My father is sicker than anyone has thought. Even I didn't expect him to be in such a state so soon! His diabetes may be in a manageable condition (according to his diabetic doctor), but it had already triggered his other organs to deteriorate.
His kidneys had started to fail late last year but we were told it was only one of his kidneys. Back then, dialysis was a remote possibility. My father only had to manage his health to minimise the rate of deterioration. I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but it's not supposed to be this soon!
I received a call by my father's renal specialist this afternoon. As of his last appointment last week, my father's kidneys are only operating at 10%. Total! This was worse than I had ever anticipated!
His doctor has estimated 3 months max before he has to give in to dialysis. Kidney dialysis isn't a cure nor a replacement. With my father's diabetes, it's just meant to prolong the inevitable.
The dialysis itself isn't what's occupying my mind the most. It's getting every one of my siblings involved that has had me walking around in a daze all day. Whether it's financially or effort, I just want everyone involved!
The last time I tried gathering everyone for a family meeting, I ended up crying the whole night and sleeping on the floor in a separate room. Ipy had to come into the picture and manage the situation.
It's such a heavy responsibility being the eldest child. I don't know how my brothers can easily make themselves scarce when this is clearly their responsibility. They are the sons! They should be taking the lead!
I also don't know why my mother would keep this to herself. I had to hear it from the doctor! By phone! Doesn't she realise the gravity of the situation? Just because I couldn't be physically present for all his medical appointments didn't mean everything's fine and under control! Gosh! Just thinking about it is making me furious!
Once again she has left it till the end for me to clear up the mess. That's my mother!
Let's just look and move forward. I can only control myself, not others. Now how do I wake my siblings up and get them to be more active in my father's healthcare management? How do I do that without going crazy? Worse, without plunging into another bout of depression?
Pray with me.
Sincerely, modgurl.
♥ Tuesday, December 08, 2009 @ 11:02 PM
`
Dear Blogger,
I'm supposed to blog about our trip to KL but I've been so preoccupied with the game apps on Facebook that I've completely procrastinated on doing everything else! Those things are addictive! I'm blogging via mobile phone now. I can't play Facebook apps on mobile.
Sarah is developing about 1.5 months ahead of the average child. That's according to the development checklist in her health booklet. I don't know if her advancement is good or bad. A part of me doesn't want her to grow up too fast. It still feels like it was only yesterday that I was carrying her around in my womb!
She had her second vaccination this morning. She didn't cry nor developed any fever this time round. Most likely because this 5-in-1 vaccination didn't hurt as much as the pneumococcal one.
We learnt about the "tired cry" today. For several days, Sarah has been crying the house down in the evenings. We thought she had wind. Even after massages and feedings, she was still crying. Her doctor said she was just tired. It's the 4-month-old babies' way of telling us that they're tired. He advised us not to overstimulate Sarah a couple of hours before bedtime.
That isn't easy for Ipy. By the time he comes home from work, it's almost always a couple of hours away from Sarah's bedtime. Not to overstimulate her means not being able to play with her. That was why Sarah usually behaves better when he's away.
Ipy wants another child soon. Partly because he doesn't want to be too old to raise children. Also, partly because he misses the joy of having a newborn.
I don't want to rain on his parade here, but I'm not a baby factory. It's easy for him to say he wants another baby. He's not the one going through the pregnancy madness. He's also not the one tending to the children three-quarters of the day.
I do want another child but I have to listen to my body too. At the moment, it's too tired to even get laid. There is a time for everything. Good things will come to those who wait. Clichéd sayings. I don't like to say it's not the right time because there is never the right time so I'll just say I'm not ready.
Sincerely, modgurl.
ps I'll blog about KL another day.
♥ Monday, November 23, 2009 @ 9:39 AM
`
Dear Blogger,
Something to put a smile on your face on this cool and rainy Monday.
My father is sicker than anyone has thought. Even I didn't expect him to be in such a state so soon! His diabetes may be in a manageable condition (according to his diabetic doctor), but it had already triggered his other organs to deteriorate.
His kidneys had started to fail late last year but we were told it was only one of his kidneys. Back then, dialysis was a remote possibility. My father only had to manage his health to minimise the rate of deterioration. I was mentally prepared for the inevitable but it's not supposed to be this soon!
I received a call by my father's renal specialist this afternoon. As of his last appointment last week, my father's kidneys are only operating at 10%. Total! This was worse than I had ever anticipated!
His doctor has estimated 3 months max before he has to give in to dialysis. Kidney dialysis isn't a cure nor a replacement. With my father's diabetes, it's just meant to prolong the inevitable.
The dialysis itself isn't what's occupying my mind the most. It's getting every one of my siblings involved that has had me walking around in a daze all day. Whether it's financially or effort, I just want everyone involved!
The last time I tried gathering everyone for a family meeting, I ended up crying the whole night and sleeping on the floor in a separate room. Ipy had to come into the picture and manage the situation.
It's such a heavy responsibility being the eldest child. I don't know how my brothers can easily make themselves scarce when this is clearly their responsibility. They are the sons! They should be taking the lead!
I also don't know why my mother would keep this to herself. I had to hear it from the doctor! By phone! Doesn't she realise the gravity of the situation? Just because I couldn't be physically present for all his medical appointments didn't mean everything's fine and under control! Gosh! Just thinking about it is making me furious!
Once again she has left it till the end for me to clear up the mess. That's my mother!
Let's just look and move forward. I can only control myself, not others. Now how do I wake my siblings up and get them to be more active in my father's healthcare management? How do I do that without going crazy? Worse, without plunging into another bout of depression?
Pray with me.
Sincerely, modgurl.
♥ Tuesday, December 08, 2009 @ 11:02 PM
`
Dear Blogger,
I'm supposed to blog about our trip to KL but I've been so preoccupied with the game apps on Facebook that I've completely procrastinated on doing everything else! Those things are addictive! I'm blogging via mobile phone now. I can't play Facebook apps on mobile.
Sarah is developing about 1.5 months ahead of the average child. That's according to the development checklist in her health booklet. I don't know if her advancement is good or bad. A part of me doesn't want her to grow up too fast. It still feels like it was only yesterday that I was carrying her around in my womb!
She had her second vaccination this morning. She didn't cry nor developed any fever this time round. Most likely because this 5-in-1 vaccination didn't hurt as much as the pneumococcal one.
We learnt about the "tired cry" today. For several days, Sarah has been crying the house down in the evenings. We thought she had wind. Even after massages and feedings, she was still crying. Her doctor said she was just tired. It's the 4-month-old babies' way of telling us that they're tired. He advised us not to overstimulate Sarah a couple of hours before bedtime.
That isn't easy for Ipy. By the time he comes home from work, it's almost always a couple of hours away from Sarah's bedtime. Not to overstimulate her means not being able to play with her. That was why Sarah usually behaves better when he's away.
Ipy wants another child soon. Partly because he doesn't want to be too old to raise children. Also, partly because he misses the joy of having a newborn.
I don't want to rain on his parade here, but I'm not a baby factory. It's easy for him to say he wants another baby. He's not the one going through the pregnancy madness. He's also not the one tending to the children three-quarters of the day.
I do want another child but I have to listen to my body too. At the moment, it's too tired to even get laid. There is a time for everything. Good things will come to those who wait. Clichéd sayings. I don't like to say it's not the right time because there is never the right time so I'll just say I'm not ready.
Sincerely, modgurl.
ps I'll blog about KL another day.
♥ Monday, November 23, 2009 @ 9:39 AM
`
Dear Blogger,
Something to put a smile on your face on this cool and rainy Monday.
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