modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007 @ 11:27 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ipy is finally home after several delays at work. I'm glad he's back because things can finally move a little. I've done what I could on my own already. I really hope we can be more productive this time round.

We finally picked up the ring at Tiffany & Co. I had resisted the temptation to collect it myself because seriously, where is the fun in that??? I was a little disappointed though that he didn't drop to one knee and presented the ring to me there at Tiffany's.

I shouldn't really expect too much from a Malay boy. But a little romantic gesture won't kill anyone. Flowers to brighten up my day once in a while maybe? Or build a personal bear so I can cuddle it every night when he's away? They don't cost too much or take too much effort. A simple love letter is very much treasured too!

So I've come to the conclusion that Malay men in general are lazy. They do work hard to get the money but when it comes to the intangibles, they're hopeless and even more clueless. Despite what many women say, we still love surprises. It's not so much the gifts that were given. It's really the thought that men had bothered to come up with the surprises that really warms our hearts to them!

Anyway, the ring was beautiful. It was even more beautiful on my finger. It felt magical on my skin. I didn't want to take it off! But I had to. It had to go into it's trademark blue/turqoise box and bounded delicately with the satin ribbon. I wasn't even allowed to take a picture of the ring!


I snapped this picture while Ipy went to buy drinks

Sigh... January seems so far away...


StarCruise Virgo at Harbourfront

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 @ 3:08 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was supposed to catch a concert at Esplanade, but I was late. I had mistimed my chores and even now, I've just realised that I've forgotten certain things. Age is sure catching up on me. Been forgetting things lately. This despite noting them down in my to-do list!


All dressed for a lunch concert and shopping

Anyway, not to let it ruin my day, I went straight to shopping at Orchard Road. I already knew what I wanted to get so it was really fast. I wanted to buy a present for the birthday boy next week. It wasn't that expensive (based on what he's used to spending!) or fantastic but it's practical. We had looked at it before. So I hope he likes it and uses it!

I decided to end my shopping right after I've purchased the birthday present. I could go on because I still have some shopping budget left. But I thought, anything can happen till my next pay day. I could even be broke! God forbid!

Sometimes the thought of having an unlimited spending power has crossed my mind. Then again, what will I do with that power? I can't just keep on spending can I? That will just be boring. So I thought maybe having limited resources does have more good than bad. It teaches us valuable skills like effective decision-making and prioritisation.

Case study: 2 pairs of stilettos. One red and the other black. Both look damn good on my feet and I look super hot in them. But I can only buy 1 pair! Which one will it be? See how we develop our decision-making skills here?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Monday, October 29, 2007 @ 4:55 am

Dear Blogger,

Hari Raya house visiting is coming close to the end. I hope! What have I got to say about it? If I have to decide between 2 invitations, one from an older generation and one from the younger folks, I shall choose the former. This is simply because the younger generation fails completely as a host!

I don't expect them to be as warm as the hospitality we are used to when visiting our aunts, grandma, etc. Basic etiquette as introducing the other guests to you upon arrival or inquiring you on the common pleasantries is enough to pass my standards of a decent host.

I attended an "open house" earlier somewhere in the north. Even before I got there, I knew that this would be a waste of time because when I called up for directions, the hostess didn't even know who I was and she couldn't give me clear directions to her place.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt nevertheless. When I've finally reached her doorstep, she asked me if I was so and so and that was the last I've heard from her. I tried introducing myself to the other guests, but it was not reciprocated. In typical Malay (or is it Singaporean?) style, nobody asked me who I was!

It was bad enough that I came alone. The least the hostess could have done was to not make me feel like I was alone. Simple conversation would have been appreciated. Ask me about the weather even! Maybe her throat hurts what with all that smoking that was going on.

Well, what about getting me a drink? It was one of those buffet-style function and we were expected to self-serve. But it wasn't like she had her hands full with her lack of hostessing duties. She wasn't even flitting from one guest to the other!

My point was, if you can't be a decent host, please save the home invitation until you're comfortable to be one. Your guests came from all over the island and your home wasn't exactly convenient to find. So after all that effort, the least decent thing to do was to make all of us feel welcomed.

It wasn't entirely her fault. Our generation was not trained in this sort of thing. Our parents didn't exactly impart on us the basics of hostessing. Even I fail at it! But I'm learning to open up! I try to be present when we have guests around. Not just physically though.

I try to chit chat with the guests as much as I can, starting with mundane questions and answers. This despite me wishing that some of these guests would just disappear from the face of the earth!

I have to start somewhere right? It's inevitable that I will become my own home's hostess one day! Looking at all this positively, we could all learn from mistakes. The ultimate goal of a hostess should be to make all guests feel like they're in their own homes but not behave like they're in their own homes. There are a lot of differences.

Even if the atmosphere has the slightest tinge of tense, you're failing as a hostess. Of course the guests have a role to play too. But it's the responsibility of a host to set the pieces first before the guests can move in whatever direction.

As a guest myself, I shall be more forthcoming next time. Somehow, this was easier when I was in a club. The drinks help relaxed the atmosphere, thus, the camaraderie comes naturally. Perhaps she should have served housepours instead of some carbonated drink! That will make everyone feel like long-lost brothers and sisters!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Sunday, October 28, 2007 @ 1:52 am

Dear Blogger,

So... My first wedding invite in over a decade, and how did it go? I never made it. I did go all the way to Jurong West, but I never made it to the venue. I got lost. I have never liked the west side because it's too darn confusing. Jurong itself has 4 MRT stations! From Jurong East station to Boon Lay station!

After alighting at Lakeside station, I was supposed to board a bus and alight 2 or 3 bus stops away. And I did! Either the groom gave me the wrong address or I've simply lost my bearings in Jurong. I walked about following my instincts for about 20 minutes, on stilettoes no less!

Then, I gave up. I was starting to perspire and my instincts were not getting me any closer to the venue. I thought let's just forget it. I don't even know the couple that well! I had the feeling that the only reason I took my butt all the way to Jurong was because I was bored.

So I ended up at Tangs, where I spent about $40 on accessories while waiting for my girlfriend. I didn't even plan to shop! I was upset and not in control! The only way I could feel in control again was to spend money. It doesn't make any sense I know.

Things started out alright at MOS. I mean I was looking hot! Chit chat with some people in the club. Exchanged names but not numbers. Stuck with just the 2 free housepours that came with the cover charge. Until the club became too crowded to breathe.

I spent most of the time in the smoking room. It's the only place with seats! And I was still able to stretch out my legs there without tripping anyone. Other times, I was at the queue to the bar. Used the waiting time to chit chat with people. Talked to some good-looking rugby guys while waiting in the queue. They thought I was the friendliest local girl they've met because I chatted them up first.

It was Halloween in most of the clubs. Looking at half of the patrons in costumes made me envious. When someone asked me what was my costume, I said it's corporate culture. Too bad my phone's servicing. Otherwise I'd take a babelicious picture of myself.

I left at about 1 a.m. because the crowd was simply unbearable. Chit-chatted again with the cab driver all the way home just to entertain myself. I feel like I'm getting too old for this stuff. I don't seem to have the patience nor the stamina to party all night. I didn't even get to dance!

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy myself. I did! I really enjoyed talking to people! But funnily enough, I was always the one chatting people up first! Was I too friendly for a Singaporean? Is a simple "Hi" too difficult for most Singaporeans???

While discussing the virtues of racial segmentation in Singapore with the cabbie, I thought of what Ipy told me earlier on in the evening. He still hasn't got it! He kept thinking that I was upset with his job, but I wasn't! I was upset that he didn't make good of what he had told me he would do. And that was to return on the day he told me he was supposed to return!

He told me he'd return on Saturday, and yesterday was Saturday. So in my mind, I've already built expectations no thanks to him! By telling me such and such, it's as good as promising me such and such. I don't care if so and so didn't do a good job at managing people. It is his responsibility to fulfill that promise no matter what!

But don't come tell me at the end of the day that I've been warned beforehand about the uncertainties and unexpectedness of his job. You know darn well that your flight home was not confirmed yet. So don't bloody hell tell me in all assurances that you're coming back on Saturday!

This applies to everything else! If you tell me you want to do this and that by this day and that day, you had better do it! Otherwise, don't tell me about it! Don't build wasted expectations in my neurotic brain!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Friday, October 26, 2007 @ 8:50 pm

Dear Blogger,

I went to the Travel Malaysia 2007 fair at Suntec Convention Centre. It was smaller than what I had expected. But I had gotten the information I wanted. I shall dump the brochures on Ipy and make him surprise me with a vacation.

I'm still annoyed with him. I had to attend a wedding dinner tomorrow on my own. Not that I was forced to. I wanted to! The first wedding I'm going to in about a decade, and I've to go alone. It must be some cosmic joke, and the heavens are having a good laugh.

I hope to make it up at Ministry of Sound afterwards. I don't know what I'll be doing there. To regain some lost youth??? I just wanted to feel OK without him around. That I'm still able to have fun with or without a partner. I was able to do that before. So what gives???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Thursday, October 25, 2007 @ 10:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's that time of the month again when I get all testy and short-fused. But I'm trying my darnest to always have a smile on my face. Even when sarcasm spews out of my mouth like a machine gun on steroids. It's not helped when Ipy (God bless his soul) has delayed his return.

It wasn't his fault. I didn't invest enough in his company for any say on the matter. I'm just the soon-to-be wife of its employee. I'm supposed to behave like a Nigella Lawson or Martha Stewart clone I think. What do you call those kind of wives? The Stepford wives???

Keep this up, and I'll keep my spirits even higher up. So high up that he won't even realise that I'm floating away. And he thinks I'm threateningly intimidating (isn't that redundant?). Now how did he get that idea I don't know. Silly him!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 @ 11:28 pm

Dear Blogger,

Phone banking services are supposed to be convenient and accessible 24/7. Yet, why are consumers often kept waiting by their phone for the "officers" to pick up our calls? Sometimes, I suspect that it isn't really the "high volume of calls" that is making us listen to the drab elevator music. I think it's either lack of manpower or all the "officers" are slacking on the job.

I was on the phone for an excruciating half an hour listening to an automated voice telling me that "all officers" are not available. Even though it's a toll-free number, I don't think that includes mobile airtime right? This was all because of an unexpected returned cheque.

How was I supposed to know that the bank decided to charge me for my annual card membership this month??? It could at least have reminded me about it so that I'll make sure I've sufficient funds in my account! Thank god I was able to get a waiver for the $40 service charge for what was the bank's mistake.

Earlier in the day, I was thinking of the plans Ipy and I had agreed upon for our wedding. I haven't really thought about it till then. It is going to be really quick and hassle-free, and it will be really small. I mean 200 guests small. For both bride and groom! Which is great!

What was not great was that I had forgotten how our Malay society functions. We could print 100 invites, but for sure my mom, my grandma, my aunts and all other female relatives will invite every Tom, Dick and Harry they think is worth inviting by word of mouth. So how do we make it strictly for 200 invitees only?

Our society here generally don't abide by the international etiquette of a party invite. If I had invited Ms X, for sure she'll come with Mr Y, without asking me first if that was alright. Worse, if I had invited Mr and Mrs X, they'll bring the whole clan!

Not being calculative here, but we have very limited resources! Short of eloping, I'm at a loss to how to manage the guest list. That is why I don't want to think about this wedding at all!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Monday, October 22, 2007 @ 11:33 pm

Dear Blogger,

My north Indian lunch buffet was canceled because of a last minute work meeting. First, no fish head curry. Now, no north Indian buffet. And worse of all, my mobile phone had to be sent for servicing this morning. Its LCD screen went berserk on me. I won't be able to collect it till (hopefully!) 3 weeks later. What darn luck today!

I made the unfortunate choice of taking the train in the after-office hour peak rush. My new student lived in the north so I had to take the North-South bound train. Knowing the hell that this train could be during the peak hour rush, I took the trouble to take the train all the way from Marina Bay.

To cut the story short, somewhere past the Orchard station, a pregnant lady out of nowhere stood right in front of me! I only noticed her like 5 stations away. At first, I wanted to offer my seat to her, but I just sat there.

Forgive me for being a bitch, but if she had wanted a seat, she should have done what I did; take the train from Marina Bay! I admit that I wasn't being gracious. I was in a foul mood! I was exhausted! And being pregnant doesn't give anyone an automatic right to a seat.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Sunday, October 21, 2007 @ 9:37 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've finally completed my fast for the month of Ramadan. So I don't owe God any fast. Not that I know of anyway. But lately, the food that I've broken my fast with have been unglamorously "discarded" in the toilet bowl. Emotional and binge eating have always been a problem which I've not completely dealt with. I suspected that it's only because I found some relief in induced vomiting. Not just physically, but psychologically too.

Let's hope I don't binge eat during the lunch buffet tomorrow. We're no longer going to have fish head curry. One of my colleagues can't take spicy food. How can anyone not take spicy food is beyond me. Instead, we're going to try out the North Indian restaurant at Peninsula Plaza. So my craving for fish head curry still stays.

I've been thinking of family planning too! If I wanted to have 5 kids, I should really start procreating right after we get married. But if I'm going to start my career soon, how can I manage that without going depressingly crazy? Part of me thinks that it would be nice to not dwell too much on a career, and instead focus on being a homemaker. Just like the ladies of Wisteria Lane!

I just don't know if I can deal with the green-eyed monster in me when I meet my peers with careers. It would be wonderful to have everything wouldn't it? But who am I kidding? I know myself well enough now that I can't have the whole cake and eat it too.

I know that if Ipy and I were to have this discussion, it'd still be me to make the decision. His role is so clear-cut and defined that there are really no questions about it! But women have all these choices right now, and each has its merits. But sadly, being a homemaker isn't an outspokenly proud "career" choice.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Saturday, October 20, 2007 @ 6:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

I am so craving for fish head curry, but Ipy can't stand Indian food when he's here. I can understand that when curry and its kind are staple foods of India. Oh the misery of having to eat curry day in day out!

I don't particularly like nasi lemak either, but I'd still sit with him at the dining table whenever he craves for it. If need be, I'd have it too. I do eat my mom's nasi lemak, but that's because she makes sambal sotong instead of the dry, thick sambal the stalls use.

My point was, there will definitely be some things which we don't particularly share fondness of. But that doesn't mean that each of us can't accommodate each other's differences. I love Indian food! Unfortunately, because of his work, he's sick of Indian food. So once in a blue moon, can't he indulge me in my cravings? I'd do the same for his nasi lemak.

Hopefully I'd get to satiate my fish head curry craving on Monday. Have planned to eat it with my colleagues. Hopefully.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Friday, October 19, 2007 @ 10:08 pm

Dear Blogger,

I think more and more Singaporeans have forgotten what basic manners are, and that's sad. When you're going to be late, please let the person who's waiting for you know that you will be late and by how long. Being late itself is rude! Then apologise!

When you're going to cancel an appointment, a simple phone call in advance won't kill you either. So why do some people think that it's alright to make others wait hours for them and then without any apologies, just call the damn thing off??? Don't these people feel any shame?

You can't help but wonder if these people were brought up well. I don't wish to blame their parents but you can't help thinking can you? They have to learn ill-manners from someone. And we haven't even gone into Miss Etiquette manners yet!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 @ 10:22 pm

Dear Blogger,

It was back to the real world for me, even though I kept seeing Malay folks in their baju raya on the streets. These people sure celebrate Aidilfitri for a month don't they? Can't understand and I don't think I will ever understand. I guess there's nothing wrong. It just can get a bit ridiculous sometimes.

Ipy's back in India for a couple of weeks I think. I've given up thinking how it came about to 2 weeks instead of 1 week. I mean, he came back for a few days just for Hari Raya, yet he had to cover 2 weeks of work? I guess some things are just not worth killing my grey cells. As long as he comes back safe and makes me happy. He still owes me some shoe-shopping.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Monday, October 15, 2007 @ 12:41 pm

Dear Blogger,

My first Sunday off in months but I still have to wake up before sunrise! All because he wanted to go to the cemetery before it got too hot to bear. So, as a doting soon-to-be-fiancee, I rang him up at the break of dawn and got myself dressed for the day. Of course, him being him, he finally woke up an hour later.

I came over to meet his family. It was the first time, and thus, nerve-wrecking. I may look like a confident person, but when it comes to Malay families, I'm like a fish out of water. It's really hard work to stay conscious of what you're saying and projecting you know!

His family turned out alright. I had expected an ultra-conservative family, which if it really turned out that way, then I'm in deep shit. His dad was pleasant, although I suspected that it was only because he didn't want to scare me away. I mean, how long more can his only son be single right?

My only discomfort was his sisters' chattiness. I come from a family with many boys, so we don't chit chat like girls' do. We either shout at one another's face or it's silent communication. I was quiet most of the time because either I couldn't jump in to contribute to the conversation or my ears have gone tired of listening.


Don't we just look grand?

In the second half of the day, we visited my grandmother and 2 of my aunts. My brother and his girlfriend joined us. It was the first time I've ever met his girlfriend. He was always very elusive about it. I guess this is the year of girlfriends and boyfriends for the family. My mother should be ecstatic!

I guess in a way it was a good idea that we each brought our partners along. It sort of reduced the attention on us, and more on them. Ipy was already an expert at that, so this was one of the few times I didn't mind NOT being in the spotlight.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Saturday, October 13, 2007 @ 8:37 pm

Dear Blogger,

Just like a scene from the movies, I ran up to him as soon as he passed the glass doors of the arrival lounge. We hugged each other for what seemed like an eternity. It felt so good to be in the arms of my "koala bear" again.

He didn't expect me to be at the airport. He wasn't even supposed to be home till next week! He messaged me at 2 in the morning that he's flying home at that moment. I told him if he insisted on coming home for just a "couple of days" and fly off again, I would refuse to acknowledge his presence. I guess I'm just a big mush after all.

After breaking the last fast of the year, we met up for a little last minute Hari Raya shopping. He wanted to shop. I already have what I needed, except for a clutch bag which I've been eyeing at Tangs since last week.

You should see it! It's so cute and glam at the same time! I've never carried a bag this small before, but a clutch seemed so appropriate now. Best of all, Ipy bought it for me! It wasn't that expensive, so I didn't feel bad about him buying it for me.

We headed out to Geylang Serai after that. I was quite hesitant at first, knowing how crowded it could be. But the thought of him wanting to buy a complete set of baju kurung Melayu just to match my baju was too good to miss. It was amusing but endearing.

I think he was more excited about it than I was! He's really into this couplehood stuff! I've never dated a guy who bothers to wear a songkok and kain samping on Hari Raya before! So I'm quite curious to see him in his full regalia tomorrow.


Ipy pleased with his purchases


My "koala bear" and I along the busy streets of Geylang Serai

As usual, I won't be joining the crowds out gallivanting on the streets, decked out in their baju Melayu glory. I'll be working, and in a way, I prefer to do so. Internally, I'm celebrating the victory of fasting for a whole month. Externally, I chose to be indifferent about it.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Thursday, October 11, 2007 @ 10:34 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ramadan is coming to an end. Yet, once again, I don't feel the festiveness that others feel. Yes I sent out Hari Raya cards, but that didn't mean I'm getting all excited about celebrating it. It still is to me, an over-rated, over-commercialised public holiday.

Ipy thinks differently, but I don't expect him nor anyone to share my sentiment. It's about family togetherness for him, and I can respect that. Just don't suck me into it. I'm not in the mood for family-hood at the moment. Unlike everybody else, I'm not fooled or can tolerate the facade every household puts up in every festive occasion.

When have I become so against the "establishment"? I guess I must thank Din for breaking my already fragile heart many, many Hari Raya ago. I can still remember that Hari Raya morning as clear as day. The mind is an amazing work of art isn't it? No matter how much I tried to erase certain memories from my head, they come back to me more vividly than the last time I remember them!

I do miss him you know. Ipy not Din. Why the hell would I want to miss Din??? Let his wife waste her emotions on him! Anyway, I miss Ipy. I just can't express it to him. Not that I don't want to. I'm just unable to! It's ironic that I can be so fluent in writing, but when it comes to verbal mush, I'm speechless.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 @ 10:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

Despite my mother's irrational tantrums, I'm adamant to have nothing to do with my dad's therapy. I've completely washed my hands of it. She's just afraid that with me gone, there'll be no one around to ferry my dad here and there. Well, she'll just have to learn to deal with it without me now.

Besides, she has explicitly said that she only appreciates those who have contributed financially to the household i.e. her sons! Since my time and energy all this time didn't mean anything to her, why should I continue to bother? I've had family shit thrown at me for so long now, so why is this any different?

It is different because I'm certain, more so than before, that I'm finally leaving this wretched place! Then it got me thinking... Am I using Ipy as my means of escape? All the other doubts naturally followed suit. Is he doing this on a rebound? Is he forcing commitment because age is catching up with him? Does he even know what he's getting himself into?

Even after talking to him about it, I'm still not sure. C'mon seriously! Which guy in his sanest mind would want to spend the rest of his mortal life with me??? He would just have to experience one of my moody days and he'd bolt out of the door faster than I could say "pre-menstrual symptoms"!

But he was very sweet. I know he's not having the most blissful of times with me. That is exactly why a part of me doesn't want to proceed any further! Self-inflicted pain is a treat compared to making him miserable with all my mind-boggling antics.

Why is he so crazy about me? My only answer to that is because I'm such a weirdo that he finds it refreshing to be with! But that novelty will wear off eventually! Oh God! It's like an episode of "Dharma and Greg" except without the kooky hippy factor!

I am so twisted aren't I? Maybe it's time to give the psychotherapist a call. It's about time too. I've been "sane" far too long. The "happy" drug is wearing out.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

Not only is it a freaking hot Tuesday, one of my shoes fell victim to that damn drain grills! It ripped the leather off my shoe's heel, leaving a horrifying defect on my shoe! Many of my gorgeous stilettos were damaged that way.

The day just kept getting better. My pearl choker which I've just bought and was about to wear came loose! The pearls came crashing on the floor, bead by bead like some dramatic soap opera. And I haven't even wrapped it around my neck!

On top of that, I've to go to the hospital to settle some administrative issues. Why must it always be me??? Why couldn't the other idiots at home do it? They went to school too! So why must I go to all these appointments shit?

And once and for all, what the fuck is an appointment for if I still have to wait?! Or sure! I have all the fucking time in the world to sit and wait! My appointment was at 2.30 p.m. I came early as usual. Still I have to wait a fucking hour!

By the time the personnel was ready to see me, I've lost all control of civility. She said I looked unhappy. Gee! You think?! And before she could proceed, I had to be pleasant to her. What the fuck?! She made me wait and I have to be pleasant to her?! She didn't even fucking apologised! I couldn't stand it anymore, so I picked up my bag and left her open-mouthed.

From that moment on, I've decided not to go through anymore hospital appointments or clinical sessions. I don't even want to wake my dad up in the mornings and get him ready to go to his day-care therapy anymore. I don't bloody care if he rots at home! I just don't care anymore!

I'm so sick and tired of feeling under-appreciated and guilt-ridden into doing this just because I can't contribute financially! I refuse to be emotionally blackmailed anymore! I don't give a shit if my mother disowns me! It won't make any fucking difference!

The last straw was when Ipy didn't call like he said he would. I really fucking HATE it when people said they'd call and they didn't! Not that I had anything to say to him, but I sure won't mind talking to someone about my horrible day. Who else could I talk to if not him? Everyone else has deserted me!

I don't want to communicate with anybody today. And tomorrow. And the day after. I won't answer any messages nor calls nor emails. I'm non-existent! I will remain non-existent till I'm convinced that I'm not an insignificant soul wandering this bloody earth!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Sunday, October 07, 2007 @ 6:43 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's narcissistic Sunday. I feel Fabulous!!! This despite waking up in a cliffhanger of a dream. I dreamed that I was late for a flight to China or something. It was one of those humanity trips that I'm oh-so into. Anyway, I was supposed to check-in by 11.40 a.m., but I was still at home, unpacked, at 11.30 a.m.!

I'm not one to pack a luggage in a hurry. I could take weeks to decide what to pack! I pack light (Ipy might beg to differ, but compared to other women, I pack light!), but I've everything I need for any weather and any occasion. There's the day outfit, evening outfit, party gear and never-to-be-underestimated sleepwear aka sexy lingerie.

Maybe it's time for another getaway. Perhaps that's why I'm having such thoughts and dreams. Is Bintan calling? I think it's calling. I've never been to Bintan. A beach resort break would be refreshing I guess. I think Ipy's a little drained for another mountain escape. Considering the guy has been at sea for weeks, you would think that he'd want to be as far away from the sea as possible right?

Here's a narcissist in red again. I'm a red person. I look good in shades of red and any warm tones. I know I look incredibly sweet in pink because people keep telling me that. I don't usually wear baju kurung because they're either pastels, cream or light gold. These are colours which usually get me into trouble with the fairer sex. Please don't hate me because I'm beautiful...






Earrings courtesy of Beading and Beyond. I think my neck needs a pink choker...

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Saturday, October 06, 2007 @ 10:56 pm

Dear Blogger,

Helping someone in need really does cleanse the soul. Even more so when the recipient acknowledges and appreciates the help you've given. All I did today was helped a paraplegic with the lift at the train station. A gesture which did not need any effort at all. And I felt good! In the lift, we asked how each other's day was, and that made me feel even better! Often times, we forget that the less physically-abled are people too.

As we grow older, we often get consumed with our daily personal problems that we forget to celebrate our blessings and capabilities. I know I'm guilty of it because I have my blogs to remind me of my whining. What has happened to us? Perhaps we grew up too fast. Perhaps we are changing too fast. All for the sake of survival.

Feeling a little better, I indulged in a little shopping. I "needed" a new blazer and long pants. After browsing and trying on different outfits for almost 2 hours, I got what I wanted. Then I treated myself to an Ultimate Mocha (a small one of course) and a serving of Caesar salad (which I so love because of the generous cheddar toppings).

Then I felt bad with all that indulgence. Kept regretting spending all that money and do you know how much calories are in mocha and Caesar dressing??? Considering that the salad was my only meal since breakfast, I was still punishing myself for eating it! I'm just too hard on myself.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Friday, October 05, 2007 @ 6:20 pm

Dear Blogger,

I came across one of my paternal aunts on the way home. In a rare move, I called out her name. She couldn't recognise me. Granted that when it comes to the extended family, I'm super low profile. Still, she said she couldn't recognise me because I've lost too much weight. Was I really that fat before???

Anyway, we exchanged idle greetings and blah blah blah. I'm no longer surprised by the look on my relatives' face when I tell them I'm still schooling. Slightly annoyed yes, but no longer surprised. It's even amusing how she became concerned about my lack of income, especially my CPF contribution.

I don't see how that's any of her business. Since I'm older, wiser and thus, more mature, I let her ramble on and on about why women need to be financially independent and why men cannot be trusted. She's giving me advice on men? And financial independence? Err... Thank you?

I make no secret that I've no love loss for any of my relatives, especially my paternal ones. To me, they're relatives by name only. None has given any influence, let alone interest, in my growing up years. Oh wait! That's not true. They're only interested whenever I fall!

What did she get for her PSLE? How many As did she get for her 'O' Levels? Where does she work? She's getting how much??? She bought a car???

Soon the questions will be like these: What does her husband do? Her husband earns how much??? Her husbands drives a what???

Genuine interests indeed. Must-know questions to get their children top whatever I've done or have. There's healthy competition and then there's green-eyed monsters, like my relatives.

It's not just me. My brothers get it too! Unlike my sister who is still too young to retaliate wisely, my brothers and I have grown to ignore them. Sometimes a person's success will speak for itself without having the person crowing about it.


Me channeling Jack Sparrow to work today

The photo was taken in my bedroom/study/office. Notice the noticeboards, books, stationeries and Wentworth Miller. Somewhere among the notices is a tiny photo sticker of Ipy and me. It looks messy for a super neat freak like me, but my bedroom is really a neat, little enclave! Just ignore the books on the shelves, floor and the bed.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Thursday, October 04, 2007 @ 10:38 am

Dear Blogger,

"Do what you feel in your heart is right - for you'll be criticised anyway."

Wise words from Eleanor Roosevelt. This is my mantra for the wedding. Like I said before, big, small or even non-existent, people will still find fault with it. So why even bother?

You know how music can somehow express what you can't literate about your feelings? I was listening to the radio and this song just hit me! That's it! That's why I'm always blowing hot and cold towards Ipy!

It's the new single by Rihanna featuring Neyo. Rihanna, or more accurately, Neyo (he wrote the song), explained it so well in the song! I truly believe there's always a song to capture every moment of our lives. Amazing isn't it?

Hate That I Love You - Rihanna featuring Neyo


(Rihanna:)
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (no....)

(Neyo:)
But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget that I was upset
I can't remember what you did
But I hate it

(Rihanna:)
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

(Neyo:)
But I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore you

(Rihanna:)
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

(Neyo:)
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

(Rihanna:)
Sad and it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

(Neyo:)
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

(Both:)
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

(Neyo:)
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

(Rihanna:)
That's how much I love you (how much I need you)
That's how much I need you (oooh..)
That's how much I love you (oh..)
That's how much I need you

(Rihanna:)
And I hate that I love you soooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need ya (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. soo.....

I'm not crazy about Rihanna's new image. Cool trench coat though! It's sexy, but she couldn't pull off sexy, you know what I mean? In her "Umbrella" video, she forced sexy that I found it quite painful to watch! Sexy is Angelina Jolie or Monica Bellucci.


I just can't get enough of Angie and Shiloh. They are just so adorable together!


The quintessential Italian beauty

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 @ 1:49 pm

Dear Blogger,

After watching Martha Stewart, Floyd and Jamie Oliver cooking up gastronomical delights on TV this afternoon, I'm going to drag Ipy for a feast out in town when he returns. Not so much for the company. More as a control against me overeating. Especially with the desserts.

Martha showed off mouth-watering cupcakes and immediately I wanted to bite into one. I'm not a big fan of cupcakes because the ones I've tried were boring and awfully sweet! It's really sad that I don't have a sweet tooth. I don't know if it's innate or psychology, what with my dad's diabetes and all.


Buttercream in Bloom cupcake from MarthaStewart.com

I do like chocolates though, and strawberries! Strawberries more in fact! And of course a good, full-flavoured ice-cream. Haagen Dazs... Mmm... A single scoop of simple Haagen Dazs strawberry ice cream wipes out all the unsatisfactory sex I have the misfortune to encounter.

Unlike me, Ipy has a sweet tooth. When we dine out, I've a feeling that he's holding back on his appetite. I don't know if he was being considerate or embarrassed. As much as I would love to enjoy swallowing every delicacy I see, I know I'm just going to punish myself afterwards if I do. Haven't shoved my head into the toilet bowl for quite a while. So that's good I guess.


Manhattan Mango Cake from n.y.d.c. Cafe & Restaurant
(worth every lick off the spoon!)


Besides, Ipy is a closet MCP. I don't think he realised that wanting his wife to always look good and slim is no longer funny. In fact, it's hurtful and demeaning. I don't see him making any effort to reduce that beer belly of his. Sure he keeps saying he'll go running or walking. My question is, when?

Don't I deserve to be seen with a well-dressed, healthy-bodied man? Of course I'd rather drop dead first than to ever go out looking sloppy, but how would he feel if I didn't give a damn to how I look? I'm not asking him to look like David Beckham. God forbid I'll look like that wife of his! She looks more and more like a mannequin than a human! No wonder David's out gallivanting with real women. And he should!

I know all these sound so shallow. Still, I believe I deserve it! It's not too much to ask, is it?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 @ 5:55 pm

Dear Blogger,

It was another waiting day at the specialist clinic in CGH. I'm awfully testy today because I hate to wait unnecessarily and I missed last month's period. More than that, I'm getting impatient with my siblings' lack of physical support towards my dad's rehabilitation.

I told my mom last night that next year, I won't be around to help my dad, especially with his clinical sessions. Her response was simply not to go to these sessions. What??? Has she forgotten that she has 4 other children?

Please don't she dare give work as an excuse! I have BOTH work and school. And soon, I'll have a husband and our own family pad! Not once have I complained till now! Did she expect me to forever be around to do this???

It would be nice to just wash my hands off this, but what kind of daughter will I be right? Nevertheless, her dependence on me has to stop! She has 4 other grown-up children for god's sake!

Back to healthcare administration. Will someone shed an ounce of light on what's the point of setting up an appointment when you're still given a queue number? Seriously! It might as well revert to a first-come-first-serve system! The waiting time will still be the same!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

Monday, October 01, 2007 @ 11:53 pm

Dear Blogger,

In many cultures, the older generation seems to think that they know it all. Which is not false to say. Their experience is invaluable. But when it comes to health, it annoys me a great deal that some seniors think that they know better than the clinical specialists!

A lot of times people don't get better not because of clinical malpractice, but because many relatives interfere with the recovery process! Not to say that doctors are always right. But it's their job to know what they're doing!

Let's look at the simple case of fever. My aunts and uncles and even my mom would wrap a fever patient with blankets to "sweat" out the fever. I didn't go to medical school but aren't we supposed to bring down the temperature instead of increasing it even more?

My mom's still harping about Daddy's amputation. She still believed that the amputation was unnecessary. Simply because that was the advice given by her brothers and sisters. Hello! The guy had a serious thrombosis on his left leg! The surgeon couldn't even do a bypass surgery anymore!

Yes sure it's awfully depressing to lose a limb, but saving it at the expense of aggravating the condition? It just doesn't make any sense! Sometimes I wish all these old wives' tales would just disappear from the face of the earth.

Anyway, I drove my mom and grandmother to SGH to visit my younger uncle. He had a tumour removed from his stomach and was put on observation for suspected cancer. Here I was trying to get some information from the patient himself, and here was my mom interrupting the conversation like she knew everything. Mother or no mother, firstly, it's rude to interrupt when someone is talking and secondly, I asked the patient, not her.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

back to top

latest post  ::  newer post  ::  older post
archives

recent posts

LAYOUT BANNER COLORS MINIICONS