modgurl's
blog*spot
posts are personal. open-mindedness is essential.
who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Thursday, May 29, 2003 @ 9:49 am

Dear Blogger,

For almost a week, I went into a deep soul-searching. I still haven't found what I was looking for though. That sounded very U2 doesn't it?

People said that I was not the same person as before. Well, people change... in some ways.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, May 23, 2003 @ 3:44 pm

Dear Blogger,

Give me a reason why I should be here. I can't seem to find any reason at all. What have I done? What will people remember me by? I'm not significant when I'm alive. Therefore, I'm not significant when I'm dead.

You may think me morbid to talk about death all the time, but I just don't have the will to live. I am just a joke to the health professionals and I am definitely a nuisance to the others. People keep saying to me to get over it. But they just don't understand.

If I'm of no use to anyone, then why am I here? I know it's wrong to wish for bad things, but if He loves me as He says He does, then please God take me away from here.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 9:25 am

Dear Blogger,

I'm a creep. I'm a widow. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

Those are Radiohead's words for the confused and angst-filled generation in the early 90's. I'm still confused and angry. Will I not get over it?

I have not eaten for 2 days. I simply have no appetite to eat. Subconsciously, I may be telling myself that I'm not hungry. Why do I punish myself? It reminds me of those monks in the past who flog themselves for the sins they have committed. Is that what I'm doing to myself? Instead of flogging myself, I'm starving myself. Just like a hunger protest.

I need help. But there is no one here who hears my pleas. They just don't understand what I'm feeling right now. In their mind, they're thinking what's the big deal? Just get over it, they say. But it's not that simple is it?

I would like to go away. Just for awhile. Away from everything and everyone. But where would I go? I really admire those people who just drop everything in a spur of the moment and just do whatever they have always wanted to do. Some people travel. Some people set up their own business. I would really like to do that one day.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, May 22, 2003 @ 5:58 pm

Dear Blogger,

To pretend no one can find,
The fallacies of morning rose,
Forbidden fruit, hidden eyes,
Courtesies that I despise in me
Take a ride, take a shot now.

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you do.

Covered by the blind belief,
That fantasies of sinful screens,
Bear the facts, assume the dye,
End the vows no need to lie, enjoy,
Take a ride, take a shot now.

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you do.

Who oo am I, what and why?
Cause all I have left is my memories of yesterday,
Ohh these sour times.

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you do.

After time the bitter taste,
Of innocence decent or race,
Scattered seed, buried lives,
Mysteries of our disguise revolve,
Circumstance will decide.

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you do

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you

Cause nobody loves me,
It's true,
Not like you do

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 4:48 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm sad again. I just don't understand why I make the same mistake over and over again. He was online almost the whole day. I fought the urge not to contact him and I almost succeeded. It must have been a long and tiring day. That's why my will just gave way. Of course, I have to "contribute" to my coin pouch. But he didn't reply. He logged off soon after that. I don't think he didn't know I was online. That really hurts.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2003 @ 2:21 pm

Dear Blogger,

It's not fair that I think of him all the time but he doesn't even spare a thought for me. Today has been really hard on me because I feel so lonely. Every minute alone, either on the train to work, at my desk, out for lunch, or in the bus on the way home, I can't help but think of him. I think of the past, the present and the future. I'm almost crying as we speak.

Every police car, every man in uniform and every Aprillia bike reminds me of him. Is he thinking of me right now? I don't know. Does he see something on the streets that remind him of me. I don't know.

Oh God. I have to be strong. Please don't cry girl. It's hard but life has to go on. Don't break down now.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 9:59 am

Dear Blogger,

No coins in my pouch yet. I didn't feel any urge at all to contact THAT guy. It's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it.

There was another minor crisis at home. It's events like these that make me despise to go home. My mum quit her job again. What's up with her?! She changes jobs like she changes the mop head on the mop. Doesn't she know that she's setting a bad example on her kids? I'm not against job-hopping but do it for the right reasons. Not because there was a bit of hardship in your workplace. She had it all so easy.

I'm sick of my job sometimes but I don't just tender a 24-hour notice to my management. My dad is sick of driving his taxi 6 days a week but he doesn't quit every few days of the month.

Jobs are hard to come by at these trying times. Yet, she makes it look so easy. She's not highly educated but she wants a cushy job. I have the feeling that she wants to go out to work because she doesn't want to stay home. Hey! I'm OK with that. I'm used to not seeing her around in the house. I grew up without her in the house.

But what really annoys me is how she goes about doing it! Everytime this happens I've to tell my sis, "Don't be stupid and let that behaviour influence you". Work smart, not work hard. Don't go to work because that's what your friends are doing.

It's a known fact that my mum and I have conflicts. Besides, we hardly talk to each other. We just have a different way of thinking. But then again, I think differently as compared to most people. She has to learn one day that life is not a bed of roses.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2003 @ 10:00 am

Dear Blogger,

I couldn't sleep again last night. I remembered I was tired and I slept early, but I woke up at 1am. I was wide awake and I kept turning and tossing on my bed. There wasn't really anything on my mind but I just had this feeling that something was not right.

I must have fallen asleep again because the next thing I remembered was the alarm went off at 5:30am. After years of having alarm clocks, you'll get immuned to the ringing. I kept asking myself what's the point of setting the alarm clock to say... 5:30 in the morning, if you'll just get off your bed, shut the damn thing off and go back to sleep. Thank goodness I'm an early riser because the next thing I knew, it's 6:30am already.

Within that 1 hour of sleep (nap?), I had one of those strange dreams again. The subject this time, vampires. I know there was no Buffy on TV last night and I'm definitely sure there were no horror movies on telly. Heck! I didn't even watch TV last night!

I have a thing for vampires. It's all Tom Cruise and Gary Oldman's fault. They were charming, romantic creatures. Something about sinking their teeth down my neck seems so erotic. Anyway, last night's dream was anything BUT erotic.

Me and some friends were on a vampire hunt aka Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There was this guy in my dream who had an interest on me. Guess who? Nope. It's none of the guys I know for real. It's that guy who played Ice Man in X2. He's kind of cute don't you think?

In the first half of the dream, we were on this plain field which I think used to be a burial ground. Even in my dream, I could feel strong sensations there. What we came across was not vampires but a lonely ghost. Thank goodness he didn't look scary at all. But the feeling of a strong presence really made my little hairs stand on end.

There were vampires in my dream. I even had a custom-made stake! I remembered we had a fight with some really ugly vampires in some building. It was really intense. The dream didn't last long for me to remember if there were any casualties though, besides the vampires of course.

So, what does this mean? I don't know. But that Ice Man guy was really adorable. I don't mind dreaming of him every night. I hope the next dream will be of him and me in a steamy situation.

I've brought a pouch today. That pouch will function as a coin bank for awhile. This is what I'm going to do. Everytime I have the urge to contact THAT guy in any sort of way, I'm going to deposit 10 cents into the pouch. Hey! That's the Singaporean way! If you're going to teach someone a lesson, do it where it hurts the most: the POCKET!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, May 19, 2003 @ 12:24 pm

Dear Blogger,

Forget about the fan thing. I was right all along. Guys hate girls who think too much. Guys hate girls who have opinions of their own. In simple words, guys hate girls who are smarter and stronger than they are.

"Many men admire strong women, but they don't love them" - Elsa Schiaparelli (Don't ask me who)

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 10:04 am

Dear Blogger,

I don't know what I've done but my arms sore like hell! I don't remember doing any strenuous physical activities lately. In fact, I was probably the laziest girl on Earth yesterday. Slept half the day and watched TV the rest of the day.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I meant I did sleep but I kept waking up every few hours. It's really wearing me out. My poor eyes. I'm sure I look like a panda now.

In the past, if I couldn't sleep, I'd just give him a call and talk to him in my little girl voice. I couldn't do that anymore. First of all, he doesn't pick up my calls and second of all, I shouldn't even call him in the first place.

Hehe. I told him I was going to look for a new lover. Many new lovers in fact. One for each part of my body. Then, I can start an orgy. The Tanglin boys are not bad. Maybe I should give these boys a chance. *LOL*

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, May 18, 2003 @ 6:27 pm

Dear Blogger,

I still feel like shit. The whole day I couldn't help thinking that everything was all my fault. There were so many ifs in my mind that it made me believe that I was all to blame for the condition I'm in.

Perhaps I took him for granted. I believed that he would be there for me for a long, long time. If I had put in more effort into the relationship, then I wouldn't be in this mess, right?

Guys have a short life span. Just like me. They get bored easily. That's why they can't stick with one woman for a very long time. We women aren't helping either. We forgotten to dress up and put out all the stops on us because we thought that our man is there for life. That is why we have to start playing this cat and mouse game for real.

If we're too easy, guys will just take us for granted or they'd dump us for another prey. If we play too hard to get, guys will just quit without trying. Gone are the days when love conquers all. There are so many women here that we outnumber men 2 to 1. So men naturally have it going for them. It's like they're on a buffet trip and we are on the menu.

Well, I'm not going to make the same mistake again. I'm going to make myself deadly. Not that I'm going to kill anyone but there's this saying that goes, "The more beautiful the woman is, the more deadly she becomes".

I've given too much of myself to a guy once. Now it's payback time. Watch out boys. Modgurl's in town.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 10:42 am

Dear Blogger,

It's a really hot Sunday. The sun is blazing like its on revenge or something. I'm wearing my tank top and shorts and I'm still perspiring. I would definitely like some rain right now.

Last night's outing was alright. As usual, I came first before anyone else. I had to wait there all alone like I was some hooker waiting for customers. I told myself if anyone did approach me and ask how much, I was going to scream like a banshee. Thank goodness no one did such a thing.

I wasn't much of a talker last night. I guess I was a little tired and bored. We had supper there but I wasn't really hungry. It was odd really because I hadn't really ate anything the whole day. It was even odder last night because there was a full moon. Oh boy. What a glorious full moon that was. It was bright and clear. I could even see the moon man on it. It was magnificent.

Ok, so what's odd about that? I wasn't horny. Yup. I was not in any way horny at all. And it was a full moon night! I wasn't thinking about dicks. I wasn't thinking abt my breasts. I wasn't thinking about stuffing myself wif something. Now that was odd.

I could be sick. My throat does feel a little sore but I don't have a temperature yet. Maybe I'm jus a hypochondriac. I am probably the strangest women on the planet. I like to fall sick and I like jabs. I should be in Ripley's Believe or Not!

I did ask him if he was asleep. He didn't reply. I guess he was asleep or that he didn't bother. That was good isn't it? If he did reply, I might have done something which I may regret later. Then why do I still feel snubbed???

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, May 17, 2003 @ 7:00 pm

Dear Blogger,

It has been a really unproductive day. I didn't do anything that is worth mentioning here. I hate days like these. I could have sworn I felt my fats just expanding.

I was supposed to treat my sister to a sushi lunch. She's never been to a sushi bar before. Plans changed right after noon. I know I shouldn't have done it but I read Din's emails. It serves him right to not change his password frequently!

Anyway, I checked his Sent folder and there were all these emails to some girl by the name of Nur Hidayah. I knew about it all along but I just ignored it. I couldn't ignore it anymore because he called her "dear"! How could I ignore that?!

I went ballistic and I demanded him to tell me who the fuck she was. I accused him of cheating on me and that he doesn't have the balls to tell me about it. Hey, I told him about MY affairs didn't I???

As usual, he only replied hours later. I think he knew by now that the only way to talk to me is to wait hours or days later so that I will cool down. That was smart of him. I'll give him credit for that.

He said that she was his friend. Yeah right. You don't call a friend "dear" unless she's special. Well, I don't know what to believe. He found out by now that I've been reading his emails. So arrest me! When he asked me why I accused him like that, I told him how the fuck was I to react? He would be jealous too if he was in my shoes. And you know what? He laughed. He laughed at me! What? Did I miss something here. Was that supposed to be funny?

I'm going out tonight. I'm meeting my friends again after almost 2 months of living like a hermit. I don't know how they will react and I don't know how I will react. I'm still kind of nervous about meeting them. I have to meet these people some day right?

I'm going to this Seletar Reservoir. Not sure if its Upper or Lower but we call it Yishun End. I like the place. A long time ago. It was a quiet, peaceful place to reflect. But now, it's just crowded with people who had nothing better to do then show off their machines. I call it the Car Parade. You'll know what I mean if you've been there.

By the way, I received a really surreal email from a fan of mine. That's right. A fan mail! The sender's name is Jasri. Well, that was what was written on the header. Anyway, it was sweet of him. I'm glad he liked my entries. However, I do suspect he enjoyed the sexy details. He said I was a good writer and that I should write a book. Funny. That's what rabbit_man told me. He's a Yahoo Messenger chatter.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, May 16, 2003 @ 2:54 pm

Dear Blogger,

I HATE men!!! Even more so, I HATE HIM!!! He obviously does not deserve me at all. So, it's all OVER! I never ever want to see him again! He can rot in hell for all I care. He can break his arm again in a bike accident for all I care. He can fuck that cousin of his for all I bloody care! HE DOES NOT DESERVE ME!!!!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, May 12, 2003 @ 11:24 am

Dear Blogger,

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."

How poignant is that? I am letting him go. Albeit a very heavy heart. He doesn't know why. I don't blame him. He has always had a hard time understanding things. Will time heal my broken heart? I wish I knew.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Sunday, May 11, 2003 @ 10:31 pm

Dear Blogger,

Forgotten to tell you about the strange dreams I've had lately. Dreams being dreams, they don't make sense at all. They're just like a Matrix movie.

Anyway, I took a nap in the afternoon. Well, there wasn't much to do on a Sunday. I had this horrid dream about naked women with big breasts, me running after something, me running away from something, someone's wedding, me holding back the saliva in my mouth (I was in fact drooling), a message beep in the background, etc. It all doesn't make sense. But in the past few days, the dreams have a common storyline, and that is I'm running away from something.

In the past, there were recurring dreams of me running or flying naked. I then found out that my mind was subconsciously seeking freedom. I don't know if I have achieved some form of freedom, cause I don't dream such things anymore. Occassionally, I do dream of nudity but it's more sexual than running away. But I digress.

So, what does this set of new dreams mean? For sure I know, I'm stressed. You would just have to look at the breakouts I'm at war right now. Or, it could just be the effects of the contraceptive pills I've been popping again after a year. Strange. I don't remember breaking out this badly.

It's all his fault! Why are men so complicated? Why can't life be simple just like in the movies? Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl thinks boy is a jerk. Boy wins girl over. Boy ask girl to marry her. And they live happily ever after. Now, why can't I have that?!

Oh God! I've turned into Ally McBeal. Somebody save me!!! URGENT!

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 10:07 pm

Dear Blogger,

After a day since I've told him I don't want to see or hear from him anymore (now, where have I heard that???), I miss him. Terribly. I'm tempted to ring him up, but I know I will just regret it later.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Saturday, May 10, 2003 @ 7:46 pm

Dear Blogger,

As I was watching X2 this afternoon at the cinema, I suddenly felt like something was missing. My sister was beside me. She really wanted to watch the movie. So, I was not watching it alone. But something was definitely missing. It was midway through the movie, I finally realised what that missing something was. I don't need to tell you what that was right? The problem was the seats at my row were occupied by young couples. That's right. I was sandwiched in between lovey dovey couples. I almost broke down when the ladies started resting their heads on their respective partners' shoulders.

I sorely wanted to rest my head on someone's shoulders. I sorely wanted to entwine my arms around someone's arms. I sorely wanted to hear the heartbeat of someone's heart. Isn't there a day that I won't feel so melancholic??? For once, I would like to walk down the streets without feeling nostalgic.

Everywhere I go, it's couple here, couple there. I really can't stand it anymore. All the way home, I kept thinking I have a boyfriend, but it feels like I don't. In fact, I don't even know if he's really my boyfriend. Perhaps everyone is right. I should just dump him. He's just using me. Right?

At times like this, I think God is punishing me. I've had it coming. He's giving me a wake up call saying "Hey you! Don't you ever forget that I'm always watching you. You'd better remember me." How else can I explain the recent events that have happened to me?

I really don't know. I just don't know. If he calls, I'll answer. If he doesn't, I'll just don't care. If any guy, whom I find interesting asks me out, I'll consider it. I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself. I'm better than that.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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@ 11:04 am

Dear Blogger,

please tell me what's the point of coming to work on Saturdays if I'm sitting here in the office and not working at all??? I've asked this question several times to several people. I get the same dumbfounded response from everyone. Perhaps the government should consider abolishing workin on Saturdays for non-service related sector. I think it's ridiculous to work on Saturdays. It's not only a waste of time, but it's a waste of money and manpower as well.

He finally messaged me last night. I purposely did not contact him at all since Monday night. I wanted to see how long this silent treatment will last. Well, it didn't last long I see. He asked me why I didn't call or message him. I explained to him that I was doing what he was doing to me. Of course, men being men, he didn't understand that. I didn't think the words I used were too difficult to understand. But then again, I'm too smart for most people, him included.

He asked me that question again and again. Why does he do that? Is he that thick-skinned? For God's sake! It was 1am in the morning! Couldn't he ask me nice questions like "what are you doing dear" or "how are you doing dear"???

When he's a son of a bitch, he's really a damn son of a bitch. When he's charming, he'll really charm your pants off. Literally!!! What's up with this guy??? Find me another man who can do that and I'll treat him like a king. Deadsy perhaps? *wink*

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, May 09, 2003 @ 12:57 pm

Dear Blogger,

Ever since I posted my thoughts and daily events online, a lot of people have indicated interest in what's going on in my life. That is not a problem to me because if I had wanted to keep my journals private, I would not have published them online in the first place.

What really annoyed me was, why are some people find it surprising that I do what I do because 1. I'm a Muslim and 2. I wear a tudung. That should not be an issue, should it? I am surprised at the narrow-mindedness of some people. It's not like I fuck half the men in my block. It was just 1 person and he was not even a one night stand.

So, does the fact that I'm a Muslim and a tudung-wearing girl make me an anomaly in this society? Wake up people! There are others who are far worse than me. At least, I don't claim to be a Muslim and terrorise people because that's what I've understood from my religious lessons.

It's not like I didn't know what I'm doing now is wrong. I never said I was an angel. Everyone sins. It's really a put off when one tries to lecture on the rights and wrongs when he obviously has made some mistakes in his life too. It's one thing to dispense advise. It's another to lecture someone about it.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Tuesday, May 06, 2003 @ 8:46 am

Dear Blogger,

I've been fired. From the part-time job. I was fired on the accounts that I was "uncooperative" and I had an "attitude-problem". I was blamed for initiating the Scrabble game as well as turning up late for work on Sunday. I didn't know what to say to all those when the "crime" was read out to me in the Manager's office. Every inch of me wanted to fight back but my brain told me if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Sure I was upset. Sure I was angry. But it didn't really bother me. What bothered me was why didn't she just tell me the truth? That the company receives less callers now because of SARS and they don't need so many call service assistants. That would be direct but respectable. Rather than telling me that I had an "attitude problem", whatever that means, she could save all that bullshit and hit me with the truth!

I was so upset that I fucked Din last night. I don't know why I did it but emotions never make you think straight. He was all for it of course. When I woke up this morning, I realised that I didn't want sex. I wanted a shoulder to cry on. I wanted him to assure me that I'm not a bad person. That everything will be alright. That I'm a special person with special talents. He said none of that last nite.

He was all over me as soon as we entered our room at the Hollywood. I was overcomed by confusion when he started kissing my neck, my ears and my shoulders. All of which are what I called my weak points. I was practically lifeless when he started caressing my breasts and my nipples. And when he kissed my lips, oh, I thought I've died and gone to heaven. All these in the bathroom.

For the first time in over a year, we showered and lay in the bathtub for what I thought was an eternity. He cooed sweet melodious words to me. His hands were so rough yet gentle on my skin. They were very experienced, touching me in all the right places.

We moved on to the bed. I gave him a back massage complete with kisses all the way down to his butt. I even planted some bites on his butt, just for commemoration sake. Commemorate what I don't know. When it was my turn to taste his kisses, I swore I had wished time would stay still forever. And that's before he moved to the most sensitive part and the most prized part of my body. He parted my legs like its the Red Sea and it was pure heaven all the way.

I gave him for what I hoped was a "torture-but-ecstasy" blowjob. I've always loved his dick. It was huge for an Asian and well-shaped too. I love holding it. I love putting it in my mouth. I love licking every inch of it. It was simply perfect for me.

We did all sorts of positions. The final would be when I rode on him. After several long minutes (20 minutes? 30 minutes? 1 hour?) we both came. I laid flat after that but he just went to the bathroom to wash up. Where was my hug? Where was my "I love yous"?

I couldn't sleep all night. Firstly, his snoring has become louder and deeper since I last heard it. Secondly, my mind has not been at ease over what had happened. He didn't hold me while he was asleep. He pushed me aside when I kissed him. What was going on???

When he finally woke up this morning, he was insensitive and irritated. I finally found my nerve to leave him while he was in the bathroom. I was not surprised when my expectations for him to call me or run after me were not met.

Here I am at work, writing to you, feeling sick in the stomach, tears permanently in my eyes. I have no more respect for myself. I am the lowest creature now. Gifted, but wasted.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Monday, May 05, 2003 @ 10:51 am

Dear Blogger,

He did it again! That bugger! We were supposed to spend the weekend together and I had all these wonderful plans for him. Guess what? On Saturday night, instead of fetching me from work at 10pm, he overslept! The fact that he didn't even hear his phone rang countless times made my blood boil even more. Then on Sunday night, after I've cooled off that is, he forgotten about me! I can't believe him. I really cannot believe him.

I had all these surprises for him. I bought some toys to play with. Adult toys. Not dildos and stuff. I'm not really into those kinky shit. I bought a set of glow-in-the-dark handcuffs and glow-in-the-dark condoms. I thought it would be hilarious to try on but we won't know now, would we?

Despite the way he treated me, I still love him. I still can't figure it out. My whole body is telling me to dump him but there's this little voice somewhere in my body telling me to stay. It's like that show "Herman's Head". An old, short-lived show anyway. In that show, there's all this characters in Herman's Head always quarelling about what will be the best decision to take for everyday tasks. One of these days, I'm going to go bonkers. That's for sure.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Friday, May 02, 2003 @ 8:56 am

Dear Blogger,

I've had enough with my dad's insults. He does this every month. I really can't stand it anymore. I'm going to move out. I've already found a place near my workplace. The problem is I don't know if I can afford it. The only way I can pay for the deposit and the first month's pay is to withdraw my fixed savings. If I do that, I won't receive any interest. In fact, I will lose some of the money invested. What shall I do?

I don't really have any support for my decision. Everyone wants me out but no one wants to help me. Looks like I'm on my own again. But then again, I've always been on my own. I have to be organised and be strong. What do I have to do?

First, I've to work out a budget. This is very important. Second of all, I've to be very discipline. Very! I can't break down no. It's now or never. Lastly, I've to work out a schedule so that the move in will be as smooth as possible.

For the first time, I feel scared. I'm really going to be on my own this time.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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Thursday, May 01, 2003 @ 11:47 am

Dear Blogger,

I'm seriously thinking of moving out. Afterall, my parents have repeatedly ordered me to move out. It's always about the money. Is it my fault that he can't drive well?! Why does he always have to crash his car?! Does he think I'm made of money??? He thinks I've a million dollars in my bank account. He is always insulting me when he doesn't get the money he wanted from me. Like how I should be in school. Like how I've gotten myself a boyfriend. Fuck him!!!

I've already called several agents. I'm interested in getting a room of my own. Maybe I will do it. It's time to move out anyway. I hope they will be happy when I'm gone.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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