modgurl's
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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, December 29, 2006 @ 11:53 pm

Dear Blogger,

I know I haven't been blogging for awhile, but that's only because my internet connection at home has been temporarily disconnected, and I haven't got time to run down to McDonald's to wire up, what with work and all. I'm trying to sleep early you see. I've read somewhere that plenty of good sleep helps in weight loss.

So what have I been up to? Shagging Idy on a regular basis for one thing. I suspect he's exhausted by now, although he's not telling. Nobody I've met could catch up with my sexual appetite. Pity.

I have been shopping too of course. I think I've spent slightly over a thousand on clothes, shoes, accessories, food and drinks. I have been lavishingly treating myself, haven't I? My last purchase was books from Borders, which totalled to $108.85 (technically, I only paid $68.85; the balanced paid by 2004 Borders Gift Card).

I've also bought some plants and equipment from the Singapore Garden Festival last week. We had a booth there, and believe me, I have resisted from spending as much as I could. I bought a chilli padi plant, laksa bay plant and some local herbs. I was given an orchid plant on the last day of the festival. The orchids are still blooming out in the corridor.

I know. I know. I have been a spending problem. Not only am I bulimic, I'm a shopaholic too. Soon, I suspect, I'll be an alcoholic too. My favourite new drink is mojito; light rum with mint leaves and fresh lime. It seems like a chi chi cocktail, but I guess I'm a little chi chi. Is it a crime if I want to dress, talk, live, eat and drink well? I don't have to apologise if my un-Malay-ness offends you.

Not to worry. I am getting help with my spending habits. What did you think that spree at Borders was for???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006 @ 11:30 pm

Dear Blogger,

I feel like a nobody right now. I feel unwanted. I feel like I have no place in this world. Daddy's right. I'm just a waste of everybody's time. Why doesn't he just tell that I was an accident too? I know I was.

I'm thinking of Din again. Not so much the person, but the idea that someone had loved me for who I am. Could anybody else love me as he did? Why does love avoid me when it seemed so easy for everyone else to fall for it?

Should I hide from the world? Or should I carry on living a make-belief life? I am an actor in the real world. I act everyday to hide my true self. Do you really know me? Does anyone really know me? I think not.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, December 17, 2006 @ 11:09 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm awake! I've finally been awaken from my sexual coma! And what an awakening it was! How can I describe it? I'm simply loss for words! Me??? The English language ace is loss for words???

I guess the shopping spree yesterday worked wonders! I bought:
  1. A butterfly-shaped Swarovsky-encrusted hair clip - $11.20 (after 20% staff discount) from Muchas, Tangs.
  2. 2 pairs of bra and thong set - $41 (after 50% discount) from La Senza.
  3. A chain belt - $31.20 (after 20% discount) from Elufa, Tangs.
  4. A pair of black, strappy, open-toed, super comfortable, dance stilletoes - $33.30 (after 10% discount) from Charles & Keith.
  5. A pair of fishnet tights - $3.90 from Ta Zhiang.
Who knew that fishnet stockings are fuck-me-up stockings? I just thought that they looked cool. I've to remind Idy to send me the photo he took of me with the whole outfit. Talking about Idy, he's been acting weird lately. Being suspiciously attentive and all.

Usually, when we sleep together, he'd sleep on his side and I'd sleep on mine. There was no reason for him to hold me the whole night. Although, it would be nice. But I don't want to give him the wrong signals. I don't want to scare him away with my female need for attention and affection.

But last night, not only was the sex different, he held me the whole time he was asleep! We weren't exactly in a very comfortable place, but I couldn't help wondering what the hell was going on??? He was also willing to skive today, just to spend time with me! That was terrifyingly unexpected of him!

Be cool moddie. No need to activate all alarms! I'm sure it was just about sex. Afterall, I had been furious with him. He had been quite a jerk of late. If he thinks that by being lovey-dovey to me all of a sudden will make me forgive him, he is so wrong! I'm not short of eager lovers.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, December 15, 2006 @ 3:07 pm

Dear Blogger,

I am terribly depressed. I can't seem to snap out of it! It's affecting my diet too. I binge one day, and starve the next. I'm going crazy aren't I?

Why do I always think of babies when I'm depressed? Or is it that I'm always depressed when thinking of babies? How retarded can I possibly be?

Sincerely,
modgurl

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Thursday, December 14, 2006 @ 5:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm in sexual coma, and it's making me depressed. I don't know why when I feel like shit is being thrown at me from all directions, everyone whom I thought I can rely on, simply disappears. It feels so tragic to be surrounded by people like that.

Can't even afford to go on retail therapy right now. I would love to visit the new IKEA building in the east. Saw it along the expressway. It was HUGE! Couldn't even go to the beach today. It's been raining on and off. How apt! It rains when I'm depressed.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006 @ 10:28 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm sad, and I'm in pain. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat without throwing up. I'm feeling miserable. I don't know who to call. I have nobody to seek solace from. I've even went as far as to call Din's station! Thankfully, he's not there. I'm feeling the pits, and it isn't a pleasant feeling.

If this is PMS, why am I not used to it by now? It had better be PMS! I don't want to feel all depressed over a silly, little man! Maybe it's my biological clock messing things up again. I was told I could adopt some orphans. I'm considering it.

Sigh... I'm a woman of few words today.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, December 11, 2006 @ 11:28 pm

Dear Blogger,

I think Idy is upset with me, but I'm not sure why. He was horribly curt to me. It still hurts. I couldn't even touch another man tonight, because I was thinking of him. I HATE it when someone I know is angry with me! I NEED to be loved! Or at least, liked. Now I couldn't sleep, and I have a long day ahead. Why do I let people get to me like that???

I don't love him. He doesn't love me either! So why am I so disturbed by it??? So much so that I feel like crying right now. Why? Why?? WHY??? STOP IT! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!

When You're Gone - The Cranberries

Hold onto love that is what I do
now that I've found you.

And from above everything's stinking,
they're not around you.


And in the night,
I could be helpless,

I could be lonely,
sleeping without you.


And in the day,
everything's complex,

There's nothing simple,
when I'm not around you.


But I'll miss you when you're gone,
that is what I do. Hey, baby!

And it's going to carry on,
that is what I do.
Hey, baby...


Hold onto my hands,
I feel I'm sinking,
sinking without you.

And to my mind,
everything's stinking,
stinking without you.


And in the night,
I could be helpless,

I could be lonely,
sleeping without you.


And in the day,
everything's complex,

There's nothing simple,
when I'm not around you.


But I'll miss you when you're gone,
that is what I do.
Hey, baby!

And it's going to carry on,
that is what I do.
Hey, baby...


Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, December 10, 2006 @ 11:39 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's time for some serious damage control. I spent so much on drinks last night that I was very sure I maxed out my credit card. A few hours earlier, I had splurged on a brand new leather carrier. I really have to do something about my financial indiscipline.

Last night, I got so drunk at the region's biggest beach party that I couldn't remember much of it! I knew I spent most of the time with the Sentosa Events' boys. I knew Idy lied to me about working last night. I knew I made a pass at my ex-boss again. Everything else, was a big blur!

Somehow, I managed to get home, alone, by train, at my drunken state. I remembered feeling extremely angry with Idy for ditching me like that. I was so furious that I hung up all his calls today. I really don't understand how he could be so warm one minute and so cold the next. If only he was a mediocre lover. It would have been easier for me to move on.

What is wrong with this guy across my seat in the train??? Doesn't he realise that he's talking very loud on his phone??? And he's talking about personal stuff with his "not ready" girlfriend. Right now, he's trying to persuade his girlfriend to go on a holiday with him at Cameron Highlands. The whole train doesn't need to know he is having relationship issues. Young people these days just don't know basic etiquette anymore.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, December 08, 2006 @ 9:06 am

Dear Blogger,

Is there something magical about my smile that I don't know about? I know it's sweet because people keep telling me that. But why does it always attract unwanted attention when I least expected it? How come it doesn't work on people that I really want to get to know?

Just last night, while having supper at Beach Road, somehow, I managed to get the waiter to flirt with me. Although I didn't reciprocate, it was quite embarrassing you know. For sure I will be teased mercilessly and endlessly by my supper mates.

This morning, daddy's ambulance driver did the same thing! I know it happens often but I still can't believe it! I really have to be careful who I smile to. This thing may cause my downfall. Hey! It has happened to some unfortunate soul before!

I'm starting to feel the strain of lack of sleep. I did sleep, but only for a few hours. I just couldn't sleep without getting myself involved in a sinfully good cardiovascular activity. For the first time we've been together, we left our place for home after the sun is up. Usually, it was still dark out. It's a nice change, but I prefer it when the sky is still dark. It adds to all the mystery you know.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006 @ 10:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

The next time I offered to do those street surveys by holidaying kids, please stop me from shooting those kids. This is what kindness does to me: rude telemarketers. I told the guy I'm not interested and I don't have the time to sit through hours of product or service briefings. He just blurted about not wanting my charity and hung up the phone! Can you believe that??? Obviously this guy is not suited for this job.

Nothing else exciting happened today. Saving myself for ZoukOut this Saturday. I've already planned what to wear. Basically, it's as little as possible! The full moon will still be out, so magic will definitely happen. So hopefully, Idy won't piss me off that night by being a jerk.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006 @ 1:32 pm

Dear Blogger,

You know you just had extremely good sex when you wake up, and the world feels beautiful again. All you want to do after opening your eyes to the morning sun, is to do it again. Oh Idy... What did you do? What did you eat??? What inspired you to produce such magic all of a sudden? You were cold one minute, and now, you can't keep your lips off me?

Did my impulsive heightened sexual activities of late drive him to such madness? It puzzles me still, but I'm not complaining. If he keeps this up, I won't need any other men nor women. It does not mean that I will be complacent though. I will still keep my options open. I realised that the more desirable I am, the more advantageous I will be.

Oh Idy, Idy Idy... how I shiver when your lips touched my skin. How I felt the current through my body when your fingers deftly trickle down my back. And when you touched me there, how you blow my mind off this planet! When we were finally as one, you brought out the person that has been suppressed in me for so long.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, December 03, 2006 @ 10:25 am

Dear Blogger,

Sex is not just sex. There's good sex. There's bad sex. There's "out of this world" sex. And there's the "making love" sex. Let's forget about the "making love" sex. I'm not in love. Neither are my lovers in love with me. It really blows me when they call it "making love". Let's just call it what it really is. Sex!

December is destined to be the month where sex rules. With the help of litres of alcohol of course. Afterall, what with all the christmas and year-end parties and all. Nobody will be sober this month. Not least me that is. Am I out of control? I don't think so. I'm just saying goodbye to 2006 with a big bang! What's wrong with that? I'm not getting any younger you know. Soon, I will no longer be able to compete with the 18-year old skanks for male attention.

Idy and I are cool now. We're no longer in a relationship, but we're still fucking with each other. Out of the many men I've been with this week, he's still my number one dick. How sad is that??? It just shows that local men don't know how to please a woman sexually! I'm not difficult to please you know. You push the right buttons and you'll wake up with a high no drugs can compete.

He's getting me a ticket to ZoukOut! That's so cool of him. Of course I've to give him something in return. Not that I don't want to. I haven't had sex by the beach in years! The sand. The sea. The stars. The skin. Aphrodisiacs all! Sentosa does have the best beaches in Singapore. Some of the best make-out places too! I'm not going to say where. Don't want to pollute the place you know. Leave it to Idy to surprise me with places I never knew existed on our resort island. Haha!

Check out this Tenacious D song...

Fuck Her Gently

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely

You don't always have to fuck her hard

In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too

Sometimes ya got to squeeze

Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey

I'm gonna Fuck you softly

I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly

And then you say hey I bought you flowers

And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork

Whats your favorite posish?

That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you

Whats your favorite dish?

I'm not gonna cook it
But I'll order it from Zanzibar

And then I'm gonna love you completely

And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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