posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007 @ 8:33 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's menses madness. I think my body is throwing out what it couldn't in the last menstruation cycle because I'm using up at least 10 pads per day. It's only my second day and it doesn't look like it's going to subside anytime soon. It's utterly uncomfortable you know. Oh... the things a woman has to go through...

I've been at home the whole day. I couldn't decide whether to go out or stay home. So I chose the latter. Well, I didn't actually choose. I just didn't know what to do or where to go. Shopping? I think I've spent quite a lot yesterday. Dining? I've eaten enough. Sightseeing? The weather itself couldn't decide whether to rain or shine.

So, in other words, I've been a good girl. A good, but bored girl. Didn't even feel like rolling on the bed. Didn't know what to surf online. Porn didn't interest me anymore. Hollywood gossip and fashion has nothing new to tell me. So utterly boring!

Watched "Goal 2: Living The Dream" on DVD. I think it's a FIFA-sponsored movie because the football scenes were really well-shot. It continues the story of Santiago Munez, whom in the first movie, managed to get his sexy, Latino arse to Newcastle United. In this sequel, he was signed up by Real Madrid and was thrust into the A-list fame and fortune (or misfortune, depends how you look at it).

There were plenty of cameos from Real's superstars like Raul (drool), Zidane, Beckham (the camera seemed to love his tattoos), etc. It was fun spotting footballers and trying to recall their names, like Steve McManaman. The plot isn't new but it was alright to watch on a boring day.


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Monday, July 30, 2007 @ 10:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

Nothing exciting happened today except that I ruined my manicure. It needed to be redone anyway. It was still raining today. My laundry has not been completely dry for days. Did some chores and grocery shopping. I still can't believe how expensive groceries can be these days.

Indulged in sashimi and inari sushi at Sakae Sushi, while waiting for my wedges to be fixed. I could opt for the teatime buffet at $16.90++ which includes free flow of the coloured sushi plate. But I opted for the ala carte menu instead. I was dining alone man! I couldn't possibly eat that many plates, could I? I still got to enjoy 1-for-1 premium plate sushi and sashimi. For a lone diner, I managed to chalk up about $20 in bills. I really need financial discipline!

Nothing to do after that. So I did what I usually did when I'm bored. I read up horoscopes. I'm an Aquarius! We love reading about our stars. Here's what Susan Miller from Astrologyzone has to say about my compatibility with Ipy:

"This is not an easy match at all -- you are so fundamentally different. Aquarius have lots of friends but use a light touch with all relationships and need plenty of space. Scorpios need privacy and have a few friends with whom they share intense emotional loyalty and devotion. You two come at life from different directions. Aquarius says to Scorpio, "Why do you need to get inside my head so deeply?" You need some detachment, because you feel safer that way. To get too close is to get dependent, or to lose some of your sense of self. Scorpio says to Aquarius, "Why can't you let down your guard? Why can't you get in touch with your deepest emotions and allow yourself to be vulnerable with me?" You probably fell in love with Scorpio's mystery and their incredible emotional depth (even if you can't begin to match it).

Scorpio lights up your solar house of fame, so your Scorpio lover will be very good for your career; they have shrewd advice for you, since they are highly instinctive. Because they are so smart financially, they can give you solid advice in these matters, too. When you are going into any kind of negotiation, ask your Scorpio for help; here again, they know exactly what to do. If you fell in love with your agent, manager, or other advisor who helped you become successful, he or she might be a Scorpio. Marriage is different, however, for you must both be able to reach the same emotional base.

Sexually, Scorpio will want to experience the kind of passion operas are written about, but you aren't always sure you can scale those Wagnerian heights. It may seem like so much work that you get bewildered by Scorpio's expectations. Scorpio could find you too cool and detached, or worse, discover you're thinking about other things right when he or she wants you to be focused on lovemaking! Scorpios are also quite possessive and sometimes jealous, and you've got plenty of friends of both sexes. As long as your Scorpio doesn't feel threatened, this should be okay with them.

I have seen incompatible signs link up beautifully, as long as both parties are aware of what the other expects and needs. Ask your partner what he or she wants most, and listen closely. This is one relationship you are going to have to work hard at."

Interesting isn't it? I've always known that this will be a tough match. Not very sure about THIS particular Scorpio's sexual expectations though. As far as I could see, my sexual expectations have always been the "kind of passion operas are written about". More so than his!

However, it is true that my mind tend to wonder during lovemaking. Oh not just with him. With every guy I've been with actually. My mind could wander from a movie I had watched earlier to some maths problem I had to solve. I don't know why I do that.


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Sunday, July 29, 2007 @ 7:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

Once again, it's Sunday. The last Sunday of July. And soon, Ipy will be home. For a brief period only. Then, he'll be off to a far, far away land again. At least, he'll be home soon. See how forced my optimism is? At my age, better optimism than pessimism, forced as it may be.

Time flies so fast doesn't it? Especially when you're older. I've been thinking what I have done so far this year. What were my achievements? What were my failures? I won't dwell on my failures too much though. What's the point right?

Let's see... I've managed to lose a lot of weight AND maintained a consistent weight loss successfully. Thinking of it, I guess I have to thank the actions of Sentosa boy for being the catalyst to this weight loss "miracle". Who needs slimming centres when there's misery?

Surprisingly, I seemed to be genuinely smiling and laughing more this year than in previous years. I mean, it seems that I am enjoying life more than suffering from it. I guess persevering and taking life by the balls have paid off huh? Either that or my run of bad luck is coming to an end. Thank god if it is so! I welcome good fortune with wide open arms!

Funny girl talk at work today. One of the girls said that now that I'm "unavailable", I look much, much "hotter" and "desirable" than before. Strange isn't it? Suddenly I've become forbidden fruit? Is that why some of the male staff are making small conversations with me now when before, we'd pass one another with barely a "Hi" greeting? Is that also why some of the guys I used to hang out with are avoiding me?

Me? Desirable? More sugar than spice don't you think?

And here I thought I have insecurities. Geez! Oh! A friend of mine from the Singapore Planned Parenthood Association, Vijayan, will be discussing about teenage sex on 93.8 Live tomorrow morning, 8.15 a.m. to 8.45 a.m. I do miss those advocacy days. Who is best to relate to youth about sexuality than me right? Pre-marital sex? Been there. Abortion? Been there. Relationship issues? Been there and is still going through it.

As always, I'm pro-choice. If you choose to indulge in sex before marriage, just make sure that it's really YOUR choice and be responsible for that choice. Likewise for an abortion or all these other issues that seem to bug our faux-conservative society.

Perhaps the next awareness campaign should be to get guys to buy condoms! I seriously don't understand what's so "embarrassing" about buying condoms off the shelves. Everyone knows you're going to have sex anyway. Won't it be better that everyone knows you're doing it SAFELY? It's really a turn off to meet guys who get me to buy condoms for them. Worse, when they ASK me for my condoms!


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Saturday, July 28, 2007 @ 11:30 pm

Dear Blogger,

I spent 1 hour doing my hair and this is what I ended up with...

Even at the ripe old age of 27, I still get zits! Bloody hormones!

I can't believe I'm that ridiculous. Most people would have a bad hair day. I have bad hair days.

Do you know what else I can't believe? I can't believe Ipy called me. At 11 p.m. While I was asleep. That's another thing I can't believe. Sleeping early on a Friday night. Anyway, I digress.

I think he called me. I'm not sure. My mind was in that ethereal plane between heaven and earth. If he did, I can't remember what we talked about. I know I was supposed to do something though. I hope I didn't say anything stupid. Who am I kidding??? Of course I did! Just can't remember what it was.

Went on retail therapy at Robinsons, Centrepoint. Bought myself a maroon or dark purple almost-baguette bag with Ipy's vouchers. I'm getting colour-blind these days. Can't even tell if it was red or purple. Maybe it's the bloody lighting, or my deteriorating eyesight.

A little relief from the stresses of life...


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Friday, July 27, 2007 @ 9:23 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's a fat day today, and I'm having PMS. What's more, I'm getting bored. You know I can't get bored. I'll turn very ugly when I'm bored. I was so bored and restless today that I started SMS-ing people that I shouldn't even keep in touch with. Like Din.

I know I know. I'm a piece of shit. He fractured his fingers and it'll be his birthday in a few days. What the hell is wrong with me??? Of course I know what's wrong with me! I'm fucking bored! Ipy's away. My "friends" have disappeared. Will somebody please entertain me already?!

My no-carbo diet went down the drain when I chowed down fried rice AND noodles. God! I hate eating sometimes! My lower abs is taunting me when it bounces to the slightest move I make. I do crunches twice a day and STILL it gets bouncier and bouncier! I feel so bloody heavy and FAT, FAT, FAT!

Have I gone mental again? Do I need to call up my psychiatrist again? He's only going to tell me that I'm an emotional eater. Yeah yeah! Tell me something that I DON'T know! Can't believe that these people get paid to tell patients what they have already known.

Will somebody save library@Orchard please! First, THEY had to tear down the National Library at Stamford Road for some 5-minute express tunnel. Now, THEY had to close library@Orchard because the floor space would be better spent occupying spas??? How many spas do we bloody need anyway???

Doesn't the Ngee Ann City management realise that everything about the tenants from the 4th level up works because of library@Orchard??? From Kinokuniya to the art stores and galleries to that paper shop (Prints or Bookbinders, can't remember!), they all complement well with the vibrancy of library@Orchard!


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Thursday, July 26, 2007 @ 11:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

I felt sad today. Not because of the rainy weather lately, but because I felt that I don't have friends anymore. Ever since I've hooked up with Ipy, our friends seem to have "disappeared". Most cite the popular "work" excuse. "Work" wasn't much of an issue previously. So what gives???

I know I haven't changed much. Does that mean they have changed? Frienships are important to me, with or without a boyfriend/husband/whatever. A simple invite to a meal like we used to do has become a big issue. Is it because they don't trust themselves with me? Is that my problem? This is so disappointing.

Sometimes, dressing up may save a dreary day...

This will be a persistent frustration especially now that I've to get used to Ipy being away most of the time. Actually, I don't mind that he's away. It is part of his job scope after all. The separation will be good for me as it gives me space to be my own person. God knows how much I love my individuality!

Besides, it isn't like we're not communicating. When he's away, we keep in touch by email and the occasional messenger. So even with the lack of physical contact, we're still... together. Then again, it's still early. Time will tell if each of us will have a change of hearts.

Me trying to be cheerful...

My student's father has requested that I set up additional PCs for his many children. I don't mind the voluntary service. It is for the children's own good after all. But his flirtatious ways are freaking me out! He held on to our phone conversation even when I had left an uncomfortable silence between us! And I've just found that his wife is a year younger than me. Already she has given birth to 5 kids!!!


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Wednesday, July 25, 2007 @ 11:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

Who would have thought that just a bag of Twisities could contain about 1,300kJ of calories??? With my calorie target in mind, that means I can't consume anything else for the rest of the day! Alas, that is not practical, and I don't have a model's discipline.

I don't understand, how activities like shopping and eating, can make me feel so good at first and depressingly guilty afterwards. Self-esteem issues? How I could project confidence and suffer self-esteem issues at the same time is beyond any Man's understanding.

Just watched "Knocked Up" about a one night stand gone wrong i.e. the girl became pregnant. Unlike reality, the guy actually made an effort to be with the girl and even ended up falling in love with the girl. That was so sweet wasn't it?

Ahhh... the joy and madness of pregnancy. Would I have had screamed someone's head off because of hormones overload? Would I have had my face in the toilet bowl or wastepaper basket because of morning sickness? I know what I would have had though. I would have had bigger boobs!

Here I go again talking babies. Damn biological clock! I think the full moon's coming.


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Tuesday, July 24, 2007 @ 11:42 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've just come home from JB. Well not really. I was watching CSI after I came home. It has been awhile since I've watched CSI. Now I remembered why it was my favourite show last season. The episode I caught had Faye Dunaway as a guest star. Movie buffs would know her as Bonnie in "Bonnie and Clyde".

Pinky me at the doorway this morning

I was pink prep school perkiness today. The weather had been quite drab lately, so I thought the world needed some candy floss cheeriness. It was just something I had dug out from my wardrobe and layered over. Pink ribbed vest over pink polo tee, and brown Hampton shorts over black pantyhose tights. Topped it off with my striped pink wide hairband and red playschool haversack, and I'm ready to board the schoolbus.

I don't know why people dread to go to JB by bus. I thought it was much more interesting this way. There are more things to see and do. Anyway, I reached City Square by lunchtime. I had breakfast at 5.30 a.m, so my tummy was really grumbling by then. I was craving for fish and chips, but surprisingly, there were no restaurants serving decent fish and chips in City Square!

Because I was hungry and I really wanted to eat fish and chips, I settled for a mediocre one. Fortunately, it came as a set lunch, so it didn't feel too bad. After which, I went shopping with nothing in mind. In the end, I bought myself a tube top and a halter top. Sat for an express manicure too! Nude pink nail polish to match my outfit today. How gleeful!

A much needed rest...

Was relaxing my hardworking feet at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaves for an hour or so with a chilled glass of ice latte when I received a call from my student's father about setting his children's computers. Somehow, I thought that was just an excuse to call me. I agreed to do them as soon as I returned to Singapore, just so that he won't use that excuse again on me.

On the way home, he messaged asking me about the weather. I thought that was odd. When I told him I was already on my way back to Singapore, he said in his own words, "I hope I can knock off early". Will somebody please tell me what the hell was that???

That was so creepy. Normally, I would revel in such flirtatious exchanges. But not anymore! I have a boyfriend now! I wouldn't foolishly jeopardise our budding relationship for this married cavalier! That is so not worth it! I've got to put a stop to this!

Not sure if I should tell Ipy. We chatted for awhile online till he had to return to work. I didn't mention it to him. He had too much on his mind as it is without having to know that his girl was being hit on by a married man at home. I shouldn't tell him that Din started contacted me again should I? Not that it bothered me. I think I've put a full stop to it when I told him that I've a boyfriend now.

Why do these things happen to me??? For once, can't life be simple??? Maybe just for 24 hours??? Now I've to think where we can escape to this National Day weekend. True blue Singaporeans that we are, we never want to stay here and celebrate our country's independence day.


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Friday, July 20, 2007 @ 11:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

It was such a slow day today. Most probably because I didn't have anybody to entertain me. I didn't have any plans after work. Even if I wanted to make one, I'd have to think twice. I'm exclusive now. I've to practise monogamy. I can't go out with any of my friends and expect them to behave. They're men after all.

Why wasn't I too surprised when my planned tuition was canceled again? I've already asked the mother twice if she was sure she wouldn't have any plans on Friday. She insisted that she won't, and that I've to come to make up for past "canceled" lessons. Yeah of course, and I'm going to marry Prince William.

Got to find something to do! Cannot allow myself to get bored! Installed a knob on my door (it has been months!)... Check! Updated my food journal... Check! Surprised my mother by being home on a Friday night... Check! Edited the video of the day trip to Melaka... Check!

Part 1

Part 2

I was very surprised, but thrilled that Ipy called me as soon as he arrived at his destination. Didn't expect that at all. It didn't matter if I had to pay for the overseas incoming call (I didn't have to pay... I've checked with my mobile operator). It was really, really sweet of him to do that. Now I miss him even more... Damn it!


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Thursday, July 19, 2007 @ 11:31 pm

Dear Blogger,

After about 2 weeks together, his absence seems... surreal. Everything about THIS is surreal! It was like, one minute I was out and about with guys I had no desire to go out again. The next minute, I'm exclusive! It's all a joke isn't it? Life can't be this good can it?

Ipy and me at the airport

He won't be gone for too long. Only till National Day. I hope! As they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". But this is a good time to get my affairs in order again. I've not logged my food intake and my personal expenses ever since he came into the picture. Unless my weighing scale is broken, my weight seemed to be maintained.

But I have to lose more weight if I want to be Em's model for her beads collections. There are still excess fats that need to be removed. Ipy isn't helping what with all his late night snacking. So I have about 2 1/2 weeks to get rid of some fats before he returns.

Me wearing the Agate Queen necklace and earrings set from Beading & Beyond (notice the rare baju kurung outfit)


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Wednesday, July 18, 2007 @ 11:54 pm

Dear Blogger,

We have finally watched "Transformers" (my second time though), but that was only because the rain prevented us from chilling at the beaches of Sentosa. The change of plans wasn't too bad. It is not what you do with your time, it is how you choose to spend it. Somehow... that made more sense in my head than in writing.

Ipy and me waiting for movie at Vivocity

It seems like we are spending almost every minute of our time together. That is so far from the truth. It is always a delicate balance between family, friends and lovers. Often times, when a person gets romantically involved with someone, she risks accusations of committing the "disappearing act".

I don't want to be accused of such. I'm trying to be careful not to be stuck in that spot. But then, I've realised that the problem isn't me. The problem is them! They chose to ignore me for whatever irrational reasons. Then, there are those who choose to widen the miscommunication gap by being a pain in the arse.

I feel sorry for these people. I simply can't understand what pleasure they receive from hurting other people. Perhaps, their lives are so miserable that they couldn't help but impart their misery on others. I truly feel sorry for these people.

Clearer skies finally!
(Halter summer dress from a shopping cart at NLB for just $28)

Oh! Guess what was in the mail for me? WENTWORTH MILLER!!! Direct from the U.S. of A! Aaarrrggghhhhhhhh!!! Gosh! This felt like Take That days man! Wentworth didn't probably autograph this photo but who cares! He might or he might not. But I'd like to think that he had.

Wentworth looking out at me from my notice board


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Tuesday, July 17, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

Dear Blogger,

With all formalities over and done with (I think mommy is pleased), I can now focus on maintaining this relationship. As any mature adult in a relationship knows, maintaining and keeping the love alive and vibrant is the hardest part of a relationship. I might be wrong. I mean, what do I know right?

Daddy was in a good mood because he could finally bring home his prosthetic leg, which is good! The last thing I wanted him to do was grill Ipy like he grilled Din. Then again, Daddy has mellowed a lot. Daddy has been cryptic of late, which has been embarrassing to me. Still, that's what fathers are supposed to do isn't it? I meant, about the cryptic part.

I guess Ipy and the "Transformers" movie are not fated because twice already, we couldn't get tickets for the show. With time in our hands and no plans, we did what most boring Singaporeans do; window shop! It was at Plaza Singapura after all. But its boutiques weren't my style. I lean towards a more unusual, bohemian fashion sense so the window-shopping there didn't really excite me.

Ipy trying out sushi (tuna inari) for the first time

But then came a chance encounter with a hair salon. I've been thinking of chopping off my locks into a bob for quite awhile now. Intensified when Ellen Barkin sported it in "Ocean's 13". Unfortunately, unless I opt for a rebonding service, my curly hair doesn't allow me to do a bob.


More snips...


My calves...

And this is what I ended up with...

So what else can we do in Singapore at night? Gee... let me think... Eat? Still full with that Japanese dining. Drink? Not a good idea even though it's Ladies Night at The Boiler Room. Coffee? Have had enough for the day. Durians? Whoa! I haven't had durians in public since... 2002??? Sore throat or not, durians... here we come!

Savouring the sweet, fleshy durians somewhere in Geylang


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Sunday, July 15, 2007 @ 11:09 pm

Dear Blogger,

Went to watch "Harry Porter and the Order of the Phoenix" at the Grand Cathay. Ipy and I were punctual, but because the tickets were with me, we had to wait for two of our friends. 5:15 p.m... not here yet. 5:30 p.m... the movie was supposed to start already, but it's alright. Movies never start on time anyway. 5:45 p.m... they're still not here!

Because of some people's tardiness, I missed the crucial first few scenes where Harry was attacked by the Dementors. Ipy had never read the Harry Porter books or watched the movies, so he didn't really know what he had missed.

When these people finally arrived, they were not just very late, they were awfully noisy too! Some people have no manners at all! I was clearly upset and I made damn sure they knew I was upset! If you're late, you're late. Nothing much I can do. But if you don't even apologise about it, nor be gracious about it, then that's really shitty.

Afterwards, during dinner, one of them has to rile me even more. Honestly, he has been behaving like a prick ever since we came back from KL. If he wasn't giving me the cold-shoulder, he was defensive. The other guys kept telling me that he liked me, but how the hell was I to know that when he didn't even make his move???

What's worse, I'm now happily attached to his friend of over 10 bloody years and yet Ipy's getting the cold-shoulder too! This is coming from a guy who's in his late 30s. I can try to understand old school rules shit but this is ridiculous! He had better see sense soon. Otherwise, he'd lose our friendship. And that's a tragedy.


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Friday, July 13, 2007 @ 11:19 pm

Dear Blogger,

Maybe it's the generation gap. I just don't understand why some people have to be so childish about certain things. If you're interested, why not just ask explicitly? Why go round in circles trying to get the answer you wanted to hear? I'm a bloody honest person. I'm still learning to be tactful, but at least neither of our time will be wasted with games like these.

Ipy and I went to the Singapore Art Museum to check out the "Engraving the World: Chalcography of the Louvre Museum". Admission to National Heritage Board museums are free every Friday from 6 p.m. by the way. Since the art museum was very strict about photography, I couldn't take any shots of the amazing chalcographic prints. The only arty printing I had ever done in school was those potato prints.

Me and Ipy at the Singapore Arts Museum

Do you know what's so adorable about Ipy? He makes me laugh. In a wholesome, intelligent way. Oh what am I talking about??? I like guys with a sense of humour. Full stop! It was so hilarious of him to hear him complain about the rising costs of public transportation considering that he just bought a beemer.

Ipy, youthful at the playpen

He had decided to go on our buses and trains instead of driving into town. We can't always be driving can we? It was a good choice! More things to see and do! I couldn't remember the last time any date of mine who had no personal transport, sent me home to my doorstep. So, it felt strange, yet why shouldn't I be escorted home to my doorstep???

Ipy the faux artist

It's too early to say, but he has been making the right moves so far. So good for him!


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Wednesday, July 11, 2007 @ 11:31 pm

Dear Blogger,

Another day, another adventure. This time, in Melaka city. It was a pack and go trip with 24-hour notice. Thank god my schedule was clear! Double thanks that my cheque had cleared too!

We started off at 11 a.m. A little late yes. We had a long night last night. It rained heavily but by lunch time, the sun was out in full force. Nevertheless, the drive was a smooth one. And I got to drive halfway! Yey!

Me just arrived in Bandar Melaka

A replica of a Portuguese ship at one of the museums I've forgotten

A plaque of the Melaka tree (who knew that Melaka was named after a tree?)

Me under a replica of a bomber plane

Me outside the Melaka Islamic Museum

A tomb of one of the founding fathers in the Islamic Museum

Paintings showing gory punishments of sins committed like adultery, premarital sex and purgatory

Me on the way to St. Paul's Church up on the hill

Me and Ipy taking a much needed respiratory break on the hill

The ruins of St. Paul's Church

Me at the plaque on St. Paul's Church

Me taking a moment at St. Paul's Church

Ipy and me testing my self-timer function of my camera

Tiny me against the Portuguese, Dutch and Japanese conquerors

A painting of British colonists

Old-time guns

Keris cleansing ritual

A portrait of Hang Tuah (the Melaka version of King Arthur)

A portrait of Hang Jebat (the Melaka version of Lancelot)

More churches in the city centre

Me having a well-deserved ice lolly (weather was HOT!)


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Tuesday, July 10, 2007 @ 11:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've learnt that it is alright to "surrender". When I just sit and listen without forming any judgments, I'm able to see an imperfect person perfectly. It's OK to let a man help you! It's OK to accept compliments graciously! It's OK not to split the bill when on a date! Once I've "surrendered", it's easier to communicate.

Me waiting in car after car wash

If I hadn't, I wouldn't have enjoyed and appreciated the company of a now special someone tremendously in the past week. We've met several months before, but it was only recently that we've gotten to know each other on a "personal" basis.

Me in NYDC, Wheelock Place

It is so refreshing to meet a man who's on the same wavelength and maturity as you. More importantly, it is so rare to go shopping with a man AND receives valuable feedback about your shopping choices. It's like stumbling upon a raw diamond on the street and striking oil at the same time!

Super dark shot of Ipy and me chilling at Cafe Del Mar, Siloso Beach, Sentosa


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