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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Sunday, June 22, 2003 @ 9:01 pm

Dear Blogger,

I was thinking about the state of my relationship. What would make him happy? I've asked him that several times but often, he'd give me vague answers.

I was thinking had I pushed him into something that he didn't want to do or be? I might have. He told me once that he thinks he's not good enough for me. Sadly, I think he's right. Poor bugger. It was all my fault. I wanted him to be the perfect boyfriend but nobody is perfect. Neither am I.

I just want him to be happy. Even if that means a change in lifestyle. I've been a good girl all year haven't I? I know sometimes I can be a pain in the arse but I didn't do that intentionally. Honest! Seriously, I should respect his privacy. He did ask for me to give him a year to think things over. I should give him that credit.

What was past is past. I couldn't get the glory days back. Those days of being together 24/7 are never going to happen again. I missed it though. Everytime I knock off from work, I'd imagine that he'll be waiting for me at the foyer. Or on some nights, I'd wait for his phonecall.

Sigh. I shouldn't be selfish. Nobody can make this relationship work except us. He knows I'd give the world to him if that's what he wanted. Would he do the same I wonder. Sometimes I forget that he's just a man.

I'm really proud of him. He works so hard trying to prove himself. I guess this is what you call unconditional love.

I know I think too much sometimes. Wait. Not sometimes but often. I just can't help it. I'm trying to not think too much these days. Really I'm trying! I'm such an insecure prick aren't I?

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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