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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, February 03, 2006 @ 9:22 am

Dear Blogger,

My siblings and I have this unspoken code. We don't swear at one another, verbally nor written. One of my brothers has broken that code. He swore and insulted me when I asked if he could help pay the car repair cost.

I didn't retaliate. I'm too mature for that. It hurts but I won't take it to heart. No matter how furious I am with my family, I don't swear at them to their faces. I may have issues but I don't consciously burden them with my issues.

Funny how a little wealth can change a person. Even if he's related by blood. When my car was functional, my brother didn't feel any qualms about using it, even though I worked day and night to maintain it. Mankind never fails to disappoint me these days.

Anyway, things have changed now. There is a higher chance that my father will not be physical able to return to work. He won't be able to drive with an amputed leg, will he? He doesn't know anything else but driving!

Big sacrifices will have to be made. Even after I sell my car, there are still the household utilities and maintenance to worry about. With my father in hospital and his inevitable physical disability, my mom has become the sole full-time employee in our family.

On paper, it seems simple enough to strip ourselves to the barest minimum. But life, cruel as it is, is never that simple. If we can't make ends meet, I'll have to really consider taking a break from school for awhile. Right now, I feel torn between what I want to do and what I'm required to do.

I need to clear my thoughts and soul, but I don't know how. Even God seems to have deserted me right now.


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