modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Thursday, April 29, 2004 @ 9:14 am

Dear Blogger,

I don't feel like writing anymore. I guess everyone has sucked out the fun in writing.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2004 @ 11:33 am

Dear Blogger,

I know I haven't been updating my blogs lately. I've been sick and busy with projects and assignments. So busy and pressurised that I was ordered to rest by my doctor. My blood pressure was too high for my age that's why.

I've not seen Din this week. He has been doing some damage control stuff at Nicoll Highway for almost a week now. It's still making news God knows why. It has collapsed but so what? Only 3 people died. It wasn't like the train blast in Korean where thousands were affected.

Singapore is such a small island and construction works happen everyday. Some form of disaster is bound to happen one day. Anyway, this isn't as disastrous as the Hotel New World collapse. I don't remember much of it because I was only 6 years old then. But I've read and saw pictures of it. Now that was newsworthy.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, April 23, 2004 @ 8:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

A typical conversation in the lives of Din and I.

Me: Can we go for supper?
Din: Can but I'm on standby.
Me: Can I bring my sister?
Din: Huh? Wat for? What time?
Me: The more the merrier. I know you. If you don't want to do something, you'll put on a long face and I'll regret asking you out. Then I'll become moody and you'll scold me for being moody. Then we'll get into a fight.
Din: Nonsense! What time?
Me: Nevermind lah. I already regret asking you.
Din: I asked you what time.
Me: Nevermind lah.
Din: :-(

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 3:43 pm

Dear Blogger,

I can't do it. I'm much too fragile to pretend to be strong. Oh what's the point? Nobody wants to hear problems. They prefer to hear scandalous tales.

"How are you moddie?", "Take care moddie!"... That's all I seem to hear these days. Don't you get sick of hearing them all the time?

It's worse when they ask someone else about me, instead of asking me directly. The reason? They don't know how to approach me, as if I eat humans for supper. I may be a tempest but I'm not a cannibal.

I've updated my resume and sent it to companies which I may be interested to work in. After 4 years at the hospital, it's time for a change of environment.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, April 22, 2004 @ 5:08 pm

Dear Blogger,

Why do I have to force myself to think and behave positively when everything is not right? Is it so wrong as to show my true self? Why are people so afraid to look at the other side of life?

People don't understand that the more I try not to be myself, the more destructive I become. All those times pretending to smile, be happy, laugh and be merry, are just fuel to an internal nuclear timebomb.

All these pressure on me, coming from out of nowhere, is eating a piece of me and you'd be blind not to notice the destruction it has done to me.

All I want to do right now is go away someplace and be left alone.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 9:54 am

Dear Blogger,

As you can see, He still wakes me up in the morning. I don't know why He does that. Wouldn't it be easier to just wipe a speck of dirt off this planet???

He must have done something to Din because he has become more sensitive to my condition. He's still adamant that I... let it go but he wasn't doing it like an arsehole he was days ago.

You know how sometimes when you are perplexed over something, signs start appearing. If you're dumb, of course you won't see it. But often you will see because you're always looking for answers.

My sign came as a quote I happened to chance upon at a website. I don't know if "happened" means coincidence but there's been a lot of "happened" lately.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."

It's by Lao-Tzu, whom I believed wrote the Art of War books. I'm not quite sure yet why I was attracted to this quote. God knows I'm all over the love mush.

But the fact that despite what has happened, Din still makes life bearable for me and that's something which you don't get from anyone so easily. If this is foolish, then yes, I'm a fool.

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up."

This is my battle. This is my war. And God knows I am growing up.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, April 20, 2004 @ 11:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

Everybody thinks I'm a strong person. But I'm not. I'm as weak as anybody. I'm forced to put on this strong person facade because no one wants to see this weak person. I don't have the answer to everything, so why come to me for answers? I don't have the confidence to do everything, so why expect me to do everything on my own? I don't even have the will to live sometimes, so why even bother to look up to me?

He won't let me give up. He makes me wake up every day to face the harsh realities. If this is His punishment, then I deserve it. If this is His way of showing that He loves me, then He has a funny way of showing it.

I have not and will not regret getting myself into this situation. The only thing I regret is not having the support that I need from the people that matter. Not just this, but for every other aspect of my life. I've always been thrown expectations to fulfil and I do try to live to their expectations. So much so that I've forgotten about myself.

My pathetic need to make everyone happy has surfaced again, even in this conflicting situation. It has been really hard for me, but if it makes him happy to have it aborted, then I shall do it. Even if it's to the expense of my happiness. Afterall, what is my happiness as compared to those around me???

Our families will lead their normal mundane lives, not knowing what I will be going through for the rest of my life. He will continue to further his career, knowing for sure that stupid me will be behind him. And I? I will continue to be the scum of the society. Our lives will not change one bit, will it?

If I don't wake up tomorrow, don't bother to remember me. I'm not worth those memory cells. I have no apologies and I don't have any mortal debts. The world will still spin and there will still be night and day. Good night.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 8:47 am

Dear Blogger,

I wish people would stop asking me how I am. I'm fine! I'm thrilled! I'm ecstatic in fact! I'm not the one with the problem. I'm not upset that I'm pregnant. I'm upset that the people that matter are still giving me shit!

Being pregnant is the most wonderful thing in the world. Perhaps that's what I've been looking for. Perhaps that's what my dreams meant. I don't know how to describe it or why I'm feeling like this, but I feel so at ease with myself. When was the last time I felt like that?

When I was driving along ECP earlier, all of the happy moments in my life just flashed before me. Oh god! If you could only know the divine feeling I'm feeling right now. In food terms, it would feel like licking sinful chocolate and rich strawberry ice cream from a silver spoon after a stressful day at work.

I wish people could see that beauty. Rather than mope about the mundane things in life or bitch about my soap opera life, they should stop and rethink about their priorities.

So what if I'm an unwed mother??? If I'm the best fucking mother in the world, why should that matter? My baby isn't a mistake. It's being surrounded by narrow-minded people who haven't the guts to admit their own failures and depend heavily on scapegoats, that's a mistake.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, April 19, 2004 @ 2:28 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's official. I'm pregnant. The test kit has proved it. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I mean I've been wanting to have kids and I think I'm about the right age to have one. But he's not ready for it, citing financial reasons.

Who am I to go in between him and his mum? It's just so convenient that his mum quit her job recently. So he's now the sole breadwinner.

He wants me to abort it. I couldn't go through it. He doesn't understand the cause and effect of an abortion. He doesn't understand the feelings that I'm going through. He's a man with an active penis that's all. No! Make that a BOY with an active penis!

He makes an abortion sound so easy but he's not the one having a forcep in between his legs. He's not the one having a tube sucking out a living thing in his body. He doesn't understand the bond of a miracle and the woman carrying it.

Every week, I count the number of abortion forms in the hospital. Every week, I see the names and ages of the girls who opted for an abortion. And every week, it saddens me to do that. Now will I be one of those numbers???

I don't think I can ever be with him anymore. I don't think I can be with any man who leisurely chooses to take away the life of an innocent being.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 10:44 am

Dear Blogger,

Top 10 signs that a woman can be pregnant:

Most likely, you won't experience any pregnancy symptoms until about the time you've missed a period or a week or two later. If you're not keeping track of your menstrual cycle or if it varies widely from one month to the next, you may not be sure when to expect your period. But if you start to experience some of the symptoms below (not all women get them all) and you haven't had a period for a while, you may very well be pregnant. Take a home pregnancy test and find out for sure!

10. Tender, swollen breasts
One of the early hallmarks of pregnancy is extremely sensitive, sore breasts caused by increasing levels of hormones. In fact, the tenderness you may be feeling now is probably an exaggerated version of how your breasts may feel before your period. The tenderness will diminish significantly after the first trimester, once your rising hormone levels have stabilized and your body becomes accustomed to them.

9. Fatigue
Feeling tired all of a sudden? No, make that exhausted. Increased levels of the hormone progesterone and the extra effort your body requires to start making a baby can make you feel as if you've run a marathon when all you've done is put in a day at work. You should start to feel more energetic again once you hit your second trimester, although fatigue generally returns sometime around your seventh month.

8. Implantation bleeding
The fertilized egg begins to burrow into the lining of your uterus about six days after fertilization. Sometime after this you might notice a small amount of red spotting or pink or reddish brown staining. Only a minority of women experience this so-called "implantation bleeding." (If you have pain along with spotting or bleeding, call your practitioner immediately, since this can be a sign of an ectopic pregnancy.)

7. Nausea or vomiting
If you're like most women, morning sickness won't hit you until about a month after conception. (A lucky few escape it altogether.) But some women do start to feel queasy a bit earlier. And not just in the morning, either — pregnancy-related nausea and vomiting can be a problem morning, noon, or night. It tends to peak around 8 to 10 weeks, when your hormone levels are highest, and then will most likely taper off as you begin your second trimester.

6. Increased sensitivity to odors
It's not uncommon if you're newly pregnant to find that you're now overwhelmed by the smell of a bologna sandwich from several desks away and that certain aromas instantly trigger your gag reflex. This, too, may be a side effect of rapidly increasing estrogen in your system.

5. Food aversions
While some women insist they crave certain foods during pregnancy, food aversions are even more common. You may suddenly find certain foods you used to enjoy are now completely repulsive to you. This problem may come and go or last throughout your pregnancy.

4. Frequent urination
Shortly after you become pregnant, you may find yourself hurrying to the bathroom at an alarming rate. Why? It's primarily due to the fact that during pregnancy the amount of blood and other fluids in your body increases, which leads to extra fluid being processed by your kidneys and ending up in your bladder. This symptom may start as early as six weeks into your first trimester and remain or even get worse throughout your pregnancy.

3. A missed period
If you're usually pretty regular and your period doesn't arrive on time, you probably took a pregnancy test long before you would have noticed any of the above symptoms. But if you're not regular or you're not keeping track of your cycle, nausea and breast tenderness and extra trips to the bathroom may give it away before you realize you didn't get your period.

2. Your basal body temperature stays high
If you've been charting your basal body temperature and you see that your temperature has stayed elevated for 18 days in a row, you're probably pregnant.

And finally...

1. The proof: A positive home pregnancy test
It's best to wait until at least the first day of a missed period before you take a pregnancy test. (If it's negative, try the test again in a few days.) Once you've gotten a positive result, make an appointment with your practitioner.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, April 18, 2004 @ 11:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've eaten so much these days that I think I'm going to be sick. I don't know whether it's binge eating but I've been stuffing myself with food even though I'm not hungry! I've not been to the gym lately. I don't know why. I know I'm gaining weight again and I hate that!

I hate to think that this has something to do with my suspected pregnancy. I haven't tested it yet. Din has been encouraging me to do so. I know he's worried but he's not admitting it. He's trying to be the sensible one.

We watched "Starsky and Hutch" on Sunday morning. At 2am to be exact. I thought that it would be good to watch a comedy. We needed to laugh. I got a little upset halfway through the show because he wasn't being a boyfriend to me. He behaved like a total stranger!

I don't know what it is but I wished he'd show more PDA like he used to. Do you know what it feels like to have your boyfriend right next to you and it feels like a stranger instead?

Once again, I slept in his arms. I just realised that its during these moments that I had a good night's sleep. No restless dreams. No waking up in the middle of the night. Perhaps by being in his arms, he makes all those bad things go away.

I love waking up and see him still asleep. He looks like a little boy! Everytime I looked at him looking like that, I became protective and all I wanted to do was to give him all the love that he lacked when he was growing up. Once again, it's my maternal instinct kicking in.

Why is it that its always when we are alone that he shows his tender side? Why can't he be more consistent? I want him to go out more. I want him to meet people. I want him to be more free-spirited in public. What is he afraid of??? I wished he'd stop giving me mix feelings!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, April 16, 2004 @ 9:14 am

Dear Blogger,

The moon's almost gone and I still haven't had my menses. Din suggested to try out the kit. I don't know if I should. I'm beginning to think that it's just stress. I don't have morning sickness afterall.

The absence of my menses is making me cranky, agitated, restless and very, very moody. I don't even want sex! I know I'm not the only one going nuts. It's affecting Din's libido too. He's really quite upset that he's not getting any.

Well serve him right! This is a very emotional period for me and he should pay more attention to my needs. I know he's busy and tire easily what with his new responsibility as a team leader and all. Still...

It's affecting my sleep too. I haven't been sleeping well and hideous "panda eyes" are starting to appear on my death pale face. I sleep early but I get all these awful dreams every night and they're making me toss and turn.

The hot weather isn't helping either. My kissable lips are no longer kissable because they're cracking. All the moisturiser and lip balms in the world cannot help save it.

Worse! I just found a scratch AND a dent on my rear right door. It's small but it's noticeable and it's driving me CRAZY!!! My poor, poor baby.

What do I do? Do I buy a spray paint and spray it or what? It's too small to send it for repairs. But it's too glaring to ignore. I don't know how it happened but I know it wasn't me!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, April 15, 2004 @ 9:03 am

Dear Blogger,

Here is my analysis after taking an "ice cream" test. Don't ask!

You are affectionate, giving and loving. You are very understanding of others which makes you a person others want to be with.

You're very careful and circumspect in all matters but you won't face any problems until they actually happen. Also you're a kind and sensitive person.

You think positively about the people around you and are never prejudiced. This means others see you as a kind and gentle person. They enjoy listening to what you have to say because they respect you.

You are logical, smart and inventive. Sometimes you are too cold and selfish.


You can try this "ice cream" test for amusement.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004 @ 5:17 pm

Dear Blogger,

Where is my shoulder to cry on? It's so easy for people to say these things. Words, words and more words. People just say these things to make me feel better. For what?! So that I can feel worse when I realise everyone's lying?! If you care for me, don't say things that you don't mean.

Sincerely,
modgurl

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@ 11:47 am

Dear Blogger,

I don't know what SIA is doing to its airport but I'm kind of disappointed with it. I agree it looks a little funkier now with more cafes and dining areas but my favourite spot in this whole little island was reduced to just a few metres.

I'm referring to the viewing mall at Terminal 2. I go there to shut down, reflect, see planes, see the sky, etc etc etc. It used to be this long stretch of viewing area but now, it was reduced to about 1/4 of its former glory!

I don't know what the reason was but I suspect the management doesn't want us kids to linger or loiter (whichever way you want to look at it) at the airport.

Doesn't it defeat the purpose of upgrading the airport??? I mean it's true that they're upgrading to bring in the tourist dollars. But I bet that half of the spending dollars comes from our own local pockets.

Students, thinkers and bored people like me make up quite a sizeable market. We buy their drinks and food. We buy their books and stationery. In other words, if its not because of us, there won't be a BK or a WH Smith or a lot of those stalls at the canteen would be closed.

Another thing which bugs me is the atmosphere of the airport. It's no longer... friendly. I don't know if its because of the increased presence of the armed security or was it because of the staff's low morale caused by the huge lay-offs last year.

So Singapore is not known for its quality services but don't you think that at least a smile or friendly gesture is not hard to ask? People here simply don't do enough helping. I don't mean the friend-to-friend or family-to-family help. I meant the stranger-to-stranger help.

It's so ironic. Our asian culture is supposed to be all smiles and friendly. What happened??? Is westernisation to blame??? I don't think so. Sweden is a developed country but its services are world-class.

Shit! My breasts are killing me! Should I see a doctor about them? It sounds silly to do so because if its nothing than I'm paying the doctor absurd consultation fees just to look at my breasts.

Maybe I should get one of those pregnancy kit. I don't feel pregnant but you just never know right? If my breasts are hurting because they're growing into a size C, then hallelujah I guess. But isn't it kind of late for a growth burst for my breasts??? Damn they feel heavy!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004 @ 4:33 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm so bored that you don't know how bored I am right now. Where's my inspiration??? Where's my motivation??? I am so restless that I don't know where to go. Dammit! I don't even have my ciggies with me right now. It's at home, somwhere hidden in my room. I know, I know. I shouldn't be smoking. The smoke will make my body's defence go red alert. I can't even splurge on something because I don't know what that something is!

My tits are still sore. Now I know how breastfeeding mothers feel like. If I hadn't been positively sure that I'm not lactating, I would have produced milk from my breasts by now.

Din bought a new phone. A Sony-Eriksson don't know what model. It's the one that came with the in-built phone. He traded the Nokia 6610 that I bought for him last year for this phone. How sensitive! I've asked to pay the parking fine for me and he agreed. I wonder what's got into him lately. Maybe an alien has abducted him and sent down an imposter instead. Then again, I don't believe in aliens. If aliens are so smart, why do they have to hide???

It's only Tuesday and I'm thinking of what to do over the weekend. Gosh I have no life!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 8:40 am

Dear Blogger,

I didn't expect last night's "meeting" to last the whole night. I told him I wanted to be home by 12 because firstly, I'm tired and secondly, I can't drive well at night, especially when I'm tired. How the hell would I know that I'd be sleeping in his arms till sunrise??? I must have been really tired because I don't remember doing anything much.

I knew he was trying to keep himself awake because I thought I could hear voices coming from the telly. I told him to sleep repeatedly but he refused. He finally slept at 6 just when I was about to wake up. He's working morning shift today, so naturally I was concerned about his lack of sleep. Apparently, he need not come to work early today. That bugger!

You know what I felt like? I felt like one half of a married couple. Oh God... Our relationship has come to a point when we feel married even though we're not! I think that's how Goldie Hawn and that other dude must have felt like. So does Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.

HELLO!!! I still want to be legally married! I don't want to be stuck at this point forever!

My breasts hurt. They've been sore for a few days now. My tits are aching so bad that I wished I can just pull them off. They feel heavier too. Hmmm... What's going on???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, April 12, 2004 @ 9:16 am

Dear Blogger,

I'm late. Could this be the reason why I've been in a foul mood lately? I know I'm not pregnant or anything. I don't have the symptoms. You can forget about those cravings. I always have cravings. It's probably just stress or I could be just sick. I haven't been in the best of health for awhile. It is said that a lot of the sickness are mental. I guess I'm mentally sick.

Din asked me if I want to watch movie tonight. I know what he's doing. He's just trying to make up for his absence last week. He's not doing it for me. He's doing it to redeem himself. I don't know if I want to meet him tonight. Afterall, I have class tonight. I can always use that as an excuse.

My dad is being a real pain again. I cannot stand the emotional abuse anymore! How could he do this to his own daughter? His own first-born child?! Make all these people go away.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, April 11, 2004 @ 6:07 pm

Dear Blogger,

Oh simple things where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?


Somewhere only I know... where is that? I don't know. I don't fit in anywhere. I've been lost and miserable for years. I've been drifting for as long as I can remember.

Do I need help? Yes I do. Who's going to help me? I don't see anyone coming forward. Professional help? Much help that has done to me. What a joke.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 5:31 pm

Dear Blogger,

Life sucks! Everyone around me sucks! I suck!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, April 10, 2004 @ 11:00 pm

Dear Blogger,

I went to IKEA this afternoon. I love that place. It never fails to bring me inspiration and also make me more broke than ever. I just cannot resist the "inexpensive" stuff there!

I bought things which I don't really need but I knew would make me feel good. That's what I need right now. Things that make me feel good. All in all, I spent about $60.

As soon as I got back, I got right into cleaning mode. I cleared all my unread, old mails. The snail ones. They're mostly bills. I set up my hat rack which hangs my scarfs. I don't have hats anyway. I wiped the black dirt off the sofa set in the living room with the leather cleaner solution I bought.

Gosh it feels good to be clean and organised. Doesn't it? Being in control is a powerful feeling isn't it? I finally realised what I love to do. That is, to organise things and be creative. Geez! It took me ages to realise that. Why didn't anybody tell me that??? It'll make life easier for me. I'm going to knock my head against the wall now.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, April 09, 2004 @ 6:42 pm

Dear Blogger,

Do you know what I've been doing today? Nothing. I've done nothing. My life is so worthless isn't it?

I don't know why but I'm crying right now. Oh God! How do I make it stop?! Make it stop! Make the tears stop!!!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 10:42 am

Dear Blogger,

It's a fucking public holiday and I got a parking ticket on a FUCKING PUBLIC HOLIDAY!!! I can't believe this! I had parked barely an hour and I got a fucking public ticket! What is the world coming to when a girl can't even park in peace???

I didn't even park in a non-parking zone. It was in a bloody public carpark! And here I thought the day could not be any more worse.

I don't have friends you know. People say you can never have too many friends. But people forgot to mention that you only have friends when you are needed. It's a fucking public holiday and I'm on my own. Where's the sense in that???

The weather's looking gloomy. It was bloody hot earlier but now it's bloody dark. What's wrong with this planet?! Excuse me if I'm in a fucking bad mood. That's what happens when EVERYONE ELSE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!

You have no idea how fucking bored I am right now. You're right. There's so many things to do but why do them and still be miserable when you have to do it alone???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, April 08, 2004 @ 1:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

I felt so guilty about eating the chicken bryani that I spent 30min on the stairmaster and another 20min on the weights in the gym at lunchtime. It's hard being a girl, isn't it? You feel guilty about everything! Eating, shopping, cleaning, loving...

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 9:19 am

Dear Blogger,

I'm thinking what to do this weekend. It's a Good Friday weekend. Damn long weekend! Everyone else seems to have plans of his own already and I'm not included in those plans. I can't even go shopping because I'm a little short-funded this month.

I was thinking of a picnic by the beach or something but like I said, everyone else has plans already. Then I thought of a trip to JB but I can't drive there on my own.

Any ideas???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, April 07, 2004 @ 9:43 am

Dear Bloggger,

I've had some really awful dreams these few nights. One night I dreamt of vampires. The next night I dreamt of some restless ghosts. I guess I must have watched too much horror films.

I think my boss is having PMS today. She has never got on my nerves before but she's doing so today. Oh well... There's always a first time for everything.

My stupid phone has been ringing ever since I stepped into the office! It's really nuts! What do these people want?! Geez!

I'm not going to answer the phone till my work is done. Do you know how much time is wasted answering phone calls??? There's emails, faxes and what not. Too much communication device is hazardous to health.

Sometimes I long for those days when everything seems so simple. No wonder people are dying young these days. I haven't taken any leave this year. I should though. I should take one day off and just chill. But can't think of what to do though.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, April 06, 2004 @ 3:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've finished updating my bloggie. It looks brighter now doesn't it? Alright now! Time to finish up my other work! Sigh...

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, April 05, 2004 @ 7:03 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm in the midst of updating the look of my bloggie. I'm still looking for a suitable theme.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, April 04, 2004 @ 5:39 pm

Dear Blogger,

I had so much fun last night that I don't know where to begin. We watched "Passion of the Christ" at Cineleisure sometime around midnight. It was definitely a bloody movie, but I don't think it deserved the M18 rating. I thought with the violence happening every day, the violence in this movie was nothing to shout about.

It's a movie about the last 12 hours of Christ. Everyone knows the story of Jesus Christ and how he sentenced to cruxification. But sad to say, no one really knows the story. There's so many versions, so many intepretations, that I think everyone who watches this movie should not take the storyline seriously. I mean, who's to say that Mel Gibson's version is of the true one, even though it's been said that he follows the bible word by word?

I'm not an expert in Christianity. I'm not even an expert in Islam! But I thought the movie was watchable. I could have given it 2 thumbs up if Mel had touched on the reason for Christ's passion. The movie was all about violence but there was no message. Perhaps that's Mel's intention. He's not a messenger, just a film-maker. I don't think he wants to be a messenger anyway. There's enough controversy about the movie as it is.

What I like about the movie is the fact that it was in Aramaic, Jewish and Latin. You don't get to hear Aramaic everyday. At first, I thought the language sounded like Hindi. Possible that the languages used today have their roots on the ancient language of Aramaic. Then again, it is said that Sanskrit is the oldest language known to Man. Hmm...

Oh well. At least I managed to watch this movie from beginning to end. Unlike Schindler's List. The violence in that movie was so disturbing that I couldn't watch it whole. I've been trying to watch it again but I couldn't get hold of the DVD.

Din was very sweet and attentive last night. Of course, that kind of behaviour aroused suspicions in me. What was he up to? He was so nice that I, shameful that I am, don't trust him. Oh I don't know. It just feels nice to see him like that again. It just gives me hope that the world isn't such a bad place after all.

He has become his unit's team leader now. I'm so proud of him. He looks very happy and I'm happy for him.

He's also wearing our ring again. On the day we lost our virginity, he bought us rings with our names engraved underneath them. He wore the ring with my name and I wore the ring with his name.

Unfortunately, I lost my ring. He hasn't worn that ring in about 2 years. So it was kind of a shock to see it again on his finger. What does it mean? There's so many possible answers. I just don't want to depend on these answers too much. I've been disappointed before. Don't want it to happen again.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, April 03, 2004 @ 6:11 pm

Dear Blogger,

Here are a couple of the elevation:245 pics. Great event that was.


my baby

gf & me



Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 12:29 pm

Dear Blogger,

First time in weeks, I was able to wake up late on a Saturday. And since everyone else is out, I was able to do whatever I want in the house. That includes walking around the house naked. Its so liberating to do that. It's like back to the basics. Besides, it was bloody hot today! I hope it would rain today.

Din has asked me out to a midnight movie tonight. That was so sweet of him wasn't it? He has something up his sleeves, I knew it!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, April 02, 2004 @ 9:21 am

Dear Blogger,

I must be getting old. Every morning, I had to walk up and down the carpark just to look for my car. Often, its right smack in between some bigger cars.

I haven't been eating well again. I don't skip meals but sometimes I'm just not hungry enough to eat. And when I do eat, it'll be some junk foos and I'll end up throwing up.

I haven't been sleeping well either. I sleep early but then I'd have all these awful dreams and I'd end up more tired when I wake up then when I was about to sleep.

I haven't been sociable too. I just can't seem to see the good in people anymore. I don't know if a person is being genuinely nice or if there's something up his sleeves. I'm beginning to think that there is no such thing as a nice person.

Sometimes I think I was born to the wrong culture and the wrong part of the world. Or maybe I was living in my own world all this time. I was and still am an idealistic person. Idealists don't have many friends. Idealists are cynical people.

You are my best friend. In fact, I think you are my only friend. You're always there when I need to align my thoughts. You make my thoughts come alive. You make me more real than I thought I was.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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