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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Monday, April 17, 2006 @ 12:39 pm

Dear Blogger,

Today was a very bad day and it has only been half a day. It started off when I found my g-string covered in blood. Yes... Of all days, it had to come today. I didn't even know I was going to have it at all! I had actually forgotten my cycle. I'm not sure if this was for this month or last month!

It would not have been too bad if I had found out about it BEFORE I had left the house. It was half an hour before my accounting paper! I didn't bring any change nor any spare. How the hell was I going to get myself fixed up at a time like that???

No wonder I was bingeing on food the whole week. I thought it was odd that I kept stuffing my mouth with snacks most of the time. Usually, I don't even have any appetite to swallow a peanut! I even thought that I was substituting the lack of sex with food.

Thank goodness there was a Watson's store in campus. A huge one at that! Got myself fixed up but still feeling a little uneasy. I just don't understand why us women have to be burdened with menstruation every month! I know that it's necessary for pregnancy but isn't there an easier way???

On top of this whole menses fiasco, I was having trouble breathing. I was breathing in short bursts. My heart was beating unevenly fast. It felt like claustrophobia. No matter how empty or big the space is, I felt uncomfortably suffocated. I am very sure this was not because of my menses.

I don't know what it is. I'm hyperventilating even! Is this anxiety? Damn! I left my anxiety pills at home. I found some Xanax pills in one of my bags last night. The discovery felt like god-sent! I haven't taken any yet.

Oh God... I know what's coming. This is the start of a nervous breakdown. Yes! That's it! It's all too familiar now. I've to be careful. Anything could trigger a full-blown breakdown. Anything.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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