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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

Not only is it a freaking hot Tuesday, one of my shoes fell victim to that damn drain grills! It ripped the leather off my shoe's heel, leaving a horrifying defect on my shoe! Many of my gorgeous stilettos were damaged that way.

The day just kept getting better. My pearl choker which I've just bought and was about to wear came loose! The pearls came crashing on the floor, bead by bead like some dramatic soap opera. And I haven't even wrapped it around my neck!

On top of that, I've to go to the hospital to settle some administrative issues. Why must it always be me??? Why couldn't the other idiots at home do it? They went to school too! So why must I go to all these appointments shit?

And once and for all, what the fuck is an appointment for if I still have to wait?! Or sure! I have all the fucking time in the world to sit and wait! My appointment was at 2.30 p.m. I came early as usual. Still I have to wait a fucking hour!

By the time the personnel was ready to see me, I've lost all control of civility. She said I looked unhappy. Gee! You think?! And before she could proceed, I had to be pleasant to her. What the fuck?! She made me wait and I have to be pleasant to her?! She didn't even fucking apologised! I couldn't stand it anymore, so I picked up my bag and left her open-mouthed.

From that moment on, I've decided not to go through anymore hospital appointments or clinical sessions. I don't even want to wake my dad up in the mornings and get him ready to go to his day-care therapy anymore. I don't bloody care if he rots at home! I just don't care anymore!

I'm so sick and tired of feeling under-appreciated and guilt-ridden into doing this just because I can't contribute financially! I refuse to be emotionally blackmailed anymore! I don't give a shit if my mother disowns me! It won't make any fucking difference!

The last straw was when Ipy didn't call like he said he would. I really fucking HATE it when people said they'd call and they didn't! Not that I had anything to say to him, but I sure won't mind talking to someone about my horrible day. Who else could I talk to if not him? Everyone else has deserted me!

I don't want to communicate with anybody today. And tomorrow. And the day after. I won't answer any messages nor calls nor emails. I'm non-existent! I will remain non-existent till I'm convinced that I'm not an insignificant soul wandering this bloody earth!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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