modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004 @ 9:16 am

Dear Blogger,

Sometimes I wonder why Malays are vindictive people. They are the most hypocritical people I've know!

They want to succeed but they don't work for it. They become jealous when someone else succeed. They spread nasty rumours about people who are better than them.

They are a horrible bunch. I'm ashamed to be associated with them. Don't get me wrong. I like my culture. I just don't like the people.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 30, 2004 @ 10:19 am

Dear Blogger,

Life is too short and fragile to entertain people who thinks with their dicks.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 29, 2004 @ 9:48 am

Dear Blogger,

Last Saturday night, I was at the Elevation:245 concert at Shaw Tower rooftop. It was a cool event even though the $25 tickets did not include drinks. The acts mostly played urban jazz music. God knows what that means.

I had some drinks but not Heineken even though it sponsored and organised the event. I never liked beer. I don't know what I had because my friend bought the drinks. But they were yummy. I was still sober after that so that was good.

You don't usually see many Malays at these kind of events. I guess they prefer Jams or whatever clubs that play R&B or hip hop music. I'm not really into that. I mean I like R&B as much as the next guy does, but I like the alternatives more. Too much commercialism isn't harmonious for my rebellious soul.

Most of the patrons were expats and middle-class youths. The kind you would see at Zouk. I was with my girlfriend and Guy C. It was a perfect arrangement because they made me feel slimmer when I'm with them. Haha! Usually at places like this, I always feel totally not in place. I felt like a thorn among the roses. Everyone else were more beautiful, slimmer, sexier, richer than me. That's why I always stick to the wall or at the sides, away from everyone's attention. I could have had bright orange hair and chinese wayang make-up but I'd still be invisible.

Remind me never to go clubbing with high heels ever again. I wore an almost see-through black dress that night. I was contemplating to wear black open-toed high-heeled shoes or the LA Gear sneakers. I went with the former because I thought the shoes made me look sexier with the dress. Someone forgot to tell me that sexiness does not necessarily equal comfort.

We left at about 2 in the morning. I was too tired to drive and I didn't dare to drive. I couldn't even drive well when I was sober and alert! So I let Guy C drive my baby. It felt weird though. I'm overly protective of my possessions so I was kind of uncomfortable letting someone else drive my baby. But it's for everyone's safety and I know that very well.

We had very late supper at Newton. I wanted to suck the bloody red, hot and spicy sop tulang but I thought that it's not the kind of meal I should be having at 3 bloody AM. I mean it took me ages to lose weight so there's no way I'm going to pile it on again just because I feel like having a heavy meal at a time when I should be asleep.

I sent my girlfriend home first. So that left Guy C and me alone in the car. Believe me when I said that it felt very, very awkward. I don't know what he was thinking but I do know that I didn't want to go home. And what scared me was that I wanted to be with Guy C that night. So when he asked me if he should drive me home first and flag a cab to his home from my place, I didn't really know what to answer. I told him I didn't want to go home and that he should just go home.

I knew I shouldn't say that to him because I knew that as soon as I said that, there's no way he's going to let me roam about the streets on my own. I dread the next question more. He asked where I wanted to go. What should I've answered then? That I wanted to be with him? Yeah right! Only in my imagination.

We went some place and ended up doing something which scarily enough, I've not regretted. I couldn't sleep you see but I was tired. I don't know what was keeping me awake. Was it because there's a guy next to me? Was it because of all those drinks? Was it because of the late supper? Was it because of Din? I'm not so sure. It was a whirlwind of thoughts.

He kissed me and I let him. I wanted him to. And then, I stopped thinking. My conscience was nowhere in sight. My defence must have been asleep I guess. And that's how it all started.

Because it was dark, the only sense of sight were my fingers. And because it was dark, my mind let my body think that it was Din there with me, not Guy C. Both are similar in body size anyway. I know it's not fair to Guy C for me to think that way. It was like I was deceiving him wasn't I? It was only when he started talking that I realised that I was not with Din. But it was too late. I wanted him. For that night, I wanted Guy C.

Oh no... Now I'm confused. You know what? I'm just going to make my life simpler and deny everything. Live in denial. Ignorance is bliss as the saying goes. If he calls, I will answer. If he doesn't, it's fine.

In the last few days, the local papers had featured a story about the sex industry in Batam. Only in yesterday's Berita Minggu, our group photo was published. A hideous photo at that! I looked so geeky that I felt like a cartoon.

penguinns @ berita minggu - mar 2004



I'll load the elevation pics as soon as I've gotten them from my girlfriend. I'll also load a pic of my baby. I'm dying to get my very own digital camera. If there's anyone who loves me out there, please please buy me a digital camera!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 26, 2004 @ 11:29 am

Dear Blogger,

I feel so uninspired today. I don't feel like working at all. I went to HMV earlier to buy tickets for the elevation concerts. I ended up buying the tickets AND 2 CDs! I bought a jazz compilation by Nat King Cole and GNR's greatest hits album. I thought they would make great driving music.

It's such a waste of time here in the office. I'm going to ask for half day leave and go home.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 25, 2004 @ 6:14 pm

Dear Blogger,

For the first time in God knows how many years, Din bought me lunch today. Chicken rice in fact! My favourite! The other night, he gave me $100. He has never given me money before. So what's all this generousity about? I don't know. All I know is that both our sex lives are in action again after weeks of celibacy.

It's really not that bad. It's still the same routines, the same positions but I kind of liked it. Too much change is not healthy you know. He still makes me weak when he kisses me. He still manages to turn me into mush when he licks my neck and ears. I've yet to meet other guys who can do that.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 9:22 am

Dear Blogger,

You know what I would like for my next birthday? Not cakes, not diamonds, not shopping vouchers.

I would like to have someone to talk to anytime, anyday and that person will not have any fancy ideas and he will not be sick of me after awhile.

I want a best friend who will stick with me through thick and thin. I want someone who will enjoys going shopping with me and chill out at some cafe in the middle of the night. If I'm dying to watch a movie or go to some arts exhibition or plays or theatre, he'll be the first to be my company.

Eventually, I will fall for him because we have so much in common and our days are always fun together. Of course there are days when things do go wrong. We quarrel and fight but we'll make up soon after.

He doesn't have to be rich but he has to have a stable job. How to enjoy when you're always worrying abt lack of money??? He has to be intelligent of course. Not academic intelligent. Street smart of EQ smart. Whatever it is, he has to be able to think!

Sounds impossible right? I guess that's my dream man. I guess that's why it's called a dream man. It doesn't exist.

Last night, I watch a french film, "He loves me, he loves me not". It's about a psycho girl who's very obsessed with her very handsome cardiologist neighbour. This doctor is married to a pretty-looking lawyer wife, who coincidentally, is pregnant with their first child.

In one of the scenes, she sent the doctor a heart with an arrow pierced through it. Not just any heart. A real heart! Oh man! Is that romantically sick or what?

I used to send gifts a lot to any guys I have an affection for. Not a real heart of course. I'd send cakes or chocolates or anything that's of use. I've bought Din shirts, boxers, key rings, Man Utd stuff and other cutesy things.

I guess that's one way you'd know that I like someone. Besides giving him my utmost attention, I'd buy him gifts! It's a very expensive thing to do though. I'm not that creative so I pay others to be creative. Geez!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 24, 2004 @ 10:05 am

Dear Blogger,

Din has become more and more intolerable these days. I don't know why I still put up with him. I asked him a rhetorical question last night. I asked him what if there's another guy who likes me and I don't find him bad at all. What does he think about it and what will he do? His answer: Nothing!

He said there's no reason for him to fight over me. If the guy likes me and I like him, there's nothing he can do about it.

Those words were like a burning slap across my face. Basically what he's saying was that I'm not worth fighting for. That's it.

I mean it's not like I want him to get into fights or throw silly punches at any guy who approaches me. But you would think that he would at least tell the other guys to fuck off because I'm his girl right? He wouldn't even say that!

So what the hell am I??? I'm stupid that's what I am. I had this grand idea that true love is about sacrifice. What a load of croc!

I'm beginning to think that there's no such thing as love anymore. What's the point anyway? When someone spouts "I Love You" every few minutes, what's the value in that?

Joan Jett was right when she sang "I hate myself for loving you". Love is so shitty. It only exists in fiction and movies.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2004 @ 10:20 am

Dear Blogger,

There's always a first time for everything doesn't it? I've got my first parking fine this morning. Fuck it! But no big deal. I'll just pay it as soon as it's pay day.

Even when I was car-less, I always thought it was ridiculous to pay so much for parking. Why is it chargeable for cars and not for motorbikes? Why does parking at a multi-storey carpark cost more than at those open carparks even though and MSCP saves land-space??? Do you know how much a season parking at my place cost? 90 fucking dollars!!!

I don't know what the government is doing but I'm beginning to believe that all governments are legal robbers. They give something small to please you but take away something bigger to please their accountants.

There's ERS and whatever nonsense the government "generously" gave away to its people but a few months later, it raised the GST to 5%.

I guess we're easily satisfied aren't we? Ever since I was born, I don't know any other government except the current PAP. I even went to its kindergarten! The one and only time I got a chance to vote, that party won big time. In other constituencies, there was no need to vote even!

Seeing how colourful the Malaysian and Taiwanese elections are, I kind of feel sad about our current state. Won't it be fun to see our own ministers throwing punches at one another in parliament? I would definitely pay to see the women ministers bitch slapping some male ministers every time those bigots make jokes about women issues.

And won't it be cool if we have lesbian ministers??? That'll be one happening cabinet man!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 22, 2004 @ 9:16 am

Dear Blogger,

An amazing 97% voted that Guy C wasn't interested at all. Ok. That's cool. No harm done.

There's a full page article on the Batam sex trade in today's The Straits Times. Our volunteer project team was also mentioned. I'm sure "Daddy" will be very proud to see his name mentioned. I've not checked out the Berita Harian though because last weekend, both ST and BH were with us in Batam. I've always believed that it's better late than never but why can't we have this kind of exposure EARLIER??? We've had such a hard time raising funds, we would definitely not mind at all with a bit of the press' help.

My baby is 4 days old today and it still looks and feels good. I don't think I've been gentle with it though. I tried to but everytime I used the wrong gear or I stepped too hard on the accelerator, my heart aches. As of this morning, it has clocked 400km. Another 100km and I've to send it for servicing. I hope I won't be broke by then. My school fee is still outstanding. That's another headache altogether.

I met some chatters last night at Jurong Point. 4 guys, a girl and expensive coffee. One of the guys brought his 5 month old daughter and I became a total maternal nut. My heart kept chanting, "I want a baby! I want a baby!" and every few minutes, my mind drifted to what's life going to be like with a baby of my own.

Guy A was next to me and I could see that he knew what my heart was chanting. Anyway, so what? He won't be the father to my kids anyway. Somehow, I don't see that happening. He's too financially unstable for me.

Din is back home already and he's very, very exhausted. The 3 armed robbers were finally caught in Tekong. I still cannot believe that it took almost 800 men to track these idiots! What a waste of country's resources and not to mention taxpayer's money! That reminds me, do I have to declare to the income tax people that I own a car now?

Oh! Another good news! I lost another kg today. You have no idea how ecstatic I was. I was like, "Oh my god! Is this scale working right??? OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I can't fucking believe this!". Suddenly my IQ just drop a notch. *LOL*!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 19, 2004 @ 10:25 am

Dear Blogger,

I picked up my baby at the showroom last night. I should have been very thrilled but the whole occassion was marred by the fact that SOMEONE didn't show up like he promised.

I called him up at 5:30pm to remind him about it. At 7:00pm, he called me saying he fell asleep. Asleep! We were supposed to meet at 6 so how could he have fallen asleep so fast?!

So I told him to fuck off and go to his stupid RC meeting. He said he'll see me at 10pm as promised. At 9:50pm, I reminded him about it. At 10:30pm, he said he's at home packing up because he had to report to work at 5:30am!

But it's his off day! He said everyone was called back because 3 armed robbers are hiding in Pulau Tekong, so they have to be on high alert. Goodness!!! Like heck care lah! There's thousands of police officers on this island, so why does he have to go???

As usual, he let me nag on and on about his lack of sensitivity. He didn't offer me an apology! Anyway, I was too tired to stay angry for long. I slept and dreamt that my car got towed.

Before that, Guy C finally explained himself. He said that he can a friend like I wanted him to be but some things have to stop because he's looking for a soulmate. What crap! What things? When the hell did I give him any stupid ideas???

That's the problem with guys these days. I've told every new guy I meet that I'm not interested in a relationship, but they have this fancy idea that I might fall head over heels with them over time.

Guys go for non-commitment pairings all the time so when a girl does it, she's a bad person??? I've been in this story time and time again. Girl just want to be friends but guy thinks she's using him.

The hardest thing is that, I can't be at war with anyone for long. I can't seem to have a peace of mind if I know someone dislikes me. It's really bad for my mental health you know.

So, I did wat a normally nice person would do. I apologised to all parties concerned, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. Sometimes it's a curse being a nice person.

Let me see... what else did I do today? I drove to work today. Had some problems with the lanes but no accident. So that was cool. I have a test this evening. Haven't studied for it yet. Don't know when I'll get to it. I'll definitely flunk it.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 17, 2004 @ 10:18 am

Dear Blogger,

Don't you just hate it when guys said they will call you back but they don't? Why do they have to say something which they don't mean??? Don't they know that girls take their words seriously?

You know, for awhile there, I thought Guy C had a chance. I seriously thought that! But he's like all the guys I know. Bunch of idiots!

Why does he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to kiss me?! Oh! He's defence was that he's always wondered what it felt like to kiss my glossy lips. Yeah right!

Well, too bad for him. It's goodbye to Guy A, goodbye to Guy B and definitely goodbye to Guy C! So what am I left with? Nothing really. No big deal. I haven't been on a date for two weeks but it hasn't killed me yet.

After all this, I don't think I'm comfortable enough to meet anymore men. I'll probably take the easy way out and try to be content with Din.

I'm so tired of this dating game. I just want to get it over and done with. I don't understand how anyone could move on from one relationship to another. It looks so easy for them. Maybe I'm just the weird one.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 16, 2004 @ 10:01 am

Dear Blogger,

I saw a delivery guy carrying some balloons with "Happy Birthday" written on them and a huge basket of gifts and flowers. Probably for a newborn and her mummy. How I wish someone would surprise me with balloons or flowers just for once. *Sigh*...

The last time someone did that, I wasn't ready to be swooned. Besides, I thought he was coming on too fast. I want to be romanced but don't rush. Don't take too long either. Must learn to pick up the hints boy!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, March 15, 2004 @ 4:10 pm

Dear Blogger,

YEY! I'm going to get my car! YEY! I'm going to get my car! YEY! I'm going to get my car! YEY!!!

I just found out my numbers today. It's SFGXXXXJ! I like the first 3 letters, but J??? Why can't it be S or M??? J??? Urgh!

Gosh! I feel like a little girl getting her first nintendo set again!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 8:31 am

Dear Blogger,

I went to the office today (yes, on a Sunday!) hoping to finish some work which are dreadfully overdue. I missed 3 days of work remember?

I got into the office at 11am and left at 4pm. Did I finish what I planned to do? Nope. Didn't do any work at all. All that hours in the office and I didn't do any work! Nothing! So what the hell did I do???

I sat at my desk and just stared at my computer screen. Yup. That's what I did for 5 fucking hours!!! Am I totally mental? YES I AM!

I cannot explain it. It's as if my head was off on vacation somewhere. I can't be doing this often you know. I have goals to accomplish. Just because Man U squandered its chances for the Premiership AND the Champions League, doesn't mean I've to do the same. Irrelevant point I know.

I've got to focus. I've got to keep my mind on the big picture. What's the big picture? A big fat paycheck.

No more Miss Nice Girl. Nobody is going to do this but me. Once I've got it, no one is going to claim any credit but me.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, March 14, 2004 @ 11:13 am

Dear Blogger,

I just died of boredom. I sleep, wake up, check my handphone for messages (none!), look for someone to talk to online. Then, sleep, wake up, check my handphone for messages (none!), look for someone to talk to online. That's my day these days.

Why didn't I go out? No reason to. Why didn't I call someone? No one to call. Why didn't I read the books that I've borrowed? I didn't want to. Why didn't I clean the house? It's pointless. Somebody's going to mess it up again and expect someone else to clean up.

So much things on my mind. Bills to pay. Things to do. Too much responsibility. Nobody to help me.

"She's SUPERGIRL! She doesn't need help!" That's what all these people are thinking. Well, supergirl has her weakness too.

Think POSITIVE they say. Positive my arse! I'm being real. One of these days, the strain of living is going to cost me my life. It has already robbed me of my soul.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, March 13, 2004 @ 2:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm bored... and empty.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, March 12, 2004 @ 6:43 pm

Dear Blogger,

I cried again. Even at a conference hall, I cried. I keep having image of death in my head. But that's not why I cried. You know why I cried. But does anybody care? Nobody cares. As someone put it, big girls don't cry. Nobody cares. Nobody cares...

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 11, 2004 @ 10:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

I saw one of my secondary school friends in the train today. He's one half of a pair of genius twins. I remembered them being small, cute boys. Damn! Time has been good on them, judging from what I saw today.

Still cute, but TALL cute. Still geeky though but who cares when he's cute! Best yet, I think he's the one who's in med school. Darn!

I came from a class of academic geeks. My classmates were always excelling in tests and exams. It was very hard trying to catch up with them. Yet, I don't remember school time as being stressful.

Anyway, based on the last class reunion, I think I'm one of the rare few who doesn't have an Honours yet. Most are engineers. I definitely know one of them will be a doctor.

I don't know what they're studying for. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for studying but shouldn't learning be fun? Why study just to score As in exams? It should be forever etched in your brain!

I don't think I was ever an A student but I was always placed among the A students. My teachers always wrote that I'm clever or I have lots of potential to be successful in my report card every year. My dad misinterpret that as meaning I should be top of the class every year.

Of course I was hardly top of the class. I would be very happy if I was in the top 10! What can I say? Parents are stupid. My dad is stupid.

He was hard on me when I was growing up. I guess he saw me as a ticket out from his own failure. That's not fair is it? To be carrying his ambitions on my delicate shoulders is just too criminal! Because of him I grew up believing that I was never good enough for anything.

But all that doesn't matter now. It's no secret that I've a strained relationship with my family. Actually, I've a strained relationship with everybody. So, no diff.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 10, 2004 @ 7:43 pm

Dear Blogger,

I've been down with gland infections and common flu since Monday. Actually, I've felt my glands swelling since Friday night. Anyway, my doctor gave me 3 days MC because my temperature hit a high of 38.8 degrees Celcius. My AA asked me to go to TTSH because that's hospital protocol but my doctor said that's not necessary. All I need is a lot of rest at home.

I don't know if I got any rest at home. I did sleep a lot though. Probably due to the medicine my doctor gave me. Even then, I don't know if my sleep was restful. I had awful dreams mostly and I got bored after awhile.

Imagine lying in bed all day, too sick to get up and do anything else. Imagine being on your own in a big house where everyone else is either in school or at work. Imagine having all these contacts in your phone but they are too busy to talk to you.

I don't know why but the feeling of loneliness has intensified since Saturday night. You have all these familiar faces around you but you still feel lonely. Has anyone ever died of loneliness? I think a lot of people do. Is there any cure for loneliness? I don't think there is, because if there is, people won't die from it.

Nobody knows this and I don't think anyone even want to know this, but I've been crying on my pillow while everyone's asleep since Saturday night. I think my doctor knew this because he wouldn't go through years of medical school and not realise that my swollen eyes were caused by hours of crying. I think that's why he gave me medicine that made me sleep. I should tell him that it didn't work. I even cried in my sleep!

I had this dream a few days ago. It was the start of a brand new term in some foreign university, New Zealand perhaps, I don't know. I was so happy. I was making lots of friends, meeting lots of lecturers and I was looking forward to all the lectures and classes. Then, the administration told me about the school fees and everything fell apart for me. I was crying everywhere I went, in the hall, canteen, gym, etc. I cried because I knew I couldn't afford the school fees. And if I don't pay the school fees, I can't be a student there anymore. Yet, no one seemed to notice that I was crying. Everyone thought that that's natural for me. I looked at everyone with envy. How come they get to study while I can't?

The last time I had a similar dream was in 2000. I couldn't go to Manchester because of money or lack thereof. I couldn't even get a loan. Sometimes I wonder would I be happier if I was given the chance to further my studies? Most of the time, I think the answer is yes.

People say good things will come to those who are patient. People also say that time and tide waits for no man. I'm 24. There are people who are around my age doing their MBA already. I've yet to get my Bachelors. It sucks when your very own national universities won't give you a chance to show your potential. It's such a messed up world.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, March 07, 2004 @ 10:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

One of the most common and stupidest mistake any guy could make in his chances to get the girl is to make her wait. Dumbass!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 4:26 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm staying away from everyone. Enough said.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, March 06, 2004 @ 11:30 pm

Dear Blogger,

I have 2 marks, one on each breast. His signatures. They are still fresh on my skin. Everytime I see them, they bring me a mixture of joy and embarrassment.

I don't know how to explain it. Everytime I feel that I've had enough of him, he just do things which reminds me of why I'm in love with him in the first place.

Will I ever escape his hold? I know that only I can answer that. How do i do it? I don't want to not see him forever. I still want us to be friends. I don't think I will ever have a peace of mind if he won't talk to me ever. It will haunt me.

I'm hungry and my mind is still in a daze. I spent the whole night on top of a hill in Ang Mo Kio, just having senseless conversations with... a friend.

I didn't plan to spend my night there. I should be asleep on my bed at home. But I was bored! You know how I get when I'm bored. Besides, it was a full moon night! My moods can get quite extreme on full moon nights.

He doesn't know he's Guy C, although I think it won't be long before he finds out. He's great company and I like him. But not like as in L-I-K-E.

Oh I don't know. I'm constantly walking on a tight and fine rope here. I try my very best not to give anyone the wrong idea yet they always get the wrong idea.

I mean, it's not that I don't want to. I can't! I know I said the other day to give him a chance. I guess I'm not ready yet.

When he kissed me last night, I knew it was going to be a disaster thereafter. Why does things have to change? Why can't things stay simple as it is? Shit! Shit! Shit!

Tonight, I was so bored and lonely, I ended up crying in bed. I was dying to talk to someone but there wasn't anyone. I had to pop sleep-induced pills to sedate myself.

Babybear can only do so much. His conforting hug is secondary to a human touch. I can't be bored! It makes me depressed. Yet, I get bored easily. I'm difficult aren't I?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, March 04, 2004 @ 9:19 am

Dear Blogger,

Time and again, I feel like writing to the Minister of Home Affairs. He's the Big Boss of the Singapore Police Force. If I had the chance, my letter would probably look like this...

Dear Mr Wong Kan Seng,

I would like to express my disappointment in how the Singapore Police Force manage itself, especially those from Rochor NPC, Central Division. The officers there are overworked and underpaid. They spend so much time at work that they do not have the time or energy to do anything else outside of work. This has put a tremendous strain on my relationship with one of your officers. So much so that I have terminated my relationship with him. This is a great disappointment for me because we had planned to settle down and bring up a family.

He works 12 hour shifts, which is fine by me. He stays in the station after work for hours so that he can finish the reports that are due on the day itself. On his off days, he's been called back for meetings, operations etc.

A police officer may be contracted to serve the nation 24 hours a day but don't you think this is ridiculous? No wonder police officers make up the highest number of divorce cases here. I even have friends who a police officers advising me not to get personally involved with one of their kind because they work long hours.

I am a reasonable person sir. I understand the need for increase security alert in these troubling times. Yet, just speak to any of your officers, and I don't mean your Commanding Officers or your scholars, they will tell you that they themselves don't understand why they have to put so much hours of their waking lives at work. The nation's security at the expense of family life. Is that fair?

For your consideration sir.

Yours sincerely,
XXX
------------------

This isn't my best letter yet but a start no less. He will always be my first and last sacrifice.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, March 03, 2004 @ 6:11 pm

Dear Blogger,

I really, really want to end it with him. I know I've said this so many times but... ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! Too many empty promises! Too many disappointments!

I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!

I'm so tired of fighting with him about his work. I'm so tired of fighting about his lack of understanding for my needs. I'm so tired of it all. I need STABILITY! I need a lot of ATTENTION!

What the FUCK is WRONG with him?! Did his parents' divorce cause him to distrust so much in commitment??? Fuck it! I want to get married! I want to have kids! I want to be the Queen of the household!

I never look down on him because I earn more than him or that I'm more academically qualified than him. I gave him more than what any normal girlfriend would do damn it!

I need to get out of this. I'm never going to go anywhere with him! I'm always going to end up suffering because of his insensitivities.

Therefore, application is now OPEN for a new partner in my life! I'm almost perfect except that I'm high maintenance. I need lots of love and attention. If you guys can tolerate my nonsense, then you'll stand a chance.

I think I'm going to give Guy C a chance. I give him till his next birthday to prove himself.

As for Din, he can shove his baton up his arse!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, March 02, 2004 @ 10:32 am

Dear Blogger,

Watched the Oscars last night. Yeah, repeat telecast. Wasn't Angelina Jolie HOT??? Man... only she can make me drool like a red-blooded man. Love the dress. Love the tattoo on her left arm. Hot stuff!!! And Liv Tyler... fuyooh! Love that glasses babe! Very retro. Very Liv!

I only watched the first half because I already knew who the winners were. I "watched" it "live" via the internet at the office. It's cool that LOTR won all 11 nominations but you can't help but feel that there were others who were more deserving. And what's with Tim Robbins and Sean Penn winning the actors' awards??? So they had serious roles and the Oscars love serious roles. Poor Bill. I was really rooting for him. As Lucille Ball once said, it's harder to do comedy than dramas.

I was hoping to see Orlando Bloom on telly. There were Jude Law and Stuart Townsend. Mama mia! But no Orlando Bloom. Not even Viggo! Jude Law was a hottie, till he divorced his wife Sadie for a younger (and more mentally stable) actress. Men! Stuart can suck my neck anytime after his potrayal of Lestat years ago. I thought Charlize Theron was dating that Third EyeSince Blind frontman. Not anymore I guess.

It was a no-brainer Oscars this year. Nothing shocking. That's the fun part of watching a "live" event right? The shock part I mean. As human, we're always thrilled by the unexpected. It got quite boring after awhile so I channel surfed to Legally blonded every few minutes.

I must remember to rent The Pianist again. I rented it once but didn't have a chance to watch it. After seeing Adrian Brody last night (breathe girl!), I had to watch The Pianist! Damn he's weird! But he's geeky cool! I've always had a fondness for geeks. I was and still am a geek afterall.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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