For example, should you dream of having sex with a member of your family or someone completely inappropriate, it does not necessarily mean that you have a mixed-up sexuality. Psychologists point out that this type of dream can be a symbolic message about your relationship with these people. You may worry that you have these illicit feelings, but dreams of this nature are comparatively common. There's no need to panic. Don't read too much into them.

Erotic dreams usually occur at times when you need a certain amount of release from tension. They are a safety valve that lets out your pent-up frustrations and unfulfilled sex. People who have balanced and happy sex lives in their waking life do not, as a general rule, dream about sex.

As far as we know, the primary functions of dreams are to maintain sleep and prevent the brain from emotionally overheating. Dreams therefore, are often concerned with resolving problems and restoring emotional equilibrium.

If sexual issues are important to you or have been pushed out of your waking consciousness, your dreams will try to deal with these unresolved issues. Even nightmares can be therapeutic, as they draw to your attention many of the hidden fears that may be preventing you from moving forward. Pay attention to your dreams and nightmares; they may hold the keys to your happiness.

Maybe I should extort Ipy for a shopping fund! That will help to distract me of such unconsummated primitive privations. On a side note, Tangs is having a sale today and tomorrow. Unfortunately, my paltry spending budget doesn't allow me to join in the fun.


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Tuesday, February 19, 2008 @ 3:39 pm

Dear Blogger,

I felt better today. How can I not be with all those sleep I've taken??? Anyway, I was well enough to return to my morning run again. I didn't run as much though. I didn't want to exert too much pressure on my delicate heart.

I joined the peak morning crowd in the train, to go to Plaza Singapura. I was going to watch "Juno"! I've been reading rave reviews about it, and it got me all excited.

Juno (Ellen Page aka "Kitty" from "X-Men 2" and "X-Men 3") is a precocious teen who's been impregnated by her classmate, Bleeker (the adorably dorky Michael Cera from "Arrested Development"). She couldn't go through an abortion, so she found a deceptively "perfect" suburban couple in Mark and Vanessa (Jason Bateman from "Arrested Development" and Jennifer Garner from "Alias" respectively).

This is definitely not your typical teenage angst or I'm-too-smart-for-adults movie. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but there's just something brilliant about this movie. If you're expecting slapstick comedy, wrong movie. If you're expecting Hollywood-ised indie, wrong movie. "Juno" is in the same class of last year's independent treasure, "Little Miss Sunshine".

Besides the annoying laughter from the girl a few seats away from me and the fact that 90% of the audience couldn't really appreciate its wittiness, I kind of enjoyed this movie. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

I don't think it's a date movie either. But, if you're like me, who thinks a lot, and your boyfriend's away, and you want to spend your time wisely, this is a good movie to catch.

I guess I had an affinity for the movie because of its unplanned pregnancy topic. There was something that Vanessa said in the movie, about knowing that she had always meant to be a mother, instantly I knew what she meant!

Even though, Mark opted for a divorce in the end of the movie (he wasn't ready to be a father), Vanessa still chose to adopt Juno's baby and become a single mother. Because that's what she wanted! Oops! Did I just spoil the movie for everyone???

I couldn't help thinking if Ipy was really ready to be a parent. I know I am, but is he? He said he is, but you never know these things. A person could say he loves you, and then leaves the very next minute.

I know I think too much.


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Sunday, February 17, 2008 @ 9:25 pm

Dear Blogger,

I might have caught the flu bug. I was making everyone else miserable so I had to excuse myself from work early. I was still well enough to drop by the library and borrow some books though! But that's besides the point.

I felt alright when I woke up this morning. Healthy enough to run 2km in the morning. I knew I was in dire need of the cold tablets when my nose couldn't stop itching and I had trouble sneezing while having breakfast. By then, it was too late for me to not go to work.

It'd be a dolorous outlook ahead, unless I get a good dose of TLC (that's Tender Loving Care for the cave-people). Ipy, like most alpha male, thinks that I'm whining to him about my wretchedness, because I was looking for a quick fix. If I had wanted that, I'd go to the doctor's! I'm not stupid.

I'm going into deep slumber again. This medication is making me excessively drowsy. It's strange how I'm falling sick more often now that I'm officially engaged. Is that unusual???


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Friday, February 15, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was still upset and disappointed with Ipy's actions. Even though he waited for me at my block last night, I refused to see him, hear him nor speak to him! He had become invisible to me. That's what happens when I'm enraged with someone. I obliterate him from all my senses!

Only HE should be responsible on how to manage his job! I can't do that for him! Even if I could, and (God forbid!) want to, what kind of person would he be if he allowed me to? I've compromised several times about this work issue. So why does he still go against this truce???

The rage and discontent was eating me up. Even in the wee hours of the morning! So at the break of dawn, I ran. And ran. And ran. I never liked running. But at that furious state, I felt like I could fly in my Adizero shoes. My heart started to beat faster and my lungs were sucking in oxygen in gasps.

I thought I was going to collapse, but they began to operate in momentum. Like rhythms of a simple pop music. I was running! I was running longer and steadier since my last 2.4km run during secondary school days. That was almost 15 years ago! I've never felt more accomplished than today.

Of course, I had expected to feel the aftermath of that run tomorrow. Aching bones and sore muscles. The signs of an aging and unfit body. I can't expect to be a marathon runner after just one run can I?

The bouquet of dozen red roses Ipy surprised me with on Valentine's Day

The teddy bear that came with the bouquet

The corny and mushy love message in the card (sounded like something from a Hallmark card)

By night fall, I was feeling mentally-drained from a whole day of work-related activities. I had suspected that it was more because of the negativisms in me rather than the actual workload that was wearing me out. (Note to self: Borrow "Women Who Think Too Much: How To Break Of Overthinking And Reclaim Your Life" by Dr Susan Nolen-Hoeksema").

So I burst the ego bubble and opted for a reconciliation. I called him in India. Anyone who's ever as hard-headed and hard-hearted like me knows that to voluntarily bring out the olive branch, is an act of courage. With that act alone, the ills of negativism disintegrated into the still air of the night.


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Thursday, February 14, 2008 @ 11:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

What was it about today that brought highs to a group of people and lows to another? For me, it was both. I should have known better that the high was only for a brief moment and that the low would haunt me for much, much longer.

He came home last night, surprised my absent self with Valentine's Day roses and off he flies again tomorrow morning. Barely had time for me at all! An unforgivable sin in my books.

What else could I say? I am so, so tired of this argument. I had believed that we had made an agreement before. I guess it didn't mean that much to him as it did to me. The one promise I wanted him to keep, and he couldn't keep it.

My faith in this impending marriage is on thin ice. I don't know if he realises it or not. Even this engagement ring has become loose! It threatens to drop off from my finger every day now.

I choked back tears in the middle of a town I'm not familiar at all. Once again, I had to pretend to be strong. I had to pretend that I didn't need anybody. It was all a facade.

The roses doesn't mean anything. The ring doesn't mean. Everything about him, about us, doesn't mean anything anymore. It was like, I've just woken up, and I realised that all that has happened was just a sick dream.


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Tuesday, February 12, 2008 @ 12:59 pm

Dear Blogger,

I love weekdays now, because I've the time and serenity to pursue anything I want on weekdays. Even doing household chores feel like a delight without anybody around telling me what to do!

I do my chores and prepare tuition assignments in the morning, while my afternoons and evenings are taken up with the tutoring itself. And because I've been training my body and brain to wake up at 5 in the morning since the start of the new year, I've the time to read the Quran (I'm on chapter 3: "Women", already!) and fulfill some missed prayers.

All this is fine and dandy when Ipy's not around. I'm not sure if I can maintain this discipline when he's back though. He has a way of breaking down my discipline when he's around. Late night suppers... Late bedtime... Desserts, desserts, desserts... How can I not feel fat???

But I've made a promise to myself to get him more involved in the healthy lifestyle. By hook or by crook, I'll make him lose about 10kg of that fat before the wedding. Even if that means I've to resort to emotional blackmail!

He just told me that he might be coming home sooner than expected. That's great! But (there's always a but) I won't let that get into my head. I know I'll be disappointed if I do.

Killing time at East Coast Park yesterday morning before sending the car for servicing at Kampung Arang Road

I'm going to collect the car this afternoon. Hopefully they've washed and polished it. The car is in bad need of a washing. I don't know what I'll do with it today though. There are just so many possibilities, but with the increasing price of petrol... many of those possibilities have to be reconsidered.

Peanut butter and honey cornflakes cups

I made these during lunch today, because I kept seeing that unopened box of cornflakes on the table for a few months already! Made these with loving creativity and culinary intelligence, i.e. without any recipe to refer to.

A tad too sweet for my taste though, but I'm sure anyone with a sweet tooth will devour it. Note to self: Reduce amount of honey used when making this next time!

Peanut Butter and Honey Cornflake Cups recipe:

2 tablespoons of honey
(reduce if you're diabetic or don't like sweet that much)

2 tablespoons of crunchy peanut butter
(can use creamy if preferred)

3 tablespoons of dessicated coconut

2 cups of cornflakes

Mix the honey and peanut butter on low-heat.
Microwave the mixture on HIGH for 1 minute.
Microwave the dessicated coconut on HIGH for 1 minute.
Mix everything together in a bowl.
Microwave the mixture again on HIGH for 1 minute.
Spoon small balls into paper cups.
(Note: Refrain from licking from the spoon!)

Serve warm or chilled.


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Sunday, February 10, 2008 @ 7:03 am

Dear Blogger,

One of my all-time favourite activity is to read in the silent comforts of the toilet, while "cleansing" my bowels of the harmful toxins that can eat me up literally and figuratively if I let it build up in my body.

Yes. Reading in the toilet. That's the only place in the house, I've found, to have absolutely no disturbances from whatever and whoever. In fact, I do a lot of my thoughtful reading in there! Best done early in the morning. Healthy mind, healthy body. What a way to start my day!

I'm currently reading "A Woman In Charge" by Carl Bernstein, a biography on the current Democrat presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton. I feel at this stage, I needed a dose of female strength to inspire me. Who better for me to look up to than the imitable Mrs Hillary Clinton?

She, of the world-famous cuckold wife of a philandering, but charming, former presidential husband. The fact that she's still married to Bill brings suspicions of it being a more political move rather than it has anything to do with love and devotion.

I wanted to be like her once. Well, not her exactly. But emulate her traits! Strong, influential and determined. She's not necessarily likable, just like me. But it's hard to deny the power she has to change the world.

Who knew what she's like in private! She could be this evil witch who brings terror to anyone who'd ever deny her anything she wants. But I doubt she's like that.

Us women should be allowed to be bitches every now and then. How else would we be able to manipulate power then? Men may be the face who manage the kingdom. But it's their women who manage them from the bedrooms!

Yesterday, I accompanied my sister shopping at Tampines Mall. She wanted to buy a new bag for school. She finally got her bag at Ocean Pacific. I got myself some bras and panties from Triumph.

Damn that Deep-V collection is expensive! But I'm sure my breasts would be given some much needed lift and shape in those things. (Hint hint to Ipy! The dark red lacy ones please.)

We shared a seafood platter for one at Fish & Co. My sister was hesitant to share a serving, but I was paying. So she had to comply. Which was a good idea, because I was full after a few bites.

I don't have a big appetite. Yet, I'm still puzzled why I'm not a Small size. I've managed to reduce from a Large to a Medium, so I should be proud of that success. But why oh why is it such a... challenge... to reach my ideal weight?!

Seafood platter for one, pasta and shrimp salad and kola tonic from Fish & Co

I should fall sick more often. That's a sure-fire way to lose weight. For a smart girl, I shouldn't be bothered about body image. I should really practise the belief that inner beauty is all that matters!

What a bunch of crap! I'm not living in an ideal world here. Skinny bodies rule in this mad world! I guess there's a bimbo even in the most intellectual of us.


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Saturday, February 09, 2008 @ 8:39 am

Dear Blogger,

For the third time since we've met, I've tested for pregnancy. And all proved negative. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but it was something that my colleague told me last night, that brought doubts on my mind.

I googled for early symptoms of pregnancy, and there it was! Implantation bleeding, often mistaken for menstruation! What if I wasn't menstruating last week when I started vomiting all through the night? There's the usual nausea, fatigue, swollen breasts, among others. I have been kind of sickly lately. Headaches and nausea and my breasts do feel a little sore and swollen. So how could I not have doubts???

But my instincts were right. I was not pregnant. It was just my mind playing tricks again. The baby bug must have been hitting me again. This conflicting emotions are starting to annoy me. Of course I don't want to be pregnant now! But why do I feel disappointed when the test proved negative?

Either I'm ovulating or I'm under a lot of stress, from which I'm not sure what the root cause was. Or I could just be feeling lonely. I try not to feel or think of these things. I'm learning very hard to control all these negative emotions. It's just so... frustratingly challenging!

I'm not sure if Ipy wants kids as much as I do. It's like, strike once, it's a relief. Strike two, you start thinking. Then strike three, you're out! I don't know if he can even make me conceive! This isn't a fair question. I'm being unreasonable. Damn that pregnancy test!


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Friday, February 08, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

Dear Blogger,

Today was a much more productive day than yesterday. Started the day early in the morning, so that I could enjoy jogging with the morning cool breeze, around the pedestrian path by the school next to my block. Bought the whole family breakfast because I was feeling generous, and that I felt good about myself for starting the day well.

The rest of the day was either spent in front of the laptop compiling Bahasa Melayu exercises for my students, or praying. I didn't want my day wasted again like yesterday. Yes, I'm feeling a little drained now from all those praying. But, they're supposed to be good for my soul right?

I visited my boss for a Chinese New Year gathering late in the afternoon. I had contemplated to drive, but I thought, since she didn't live that far away from me, no point wasting petrol. Besides, walking is good! Although, I'm having blisters on my toes from that damn open-toed stilettos.

I had also ordered some bag charms from Em, to be given away to my colleagues as farewell and thank you gifts. I had wanted to give these away on my last day of work, but I thought why not give them away now since we were all gathered together in this rare occasion!

Farewell and thank you gifts for my colleagues
(courtesy of
Beading and Beyond Inc)

Em did a pretty good job with the bag charms. They were so adorable that I wanted to keep them for myself! But let's not be selfish. I thought they would make useful and special favours for my wedding. We've already had our wedding favours ready, but these would complement so well with everything else about our wedding!

The special clay rose and bead bag charm
(courtesy of Beading and Beyond Inc)

I'm still negotiating a reasonable price for them. I'm not going to spend $8 a piece for 250 quantities! I've yet to discuss this with Ipy though. I've only got the idea in my sleep last night!

Talking about sleep, I've been having recurring dreams about losing my very expensive engagement ring. What does it mean? Does it mean that I'll get a new one? Wouldn't that be lovely if it's so!

Oh I'm missing Ipy... I try not to though! Missing someone can be so... disruptive you know.

Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now - Joss Stone

Yes, we have arrived
Joss Stone
Uh huh
It's for the world world world world


You don't have to make your mind up

I just wanna take my time with you


If that's alright

It's alright it's alright

Oh forgive me if I get too shy but

Maybe you're the reason why

I'm feelin' butterflies

I feel it too

Somethin' bout the look in your eyes

Oooh it just makes me feel so right

Well you're my boy

You're my joy

You're my dream

I'm for ya

I adore you're everything that I need

I love how you love me

If I'm made for you

You're made for me

It's too good to be

So tell me what we're gonna do now

Funny how my world keeps spinnin'

Sometimes you can be so silly

You know just how to make me laugh


Your skin is so lovely

When you touch me

I know that you got my back

Sure do, yes I do

I feel so safe when you hold me

It's like you know me

Well you're my boy

You're my joy

You're my dream

I'm for ya

I adore you're everything that I need

I love how you love me

If I'm made for you

You're made for me
It's too good to be
So tell me what we're gonna do now

Oh right now

See baby I love how you make me smile

Don't leave

Please stay awhile

Let's make this happen

I don't care how

Right now lets stay in the present

Can't worry 'bout tomorrow cause today is a blessin'

The world in a state of aggression

I find calm in you

I see my mom in you

It's like a feelin' in a nigga's stomach

When you want it so bad

If you keep keepin' it fresh

It ain't gonna go bad

I been through the valley of love

Rolled the shores of Cali

Just to find peace of mind

Lookin' to the sky

Askin' for at least a sign

Beautiful you came at such a decent time

When we combine

It's like good food and wine

Flavourful yet refined

You remind me of the divine

So easy

Love can be lost and then found, like Stevie

I just love havin' you around

You wearin' a gown

I'm wearin' a crown

Pound for pound

We the freshest couple in town

Well you're my boy

You're my joy

You're my dream

I'm for ya

I adore you're everything that I need

I love how you love me

If I'm made for you

You're made for me

It's too good to be

Tell me what we're gonna do

Tell me what we're gonna do now


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Thursday, February 07, 2008 @ 8:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was utterly disappointed that I didn't get to complete my fast today. I was this close to complete it till I was struck with head-thumping headache since noon. I had persisted and persisted, until I couldn't take the forehead beating anymore. I was only left with 3 hours more to go.

I don't usually get headaches like these. My only suspect was the incredibly intense heat of the sun today. It wasn't just sunny. It was sickly sunny! It's the type of sunshine that gets trapped within the atmosphere. Is this how greenhouse effect feels like?

I started feeling nauseated, so I swallowed the pills that my doctor gave me the other day. Then, I couldn't remember anything after that. I must have passed out like a well-fed baby.

There was supposed to be dinner at Lau Pa Sat with some friends. But I think, that was scrapped, due to unknown reasons. I'm not going to be bitter about scrapped plans. These people usually never follow through on plans. It has happened too many times before. I'm just going to stay positive, and not let it ruin my already unproductive day.


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Tuesday, February 05, 2008 @ 10:11 am

Dear Blogger,

I woke up at 4 a.m. just to wake Ipy up so that he could be at the airport on time. I had to call him up 3 times before he finally went for a shower! He was leaving for Perth today from the new Terminal 3 airport. It was his first departure there, and it was my first send off there.

Ipy looking dazed (from the lack of sleep) at the new Terminal 3 airport

We have visited Terminal 3 briefly when he returned from India a few weeks ago. Back then, we were amazed at the expanse of the area. Now, we were even more appalled, until I saw the retail space (that will be later)! All this land space just for air travellers???

Photo op while waiting in the check-in queue

After checking-in his luggage, we had breakfast at Wang Cafe, just next to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. We couldn't have the half-boiled eggs because its broiler was not functioning. Ipy could never get my coffee order right.

I always order coffee less sweet, which doesn't necessarily mean no sweetener at all. It just means that the coffee doesn't contain sugar but it may have condensed milk or something. He ordered for me a sugarless strong coffee with cream this time round, and that's why I'm blogging instead of returning to my beauty sleep like I had planned to.

Ipy at Wang Cafe

Views from the Wang Cafe

The departure hall

Views of the transit retail mall from the viewing mall

I love the viewing mall! It's so... shiny!

His plane hasn't left yet, and already I've missed him. Maybe that was why I was happily swiping my Visa on purchases I didn't really need but it was something I just had to buy. I didn't really need thank you cards did I???

His stay here seemed so brief. Most likely because we've been busy settling the house purchase and shopping for our wedding outfits. I don't think we've had much quality time for ourselves. I remembered being so tired often at the end of the day.

At least I get to drive his car. A mild consolation I guess. I'd only use it when I'll be out travelling the whole day. That car can set me back about $120 on petrol alone! I knew driving can be costly when I had my car back then, but it wasn't this expensive!

Ipy said he started a blog, but he won't divulge the address. I think he was just pulling my leg because I couldn't find it. If he really did start a blog, then good for him! It'll improve his English proficiency. If he decided to share it with me, may God bless his soul! Otherwise, I wouldn't bother too much about scourging the Internet for it.


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Sunday, February 03, 2008 @ 11:28 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've been throwing up since last night. So much so that I've to see a doctor this morning! I was hesitant to go to the doctor's because somehow I knew it was going to be a waste of time.

Ipy told me no arguments about it and he'd take me to the doctor's early in the morning. If my vomiting had gotten worse in the middle of the night, he'd carry me to the nearest A&E. What a load of bollocks! But I've to admit. It was sweet of him. And he did turn up at my doorsteps in the morning, just to drag me to the clinic.

I didn't have fever. My blood pressure was alright. I didn't have pain in my tummy. Only bloatedness. I couldn't stand the smell of food. They made me nauseated. At first, the doctor thought I was pregnant. Believe me. It wasn't possible. I was very sure of that because I'm having my menses now!

I knew he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Since patients expect doctors to give them a diagnosis, no matter how untrue they can be, he diagnosed me with gastritis. Possibly due to excessive stress. I'm not surprised. After what happened on my birthday, my only surprise was that I haven't been sent to a psychiatric ward yet.

Ipy's sick too. I think he's down with a cold. He's puzzled that we're both sick at the same time. One heart, one soul babe! Honestly, I think he's sick because he has to fly off again on Tuesday for work.


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Saturday, February 02, 2008 @ 11:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

This is the final of our Civic District trail series. Finally!

Me at the national museum lawn

The under-renovation Asian Civilisation Museum at Armenian Street

Ipy at the entrance of the Registries of Civil and Muslim Marriages (ROM & ROMM)

No... It wasn't our time yet to register at ROMM. We were there only because I've never been to ROMM, and since we were in the area, why not? Considering that almost everyone gets married here, you would think that the building would have been well-maintained or at least, up-to-date. It was liked being sucked into twilight zone!

I was pointing to a typical 80s wedding photograph on the poster

A poster of a traditional Malay wedding customs (which I have no affinity for)

Outside the Philatelic Museum (This classic Queen E II post box is still functioning!)

We went into the SCDF Heritage Centre at Hill Street. I believed it was called the Hill Street Fire Station before. I was so looking forward to slide down the pole, but there were no poles to slide.

An old telephone that revolutionised the fire brigade of Singapore

Ipy and I testing out the classic phone

An old fire engine (I've only ever seen this in Mary Poppins!)

I wish I could climb up this ladder, but I couldn't!

Old fire engine...

New fire engine!

Ipy and the nozzles display

A classic fire hydrant

Me trying out the Hazmat suit (and getting wet at the same time)

Monkeying around in the kiddy fireman helmets

Our last stop was dinner at Sakura Thai-Chinese cuisine. It wasn't our first choice, but we didn't want to venture our further or resigned ourselves to fast food. Any restaurants which served broken dishes are definitely not worth patronising a second time.

Me scrutinising the menu at Sakura

Fried kway teow with cockles and claypot beef rice


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