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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Thursday, November 22, 2007 @ 11:06 pm

Dear Blogger,

I attended an Indian wedding in a Hindu temple this evening, because I've never been to one and I was curious to meet Ipy's colleagues. Never, ever trust a man with dress codes. Only a man will tell you that the dress code to a wedding ceremony is casual.

I felt mis-dressed. I wore pants (not jeans!) and cream cardigan. This was my "casual". Not only was I inappropriately dressed, despite people telling me that I still looked beautiful, the wedding ceremony was reminiscent of a Malay wedding. I should not be surprised since our Malay weddings were ridiculously inspired by Hindu weddings.

The night didn't end well. I was getting easily flustered, and bored. Ipy was... Ipy. I've already told him that I was bored, twice. He didn't act on them. So what could I do? I lost interest in him and remained quiet on the journey home.

I'm bored. I'm craving for some stimulation. I'm craving for excitement! After a week together, half of me just wants him to go away. I mean, there's no point for him to hang around with me when he isn't doing anything but tailing me like some love-sick puppy!

Sometimes I wonder if he'll be better off with some girl who's more conservative. Someone who is easily content. Someone who respects tradition despite what bollocks some rituals can be. Someone who doesn't get bored so easily. Someone who's typically Malay.

He is a good person. A traditional boy in a community sense. That's why our theologies and beliefs clash often! I hate it when that happens! It bothers me greatly when he preaches religious morality without being able to justify it to my face. "It's God's will" or "because it's written in the Quran" aren't valid justifications to me.

Sure, my knowledge on Islam has major gaping holes, but don't give me this bullshit on material wealth distribution and women's rights and responsibilities in the name of Islam. Rationality has served me very well for 27 years. So I don't see why I've to accept certain "rules" without convincing justification. Islam may mean "submission" but it doesn't mean to submit without thinking.

It's more than just clashes of ideologies. I need to be stimulated! I need to be entertained! I need to be inspired! If I don't get any of these, I'm... dull. I'd rather be dead than dull! It's depressing enough that I'm financially inadequate and socially retarded when standing next to him. Must I die of boredom too???


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