modgurl's
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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 @ 8:43 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm a hypocrite. I shouldn't be allowed to live. When done once, it was a mistake. When done twice, it's unforgivable.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, January 28, 2007 @ 8:23 am

Dear Blogger,

Happy birthday to me! Anything exciting happened? Nope. Not that anyone who mattered remembered anyway. Not even my family. Why do I even make a fuss over this??? Everyone else don't! Same shit every year! Same tears every year!

NOBODY CARES DAMMIT! NOBODY!!!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007 @ 7:59 am

Dear Blogger,

Less than 24 hours to my 27th birthday. Nothing happening, except the Lush 99.5 fm 2nd Anniversary party I've been invited to at Cafe del Mar tonight. It's going to be a bloody long day.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, January 22, 2007 @ 10:37 pm

Dear Blogger,

I did it again! I had supper even though I just had dinner! I had root beer float and 10 pieces of tripe satay (I've been craving for those for months!) I didn't plan to go out for supper at all because I wanted to revise for a quiz tomorrow. But when Idy asked me, I couldn't refuse. The only compromise was that I would be back home by bedtime, i.e. 10.30pm.

I just have no discipline at all! To think that I spent half an hour on the stairmaster and treadmill, and another half an hour on weights training today! Again, it was about emotions! I wasn't hungry, yet I had satay. Tripe no less! Do you know how much calories is in a stick of tripe???

Idy asked me again why I don't kiss anymore. I've learnt that certain things you can't tell a guy. Simply because he won't understand it even if you spell it to him! A guy's brain is just too different than a woman's. Why I don't kiss anymore? Because my heart is shut now. Just like the eyes are the window to our soul, a kiss reveals what's in our hearts.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, January 21, 2007 @ 11:58 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've been making good progress in my diet, even though I've gained weight. That is something that I really do not understand. Anyway, I've been religiously noting down everything I've eaten and drank in my food diary for the past 2 months. Based on what I've analysed, I have been eating lesser than before. I hardly snack anymore except on those days when I've cravings, which are few.

But something happened earlier that I'm still trying to get over with. I had KFC's fried drumstick with small whipped potato minutes before going to bed! I wasn't even hungry! I guess I was upset. Upset that I came home with no dinner cooked. No one at home even cared if I had eaten or not. Nobody asked me! Nobody cared!

My psychiatrist was right. 6 years ago, he diagnosed me with bulimia because my emotions controlled my eating habits.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, January 19, 2007 @ 10:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

Nobody has asked me what I would like for my birthday, even though it is next week. I asked those whom I thought would have remembered if there was anything happening next week. Nothing. Nobody remembered. The sign of a popular girl.

No matter. My expectations of people these days have gone below negative anyway.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007 @ 8:38 pm

Dear Blogger,

Four weeks without sex or dates. Cool.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, January 14, 2007 @ 1:36 pm

Dear Blogger,

Sunday bloody Sunday. Second Sunday of 2007 and it's already shit. Firstly, does anybody realise what a sham Singapore's efficiency really is? Reflect on fire alarms for example. I was at Ngee Ann City today, hoping to catch up on some readings and finish some school assignments at the library@Orchard, before work. As soon as I stepped into the building, a fire alarm went off. We all knew that it was a false alarm, but that's not the point.

It took the system about 3 minutes to tell us that a fire alarm had gone off (Duh!) and an investigation was underway. The American-accented machine voice reminded us to stay calm in the meantime. Err... stay calm till when??? So the shutters went down, the escalators stopped moving, the lifts stagnant at level 1. Standard operating procedure.

Of course, we all still knew that it was a false alarm. Shoppers still went on shopping. The stores were still doing business. It took about 10 minutes for that damn irritating voice to tell us that it was a false alarm (Double duh!). But still the shutters, the escalators and the lifts didn't move! Not after 5 minutes. Not after 10 minutes. Not even after half an hour! It took whatever personnel to get them all working after 45 minutes!

10 minutes to investigate a fire alarm... hmm... I think we'd all be half-roasted by them. You would think that after years of experiencing this SOP, some genius in the Home Team or other ministry would have come up with a much more efficient and not to mention safer way to conduct this right? Call me impatient but time is money man!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, January 13, 2007 @ 10:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

It has stopped raining, but for some reason, I wished it would rain. I guess it would be easier to blame the rain for my anti-social behaviour. I'm tired.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, January 12, 2007 @ 8:58 pm

Dear Blogger,

Went to an alumni gathering earlier. Left an hour later. Didn't know anybody and nobody bothered to get to know me. Didn't even stay for the buffet dinner, even though I paid $5 for this gathering. I will just consider it as a donation. I took 2 hours to get dressed for the retro theme, but stayed for only an hour. Is there something wrong with me???

I can't be with people anymore. I can't work with them. I can't communicate with them. I seem to have lost my patience with people. It's a problem which I really need to overcome soon, but how can I when I've been shoved to the dark corner of misfithood?

It doesn't help when my own mother helped financed my brother a car, which they both denied they bought one. It doesn't matter. They can do whatever they want. I'm dead here anyway.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, January 11, 2007 @ 8:46 am

Dear Blogger,

Forget about having free time! After my first week of school, I don't think I even have time for myself! But that's good! It won't allow me time to think about other things. I'm pretty OK doing things on my own now. I may have became more withdrawn, but I'm more straightforward now. Whining is a complete waste of time.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, January 06, 2007 @ 11:39 pm

Dear Blogger,

I must say that I am doing pretty well living without men since last Wednesday. It's my new year's resolution you know; independence, without men. Not that I've totally gone against them. I've just realised that men and marriage are bollocks!

I couldn't adopt because the authorities thought I was too young and not rich enough. So I thought of volunteering at a children's home. Maybe I could teach or something. I do have some free time this semester. I'm on academic probation. It means I can only take 4 modules this semester.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, January 04, 2007 @ 11:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

I hate it here. I hate the fake cheerfulness of this bloody island. I hate the pretentiousness of its people. It seemed forever till I graduate. If I do graduate at all. I will leave this damn place. I will live my life the way I want to live. I will seek happiness elsewhere. I've tried seeking it here, but I seriously can't find it here.

I can't bloody remember why I'm doing all this for. When you're alone with no support, not even from your own fucking family, you can get disillusioned pretty easily and frequently. I shan't blame them. I hate them enough as it is.

I'm quite dead right now. I live in fiction as it is the only world that seemed logical at the moment. It's for the better anyway. Living with people hasn't really been healthy for my sanity.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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