modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Saturday, November 26, 2005 @ 7:09 pm

Dear Blogger,

KP and I hung out at what was once one of my favourite hangouts. Different people call that particular place differently. I call it Yishun End. It's actually Seletar reservoir if I'm not mistaken. It's in between Orchid Country Club and Seletar Camp. It's a hangout for car and bike enthusiasts.

I can understand the draw of the place. At night, the long stretch of road along the reservoir plays runway to the souped up Subarus, Hondas and Lancers as well as the bike equivalents. Don't expect peace and quiet there though. Car sound system vendors are known to park their vans along the stretch and blast their techno music for the whole island to hear.

KP likes the place because he likes cars. Even though I own one, I don't really share his enthusiam. I can appreciate a really hot car when I see one but don't bore me with the technical details. I like this place because the social observation one can do here is pretty interesting. Also, some of the drivers and bikers are really not bad on the eye.

Once again, I was tempted to reply to Din's messages. He's been sending me these cute teddy bear messages and you know how softie I can be with teddy bears. Din used to call me his MamaBear and I have a whole clan of baby bears in my room. I've never bothered to give each of them a name though. They're all my babies and that's enough for me.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, November 25, 2005 @ 12:02 pm

Dear Blogger,

Getting oneself drunk is a horrible feeling. Not just physically but emotionally too. I can take the stomach churning, head spinning discomfort. What I can't deal with is the guilt one feels after doing something stupid when influenced by alcohol.

I don't get drunk very often. On those days when I do, it's usually because I had vodka. I should have suspected it when I started throwing up at Thumper many Thursdays ago. It's Ladies Nights on Thursdays at Thumper but it only offers free flow vodka for ladies.

Last night's incident just confirmed it. This time, I had it at One, the former Onyx which was the former Centro 360. Unlike at Thumper, I only had 3 glasses of Absolut vodka 7-up at One. But I did have 5 glasses of bourbon coke as well. Now that I'm sober again, I realised that I had a lot to drink last night.

I only stayed till 11 pm because that's when KP knocked off from work. I wanted an early night too. I knew I was a goner already when I couldn't walk stably towards from One Fullerton to Boat Quay. When I sat waiting for KP at the steps of the river, my head was spinning madly.

Obviously I couldn't drive. I didn't want to leave my car there either. There was no way I was going to leave my baby at that awfully expensive stretch of CBD road overnight and pay a ridiculous amount of taxi fare just to get my arse home safely in bed.

I had to call my brother to rescue me again. KP called him actually. He couldn't drive. I lied drifting in sleep in a foetal position at the back seat while we wait for my brother to come. When he did, he brought his girlfriend along. It wasn't enough that KP had to see the ugly side of me but my brother's girlfriend had to see it too! I just wanted the ground beneath me to just swallow me up into oblivion.

On the way home, I said some nasty things to KP. I knew he was uncomfortable being in the same car with my brother in it. It made me upset! He didn't have to be in the car you know. He could just leave me with my brother. I didn't force him to stay with me!

I told him I hated him. You know I didn't mean it! How could I hate him? I hated Din actually. He didn't even answer my calls last night. He should have been the one to save me but he didn't! To think that ever since rain started falling on almost every night, I've been thinking about him. Even thought of taking him back!

For the record, KP and I are not a couple. We're not in a relationship. We never will be. He just... can't. I apologised to him this morning. I hate sorries because unlike most people, "sorry" is a very hard word for me to express. So when I do express it, you know I damn well mean it!

He was late to work again today because of me. I feel like a burden to him now. I told you that we're breaking apart didn't I? Things should never get personal because once it does, it's the beginning of the end. That is just so sad!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005 @ 11:41 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've been thinking about Din a lot today. This has been in my mind for several days already. I'm contemplating to take him back. My mind and my heart are conflicting on extreme ends. My mind thinks that this is a very bad idea. My heart feels like we are meant to be together.

Logically, he doesn't deserve me at all! He hasn't understood my wants and needs. If I take him back, he will just forget his promises and repeat his mistakes. Then I'll get even more upset and I'll do something stupid. It's a vicious cycle!

Why doesn't my heart feel the same way? Why is it always so generous to him? It's as if my heart is blind to all his flaws. After what he's done to me, I should not even forgive him at all! Yet, to err is human, to forgive is divine. But just because my heart is open to forgiving him, it doesn't mean that I should welcome him back right?

I have not replied to any of his messages for over a week. He's been messaging me everyday, twice daily for the past few days. He always asked the same question everyday, that is, what was I doing. My mind's saying that he just wants to keep himself updated on my actions.

He's a cop! He can find out what I've been up to without asking me. I'm sure he has done that before. Wouldn't that be stalking already? Should I be flattered by that? He is the one person who constantly drives me crazy. Pre, during and post relationship! Amazing isn't it?

Whether or not he divorces her, it doesn't bother me anymore. Personally, I don't think he has the balls to go through with it. He didn't even try to prove me wrong. Then again, when I thought I've really known him so well, he shocks me with a side I didn't even know existed in him.

Why can't he just be a simple man? I'm the one with the menses. I should be the confusing one! Not the confused one! KP said that there wasn't a proper closure so that's why I'm still feeling like this. I really have no idea what he was talking about.

All I wanted was a simple love life where I'd meet a guy and he'd fall madly in love with me. Then we'd have a steady but stable relationship. Finally, we'd settle down comfortably in marriage and raise a manageable-sized family of our own in a big 5-room flat in the east. Why can't I have that? Dream on moddie!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, November 21, 2005 @ 10:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

I had forgotten that next week will be December already. The reason that this is so important to me is that December 2nd will the SPPA Youth Committee's Youth Recruitment Drive. It's still 50% completed! I haven't confirmed the caterer, the dj, the theme of the party, the panels for the exhibits and I've too few volunteers to help out on that day!

On top of that, I'll have my last paper on that day! I only have three papers to sit for but those papers are killers! I haven't revised yet! This week is supposed to be study week but there are just too many things overdue that I can't really prioritise well!

Surprisingly, I am unusually calm. Probably because I have no other team members to scream at. This semester has been really bad for me. I've skipped too many lessons and failed too many tests. But I can't really blame anyone but myself. My mind is just too fickle this semester.

I tried to settle as much as I could for the youth recruitment drive event. I don't think I've done much. I'll be getting two new students next January and I'm a little relieved. So now, I've a total of three students to help settle my bills. I know that sounds horrible but it's a fact! But seriously, the ability to develop these students into their best academic potential, is really priceless.

I had dinner with Siren and KP at Cafe Cartel Siglap. I'm a little bloated now because I finished the whole plate of creamy baked seafood macaroni. They were helping me get vendors for the event. It feels wonderful when your friends try to help you with no hidden agenda.

I don't know about KP though. JUST KIDDING!!! He's sweet. He's always wanting to make people happy. It's like his life's mission or something. I wish I knew why. I mean I want to make those close around me happy too but I won't make it a life's mission. It would be a life mission of mine to make ME happy!

After dinner, I took KP on a tour of Changi and Loyang where they were supposedly to be haunted. I don't know why I did that. I just like to scare him silly. I was feeling retarded I know but it was all fun! I had a good laugh today. At the expense of KP of course but he was a good chap.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, November 19, 2005 @ 11:24 pm

Dear Blogger,

I guess I really had to clear a misunderstanding. KP is neither a boyfriend nor a fling. KP is not Guy E and I doubt there will be a Guy E anytime soon. I don't know what he is but he is definitely none of those. I believe he is still looking for his Arabian princess. I am not she.

That night should not have happened. It was a mistake through and through. I had a choice but I took the wrong one. Thankfully, he was gracious about the whole thing. But you never really know what's in a person's heart do you? We are all liars. We lie to everyone, including ourselves, almost all the time.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 @ 11:23 pm

Dear Blogger,

It has been a long day today. I was out of the house by 7am hoping to reach Suntec by 7.30am. I only reached Suntec at close to 8.30am because (a) I left my purse at home and (b) I had to fetch KP. We volunteered for the ISPCAN Asian Regional Conference 2005 and today was the last day of the conference.

The conference was alright. It was informative but sadly, I found that nothing concrete came out of it. The last symposium was about children and the Tsunami disaster. There was a video of the disaster and the relief efforts. I don't know why but the video affected me because after that, the whole place seemed to be closing in on me.

I felt claustrophobic and suffocated. I wasn't even involved in the Tsunami disaster nor do I know anyone who did, yet I was already affected just by watching the video! What about those who were there??? I felt helpless because despite the many relief efforts that were organised, I didn't do anything that seemed valuable.

Since it was the last day, it was a half day session. It just so happened that the World Cyber Games was held at Suntec too! So KP and I made our way there and watched all those professional geeky but cool players (have you seen those Italian boys??? Hot!) battle it out on games such as Counter Strike, Need for Speed, WarCraft, Dead or Alive and FIFA 2005.

A Singaporean lad went up against his Romanian counterpart on FIFA 2005 semi-final on the main stage. Even with home advantage and a very supportive crowd, he lost 2-3. That was a good try from him though. As far as football is concerned, I think this is the only time we will ever see Singapore reach the finals of a World Cup.

We then went to Marina Square to catch "Harry Porter and the Goblet of Fire". The movie was entertaining but a little too fast paced for me. I think those who didn't read the book will definitely be lost when watching the movie. I read the book last year I think, and I was still lost halfway.

Also, I was disappointed that many of the scenes were either reduced or not even shown at all. The World Quidditch Cup for example. It only had less than 10 minutes of screen time. In the book, it had about two chapters dedicated to it! Still, how do you fit a 750-page story into a 2 1/2 hour movie?

The movie was very British too! It was helmed by a British director, Mike Newell, who directed "Four Weddings and Funeral". While Chris Columbus' direction of the first two books was very family movie-based and Alfonso Cuaron's version of the third book was darker, Mike Newell's version of the fourth book in the series was very much character-driven.

I wasn't fond of the new Dumbledore though. Can't remember the actor's name but I prefer Richard Harris' portrayal of Dumbledore. Richard's Dumbledore was stronger and more authoritative, befitting a headmaster of a boarding school. This Dumbledore was a wreck basically and very rock and roll.

Nevertheless, it was entertaining. I had to hold my pee for 1 1/2 hours so that I wouldn't miss a thing! I hated the last scene though. Although it's a very important scene, I still think that death is too morbid a storyline for a children's book.

KP had a field day photographing himself today. I think he wants to start a photo blog but he doesn't have any concepts in mind. I find it odd that a would-be psychologist can't write journals. Oh well... As they say, "pictures speak a thousand words!

He still owes me "Emily Rose" though. Somebody please ask me out to watch "Emily Rose"! I want to watch "Emily Rose"!!! It won't be fun if I've to watch it alone and it wouldn't feel the same thing if I've to watch it from a DVD bought from JB. Somebody ask me to watch "Emily Rose" will ya!

Sincerely
modgurl.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 @ 8:59 pm

Dear Blogger,

My 2-month old sexless drought had ended, thanks to a bartender at Momo. He made me a jug of whisky coke, on the house! I had my usual bourbon coke of course. KP ordered the whisky coke. That was so nice of the bartender wasn't he? He always makes killer mixes for me at Momo. That's why he's my favourite bartender!

After the house set and tolerating KP's embarrassingly crazy dancing, he had to go and make me worried sick when he didn't return from the gents. I thought he had gotten himself into trouble with some other drunkards. Or that he had fallen to sickness. Or worse! He had really left me high and dry!

I went searching for him all over Momo for close to half an hour. He didn't reply my messages nor my calls. This boy was really getting me worried! Then I saw him swaggering out of the gents. So I punched him! On his shoulder. I've never hit anyone on the face. I don't like to get worried because it makes me upset! And when I'm upset, it'll take a long time for me to calm down.

He told me that he threw up and passed out in the gents. Still, that was no excuse for him not to reply my messages or my calls! I could have just left if I hadn't seen him. It didn't matter that he had left his stuff in my car. I stormed out of Momo and into my car but I didn't drive off. I was too upset to move.

I managed to calm down after he profusely apologised for making me worried sick. He did look like shit. He said he had never felt like that before. He credited me for it even though I didn't do anything at all to deserve that credit. I wanted to send him home but he didn't want to go home in that state. I needed to go home and sleep! I've been out the whole day!

We couldn't just sit in the car the whole night could we? So against my better judgement, I brought him over to my second home. He was agreeable to go as long as I didn't send him home like that. I wasn't sure about it. All I wanted to do was sleep but I know from experience that if you put me in a room with a man, things are bound to happen!

And it did! He couldn't stop talking and irritating the hell out of me! I just wanted to sleep! He went from corny to obnoxious to sweet to loving and back again. You know, you learn things about people when they're drunk. You also learn that it is so wrong to take advantage when they're vulnerable.

But I think I was the vulnerable one. I just couldn't resist it. I desperately wanted to be that close to a man. I haven't been touched for a long time and when he did, it felt like the first time. I couldn't look at him. I had my eyes closed most of the time. I guess I didn't want this to happen with a friend. I'd rather imagine that he was someone else than a friend.

I couldn't remember what time I did manage to sleep. I woke up to rush off to school for a morning presentation and rushed back. I had to wear his shirt to school because I didn't think my thinly-strapped, belly-bearing top was appropriate for a presentation. It was madness!

He was still in bed when I returned. He was back to his normal idiotic self again. We had lunch in bed. We did it again after that. After what happened earlier on, this time round, it felt like it's the normal thing to do. There were no more inhibitions and no alcohol to influence us. It was purely us.

We showered and that was awkward, because the bathroom was so bright with sunshine. I wasn't comfortable being naked in front of him in broad daylight yet. I am at best a picture of a Rubenesque woman when naked. Fleshy and voluptuous.

I like feeling his naked torso. It's smooth and of good build. He reminded me of D, but shorter and more annoying. What's going to happen to us? What are we now? We had agreed that there was caring in it but no other confusing emotions at all. I felt relieved somehow.

It wasn't just sex because it didn't feel cheap. It wasn't anything more than that either because we didn't feel anything more. We're now in a stage between friends and more than friends. I know there's a term for this but I don't know what. This can be an awkward stage but I didn't feel awkward. I don't know about him though.

Isn't it great when everything is defined and everyone plays by those defined rules? But rules will eventually be broken. I just hope it's not too soon. I'm still drifting in dreamland with a smile on my face. Let me savour this awhile more before I'm forced to come crashing back down to earth.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, November 14, 2005 @ 8:35 pm

Dear Blogger,

KP dropped a bombshell last night. The shock is still reverberating in my bones! I was so stunned that I forgot how to get home! I thought I have experienced it all but I realised how naive I still am and how sheltered I was.

We were at Samar hanging out after a whole day of house-visiting. Not together of course. With our respective families. My family and I went to the cemetary at noon. It was so freaking hot! My sister and I stayed in the car after we visited our brother.

Yes, we did have another brother. He died 22 years ago. He didn't have a chance to live. I guess he's lucky. He didn't have to struggle like we did. This year, this visit felt even sadder for me. Baby deaths affect me more these days. For reasons known to everyone.

Anyway, I wanted to watch "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" but we missed the last show. KP was pleased of course. He's a big scaredy cat! I was pissed. I really wanted to watch it! That was how we ended up at Samar. I'm kinda tired of that place. It's an overpriced cafe with mediocre menu.

But KP likes it. He's a snob after all. We were updating each other about our mundane lives as usual. Played a round of "10 Things I Hate About You" and "I Have Never...". The last game wasn't really exciting because it's meant to be a semi-shocking game where everyone reveals things that they have done. It's usually sexually related.

I had to hold back because this is KP we're talking about! For some reason, I had to be careful of what I wanted to reveal and of what I wanted him to reveal. I wasn't ready to learn anything personal from him. I'm comfortable with the way things are.

I didn't expect him to be really comfortable with me so soon. After his confessions, I just didn't know how to react! Here was this guy who found the courage to tell me his darkest secret and I acted not like a friend at all. I am a selfish bitch aren't I? I am never good with EQ and people. I never have.

We reached home just before dawn. That was how long we hung. Do you think it's the beginning of the end? When things get personal, it's usually the beginning of the end. I don't want it to end! But everything ends! Nothing lasts forever!

I am so pressurised to perform that it makes me feel even lazier to do anything. I haven't revised even though exams will be in 3 weeks. I haven't confirmed anything for the Youth Recruitment Drive. I am so lazy that it sickens me! It's all this pressure! I HATE IT!!!

KP and me at Samar after the witching hour...

KP @ Samar moddie @ Samar

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, November 12, 2005 @ 9:40 pm

Dear Blogger,

KP changed his mind again. He wants to go to Bangkok now, in December. I'm telling you. I'm getting tired of his fickle mind. Some people forget that I'm a full-time student, not a full-time employee. I'm scraping my way through life.

He can go to Bangkok on his own. I really can't afford the trip. Even if he's willing to cover some of my expenses, how much can he cover? Besides, nothing is free. I can't let him do that without him expecting anything in return! Nobody is ever that nice anymore.

I just got home from house-visiting again. This time, it was just me and my mom. I don't get it. She got her license a year before I did yet I have never seen or heard her drive before! It's awfully tiring to drive any one of my family members around. All that mental stress is just not worth it.

All this house-visiting is making me sad. It makes me feel like a weirdo not having a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband. I mean at my age, I should be visiting friends or new family members with a guy by my side. The only time I've ever done that was with Din in our first year together.

I've been thinking of going back to Din. I know it's a shitty thought but... I don't know. I don't really know what's in my head these days. I'm being pressurised to do lots of things that I don't want to do. Why must we live like this? Why must we do what is expected of us?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, November 11, 2005 @ 12:49 pm

Dear Blogger,

I know it's been awhile. I've been brain dead and direction-less. And after that whole KP fiasco, I was awfully distraught. He was right you know. We had too much fun to just throw our friendship down the drain. Besides, who else can I bully if not him?

I went to the Fluid Bar & Kitchen at Far East Square to check out Mr5Cs new band, Syne of Time. I arrived at 10pm. It took me about 20 minutes to find the bloody place! Thank God there was no problems with parking and it's free after 10pm.

I only managed to catch their last 2 sets. They were pretty good. They were playing songs which I wouldn't have appreciated if not for my dad's rock albums. Too bad for the set up though. The Fluid Bar & Kitchen wasn't designed for live bands. But I thought getting a live band in was a good idea.

Mr5Cs (with Syne of Time) at The Fluid Bar & Kitchen

KP and friend came after the last set. He's always late! Since there wasn't much to do at The Fluid Bar & Kitchen (free flow housepours for ladies though), we headed to Bar None. That was the only place I could think of where the guys don't have to pay cover charge on a Thursday night.

I wanted to go Siam Supper Club (ladies' night) but there was cover charge for guys. There was Thumper (ladies' night too!) but the guys were underaged. Bar None was alright. Besides, Jive Talking was playing! The only thing I had a problem with was that I had to pay for water.

I never had a problem with that before! Suddenly there was this SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) that said that customers have to pay for water? It's ridiculous! It was acceptable if the Evian or Perrier was retail priced but you know they were not retail priced!

Before Bar None, I already had 3 glasses of bourbon coke and 1 glass of screwdriver. So I was already shaking my booty before I had the glass of Kilkenny. Unlike some people, I don't need to get high to get on the dance floor. But it's more fun when you're less inhibited.

KP, his friend and I were bumping and grinding till the club closes. His friend felt my butt! At first, I thought it was unintentional but when he kept doing it, my mind just cried out Whoa! But I didn't mind after that. I think I needed that too. I could have sworned that he was err... stiff.

KP and I planned to drive over to KL next weekend. On him of course. I can't afford it even if I wanted to. We're just going there to chill out and have a change of scenery. We both needed that. I know I need that! We're most probably going to go on Friday afternoon and come back on Sunday morning.

It's the accomodation that worries me. The room to be more exact. The bed to be specific. It makes more sense to get twin beds right? He preferred a single bed though. I know nothing is going to happen but you can never really be sure after a few rounds of drinks.

A woman like me cannot be in a room alone with someone of the other gender. I know myself too well. I don't trust myself to keep my hands off. Hey! I'm brutally honest about it! At least I won't be accused of manipulating him or seducing him. God forbid!

Sincerely,
modgurl.


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Tuesday, November 08, 2005 @ 12:49 am

Dear Blogger,

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world." These were the wise words of Helen Keller. I wished I had her courage and patience. I wished I had her determination and persistence. I wished I had her wisdom.

I wanted to be so many people, from Madonna to Queen Elizabeth I, that I've forgotten who I really am. Who am I? Who was I before and who am I now? I was so different then. I believed I was so much stronger and more focused then. So what had happened?

It seems that as the day goes by, instead of becoming stronger and wiser, I become weaker and dumber. How have I let this happened? Why is it that everyone around me can live with their problems so graciously while my problems are so heavily intertwined in my daily lives? What do they have that I don't have?

Everyday, I ask myself questions which seem improbable to answer. Questions which I've asked myself before. Wouldn't it be easier if I was just institutionalised? I am going crazy you know but I still have to live in the real world. What is the real world anyway? What is real and what is not?

I don't feel like waking up anymore. I've spent almost every day of this year not wanting to do anything at all! They say that a genius has a tortured mind and soul. I'm not a genius. I just have a tortured soul and mind. Why am I so tortured? What happened in my childhood that made me become like this?

I guess what I wanted to say was that I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit everything. Everything. Even then, I failed to quit. I'm such a failure.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, November 07, 2005 @ 5:31 am

Dear Blogger,

I kissed him, but he didn't reciprocate. What was I thinking?! God knows I wasn't drunk! I'm sorry. I can't be your friend anymore. It was my mistake.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, November 05, 2005 @ 1:44 pm

Dear Blogger,

Hari Raya, whether it's Aidilfitri or Aidiladha, is always stressful for me. Every year, my blood pressure goes dangerously higher. I end up more exhausted in a day than in those 30 days that I've fasted! My confidence and self-esteem dips critically low after hours of house visiting.

Our day starts early in the morning when the whole family goes for the Hari Raya prayers. We all had to wake up before sunrise just to get ourselves ready. There are seven of us under one roof but five of us share a bathroom. Doors banging and pots clanging. Mommy bustling from the kitchen to her room to the ironing corner. It's like primary school all over again!

You would think that the sermon would start after the Hari Raya prayers right? Not for us. It starts as soon as we leave the house! The thing with my dad is that he doesn't have anything new to say. He just repeats himself to the near death of my ears.

As a driver, focus is very important. You should be relaxed, yet confident, when driving. These are two qualities which I find very hard to maintain when my family is in the car. On top of his sermon, my dad criticises my driving skills every minute! The more he does it, the faster I drive to get to our destination sooner. He calls it reckless driving. I call it saving my sanity.

After the prayers, it's house visiting time. This is another ordeal which I've yet to learn to overcome. I really don't know what is the stigma between women and higher education in this Malay society which I was born into. Almost all my relatives were speechless when I told them that I'm a full-time student.

Does that mean that it's one more Hari Raya packet to give away for them? Or one less packet to expect from me? Embarrassingly, I did receive some packets these last 2 days but I didn't ask for it! I don't think I should refuse them either, to the unbelievable disdain of my sister.

If it's not about the fact that I'm still a student, it's the fact that I'm still unmarried. My dad had to make it worse by telling my relatives that I will never get married. I just don't have that wifely qualities in me and thus, I'm not attractive enough for suitors to knock on my door. That's coming from a man who conceived my existence.

I was dying for a smoke so I sneaked out with my brother for a puff or two. A drink would be appreciated as well but that would be asking for too much. Din has been keeping me updated with his daily going ons as well. I think that was just an excuse for him to keep himself updated with my daily activities. I really don't know why I indulge him with such details. I think it's bad habit.

Spent last night at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaves at Boat Quay with some friends. I love being by the river at night. Being there, surrounded by the big powerful financial buildings, inspires me to be up there with the successful executives. I dreamed of having a big office at the high floors of UOB Plaza, overlooking the Singapore skyline. I know it'll become a reality one day.

I could have stayed there longer, but I was tired and the awfully creamy Caesar Salad I had, plus the cappuccino and iced tea, weren't doing well in my tummy. Besides, KP was sick. The poor boy has been feverish for a few days now. I told him not to smoke too much but does he listen? Of course not! It won't kill anyone to put away those ciggies for a few days will it?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005 @ 11:01 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's a crappy Aidilfitri eve. What am I talking about? Every major celebrations I've experienced is crappy! Even my freaking birthday! Nothing good has ever happened on these days. Something or someone never fails to upset me or make me cry on these days.

Din has been a shit since last night. He just couldn't get it that I can live without him. I may be miserable still but I'm miserable on my own terms, not just because of him! He still couldn't over the fact that I am free to be out and be seen with any guy I want. I am still single. I am still boyfriend-less.

What is his problem?! He's already married! What the hell does he want from me?! He was all high and mighty condemning all those married folks who strayed. What a big arsy pot calling the kettle black! I wish he would just leave me alone! I wish all males to leave me alone!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005 @ 6:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

It is 1st November already. It's Deepavali, the Festival of Lights. It's a public holiday. I didn't feel any holiday. I've even forgotten that today is a public holiday! What day is today anyway? Oh yes. Tuesday. How forgetful I've become. Or has my life become so mundane that everyday feels like the same day?

Today is also a new month. 31 days have already gone and he didn't make his move. I actually gave him 30 days to make his move but he didn't. So that's it then! But I already knew that he wouldn't. That's why I've tried to distance myself from him.

I don't know if he even realised it. The male human species can be really daft most of the time. But why should us women keep telling them what to do right? I know we're very much smarter than them but would it kill them to get up to speed sometimes? I mean, how difficult it is to detect signals from us?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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