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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Saturday, December 29, 2007 @ 11:55 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was soaked. I was cold. I was lonely. If you had seen a girl walking in the downpour along New Upper Changi Road, somewhere after Bedok MRT Station into Bedok South, that would have been me. Why was I walking in the rain?

Because it started raining after I walked along the pavement! And there was no shelter anywhere till 10m metres away! There was nothing else to do but move forward. Even if that means getting soaked through my undies!

I reiterate. I was soaked through and through. I was freezing. I was lonely. And I was crying. Motorists gawked at me like some circus freak. Pedestrians walked quickly past me without offering to share their umbrella. I was angry.

I was already late for tuition. I had to jostle through the weekend Orchard Road crowd. I hated my job. I had to stand in the train on my aching feet. So the heavy rain was really the icing on my cake. Oh no! That wasn't it! Ipy's insensitivity was definitely the bitter icing on my lousy cake!

He couldn't give me the emotional support when I needed it most. If he can't even do that, I don't see what is there left for us. He's not here physically, so fine! But with all the wonders of communication advancement man has made, he couldn't even be there for me emotionally???

How can I not doubt the legitimacy of his affection? How can I not question his suitability to be my marital partner? He still doesn't understand. It's never the material possessions. It's always the attention to my mental, spiritual and emotional needs that completes me. He couldn't even do that.

I was so lonely, and frightened, that I contacted the people in my past. Even Din. None replied, except Din. As usual, he was just leading me on. The point was, I had nobody. Nobody at all. Nobody to meet up for a heart-to-heart chat. Nobody to just be with to forget everything else. Even God had deserted me. He left me in the rain didn't He?

Honestly, what is there left for us? I am devastatingly heartbroken. There'll be tears on my pillow tonight. There are already tears now.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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