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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Monday, November 12, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

A few months ago, I had decided to take up a new career path. Something that is totally different from what I've been doing and studying all these years. Now that the opportunity is here, I just don't know if I want to go through with it.

There will be so many changes in my life in the very near future. I wish I could say that they're all very exciting, but I've been feeling more unsure about them than thrilled about the possibilities! Is this the fear of change that many of those self-help books have been telling us about?

If it's really fear, I wish the strength to overcome it is as easy to gather as the calories I've been piling on with my chocolate cravings lately. Many of those books say that support and self-belief are essential. Unfortunately, I have neither. My confidence level is at its lowest at the moment. Once, I used to think that I could fly. Now, I feel like I can barely crawl. My support network is, as usual, almost negligible.

Firstly, I seriously don't know if my relationship with Ipy is going to survive. It's not even the end of the year and already, there's trouble in paradise. The thorn up our arses is not my possible infidelity, but it's his job. More specifically, he going away for work at short notice. Other women may be able to tolerate it. Not me. Will there even be a wedding? I wish I knew.

Secondly, even with God's help and we made it to solemnisation, will I be able to multi-task this new career path and my inevitable role as a mother? I can't be a wife, a mother and a career woman all at the same time. My head's too small to wear all those hats! Something has got to give. Ipy and I haven't got the chance to discuss family planning. Why? Refer to point number 1.

I have till the end of this month to decide. I wish all the answers are served on a silver platter and served to me whenever my burning questions rob me of my sanity. I can choose to be selfish and think of only me. At this moment, I'm unable to. There's Ipy, my family and my future family to consider. Won't it be nice if our actions are solely ours and whatever we do won't affect any other being on this planet?


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