modgurl's
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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Sunday, July 30, 2006 @ 8:42 pm

Dear Blogger,

How do you break up with an idiot? Honest to God! I am trying very hard to tolerate his workaholic ways, but who am I kidding? I've a limit to my patience. How could anybody loves his work more than anything? Is there something wrong with that kind of person?

Fate can be so cruel, can't it? It has a weird sense of humour too! I should have just stayed single and available. I still don't understand what a boyfriend is for. All this time I've been having one, nothing much has changed except that I've been getting more frustrated than before.

Frustrated not with sex. But with the lack of attention I've been getting. If I'm just into it for the sex, then I'd stick with flings right? I think it's better that I cut my losses. This isn't working out at all! This also means that I can't work on the same little island anymore. Singapore is already so fucking small, but Sentosa is so bloody much smaller.

I'm just not girlfriend material. I don't have the patience to be one. I'm needy and I expect my partner to perform as much as I do in this relationship. So far, he has failed in that. It wasn't like I've not given him chances. It wasn't like I've not communicated well with him. We're just two very difference creatures from two very different planets.

I don't like the way my life is going right now. I can't seem to put on a smile willingly these days. Every little thing irritates the hell out me. So much so that I refused to go to work today. Called in some semi-lie about my dad being in hospital. But then, I got more stressed about not being able to slack like most normal people.

I've also realised how very few friends I have. The only day that I've decided to take a full day off and as usual, everyone is too busy for me. It's days like these that I miss my car a lot. At least with it, I can drive to God knows where till I've run out of steam.

Can you feel the box closing in on me? Can you feel it? My little world is getting darker you know. And smaller! Hate this fucked up place! Can you see the smirk on everybody's face? It's as if they know something that I don't. Insanity is such an easy escape.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, July 27, 2006 @ 9:45 am

Dear Blogger,

Last night, I was with a guy who's not Idy. I don't know why I did it. For the fun of it I guess. Or probably because I was upset with Idy's irregular work hours. This Saturday, it'll be Idy's birthday (and Din's) but he refused to celebrate it! Not even a minor one! Sigh... More about that later.

Anyway, this guy (Guy F) I was with last night was quite adorable, in a geeky sort of way. Even his failure to gain an erection was quite endearing. I've never been with a guy who hasn't already had a hard-on before the clothes are off. So, I felt a little helpless not knowing how to help him with his little "problem". Not that he's little! He's got quite a decent talent! Just that, it's been dormant for awhile.

About Idy... Hmm... Where do I begin? Firstly, he's been really, really complacent. He doesn't call me nor text me on some days and that's quite disturbing actually. In fact, it's quite disruptive! Secondly, I'm tired of meeting him at nights. For once, I'd like to go out on dates when the sun is still out.

Lastly, I don't understand why he doesn't want anybody to remember his birthday! He said he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, but it's a big deal to me! He said he doesn't want to trouble anyone, but do I look troubled???

I had all these plans for him but he prefered to work instead of spending time with me! What does it say about him? It all spells out D-O-O-M doesn't it? Actually, it suspiciously spells out D-I-N! Who, by the way, is still contacting me. I haven't replied to any of his messages though.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, July 24, 2006 @ 10:57 am

Dear Blogger,

"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?"

Believe it or not, that quote was from the pre-sexed up Christina Ricci movie, "Casper". "I love you", one of the most dreaded quotes in my list of Words-To-Be-Really-Careful-Before-Saying. These are words that are only spoken when I trully meant them.

I don't know how some people can say those words with such ease. The very few times I've managed to utter those words, I didn't actually say them. More like I blurted them out! Then, I'd freak out by leaving the guy in silent confusion and going incommunicado on him.

The question is, do you wait for the guy to tell you that first before you make your big confession? Common sense tells me that that's how we should do it. Afterall, why let the guy have the upper hand right? Then again, he probably doesn't know how he's feeling so to drop that bombshell on him might make things clearer for him.

Oh... if only men aren't so daft.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 @ 11:26 am

Dear Blogger,

I feel so uninspired and so unmotivated to do anything. Not even to laze in bed! I'm just drifting along the hours, which are frustratingly moving at a snail's pace. I'm dressed like a weary auntie who already had 5 kids. The serene look I had intended this morning turned out sloppy. I should have worn something red or orangy.

Love is obviously not in the air. It has been flushed down the toilet ever since the World Cup ended. I guess it's time I enlist Little D into service. Little D is of course, my trusted vibrator. Always available, and always reliable. Unlike men!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006 @ 9:46 am

Dear Blogger,

Maybe I am not the problem. Maybe it's him! Idy's been blowing hot and cold lately (not literally!), and I really can't figure out what he is up to! It's really frustrating you know. Here is a commitment-phobe who's taking baby steps to overcome her fear, and this guy's just making it worse with his undecipherable antics!

Men! You can't live with them, and you certainly can't live without them! I'm convinced that men are only precious because sex without a real penis isn't really sex at all. How the hell do I get myself into this? He's only my second relationship, thus, that makes him officially my second boyfriend ever, and he's being such a JERK!!!

Isn't a boyfriend supposed to cheer up his girlfriend whenever she's sad, upset or having a bad day? What did he do? He just ignored me. If that isn't asking for trouble, then I don't know what is. I was right not to know what a boyfriend is, wasn't I?

It's shit at home, it's shit at work, and it's shit in my new so-called love life. I might as well disown myself from the so-called family I was born into. My mom made me confront the nurse about talking to the doctor in charge of my father and guess what?

She knows about the discharge, the welfare homes and the social worker because the nurse had spoken to my brother already! Naturally, none of them would bother to tell me about it! The first-born child and the one with the most unwanted responsibilities, and I wasn't consulted about anything pertaining my father's condition.

I felt insulted and disillusioned. Do you know how embarrassed I was standing there in the ward, hearing the nurse telling me about how she has already informed my brother and mom about it? Why should I care now since I'm not wanted? All my efforts not recognised. I am not humble. So what??? But I'm not a machine! A little credit and acknowledgement is very much appreciated, thank you very much!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006 @ 12:38 pm

Dear Blogger,

I am a commitment-phobe. I've known it all along, but it's only now that I've felt the need to get over this fear. My brain has been yelling at me for awhile now about how stupid it is for me to throw away such a good thing. I have to say that my brain is right!

I don't want to be afraid anymore. In fact, I can confidently say that I REFUSE to be afraid anymore! Silly me! What is there to be afraid of in the first place??? People get hurt all the time, don't they? I'm older and wiser now, aren't I? I know what I want and I know how to get it (most of the time anyway), so what's the big deal???

Sometimes I think I deserved to be spanked for such stupidity. Hmm... spanking... somehow the image that just popped in my head wasn't what I had initially intended. At times, I do wonder what makes a grown, intelligent adult go through pain for the sake of pleasure.

I have a slightly higher tolerance level that the average adult. Probably the product of growing up with boys and the beatings I used to get as a child. A night of intense passion won't be satisfactory unless some very minor blood vessels are broken. I know that sounds really sick. Have I ever been normal?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006 @ 9:43 am

Dear Blogger,

"Writer's block is the greatest side effect of boredom." - Jason Zebehazy

I don't know who he is, but I thought his quote was funny. Yes, I have been bored in the past 2 weeks. Ever since Italy lifted the World Cup, albeit the Zinedine Zidane controversy, life as we know it seemed to be at a standstill. Even if it moves, it moves ever so slowly.

The sun was scorching hot, but never happily brighter. The colours were plentiful but comparatively duller. Even music sounded less pleasing in my ears! Trivial conversations seemed like a chore to me. My enigmatic smiles were seen less frequently on my face.

What was going on, I asked myself. Was I sick? I didn't have a temperature. Has my depression returned? I don't think so. I finally came to a conclusion. It's time! Time for what, I hear myself ask. It's time for me to make babies.

But to do so, a certain shrewd manipulation on my part is required. How do I deceive a man into WANTING to be a responsible father to my children (yes, children!)? He has to be a gullible man then. Where do I look for such a man? Oh wait! Aren't all men gullible?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, July 06, 2006 @ 5:27 pm

Dear Blogger,

I had another bad service experience last night. It all started when I was asked along to Ministry Of Sound. As soon as my girlfriend and I stepped into the place, I knew that this wasn't my scene. We fled to Club Momo, leaving the others to themselves. We were just too insignificant for anyone to notice our absence.

At Club Momo, things were slowly picking up although I wasn't feeling good about the drinks. I only had a glass of bourbon coke, followed by a glass of whisky coke, and my tummy refused to have anymore of such drinks.

The music was alright at first. Then, the thumping beats were getting on my nerves. In fact, practically everything about the whole clubbing scene was getting on my nerves! I was thinking that perhaps, I was getting too old for this. I'm only 26 and already I'm thinking like 50 year old. Bummer!

The only thing that I was looking forward to was the second semi-final match between Portugal and France. Club Momo was showing it at the Live Room. I was so hungry that I reluctantly ordered 2 hot dogs that cost $3.50 per piece! I wanted chicken wings and fries but there were none for me when I bloody wanted them!

All night at the club, we were ridiculously pursued by a couple of men who looked like they just came off the ferry from Batam. Don't these aging men realise that we were way over their league??? Did we acknowledge their presence with a smile? No. Did we even bother to turn our heads to look at them? No.

Any other idiots would know that meant that we would rather drive a stake through our hearts than show even the slightest interest in them. But not these morons. One of them paid for my hot dogs without my knowledge. Starving or not, I refused to touch the hot dogs till I paid for them myself! And I did!

20 minutes into the game, we were asked to leave our table by one of the staff. Correction! We were ordered to leave! Again, I must ask, is it so goddamn hard to ask nicely with a "please" and "thank you" added to that request??? It must be, because I didn't hear a "please" nor a "thank you" and the tone he used was actually an invitation for me to shove down the basics of good service down his throat!

That wasn't all. Oh no. Before I could grab my drinks to move, his colleague had already swooped them and that was it for my patience. I glared at them till they realised their mistake, which wasn't very long. I think the whole room could feel my silence rage because the air had become tense. When I'm satisfied with the look of fear on their faces, I stomped out of the club.

We made our way back to the Clarke Quay and stumbled upon a large screen showing the match. After what happened, I was in no mood to socialise so I plonked down beside a wall. At half-time, 2 drunk Brits approached us, or specifically my girlfriend, intending to lure her to their beds.

Despite still being upset, I was smart enough not to piss off 2 drunk Caucasions. Like a mother hen, I told them to buzz off in the politest way possible. Was that the end of my miserable night? Oh no no no. Out of nowhere, this sloppy guy asked us in the crudest way, "Where is the toilet ah?"

HELLO!!! Do we look like the information counter to you?! We may be sitting on this uncomfortable floor, looking shagged, but don't for a second mistake us for some hobos! Unfortunately for you mister, you've caught me at the worst possible time! So excuuuuuuse me if I wasn't very nice to you!

He walked away looking dazed. Served him right for not asking politely. That goes for everyone else out there. Don't ever piss me off! You don't ever want to see the cold, ugly side of me!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, July 04, 2006 @ 5:16 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was still upset over Sunday night's experience, so I wrote in a feedback. Of course, we know it as a complaint. Nobody ever writes in positive feedback. Well, not as many as complaints anyway. This is for their own good! Like I said, people don't realise that they're being complacent until someone tells them that. And that someone is me!

Italy is playing against the home team tonight. Based on statistics, Germany has never beaten Italy in a long, long time. Why do I have this feeling that that losing streak will be broken tonight? Yeah sure Germany has the home advantage. And they have a good team this year. And Italy has some disciplinary issues. But I'm rooting for the Azzuris tonight. They have better-looking players.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, July 03, 2006 @ 10:10 am

Dear Blogger,

I normally wouldn't do this but I feel that sometimes, the only way for people to improve is when we raise us their flaws. As pathetic as that may sound, but that's just how people are sometimes! What am I talking about?

I'm talking about service, people! The government spends so much of our money to raise the standards of service here. So, I'm compelled to tell the whole world of the bad service I've experienced yesterday, in a tourist attraction and a restaurant here.

The Musical Fountain in Sentosa has been one of our popular attractions for both locals and tourists. Mainly because it's a free attraction. We all know Singaporeans are suckers for anything that's free. I haven't gone there since 2001, when it cost an exhorbitant amount to visit Sentosa.

I decided to check out the new Magical Sentosa Show at the Musical Fountain yesterday, while waiting for Idy to finish his work. As expected, the crowds started streaming in and filling up the seats hours before the actual show, which is at 7.40 p.m. Since I came alone, it was easier for me to find a good seat.

The laser and lights show was alright. The audience oohs and aahs over the brilliant display and choreography of the laser, lights and music. I actually enjoyed the show! No wonder the musical fountain shows are a must in every visitor's itinerary to Sentosa.

Anyway, my bad night started after the show. There were 2 shows and since Idy hasn't finished his work yet, I thought I'd stay for the second show. While everyone else was scrambling for the exit, wandered around the amphitheatre to check out the sights. I smiled and said hi to the staff who were clearing up the place before the next batch of audience bombarded the place.

When I came back to my seat, every staff was looking at me like some tramp who had drifted into the amphitheatre out of nowhere. So I smiled and said hello! Then, the supervisor or manager told me that no one was supposed to be in here and I had to wait outside. I didn't like his tone very much.

He may not recognise me as a fellow colleague. Still, that was no way to talk to a guest, even a local one! Would I have been treated differently if I had blonde hair and blue eyes? As a retort, I asked one of his staff shouldn't he be smiling. Sentosa staff should always have a smile on their faces!

He asked me if he knew me. I shrugged. Instead, I said that I might be working for Darrell (CEO) and gave him a wink. You should see the horror on his face! It may not be a big deal to some people, but for someone who works in the service industry too, a rude staff is a major deal to me!

After telling Idy about it, he encouraged me to feedback to the management, for service improvement sakes. I wouldn't write in simply just to get even. I'm an advocate of constructive criticism, because I knew what it felt like to receive complaints from customers.

That was not the end of my bad service experience last night. Idy and I went to one of those Chinese-Muslim seafood restaurant along Upper Changi Road. It had "Chai Chee" on its signboard but it wasn't the usual "Kampung Chai Chee Seafood Restaurant" I had frequented before. But it sure had the look and feel of that older and more familiar restaurant.

The restaurant was filled with diners but we managed to find a table. The first thing I noticed about it was the heavy wooden decor of the place and the white, glazed porcelain dishes it used to serve its food. I think the restaurant was trying to emulate one of those big chinese restaurants like Crystal Jade or something.

This was all fine and dandy if we weren't made to wait half an hour to be offered the menu! It took them another hour for the our food to be served, and I'm just talking about the food only. Our drinks were nowhere to be seen! I grudgingly forced the food in my mouth, already upset that our drinks have not been served yet.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up and marched towards the counter. With my Ps & Qs still intact, I demanded to know what happened to our drinks. For God's sake! What was so difficult about serving drinks??? We only ordered lychee and ice lemon tea! From a can no less!

Even then, the bitch of a makcik behind the counter didn't even apologise! She even tried to suggest that we might not have ordered our drinks! I almost blew my top then but the thought of Idy sitting at our table stopped me. I marched back to our table and ate whatever that's left of our average-tasting food.

When our drinks finally arrived, I was too upset to finish my drink. I didn't even touch the lychees! As soon as our plates were clean, we stood up and walked to the cashier to settle the bill. By then, I couldn't even force out a smile on my face.

When we told of the bill total, I just blurted that we shouldn't even be paying for it. Those words came out even before I could think of what I was saying. I think it made the makcik snapped because she responded in her bitchy tone in these exact words, "So what? Nevermind! It was our fault that we forgot about your drinks."

Maybe her tudung was too tight. That was why she was too narrow-minded to realise that it wasn't just the drinks that had upsetted me. She didn't even apologise!!! I was really fuming mad! Idy didn't know what to do. Couldn't blame him. Nobody ever knows what to do when I'm in rage.

I was in so much rage that tears started streaming down my cheeks. I cried in silence because I didn't want Idy to see me crying. I don't want him to see that side of me yet. But who was I kidding? Of course he could see that I was crying! He was considerate enough not to ask me to stop crying.

What a horrible night it was! After the football high on Saturday, this was quite a u-turn. But come to think of it, at least I didn't cry like a baby like Beckham did. OK... that was a horrible thing for me to say. The guy was undergoing a lot of pressure from his countrymen and England fans around the world! He couldn't deliver and at his age, this was probably his last World Cup.

Besides, despite Singapore Pools blind faith in England, nobody really expected them to win against Portugal. Then again, to lose on penalty shootouts was really heartbreaking. I feel for you boys! I feel your pain and disappointment.

And what about Brazil going out of the World Cup huh? That was certainly the consolation prize for all the hiccups and disappointments (Argentina!!!! sob sob) in this tournament for me! No prizes for guessing that I'm NOT a Brazil fan. Never was and never will be!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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