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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Friday, May 23, 2003 @ 9:25 am

Dear Blogger,

I'm a creep. I'm a widow. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

Those are Radiohead's words for the confused and angst-filled generation in the early 90's. I'm still confused and angry. Will I not get over it?

I have not eaten for 2 days. I simply have no appetite to eat. Subconsciously, I may be telling myself that I'm not hungry. Why do I punish myself? It reminds me of those monks in the past who flog themselves for the sins they have committed. Is that what I'm doing to myself? Instead of flogging myself, I'm starving myself. Just like a hunger protest.

I need help. But there is no one here who hears my pleas. They just don't understand what I'm feeling right now. In their mind, they're thinking what's the big deal? Just get over it, they say. But it's not that simple is it?

I would like to go away. Just for awhile. Away from everything and everyone. But where would I go? I really admire those people who just drop everything in a spur of the moment and just do whatever they have always wanted to do. Some people travel. Some people set up their own business. I would really like to do that one day.


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