modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Saturday, March 31, 2007 @ 11:24 pm

Dear Blogger,

As a child, I've always loved to go to, what I've later learned, to be called "information organisations". These are places like libraries, museums, archives and other learning centres. The visits to these places always left me wide-eyed with wonder.


Me on the escalator down to the gallery

I relived that wonder again when I visited the National Museum of Singapore after work today. It's having the "Under the Crescent Moon" exhibition, film and performance. It's a look at everything Arab, from domestics to war to Hollywood's fascination with the Arabic mystiques.


A Bedouin tent in the Sahara


A home made of sand in Tunisia (I think! Can't remember!)


Paper tents in the Activity Room

There were two parts to the exhibit: Living Under the Crescent Moon and Nazar: Images from the Arab World. Both were equally fascinating because each element of the exhibition brought mixed reactions out of me. Surprise. Anger. Delight. Sadness. Disappointment. Love.

For example, "Strange Games and Bridges by Jocelyne Saab" is an art installation of film clips featuring the never ending war in the Middle East. It was both disturbing and thought-provoking.


In the "Strange Games and Bridges" room

The images gallery showcased photos and portraits of Arab people, life and interpretation. The common misconception is that an Arab equates to a Muslim. It's not true! Only 20% of Arabs are Muslims! So it was refreshing to view images of Arabs other than as Muslims.







Me in different parts of the gallery

Tonight, the museum was showing Rudolph Valentino's last film, "The Son of the Sheik". It's a breathtaking classic silent film which I'm surprised to only manage to watch it now.

While waiting for the movie, I explored the other more permanent exhibition of the museum. Since the History Gallery was already closed, I ventured into the Living Gallery. It was divided into four sections; Fashion, Film, Food and Photography. I loved the 50's gowns and cheongsams in the Fashion room. I was also amazed at the amount of hairspray used to create the beehive hairdo!

The Film room brought back wonderful memories of the Cathay-Keris classics. I grew up on P Ramlee movies, and Singapore produced the iconic "Hang Tuah". There was also the campy "Pontianak" (female vampire) and "Orang Minyak" (oil man). It was only in my 20s that I found out that the Orang Minyak raped women. Before that I thought his scare tactic was his oily skin!

Did you know that Mommy is related to one of the actors in those classic movies? I can never remember his name, but he's the shorty Abdul in Tiga Abdul. Apparently, he's Mommy's grand-uncle! Mommy still keeps in touch with his family. She's the social butterfly in my family, and the link between the older and younger generation.

Anyway, back to "The Son of the Sheik". Before there was Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, there was Rudolph Valentino. Even when it was a silent movie, he smouldered on screen. I think if I had existed in the 40's, I'd swoon over him as I do Wentworth Miller now!


Rudolph Valentino in "The Son of the Sheik"

The movie was pretty good actually. It was about the son of a Sheik named Ahmed who fell in love with a dancing girl, Yasmin. Yasmin's gang of thieving family members ambushed their secret tryst one night and captured Ahmed.

He was tortured and led to believe that Yasmin lured men like him for ransoms. So will true love prevail? You just have to watch it to find out. Lots of credible action, drama and comedy, considering it was a silent movie made in the 1940s.

Sadly, Valentino died of a heart attack after this film. He was only 31. It was reported that over 10,000 fans flocked to his funeral in New York. He was probably one of cinema's earliest superstar!

It was a good day. I enjoyed myself tremendously. A pity that I didn't have anyone with me to share the magical wonders of my visit to the museum today. Not many visit the museums. Not many know we have more than one museum!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 30, 2007 @ 10:59 pm

Dear Blogger,

I went on the scale this morning, and my eyes almost popped out! I thought maybe I wasn't full awake. So I washed my face again, with super cold water this time. I stepped on the scale again, and I still couldn't believe it! Maybe the scale's damaged. Nope! It worked fine.

Have I really lost all that weight??? After all, my clothes didn't feel any looser at all! I'm still wearing the same size. My waistline is still the same. In fact, my body stats have not reduced a milli-inch! Maybe my bone density has reduced! Or deteriorated? Am I shrinking?

Anyway, if you see me smiling silly in public, it's most probably because I'm listening to "Way Back Into Love" from my mp3 player. It's the saccharine sweet pop song with some of the corniest lyrics I've heard, from the "Music and Lyrics" soundtrack. It's that latest Hugh Grant romantic comedy. I've not watched the movie but I've been hearing the song played on radio.

There are 2 versions; the one used in the movie (demo version), sung by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore, and the concert version sung by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett. I like both versions because each offers a different mood.

The demo version is mainly piano acoustic, so it's soft and laid back. Plus, hearing Drew's laughter in the middle of the song is sugary cute. The concert version has more instruments in it and more vocal range. Very recording studio-like.

But what both have in common, besides the melody and lyric, is that Hugh Grant can't really sing. He's cute though. The current king of witty one-liners! I'd give him a "B" for effort. Drew Barrymore can't really sing either. Then again, how could we still not love her with that eternally sunshiny persona of hers???

Every time I listen to this song, I sort of imagined it being sung to me by a certain someone. Of course, that certain someone does not exist (if he does, he is sure taking his own sweet time to find me!). I sort of imagined him strumming his guitar and singing the song to me ala "The Wedding Singer" (that scene in the plane). One can always imagine things...

Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore/Haley Bennett.

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need `em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Ohhhhh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007 @ 6:10 pm

Dear Blogger,

My experience in the service industry and as a customer has given me expectations of what and how service should be like. I make no reservations to blow my trumpet at the highest-designated personnel of a company if I find its service level unsatisfactory. It is in my convictions that if the company is serious about customer satisfaction and retention, then the powers may be will take my feedback seriously. Of course, I don't always complain. I do acknowledge deserving staff with official compliments and thank yous.

Here's an email I've sent out to the general manager of This Fashion earlier on...

Hi Albert,

On 29th March 2007, at about 6pm, I patronised the This Fashion outlet at Singpost. I found the long pants that I wanted. However, it came with a missing button! I asked your staff stationed at the fitting room if the outlet could sew in the missing button for me. She referred me to the cashier staff instead.

At the cashier, I made the same request. Apparently, This Fashion does not offer such a service. Then, I requested that the long pants were to be sold to me at a lower price. I was not asking for much. A dollar or two off the price tag would be satisfactory. Even then, my request was turned down citing the storewide 20% discount as a reason.

However, the cashier staff offered to look for a replacement button for me. He gave me one and I was expected to sew it back myself??? I am utterly disappointed at this lack of mending services, as well as the inflexible nature of your staff. I was not expecting any of your staff to offer me the stars and the moon, but a simple request to mend a missing button from the pants which you ARE selling cannot be done??? It is simply unacceptable!

Lewis, from the customer service hotline, had reasoned that perhaps, my requests were not understood by the staff considering that they were mainly Chinese-speaking and Malaysians. That is not of my concern is it? I am very sure that I was not speaking Russian or even accented-English. Lewis had nevertheless been very patient with my call.

As I've mentioned to Lewis, I'm not expecting any refund or special services. I do expect that the service and competency level at ALL your outlets be improved. I also expect a reply via email to my feedback. Thus, assuring me that my feedback as a customer will not discarded like some trash.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
xxx

So, was I being unreasonable? Was I an ugly Singaporean?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007 @ 12:48 am

Dear Blogger,

After a long day in school, and after begging your mom to ask your younger brother to give you a ride home in his spanking new car, the last thing you want to meet is your EX and his now-wife!!! It's just my damn luck to have crossed paths with Neng and Idy again.

I really, really don't want to have anything to do with them! But I've dreamed of them last week, and now I've met them! In person! With my now-blond cocky brother! Why couldn't we cross paths when I'm with someone heart-meltingly handsome in my arms???

That's not all. Neng knew my brother! How? Apparently they had a romp together years ago! How fucking small is this world??? I fucked her now-hubby. She fucked my brother. Sigh... the ties that bind us, and it has to be SEX!

Urgh! Neng and my brother??? How gross is that thought?! I know my brother isn't 5 years old anymore, but I've never once thought he could be promiscuous too! Then again, it would be sickeningly unnatural if you've thought about your siblings' sex life.

How's Idy? He's still a bastard. Not even a smile or a nod. Yeah. Keep thinking that you're the victim boy. God knows who's hurting the most.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 26, 2007 @ 8:07 pm

Dear Blogger,

I must really be going crazy because my lecturer text me early in the morning to remind me not to forget to attend class today. Email correspondences with your teacher is such a norm, but to receive an SMS from your teacher??? That is so weird! Bothering on unethical even!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 23, 2007 @ 10:23 pm

Dear Blogger,

Why does my heart feel so heavy today? It's like I'm carrying a block of lead in my body! At this instance, I hate being outside! I hate being surrounded by people! I just want to go home and into my room.

In the train back home, during peak hour, I found myself having to maneuver my entrance around an idiot whose grounded butt covered half the entrance! Out of frustration with the lack of manners of today's youths, I nonchalantly said out loud, " SOME PEOPLE CAN BE SO INCONSIDERATE!"

The idiot and his friends turned to me and I gave them my don't-mess-with-me-I'm-having-PMS look. 5 minutes later, the idiot stood up and looked away embarrassed. Another bloodless moddie victory!

Hello by Electrico (my favourite local song ever!)

Hello, stupid rescue
Would you send somebody please?
Coz I can't wait another minute
As my sunlight slips away

Hello, why can't you help me?
You have something that I need
It comes somewhere from deep inside you
You just have to find the key

Time it has and time will tell
What everybody knows
Little do we know how to find
To let this feeling grow
Give it some time and we will see
What stupid does for me
Or I will find another way

Hello, someone's in danger
He is falling to the ground
You see its coz his wings are broken
There are people all around

Hello, why can't you help me?
You have something that I need
It comes somewhere from deep inside you
You just have to find the key

Time it has and time will tell
What everybody knows
Little do we know how to find
To let this feeling grow
Give it some time and we will see
What stupid does for me
Or I will find another way


You're so stupid...

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007 @ 9:51 pm

Dear Blogger,

I half-awoke today with an excruciatingly painful pounding heart because I had a horrible dream of Idris and Neng's wedding. It was their big day. For some odd reason, I was there, because they held it at my block! Obviously, I was not too happy. I know Singapore is bloody small, but must they rub salt on my wounds by conducting their grand wedding in my territory???

I got so upset that I screamed out my feelings to the bride. I ran off, leaving everyone shocked. The bride and groom went looking for me with worried looks on their faces. Then I woke up with the pain in my heart. Some dream huh?

Just like yesterday, I took a sabbatical from life today. What's the point of dragging your feet to do something you don't believe in anyway? I don't believe in the benefits of higher education at the moment. It's hogwash now.

But I do believe in Wentworth Miller and Michael Scofield. I wrote him a letter. No kidding! I've even posted it! Crazy? So be it. Not hoping that he'd read it. Even if I received a reply in a few months, it's probably from his assistants.

Another crazy thing, one of my lecturers dropped me an email inviting me to dinner. It didn't mean anything. He was just worried because I sent him an email this morning about giving up school. Last month, I told him about the pregnancy and abortion because I had been MIA from school for a few weeks. I believe he is still the only teaching staff who knows about it.

I only checked my email a few minutes ago. Earlier, at close to 6pm, I received a missed call with an unfamiliar number and a voice message which I did not check till about now. There goes dinner! Not that I'd reply if I'd checked my communication devices earlier anyway. I've not been answering my calls or messages for the last 48 hours. Now, I've just accepted him in my MSN list without even realising it! I have my lecturer in my personal MSN! How creepy is that???

The whole week, I've been hearing some SMU students and faculty members talking about their experiences and expectations on national radio, 98.7fm, from 5pm to 6pm. Every time I hear them, I gag because their answers are so politically correct! Worse of all, I don't embody the SMU spirit! I don't excel in anything! I'm not an all-rounder! I'm just the stain in its almost perfect gloss!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007 @ 7:01 pm

Dear Blogger,

I took an unplanned day-off today. Basically, I took a sabbatical from life. It wasn't pleasurable mind you. There were a lot of questions in my head and they're driving me nuts! Nobody is helping me to answer them. Not even Michael Scofield. Yes. I've spent all day watching "Prison Break 2" on DVD hoping that he could inspire me like he did before.

It wasn't as exciting as the first season, but the mind games between Scofield and Agent Mahone were intense enough. The line separating the good guy and the bad guy is greyer than before. That's like life isn't it? Nobody can be 100% good and neither can he be 100% bad.

Anyway, I was watching this new Korean drama on Channel U, and in the third episode, the lead character told this guy that she's pregnant with his child. Why is it that a guy's first reaction when told of this is of disbelief and denial??? Is it in the male DNA or something???

Questions like "How is this possible?" is so utterly stupid to hear! It is possible because that's what happens when sperm and ovum fertilise! Unless God is making us women another of his vessels, we can't get pregnant on our own!

There's another TV show that I'm quite interested to catch. It's the new Mediacorp dramedy, "After Hours", debuting next Monday. It's the sequel to last year's "Chase". What interest me to this show is "Le Philosophie de Danny" or Danny's philosophies. Danny is the supporting character in the show who spouts witty and often times, hilarious advice on love and sex to his friends. Mainly sex.

I just love funny and witty guys. Give me a guy who makes me laugh and I'll go weak on my knees. Sigh... it's said that laughter is the best medicine. It's also my downfall.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007 @ 11:27 pm

Dear Blogger,

As I looked into a mirror today, I saw a very ugly person staring right back at me. She was sloppy and there was a look of dejectedness about her that seemed incurable. She didn't look lazy, but it was as if she thought that it was pointless to get up and do what was necessary of her.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 19, 2007 @ 12:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

Misfit (from dictionary.com) - a person who is not suited or is unable to adjust to the circumstances of his or her particular situation. Describes me perfectly well. Here I am again, eating home-cooked food alone on a bench in the dark corner of my school's courtyard. It's not too bad actually. I don't mind the quiet. At the same time, I won't mind having a friend around either.

I don't remember being this misplaced when I was younger. I've always had a friend at least. When I was in primary school, I was usually together with this other dark-skinned, Indian-related girl for 6 years. I think she's a nurse now. 14 years later, I found myself working in the same organisation as her mom.

In secondary school, there was another girl. A fair-skinned one. Honestly speaking, I didn't quite like her very much. I was always competing with her. I didn't like that. I didn't like being competitive and envious of her all the time.

In polytechnic, there were three girls. We were nicknamed "The Four Musketeers". I was the career-minded ball-buster who'd be the last to get involved with a member of the other sex. Everyone in my course was unanimous on that! But I wasn't the last one. I was the second one among us four young ladies.

Hmm... I guess I grew up to be a misfit then. Then again, some people don't even know they're homosexuals until after they're married! That's why I say nobody knows anybody, not even on his deathbed. At least, I'm aware of my growth as a person.

Here's an unbelievable experience. Where is the most unlikely place that I would be picked up? Or even where a guy would even consider flirting with me? I couldn't even believe it. I had to do a double take! It was at a mosque!!!

He didn't get much from me. He was too Malay and he shared the same name as my ex. So that's 2 strikes against him. To give him a little credit, he had the confidence to chat me up first. Then again, confident guys tend to have many well-kept secrets. He did ask for my contacts. To be fair, I told him, if we're fated to meet again, I'll disclose my contact details.

I have every right to be harder on guys now. Don't blame me. Blame those bastards I had the misfortune of meeting before.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007 @ 10:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

The service industry here gets a lot of flack, not because the people in the service industry don't know what it means to provide excellent service, but because the window-shoppers here don't have basic manners at all! I refuse to call them customers until they buy something from me.

Locals and mainland Chinese folks are a trying bunch. They are usually the ones who make you do all sorts of things but leave with a "I'll think about it". Same goes for the pretentious overseas-bred locals. They can be unbelievably horrendous!

Singaporeans are naturally ungracious people. They have to be told to be courteous, smile, say thank you, flush the toilet after use, etc etc etc. What happened to us? Can't we think for ourselves??? I really feel misplaced here. Where exactly do I belong???

My dislike for men has intensified somehow because whenever I see a married man, my mind immediately flashes in big, bold letters, "CHEATING BASTARD!!!". I'm surprised by the reaction myself! As for the supposedly single men, it's "LOSERS" written on their forehead.

Have I lost hope in the men here? That's a depressing possibility. I think it would take a miracle for me to look at them again with less contempt.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007 @ 8:59 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was reading a chick lit book (Mr Maybe - Jane Green) today and when I came to the obligatory sex scene (chapter 3), I realised that I have no idea what it was about!

"... I open my lips to taste him..." "... slide my tongue into his mouth..." "... I slide it up and down the shaft..." "... feel his tongue slip in between my legs..."

Huh? What? Usually, when I read, the words form moving pictures in my head. Just like a movie. For some reason, I couldn't visualise the sex scene in my head! Unbelievable isn't it?

I'm starting my food diary again because I'm putting on weight again. I know I don't each much, so it puzzles me why I'm putting on weight. Maybe it's all the Twisties I've been stuffing myself with. As Vivien Tan proclaimed on TV, "If you feed yourself junk food, you'll feel junky". She's trying to be our very own Nigella Lawson. But nobody can compete with the real McCoy. That woman herself is an aphrodisiac!

By the way, what would you do about karaoke-singing neighbours who didn't give a damn that residents living 2 blocks away could hear the words to the song as if it was coming from the radio? I'm trying to get my budgeting report done but all I could do was just stare at the worksheet! They were damn too loud!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 16, 2007 @ 6:59 pm

Dear Blogger,

I had a lovely conversation with a New Zealander couple from Auckland this morning. I only managed 5 minutes of my sales pitch, but we chatted about the social issues of Singapore and New Zealand for more than an hour.

I was told that despite only contributing 15% of the population, the Maoris enjoy more rights than the rest of the population. Unfortunately, because of all these rights granted to them, they've become complacent and lazy. They're enjoying unemployment benefits, pensions, special healthcare treatments and many others. They've developed this mentality that New Zealand owes them a lot of things.

Somehow, the Maoris reminded me of the Malays here to a certain extend. We don't enjoy the benefits that the Maoris do, except for education. But the mentality that we both have developed over the years are uncannily similar.

I still come across Malays who see no good reason to progress because "Allah wills it". I can understand and do agree that what's more important is the afterlife, but that's no reason to slack on earth. Also, if you're like my uncle, no good will come for women to be educated because they belong in the kitchen.

It still annoys the hell out of me when people does a double take when they find out that I'm in school. Should all 27-year-old Malay women be married and be mothers of 3 children??? I'm sure my uncle would gladly approve. I think not!

It's even more infuriating when a lot of the Malay guys I meet try to subconsciously blame me for their lack of academic intelligence. Hey guys! It's not my problem! If you can't work at it, then you're out of my league! Money didn't exactly come raining down on me when I wanted to pursue higher education you know.

I've just been told (again!) by a friend of mine, that the right man/men for me are not local ones. This isn't the first time I'm hearing it. Why is that? Is it because I'm educated? Is it because I'm opinionated? He said it wasn't just those. It's the whole package. What in the world does that mean?!

He said it's an aura I project. I may not be able to detect it but other people sure can. And I carry myself with my chin high up in the air. Does that mean I'm snobbish? He said not necessarily. He noticed that even when I'm slouching, my chin and nose are way up there. Hello!!! That's what happens when you practise good posture!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007 @ 7:00 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've been awfully busy with schoolwork, leaving school only at near midnight. I've spent so much on taxi fares this month than I did previous month! By the time I reached home, I couldn't do any pre-class preparations. I'm also stuffing myself with more junk. Not too good. The last time I checked, I gained a kilo.

Short of a cardio workout, I'm trying as much as my precious time would allow to maintain a high energy level. I'm taking vitamin supplements, essence of chicken, ample sleep (targeted at between 6 - 7 hours of sleep) and positive outlook of life. Obviously it's not working. I'm already feeling lethargic. I hope I'm not coming down with flu. People left, right and centre seems to be coming down with flu.

I've just realised that I've gone exactly 2 months without sex and a month without cigarettes and alcohol. That's quite an achievement on my part. Something to be proud of. Like I said, I'm trying to look at things positively these days. So any major or minor achievements should be encouraged and congratulated.

"Prison Break 2" will be on tonight. I'm so looking forward to it! I think that shall be my reward for all the hard work and discipline I've put in this week.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 12, 2007 @ 11:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

Here's a very annoying SMS...

Unknown sender: "Elo how are you"
Me: "Who is dis?"
Unknown sender: "Nvm if you dunno me"

Don't you just HATE SMSes like that??? Of course I know who that bastard was! He's already married and have an almost one-year old daughter (I had to confirm that by going through his emails), and still he thinks I'm hard up for him! He's more delusional than I thought! Does he not realise in his immature state of mind that he is sooo not worthy of me???

Sincerely,
modgurl

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Sunday, March 11, 2007 @ 8:37 pm

Dear Blogger,

One month on, and I'm starting to feel withdrawal symptoms. I can't look at any couple hugging and cuddling and kissing and holding hands without feeling nauseated! It's not like I've totally given up on dating. I'm in fact, ready to be back on the dating scene! It's just that, I don't know how and the quality of men I've come across so far leaves something to be desired.

When I told my friends and colleagues that I've been good, they always say it's great. If being good is so great, then why do I feel so shitty now? Is being promiscuous really that bad a character??? It wasn't like I've managed to steal anyone's husband or boyfriend away. I end up letting them go instead!

My headache is throbbing louder and harder. I'll just have to pass on finishing my homework tonight. I'll be knocked out soon anyway. I wish I had been shot with a tranquiliser. I just want to doze off into oblivion.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, March 10, 2007 @ 10:40 pm

Dear Blogger,

I hate people and I hate repeating myself. Maybe I have agrophobia - the fear of crowds? I don't mind a person or few persons, but when I'm surrounded by people in a confined space, I get very, very agitated. That is why I don't like going out on weekends. Anywhere!

Where do all these people come from??? Have we reached the 6.5 million people target already??? How am I supposed to enjoy my weekends in public places with all these people around??? I can't watch movies or shop or even read books without all this deafening noise!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 09, 2007 @ 10:44 pm

Dear Blogger,

Another long day for me. Spent 3/4 of my day at work. A few hours in school for a project meeting with no productive conclusion. And finally, 1 and 1/2 hours of tutoring a student with chicken pox. My usual Fridays. But my day is not over yet! I still have to try to finish all those outstanding school work I owe my peers and professors!

Outside of campus, I met a guy who was handing out small pamphlets to passersby. He looked well-dressed, so I knew he was a Christian on mission. I took his handout anyway, and even managed a brief chat with him. Nothing controversial. Just finding a common ground in beliefs.

I read his handout in the train, and despite our religious differences, there was some pragmatic truth to the message he was trying to convey.

"A philosopher once said that there are three questions we have to answer in life before we are fully satisfied.

The first question is: Who am I? This question is not asking what my name is, but rather what my status here on earth is. Am I an individual on my own? A member of a family? A citizen of a country? Knowing my status here on earth will determine my value system, which will affect the decisions I make today and the priorities I have in life.

The second question to ask ourselves is: What on earth am I doing here? In other words, what is my purpose in life? Having a purpose in life will give us the motivation to accomplish what we have in life. It may be money, fame, progression in the career, a happy family, individual pleasure, which are some of the examples of what many people live for today. Having a purpose in life will give me the direction to walk towards, which will again affect what decisions I make today.

But having a purpose in life is not enough; we need to have the satisfying purpose in life. How many people have started off wanting to make that amount of money, and after doing that realise that the money does not satisfy them? How many people have wanted that position in the career, only to find out 'it is all in vain' after achieving that position? I believe that is why society go through mid-life crisis in life after achieving all that they have been struggling for in their lives. The question to ask myself is: What is the purpose in life?

Finally, the last question is: Where am I going after this life? Is there a heaven or hell, is there a reincarnation, or does it end when my body cease to exist? This is not a question that will affect my future merely, but knowing the answer to this question will affect me in the present, for it will influence the decisions I make today. For instance, if there is a heaven and hell and there is a God, then one day I have to face God for what I have done in life, and that will impact what I do with my life today."


- Eugene Toh

I told you it's good stuff. Not that I'm really surprised. After all, he and I are praying to same God. What surprised me was how proactive and easygoing he was about his mission. He was standing in the middle of a busy pavement in town, dispensing cheaply printed handouts to people who were most probably thinking of what they were going to eat for dinner! He wasn't even preaching! He has my respect just for that.

If it was a Muslim doing that, he'd either be questioned by the police for suspected terrorist-related activity or he'd be aggressively preaching about punishments, hell and more punishments. Not necessarily in that order. Nothing much against the Muslim folks, but it won't kill you to preach less and counsel more.

On a lighter note, my colleague had somehow enlightened me on why I was a sexually-active person. Not only was I an Aquarian (we are the unpredictable, exciting, creative geniuses in the constellation), I was also born in the year of the goat! Goats are frisky creatures! Temperamental and frisky! Temperamentally frisky!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007 @ 11:51 am

Dear Blogger,

The NTUC Income building across school had a blood donation drive today. Since I was free, I thought I'd give some of my haemoglobin to the needy. I've always wanted to and I have plenty of it anyway. So, I registered and fill up the forms. 20 minutes later, I was at the first screening station. And I failed.

The doctor took one look at my application and declared that I can't donate blood today. Why? Because I had sex in the last 12 months. I looked around the room and at those people having their blood transfused. Some of them were obviously married. I looked at the young doctor and him, "Do you seriously expect me to believe that all those people have not had sex in the last 12 months???"

The doctor looked stunned and then amused. I told him, with this stringent criterion, I will never be able to donate blood at all! All he could say was, "Thank you for being so honest." No wonder the blood bank is always asking for donations!

Married people don't have sex??? Bummer! It's a wonder why some of these people are envious of me. Some! Not that I'm about to get any action anytime soon. But I don't believe I'll be celibate for 12 months! It's not realistic! It's the blood bank's loss then.

I am so excited!!! Can you feel it??? "Prison Break 2" will be on our little screens starting next week! What will Michael Scofield and gang be up to now that they've broken out of the Fox River State Penitentiary? Based on the trailer I saw on its official website, looks like Scofield has to outwit a bigger, more mysterious enemy: The Company.

The Company is nothing new. It's been mentioned in a lot of fictional books from Ben Elton to Dan Brown. There's this conspiracy theory that the economical state of our world is not run by any government, but by an elite team of power-hungry, mega-rich business people. Nobody knows who these people are. It's like a secret society for the rich!

In "Prison Break", The Company controls the world by manipulating energy, namely oil. No, they're not Arabs. Ever wondered why many environmental-friendly initiatives and companies don't really take off as well as expected? Just take a look at cars. Even now, petrol-filled cars are still considerably cheaper than those green ones!

If everyone and everything has gone green, we won't need to suck up to those OPEC barons now do we? Now that we're at it, remember the big controversy over George Bush's presidential win against Al Gore? If Al Gore had won, The Company would have a problem now don't you think?

Enough conspiracy theories for now. I don't want my mind to go in the way of aliens. Anyway, Happy Women's Day to all women and the womanly-at-heart! I don't think I'll ever exchange my boobs and vagina for a penis.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007 @ 6:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

I must be the only Singaporean who didn't feel the tremors from the earthquakes that rocked Sumatra earlier today. I was in school when it happened. On the 4th floor of the library in fact. Strangely, everyone else in the library felt it except me!

I know this sounds very insensitive to the 70 people who died in the earthquakes, but I want to feel the tremors! I've never felt a quake tremor before. I know the folks living at Marine Parade usually feel it. The eastsiders like me usually don't. I know it's a good thing that we don't experience it, but still...

Anyway, if I wasn't still crunching through these school projects, I'd be volunteering for the quakes relief by now. Mercy Relief anyone? It's a rush to me to volunteer for these sorts of things especially when I get to be in the zero ground itself. I'm not a thrill-seeker. I just feel that by being there, I'd get to experience the worse of what our Mother Earth or man could do.

Singapore is way too safe. So much so that all these tragedies happening on other parts of the world feel a little unreal to us. Ask any youths here and they know not of hardships. Their idea of hardship is not having any maids around.

I guess we can all do our part to help. The easiest (and laziest) is to drop a few coins in the tin cans. So typical Singaporeans. Then again, better something than nothing right?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 05, 2007 @ 12:51 pm

Dear Blogger,

My horoscope for March... from Astrologyzone

Single? Your best prospects for romance will come up during the first half of March, while Venus will tour fire sign Aries, a sign that blends beautifully with your air sign element. Keep an eye out for a dashing, self-made entrepreneur, successful athlete, or person who wears a uniform. You may meet this person while traveling, or even while doing errands in your neighborhood. A look, a glance, a shy smile - there are many ways Cupid words his magic.

Uniform??? YUCKS!!! No more uniformed men please! An athlete? Hmm... Never dated an athlete before. He won't be interested in a fatty like me. An entrepreneur sounds promising, although that means he'll most probably be working long hours.

Having headaches again. How could I not when I've been stuffing myself with junk food the whole of last night??? Vegged out in front of the TV, from watching "Men in Black 2" to "Seoul Raiders" (by the way, Tony Leung is uber-cool!) to "Ugly Betty". Almost 3 hours wasted in front of the TV. But sometimes, you need moments like this.

The headaches were making me grouchy all day. Not that I lost the smile on my face. I was just less tolerable of people's nonsense that's all. Today being a Monday too, I had to face my whiny Primary 2 student. He spends half the time whining and whining about why he had to have tuition in Bahasa Melayu and I'm always caught between being a disciplinarian and a guidance counselor.

Despite his whinings, I find him more tolerable than a lot of adults out there. Somehow, children's misbehaviours are more forgiving than adults. I just missed being a child. Not that I've much of a happy childhood. Boy! My psychologist would love to hear about my childhood! Anyway, I miss the inquisitive mind of a child. Everything is a wonder to a child!

Feeling so lethargic. Going to wind down with a dose of "Prison Break" (again!).

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007 @ 7:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

Sundays are not my favourite days. They're wedding days. Even when I'm not invited to one, I'm constantly reminded of them every morning. Just tune in to Warna 94.2 on Sunday mornings and you know what I mean. My mom pretends not to listen too much of it, but I know she's thinking when the hell is she going to tell the whole island of her daughter's wedding. Not that I don't have enough pressure already.

Today at work, a regular customer came with her daughter. She's a working tai tai with a caucasian husband, based on what I could see from her daughter's pan-asian look. She came to gloat that not only was her daughter a model, the teenager was also going to some UK university to do medicine. Good for her! Now leave us under-privileged folks alone!

What is it with these rich folks? Is it not enough that we're working for them? Their kids must take away coveted places at good schools too? I remembered how my dad beat me up for not getting a place at the top school back then, Raffles Girl's School. I really thought I wasn't good enough until I found out that some of the students there didn't even get grades as good as I did! They got in because they could afford to!

Let's not be too green. I've other things worth envying than these people. Did some grocery shopping on the way home. I've been grocery shopping a lot these days haven't I??? I always buy the same things: milk, bread, cheese, carrots and Twisties (cheese and BBQ-flavoured). When I'm more generous, I'll treat myself to a tub of ice-cream. That's very rare by the way. The only junk food I allow my stomach to digest is Twisties. How could anybody not love Twisties???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007 @ 9:40 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was supposed to knock off from work at 4 p.m., but I only managed to clock out at about 7 p.m. I'm awfully tired. My feet are aching. It's no joke having to stand for about 9 hours, and maintain that friendly smile on my face all the time. Definitely not child's play. That's the service industry for you I guess.

I should have been more firm I guess. If I had been home by 5.30 p.m. or 6 p.m. latest, I could have more time to rest and get some of my schoolwork done. I'm too tired now. Maybe that's a good thing. I couldn't sleep last night. So perhaps tonight, I'll be able to sleep well.

I know I've been trying to keep my chin up and take life's challenges by the balls. And I think I've been doing a good job at it. I've been shopping and watching a wonderful movie. I've been polite and smiley. I've been looking at life's unappreciated beauty with wonder. So, yes! I have been doing a job at it!

So why the hell am I feeling the strain of it all now? Was it all just pretense? My warped psychological cure to get rid of all the pain of yester moments? I know I can't possibly be Miss Sunshine twenty-four-seven. Still, I would like to be for most part of the day. I really want to be happy. On my own! I want to be in love with life! So why can't I???

Maybe God is playing tricks again. He grants you pleasure. Then He gives you pain. Perhaps that's His way of striking a balance. Or maybe, it's not God. Maybe it's just the people of this world. Maybe it's just me. Whatever it is, I have to respect these pains. Without pain, I would not have thought so much about it. I would not even bother to understand it.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain."
- Khalil Gibran

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 02, 2007 @ 10:44 pm

Dear Blogger,

Another book I've just finished reading and highly-recommended is Camilla Morton's "How To Walk In High Heels". I bought this book at Borders too. It's a book for any woman who aspires to be Carrie Bradshaw or Jackie O. Carrie and Jackie who? Then this book is not for you.

Anyway, with my financial situation now, I can never live like Carrie or Jackie. Besides, I don't know if Manolos are sold here. They're super sexy shoes by Manolo Blahnik. I've not come across his shoes in any of the luxurious shops here yet. I'll just make do with Charles & Keith and all those smaller brands.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007 @ 11:12 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's been 42 days since I last had sex. If I had been a Catholic, I'd pass Lent with flying colours! Why the sudden thought of sex? I don't know. The thought just popped into my head. Past memories of orgasmic ecstasies lingered in my mind.

Enough about sex. I had dinner with a friend at the food centre at Beach Road. Haven't dined there in a long time, and I was reminded why. Too many sightings of men in blue here. I despise them a lot! Unfair blanket judgement, but life is never fair.

That made me thought of some criteria for dating. That is, if I ever date again. No men in uniform. No younger men. No men lower educated than me. No men earning less than me. The list is not conclusive. Choosy? Why not? I've no expectations of men before and looked what they did to me??? So it's time I set some standards.

Anyway, didn't finish my dinner again. It's not that I'm not eating well. I just don't seem to have the appetite to eat much. Can't really eat rice or bread either. I eat potatoes and carrots and some fish. Sick of chicken. Could it be my medication? It's already suppressing my lust. Could it be suppressing my appetite too? Not that I'm complaining. I'm enjoying the fact that I'm losing weight without even trying.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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