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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, September 28, 2007 @ 6:45 pm

Dear Blogger,

How many days of fasting has it been already? I've lost track, but the spiritual struggles of fasting pale in comparison to how much I'm missing Ipy right now. Yet, he's only been gone slightly over a week! As much as I despised how insensitive he was when he left, I'm such a sucker for him still.

Is he eating a balanced diet? Is he smoking less? Is he getting enough sleep? How's the weather there? Are the people there treating him with considerable respect? They had better not mistreat him. I'll make corporate hell if they do! God knows what I'm capable of.

I've been having dreams of running. Running in slow motion ala the Bionic Woman. I guess that meant that I was running super fast. So fast that my feet didn't even touch the ground. Almost as if I was flying. What did it mean? Note to self: Google for dream interpretations.

(Predictions: Dream Dictionary - Running)
Running is a traditional symbol of health and vitality in addition to being a means of fleeing potential danger. Thus running could be considered a dream of virility, as well as fear.

Usually, in a dream of running in which fear is the dominant emotion, you will find that you can either run all night and successfully escape the danger (albeit with a serious emotional drain), or you find that you continue to falter and stumble, making the object of your fear even more terrifying. In the latter case, try to relate the dream situation to a situation in your life where you are feeling incredible pressure. Sometimes a simple change of perception can solve the problem.

(Dream Moods: Your Dream Symbol Interpretation)
To dream that you are running away from someone, indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears.

To dream that you are trying to run but cannot make your feet move as fast as you want them to, signifies lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reflect your actual state of REM paralysis while in the dream state.

To dream that you are running alone, signifies that you will advance to a higher position and surpass your friends in the race for wealth. Alternatively, you may be running from some situation or from temptation

To dream that you are running with others, signifies festive and prosperous times.

I must have thought about Ipy so much that my heart started closing in on me. I couldn't breathe normally. I knew what I was going through. I was about to go on a panic attack! I counted down to 10 for every breath I took, so as to calm myself. It wasn't helping much. So I did what I usually do. I confided in someone. An old flame.

He wasn't really a "flame". It was one of those brief infatuation. More like "it happened one night" kind of infatuation. I chose to confide in him at that moment rather than Din. God knows how much I don't want to grovel at Din. Besides, this "flame" works overseas a lot. I wanted to know how his wife dealt with it. Didn't help either.

Sounds like I'm already cheating on Ipy. But what could I possibly do? Anyone else would tell me the same old thing: "Have patience". I'm really sick of hearing that! Patience, faith... Patience, faith... Patience, faith... How my ears have gone deaf hearing those words. It's like sometimes these people don't even mean what they say! It can be convenient to use these words when you have nothing else constructive to say.


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