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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Tuesday, May 06, 2003 @ 8:46 am

Dear Blogger,

I've been fired. From the part-time job. I was fired on the accounts that I was "uncooperative" and I had an "attitude-problem". I was blamed for initiating the Scrabble game as well as turning up late for work on Sunday. I didn't know what to say to all those when the "crime" was read out to me in the Manager's office. Every inch of me wanted to fight back but my brain told me if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Sure I was upset. Sure I was angry. But it didn't really bother me. What bothered me was why didn't she just tell me the truth? That the company receives less callers now because of SARS and they don't need so many call service assistants. That would be direct but respectable. Rather than telling me that I had an "attitude problem", whatever that means, she could save all that bullshit and hit me with the truth!

I was so upset that I fucked Din last night. I don't know why I did it but emotions never make you think straight. He was all for it of course. When I woke up this morning, I realised that I didn't want sex. I wanted a shoulder to cry on. I wanted him to assure me that I'm not a bad person. That everything will be alright. That I'm a special person with special talents. He said none of that last nite.

He was all over me as soon as we entered our room at the Hollywood. I was overcomed by confusion when he started kissing my neck, my ears and my shoulders. All of which are what I called my weak points. I was practically lifeless when he started caressing my breasts and my nipples. And when he kissed my lips, oh, I thought I've died and gone to heaven. All these in the bathroom.

For the first time in over a year, we showered and lay in the bathtub for what I thought was an eternity. He cooed sweet melodious words to me. His hands were so rough yet gentle on my skin. They were very experienced, touching me in all the right places.

We moved on to the bed. I gave him a back massage complete with kisses all the way down to his butt. I even planted some bites on his butt, just for commemoration sake. Commemorate what I don't know. When it was my turn to taste his kisses, I swore I had wished time would stay still forever. And that's before he moved to the most sensitive part and the most prized part of my body. He parted my legs like its the Red Sea and it was pure heaven all the way.

I gave him for what I hoped was a "torture-but-ecstasy" blowjob. I've always loved his dick. It was huge for an Asian and well-shaped too. I love holding it. I love putting it in my mouth. I love licking every inch of it. It was simply perfect for me.

We did all sorts of positions. The final would be when I rode on him. After several long minutes (20 minutes? 30 minutes? 1 hour?) we both came. I laid flat after that but he just went to the bathroom to wash up. Where was my hug? Where was my "I love yous"?

I couldn't sleep all night. Firstly, his snoring has become louder and deeper since I last heard it. Secondly, my mind has not been at ease over what had happened. He didn't hold me while he was asleep. He pushed me aside when I kissed him. What was going on???

When he finally woke up this morning, he was insensitive and irritated. I finally found my nerve to leave him while he was in the bathroom. I was not surprised when my expectations for him to call me or run after me were not met.

Here I am at work, writing to you, feeling sick in the stomach, tears permanently in my eyes. I have no more respect for myself. I am the lowest creature now. Gifted, but wasted.


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