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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 @ 2:12 pm

Dear Blogger,

I am deeply troubled. Instead of wanting to feel reflective this end of year period, I was reminded of the financial agreement I had made with a court-happy party 2 years ago. Even though I have been diligently paying off the damages every month, I had forgotten that this mode of payment couldn't last forever. It has been 2 years already, and I've only managed to fulfill half of the cost.

I think that's more than what any self-supporting full-time student could have done. But some businessmen are blind to disadvantaged folks. I won't whine. I have to be responsible for my own actions. No one else caused that accident in the wee hours of the morning except me.

Furthermore, I had accommodated to pay off the other driver's damages despite the fact that my car was more wrecked than his. Still, I had accommodated, in goodwill and guilt. Of course, later on, I had learned that most people tend to take advantage of that goodwill. But that is another matter for another day.

Instead of dwelling on the problem, I forced myself to think of solutions. The solution that kept coming to my head was to ask Ipy for help. But I can't. Not when it is my financial burden. Even without my pride, I can't ask anyone to help me in this. I've caused too many problems to my family already. Even if it means being hauled to court again.

On another matter, I wanted to cancel all social events, like this Saturday's wedding invitation, because I've not been feeling mighty cordial of late. It seemed that all I wanted to do now was to hole myself up at home and shun every physical contact with other humans! I know it is that time of the month, but pre-menstrual syndrome has never depressed me this bad before. I had even wanted to shave my head off earlier on!

Is the incoming 2008 triggering all these emotional instability? Will the suicidal-depression acts of 2003 - 2004 repeat themselves in 2008? I've just eaten a large plateful of rice, and that's not a good sign! I feel so emotionally-retarded.


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