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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @ 10:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

Exams are finally over, but school hasn't ended yet. I've taken on a module in the summer. I just wanted to keep myself busy for this 4 1/2 months break. Although I should be spending more time at home, I just don't feel I should. I guess I wanted to get over school as early as I can so that I can go to work full-time and be the next breadwinner of the household.

My father will be discharged anytime soon, but the issue of full-time carer still hasn't been resolved. Everyone's busy either with work or school. To sacrifice either one for this responsibility is just not an option that anyone one of us can afford right now. The hospital has been bugging me to make a decision, but I can't make this kind of decision! It's just too heavy for me to deal with!

I don't have any answers. I wish there were. I don't even have anyone to consult with. Everywhere I turn, it's just me. And I have to make this burden of a decision, just because I was the first-born child. That doesn't seem fair, does it? How do you compromise family obligations with personal aspirations? Where do you draw the line of taking risks and chances?

Questions and more questions in my head, but no answers. Even in my sleep, I ask these questions. No wonder I wake up feeling even more tired, as if I didn't even sleep in the first place. Where do you look for answers anyway?

I hate to say this, but I need a man right now. Someone to tell me what to do. Someone to protect me. Someone to reassure me that things will be alright. But that's just too much to ask for. I have better luck with a woman doing that than with a man.


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