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who am i

Name: modgurl
Location: Singapore

New mom. New woman. Born in Singapore. Raised in the World Wide Web.
Sunday, April 20, 2003 @ 10:49 pm

Dear Blogger,

I'm feeling pathetic again. First of all, the bloody bus number 10 didn't arrive even after waiting for 20 minutes. I should have walked to Kallang MRT station after 10 minutes but I waited at the stupid bus stop like an idiot. I could have saved lots of time!

Secondly, the couples in the train isn't very considerate. They were being all cuddly and smoochy. It makes me sick! It just makes me hate myself more.

I kept thinking how did it ended up like this. I know I did some things which at this point of time, I think they're despicable. But why does he have to act like this. He said he loved me. Yet, he's using me for his needs. Does he think that I can be used like that?! I think not! But time and time again, I fall into that trap. I almost did. I hate myself. I am pathetic!

Am I wasting my love on him? I think I am. Then why do I run back to him? I'm an intelligent person. Why do I do all these stupid things? Have I fooled myself into thinking that he can be trusted? That he can love me like before? I wish there was something or someone who can take me away from this shitty business. Where's my knight in shining armour?!

I'm so tired. I know I've said this before. I'm really, really tired. All this negative emotions in me are tearing me down. Everyday I grow weaker. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I may do it this time round. But who cares right? Nobody cares if I live. So who cares if I die right?

Nobody listens to me. Let alone understand me. I wish there's someone out there who understands what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. Is there such a person? I think not. The world isn't that kind.

Sincerely,
modgurl.

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