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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Sunday, September 23, 2007 @ 1:31 am

Dear Blogger,

He kept saying that he "understands". What exactly did he understand? Did he understand that the point was not about him leaving, and that it was about him leaving SO SOON? Did he understand that if we were to have children, I'd be the one to put up with their disappointed faces when they ask me, "Where's Daddy?"? Did he understand that I've to be BOTH the mother AND the father for three-quarters of the year? So what did he understand really?

This is the thorn we have to nip before we plunge into a world where innocent lives could be at stake. Some may say that can be dealt later when it happens. Oh really? You think? My apologies if I get way too ahead of myself. It's a burden always having to think of the future.

I miss him but I'm not ready to talk to him yet. Not till he really understands the root of the issue. This is just so infuriating! Besides, its unfair that I've to do this wedding thing on my own. I only took up this project because I was bored!

Now I'm finding something else to keep me occupied. So I'm un-assigning myself from this project. I don't even care if we have a wedding! He can do whatever he wants. I'll just show up. It's not like I can afford a wedding anyway.

It was one upsetting event after the other. Life just couldn't get any better! I could kill that boy for postponing his tuition so last minute! Like almost at his door last minute! What the hell was I supposed to do? Bulldoze my way into the house??? I had to leave of course! Apparently, some religious folks had come unannounced to the house. So who am I to go against questionable religious people right?

I didn't want to go home just yet, but I didn't want to be in public places on my own. I even called my mom if she wanted to check out the bazaar at Geylang Serai. Even my mom didn't want to hang out with her daughter! It was so upsetting that I burst into tears. At the bloody train station!!! Gosh! I haven't cried in public in a long time have I? Continued crying while I was walking home from the train station. Just like old times.

You know, someone once promised me that I'll never cry again or feel sad even. Guess he did not keep true to that promise huh? And to think I've agreed to marry him. Am I going through that miserable road again?


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